Grief As Altar – Day 6: The Shifting Ground Of Marriage

I might have said this earlier that my parents while they were here they gave me a foundation that I really trusted like I could do anything and I would I would be okay they would always have my back they were amazing parents like that and I had mentioned in a previous video that it allowed me to hide from certain things and one of the things that it allowed me to hide or not go completely into or not trust completely as my marriage because I always had that back door of my parents and so I never needed to fully walk into my relationship and instead of talking with my husband and being honest and open and clear I could vent to my parents and they wouldn't judge because they were amazing people so they never judged it and they only would work with me and listen to me and witness me but what that gave me was a way to avoid being in a relationship fully and present I had this other relationship with my parents that supported me and held me and gave me that trust and when they died that trust and that foundation crumbled and slowly and of course grief can do this to anyone in any relationship a lot of people don't make it through the levels of grief that my husband and I have made it through but all of a sudden I had no one else to vent with I had to start talking to my husband and at first he's not as receptive right he it's not the person he married he married a much more confident somebody who had trust and safety and inner security but it wasn't truly inner security that's what grief taught me I've had to grow up I've had to have the conversations I've had to speak up for myself I've had to speak up for my kids they were always the backbone for them too and it's my turn now it's my turn to take all of that responsibility and I get to I'm honored to I'm blessed to it's my turn to step into those shoes it's interesting how grief can affect marriages on so many levels and I'm not sure if this one is one that a lot of people experience but I'm not sure how many people have great relationships with their parents and mine was not perfect by any means but they were a foundation for me and for anyone who knows human design I'm a quad right and my father was a quad right and so we just got each other and it was a support he understood me like most people don't understand me and I witnessed that after my parents died that my husband doesn't really I now that I don't have that sounding board of my father I realized he doesn't understand a lot of me that I just kind of made that up I put that in I I took those Legos and placed them right in those places so it wouldn't show up in my marriage isn't it crazy how grief can affect a marriage how you can find all the holes through grief you can also find all of the bricks that are holding things together I mean it goes either way right yeah I like the truth about my marriage that I'm facing now the responsibility I'm picking up realizing that I have not taken I've not stood firm in my marriage in the way that is vulnerable and honorable and authentic as I want it to be so you realize that and you begin to change it you begin to grow a backbone of your own what's that inner security I talked about earlier