We practice present moment awareness and particularly sustaining present moment awareness through the practice of meditation,
Not because of the objects of our awareness,
But rather because of the recognition of the awareness itself as our own identity.
Hush,
Keep ain't it?
I don't know.
Welcome to the Torah of Awakening Jewish Meditation podcast.
I'm Rabbi Brian Yosef Schachter-Brooks.
Knowing what to say and what to do moment to moment takes more than just intellectual intelligence.
There's a kind of guidance that speaks to us through the reality of our situation if we know how to listen.
How do we attune ourselves to these messages that we might call divine guidance?
That's what we'll explore in this episode through Parshat Balak.
We'll then put it into practice with a guided meditation on the Hebrew letter Shin,
Which represents this deeper attunement and attentiveness.
Enjoy.
This Parsha opens with the story of King Balak,
The ruler of Moab,
And he looks out and he sees all the Israelites encamped on the bank of the Jordan in the steppes of Moab,
And he's terrified.
So he sends messengers to request that the sorcerer prophet Bilam curse the children of Israel.
After several refusals explaining that he can only do what God allows him to do?
Because he's a sorcerer but he's also a prophet.
Bilaam then receives divine permission to meet the king,
But he should only say the words that Hashem puts in his mouth.
So he sets out to meet the king and on the road,
Bilaam's donkey sees an angel blocking their way and it veers off the road,
Pressing Bilaam's leg against a wall.
Bilaam gets furious at the donkey,
Ow,
You're hurting my leg.
He beats the donkey with a stick after which the donkey magically speaks to him.
Bilam then also sees the impeding angel.
And by the way,
This impeding angel in the Hebrew text is actually called satan,
Which is Satan.
It's the word Satan,
But this is like a good Satan.
It's not the devil.
It's the angel who is the satan,
Which means impediment or adversary stopping Bilaam from doing something harmful and telling him to do the right thing,
Which we are about to see.
So Bilaam arrives in Balak,
Takes him to a high place in view of the Israelite camps.
And then we have the climax of the story.
Three times from three different vantage points,
Bilaam pronounces blessings instead of curses,
And also prophesies about the end of the days and the messianic era.
Later,
The Moabites and Midianites try a different tactic,
Seducing the Israelite men into idolatry,
Which causes a plague that is eventually stopped by Pinchas.
So there's a story of Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak of Lubavitch when he was four years old.
He asked his father,
Rabbi Shalom Baer,
Why do we have two eyes?
We only have one nose.
We have one mouth.
Nevermind that we have two nostrils,
But on our face,
We have these,
This one and this one,
And then two.
What's the deal with that?
So his father says,
Do you know the difference between the letter Shin and the letter Sin?
So for if,
In case you don't know,
The letter Shin is this shape with three fire flames that are all connected together and it appears either with a dot on the right or a dot on the left and then it's pronounced either Shh or depending on where the dot is so the boy explains the difference the dot on the right or dot on the left and His father says okay,
So the letter shin represents fire and fire Has this kind of dual?
Function on one hand fire can be very beneficial.
It cooks our food.
It keeps us warm,
Right?
It's like a life giving element.
But on the other hand,
Fire can also burn us.
Fire can be destructive.
Fire can kill us.
So the idea here is that the two dots on the top of the shin represent the two eyes perceiving the world through the light of fire.
But we have to know whether to perceive things through the right eye or the left eye,
Meaning is it Is it something that's helpful and life-giving and warm,
Or is it something that's going to harm us?
So when you see another person,
You should see them with your right eye.
And when you see candy and toys,
You should see them with the left eye.
Okay,
So we have to amend the story a little bit,
I think,
Or clarify,
I should say,
Because the idea is not that we can't have toys or eat candy ever.
About no to the candy or toys.
It's about no to being identified or motivated by the impulse to get what we want.
It's about not grasping,
Not coming from the perspective of ego,
Which is identification with the impulses that unconsciously arise within us.
And so the fire and the light are really metaphors for awareness.
Awareness is one phenomenon.
It's just perception,
But the function of awareness can have this basic duality to it.
Is it yes,
Or is it no?
Is it something that I'm guarding myself against,
Or is it something that I am receiving,
Having gratitude for,
And so on?
And we have many examples in the Torah of how fire represents this basic awareness.
So a wonderful example is the burning bush.
When Moses called by this mysterious sight and he goes to this burning bush and a voice comes from the fire and gives him his life's mission.
So in that sense,
Fire is really the awareness of that deeper level of who he is,
Who Moses is,
In terms of his mission and way that he is supposed to serve in his life.
Another example of fire as awareness is the Amud HaAish,
Which is this pillar of fire that guides the children of Israel through the wilderness,
Shows them which way to go.
So again,
It's the awareness.
It's kind of the same thing as the burning bush in the sense that they're both a type of guidance that comes from beyond the self.
That's why it's described as God's guiding the people through this pillar of fire or God's voice telling Moses what he needs to do.
And also there's the fire that comes down on Mount Sinai when the Aseret HaDebrot,
The Ten Commandments are given.
So again,
It's the same thing.
All of them have that same theme of awareness giving rise to the ability to move in a positive and holy way in life.
At the same time,
Fire can also represent that dangerous side.
So you have the fiery hail and the 10 plagues in Egypt.
You have the fire that comes and kills Nadav and Avihu because they don't don't have enough awareness when they're coming to bring their offering.
They're doing this ritual,
But they're doing it haphazardly,
And so they're not safe.
Their bodies are consumed by the fire.
And so the function of awareness,
It's really functioning on two levels.
Like on one hand,
We practice present moment awareness and particularly sustaining present moment awareness through the practice of meditation,
Not because of the objects of our awareness,
But rather because of the recognition of the awareness itself as our own identity.
Ordinarily,
We unconsciously assume ourselves to be the thoughts and feelings that arise within awareness and Whatever we're doing in the moment.
We tend to be captured by in other words We feel our identity to be whatever our motivation is but when we practice present moment awareness and to the degree that we can sustain it over time this shift happens where we get to become liberated from the Mitsrayim free free ourselves from the Egypt,
The slavery of being this or that particular impulse or motivation or thought,
And recognize that what we really are beneath all of that is this field of openness.
We actually can be,
And in essence we are,
Free from any particular feeling,
Thought,
Or sensory perception that arises within awareness.
So that's one function of awareness is that through its practice,
We recognize our identity.
But the other function is to realize that as we move through life,
As our situation shifts moment to moment,
That we need to be aware of what is the path that we can and should take in order to bring forth the potential of life as a blessing.
This moment is a blessing,
But it's not always clear how it's a blessing.
And it's not always clear what the next word is we should say,
What the next action is that we should do in order to reveal and bring forth that potential for blessing.
And so these are the two eyes of the story that we looked at,
Knowing when to say yes and when to say no.
But how do we do that?
How do we attune ourselves to the wisdom,
To the divine message that coming to us from the burning bush,
So to speak,
Or that is embodied in the pillar of fire that's there to guide us on the right path if we're able to perceive it.
How do we do that?
There is a wonderful instruction in this verse from the Parsha describing what happens when they come to the angel on the road.
It says,
So the donkey swerved from the road and went out into the sade,
The field.
So Bilam beat the donkey in order to turn her back onto the road.
Okay,
So each of these pieces of this one sentence are so rich.
The beginning.
Aton et Malach HaShem.
Yitzav b'derech,
The donkey,
Saw the angel of HaShem standing in the road,
V'charbo shlufa b'yado,
With a sword drawn in its hand.
So what does this mean?
This is a metaphor for when we are on the road,
So to speak,
Of life,
Meaning in the midst of doing a particular action or on our way to do a particular action,
We're in the flow of whatever our intention is,
And we get some kind of signal that this might not be the way to go.
So that signal could come to us And it doesn't matter how it comes to us.
It's a feeling,
It's an intuition.
We just get some kind of sense that there might be something we're ignoring,
That there's something that we're not aware of.
And so the next part is really the instruction.
So the donkey swerved from the road and went into the field.
Now this is such a wonderful metaphor,
The sade,
The field is of course the field of consciousness within which the experience is arising.
Normally we're just in the experience.
We're in the drama of life.
We're going along the road,
But then we get some kind of signal.
If we're paying attention,
Something hints to us that we need to pay attention at a deeper level.
So we pause or we should pause.
That's the hint.
Pause from what you're doing.
Take a break from your path and go into the field.
In other words,
Become present.
Now,
The next part is an instruction about what not to do.
Vayach bilam et ha'aton.
Bilam,
Beat the donkey in order to turn her back onto the derech,
Onto the road.
So,
So often we ignore the signals that are coming to us from the inside.
It because we don't want to appear wishy-washy or because we don't want to give up whatever our intention is in the moment.
But this is Bilal beating the donkey,
So to speak.
And by the way,
What is the donkey?
Is our physical body.
So,
The perception of the angel on the road,
Which Bilal couldn't see,
By the way,
He couldn't see the angel,
He couldn't see the sword,
He didn't know there was any danger at all,
But the donkey could see the body.
In other words,
The body gives us the signal if we're attuned to those signals that the body is giving us.
And we should not force ourselves,
We shouldn't beat ourselves to go back onto the path before before we have a chance to go into the field and become present and receive the wisdom that we need to receive there.
That's what happens.
Eventually,
Bilam's eyes are opened and he can also see the angel.
And at that point,
Once he stops beating his donkey,
That meaning,
Once he starts listening to the voice of the body,
Which is,
By the way,
The meaning of this strange fairy tale miracle of the donkey talking to him.
Places in the scriptures where an animal talks to human beings as if it's some kind of fairy tale.
After he's able to hear the message,
Then he's able to go up onto the cliffs and instead of being a source of curse,
He becomes a source of blessing.
And he says this beautiful verse,
Children of Israel encamped below,
And he sees it as a blessing rather than as a threat,
The way the king was afraid of the children of Israel.
But these tents,
These dwelling places are also really a metaphor for the same thing that the donkey represents.
That is our physical bodies.
Our bodies are the dwelling places of our essence.
That is our consciousness.
And to the degree that we can bring our awareness and intensify it to listen,
To perceive to what is arising in the body is the degree to which they become like us.
Divine temples,
Sanctuaries of presence.
In this quality of intense presence.
Of taking a pause from the flow of life to listen very carefully,
Very deeply.
It's represented by the letter shin,
Which is also fire,
The fire of awareness that listens carefully in order to know whether to stay or to go,
Whether to say yes or to say no.
You can imagine if you're in your house late at night and you're getting ready for bed and you hear some kind of sound from the other room,
You might stop what you're doing.
Put aside your intention to continue getting ready for bed and instead become very still,
Very attentive because you want to hear what's going on.
You want to hear what's,
Maybe there's something in the next room happening that is dangerous that you need to either attend to or that you need to protect yourself from.
That's the letter shin.
It's that attentive presence.
And not just because there might be a danger in the world and the outside,
But what about the impulses on the inside?
What is your motivation?
Where are you coming from when you do this or that?
You're on a certain path.
Instead of barreling forward unconsciously,
Take a pause.
Take a pause on the path to go into the field,
That field of consciousness within which you can perceive.
Receive something new,
Some message,
Some wisdom to arise.
And so let's chant this kavana.
For the letter shin.
I am listening.
I am watching.
I am attention on a long out breath.
Deep breath in.
I am listening.
I am watching.
I am attention.
One more time,
Remembering to listen,
To watch,
To perceive the vibrations of these words that we're chanting.
In your body,
Make the sound,
Feel the vibrations.
I am listening.
I am watching.
I am attention.
And being that alert attention.
Our chant,
The prayer,
Tatz'ileni hayom uv'choyom,
Rescue me today uv'choyom and every day.
Really it means that the power of awareness is to rescue us.
It's a salvational power.
That which is something we need to watch out for,
Whether it's on the inside or the outside,
Whether it's something in the world to pay attention to,
Or whether it's our own motivation,
Our own impulses,
Our own feelings.
Me'aze fanim u'me'azut panim,
Arrogance,
Aggressiveness,
Dangerous beings on the outside or dangerous feelings,
Motivations on the inside.
None of them have to bother us if we can pay attention,
If we can be conscious of what is the truth of the moment.
And so singing,
Tat si le ni hai yong.
U-V-H-O-Y-O-M TAT-SI-LE-NI-I-OM u'v'choyom me'az eifanim.
Who may azoth panin.
May I say funny.
Whom may I suit by name.
Tatsi leniyayom.
U v'choyom tatz'ileni hayom.
U'v'choyom me'azeifanim.
Ume-azut-pani me'az efanim.
Who may azoth banin.
And preparing for meditation,
Bringing some attention to your body,
Taking care to be in a comfortable,
Relaxed,
But also alert position.
Letting your hands be unencumbered,
Relaxed in your lap or however is comfortable.
And taking on an attitude of generously offering of the light of awareness to meet whatever is arising within awareness,
Not pushing anything away,
Not being stingy with consciousness,
But being generous,
Giving your attention to whatever is present,
To the divine manifesting as whatever is present,
Offering your presence with Lecha on a long out breath.
Deep breath in.
Lecha.
And bringing your left hand to your belly,
Awareness dropping down into your body,
Filling your belly with light,
Filling your belly with warmth.
You Awareness permeating your organs,
Bringing life and healing to the body.
As it shines downward,
Down through your legs.
All the way down to your feet and extending beyond the feet down into the earth.
And awareness rising up from your belly,
Up into your chest,
Upper back,
Shoulders and neck,
Releasing any excess tension that might be there.
Awareness shining down through your arms,
Filling your arms with light,
Coming down into your fingers,
Connecting back with your heart and belly.
Bringing your attention more deeply into the sensation of the flow of your breathing each breath.
Luminescent,
Nourishing,
And enlivening the body.
Rising up face,
Facial muscles,
Brain and nervous system,
Bringing a little smile to your lips.
Being that loving,
Benevolent,
Indwelling presence.
Naase on a long out breath.
Deep breath in.
Naase.
And bringing your right hand up from your heart to lightly touch your forehead as your awareness shines,
Shines out from the body into the space around you.
Falling upon the room,
The walls,
The objects,
The sounds vibrating in the air.
And recognizing that all of this is arising within the field,
The sade.
That field within which we can always take refuge,
Take a break from the momentum and dwell in the field.
And receive what is there.
But even deeper recognizing that we,
On that deeper level,
We are the field.
Thoughts and feelings arise within it but the field is the essence consciousness is what we are and affirming vanish ma deep breath in V'Nishma.
Kissing your fingers,
Relaxing your hands.
Rebono Shalom.
Bless us to meditate deeply and powerfully.
Bless us to be like the letter shin.
Alert,
Fiery,
Radiant presence.
Being the noticing,
Relaxing the thinking mind in the palace of Atahu,
Atahu,
Atiahu,
Atiahi,
You who are not separate from anything or anyone,
You who are not separate from this consciousness that we are.
You who are the consciousness being awake through this body-mind that we are.
Atahu.
You are Hashem.
You are the divine.
A Tha Hu,
A Tha Hu Atyaho Atyahi Ataho Ataho Atyaho.
Atyahi Atau Atau Aadhyahoo Aadhyayee A T A H U ATAHU Atyaho Atyahi Atyaho Atahu Atau.
Resting in the silent repetition,
Atahu,
Atahu,
Atahu.
As we come into silent meditation.
You Amen.
And bringing some movement back to your body,
Taking a nice stretch.
And closing the meditation,
Bringing your right hand to your heart.
Once again,
Offering attention with Lecha.
Deep breath in.
Lecha.
Bringing your left hand to your belly,
Awareness filling.
Awareness filling the inner space of the body.
Indwelling presence,
Na-ah-se.
Deep breath in.
Na-ah-se.
And bringing your right hand to your forehead.
Awareness turning outward into the space around you.
Recognizing that you are the open space of consciousness itself.
Nishmaa.
Venishma.
Kissing your fingers,
Relaxing your hands.
Rabono shelo lam.
May we be imbued with this intense alertness,
This quality of the letter shin,
The fire of awareness illuminating all that we say,
All that we do,
Illuminating our thoughts to know ourselves as the conscious presence behind all of it.
And from there,
May the information,
The message,
The divine guidance arise.
Shalom.
I hope you've enjoyed this Torah of Awakening.
I'm Rabbi Brian Yosef Schachter-Brooks.
Until next time,
All blessings.
