Hello.
Let's inhale together and exhale.
Take another breath in.
Exhale.
Welcome to a hit of hope.
And this is another one that is salty.
Have you ever noticed how the sages make it sound easy?
If you just do this,
Then you will experience bliss.
Nirvana.
Santoshia.
Heaven.
Blah,
Blah,
Fuckety,
Blah.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Yesterday,
I was reading about the four attitudes that Buddhists say we should cultivate.
The Sanskrit word for these attitudes is brahma-vihara,
And apparently,
If we can manage to do them,
Wham,
Bam,
We are enlightened.
Or at least we are well on our way.
I couldn't even get past the first one before all kinds of leviathans began to stir in the deep,
Dark waters of my being.
The first name sounds easy enough.
Friendliness.
I've got this.
I smile at people on sidewalks.
I tell the teller at the bank,
No worries,
When the computer is acting up.
I ask people how they are,
And I do my best to listen to their answers.
But then I kept reading and discovered this meant friendliness all of the time.
So you are to be friendly when your friend is happy.
Well,
Now that sounds easy.
But what happens when your friend gets the promotion you wanted?
Or they find love and you are alone.
Or they have found their life's purpose and you are lost in the mire of what's the point.
Inhale.
Exhale.
It can be pretty fucking hard to be friendly sometimes.
And then not only do you not feel friendly,
But maybe you take a hard left turn into shame,
Leaving you feeling even more broken and worthless because you can't be happy for a friend.
But here's what I just noticed.
This is the very first attitude that gets listed.
That could mean this is the number one thing people struggle with.
Or it could mean it's the easiest.
And if I can't even do this,
Then I'm absolutely screwed up.
Fuck.
Inhale.
Exhale.
No,
We cannot leave it there.
Perhaps the fact of the matter is you struggle with this friendliness the most when you are already struggling the most.
When you are lost or in pain or living a life devoid of what feels like hope or purpose.
Then you might look out at others who most certainly have all their shit together,
Who most certainly are blessed with all kinds of bounty from the universe.
And you might want to stamp your foot and demand.
What about me?
When you are empty.
When you are tired.
When you are sad.
When you have nothing left to give.
When you are thrashing.
It makes perfect sense that it would be hard to be friendly toward people who are thriving.
But a couple of things bear remembering here.
First,
As the saying goes,
You never,
Ever know what is going on in someone else's life behind the closed front door.
That person might be relentlessly driven because they were made to feel unworthy.
So even if they succeed and succeed big,
It doesn't matter because they have to keep succeeding in order to feel worthy.
Or that person might look like they are in love,
But behind that front door,
They might be made to feel like an absolute fuck up by their partner every damn day.
So it might look like the other person's life is sweet as marshmallows.
But you never,
Ever know.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Something else that bears remembering is what my yoga teacher talks about.
She says,
We have all been domesticated.
Yes,
Almost like wild dogs,
Which if you've ever seen a toddler,
You know is not far off.
Our parents trained us to be people,
But they trained us in particular ways because they themselves had been domesticated by their parents,
And so on and so on.
So if you struggle with friendliness toward another,
It could be because you're struggling,
Or it could be because your parents trained you in a particular way.
That you had to win.
You had to succeed,
You had to be the best,
You had to get married,
And if others were winning,
Then that meant you were a loser.
Inhale.
Exhale.
The first attitude is friendliness.
Extend that friendliness to yourself,
Especially when or if you are struggling.
It can be hard to be human.
Let's breathe.
Let's center.
And then if we can,
Let's celebrate for that other person who might find it hard to be human,
Too.
Looking at the good things in their lives and isn't that great,
And extending that friendliness toward yourself as you try to go in and discover your deepest,
Most centered and authentic self,
All of those things can be ways to live.
Because when we can rediscover our amazing selves,
Then we know.
You can know.
You are amazing.
You are enough.
You are a gift to the world,
And you can shine and be friendly toward others as they shine.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Live light.
