Hello everyone,
I'm Nita O'Keefe and today I want to share with you an approach to handling uncomfortable feelings.
It's an approach that's simple yet transformative.
We've all experienced those moments when emotional pain just feels overwhelming,
When we're longing for it to go away and we're desperately searching for a way out.
I've been on a journey probably much like yours,
Trying various methods and tools and techniques to navigate through these challenging emotions and I've explored them all in search of finding some relief and some peace of mind.
And I found that while these methods offered temporary relief,
The underlying discomfort just returned and that was simply because my relationship with it hadn't changed.
You see,
Dealing with uncomfortable feelings usually meant spending countless hours trying to untangle the thoughts,
Untangle the stories that were in my head and that were causing the pain.
This untangling trapped me in a cycle of self-criticism and resistance.
I often ended up feeling like I was doing something wrong.
I blamed myself for not being able to move past the pain,
For not being able to figure it all out.
I'd compare myself to other people who seemed to have their life sorted out or I thought they were so brave to not let these difficult feelings stop them.
And it became a vicious cycle of self-criticism and struggle and what I was really doing was fighting reality or fighting what I was experiencing in that moment.
Let me give you an example of how I would fight a painful experience when I was dealing with a chronic illness.
I used to get pain on one side of my head and face and as soon as I felt the pain,
I would fight it.
I'd fight the experience in that moment.
I'd say to myself things like,
Why is this pain back?
How long is it going to be here?
What did I do to cause this?
What can I do to make it go away?
I don't want it here and what's wrong with me?
My mind would go into overdrive trying to figure out how to make this pain disappear and I'd be pretty hard on myself for not finding a solution.
It felt so harsh and it just added to the pain that I was already feeling.
And all those years of searching led me to find another way to approach discomfort,
To approach these uncomfortable feelings and it was the opposite of what I'd been doing for most of my life.
I learned to approach those painful thoughts,
Those painful emotions and those painful sensations with love.
Loving the problem instead of fighting it.
Loving it instead of pushing it away or suppressing it.
It sounds counterintuitive,
Doesn't it?
But trust me,
It works wonders.
Instead of fighting what you're experiencing in the moment,
Instead of saying no to the experience,
Instead of making it wrong for being there,
You love it.
Love is a gentle embrace that transcends the judgment and the resistance you're feeling.
Instead of battling your emotions and battling pain,
Embrace them with love.
So how do we extend love to something that causes us distress?
How do we embrace our discomfort with open arms?
How do you greet pain with tenderness and an open heart?
Well,
It's as simple as saying,
I love you.
You say I love you to the thoughts that haunt you,
Keep replaying in your mind,
To the emotions that overwhelm you,
To the physical discomfort that plagues you.
And in the process,
What you're saying is,
You're saying I love you to yourself.
Saying I love you is an act of acknowledgement.
It's a recognition that the pain is here.
Instead of pushing it away or suppressing it,
Allow it to be there.
Welcome it.
It's a part of you.
So embrace it with love and compassion.
Maybe this sounds scary,
As though you're inviting the pain or the uncomfortable feeling to remain there with you.
But have you noticed that fighting it or wishing it would go away never helps?
In fact,
It makes the feeling feel even more intense.
So I invite you to consider this.
What might change if you stop denying your experience?
If you stop fighting it,
What if you stop being so hard on yourself and instead gave yourself some love and approval?
I can tell you from my own personal experience that sending love to myself has brought about significant changes in my life.
It's not only improved my emotional well-being,
But it's also helped me immensely during times of physical discomfort or pain.
I can give you an example.
I recently experienced quite a severe headache and it was one that just wasn't going away.
And instead of getting frustrated or trying to push through the pain like I used to,
I chose a different approach.
I put my attention on the headache.
I closed my eyes.
I breathed deeply,
Relaxed and repeatedly whispered to the discomfort,
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
And as I continued to repeat those words,
I noticed a subtle shift at first.
It was like a softening of the tension and then there was a gentle easing of the pain.
And more importantly,
I experienced something different.
It was as if I made peace with myself and my circumstances.
I wasn't fighting my experience.
And you can use this approach with emotional pain too.
For example,
Let's say you're someone who's really overthinking a situation in your life and it's just leaving you feeling confused and you're finding it difficult to make a decision.
Well,
If you pay attention to your body,
You'll notice that there's an uncomfortable sensation every time you think about this situation.
It will feel as though a part of your body tenses up when you think about that situation.
Send love to it.
Send love to this sensation until you start to feel some relief and you'll notice that your mind will also start to calm down.
And that's when you'll be able to see the situation more clearly and you'll know what the next step is that you can take.
So I invite you to consider this.
What if we stopped viewing discomfort as something to be conquered or overcome?
What if instead of resisting pain,
We welcomed it with open arms because it's already here?
Imagine the next time you find yourself in discomfort,
Whether it's emotional or physical,
Instead of turning away,
Take a moment to pause,
To breathe and to whisper those three simple words,
I love you.
And you can say it out loud.
I love you.
I love you.
And you can say it out loud if you want to,
Or you can just say it quietly in your mind.
Either works.
Just notice as you say,
I love you,
Just notice any shifts in your body,
In your emotions,
In your thoughts.
And remember,
It's not about making the pain disappear,
Even though that might happen,
But it's about changing your relationship with it,
About cultivating a sense of compassion and understanding for yourself.
In embracing our uncomfortable feelings with love and acceptance,
We open the door to healing and transformation.
We discover that our pain,
Far from simply being a burden to bear,
Is instead a teacher,
Guiding us towards greater self-awareness and peace.
Thank you for listening.
Take care and be kind,
Gentle and loving with yourself.
