Masks Of Mind

The smile is not fake.

It helps to ease the mental ache.

Outward expressions of positivity designed to neutralize the internal negativity.

Everything seems fine.

No,

Darling.

It's just hiding the terror that lives inside.

The outer beauty masks the darkness inside.

Battling dark thoughts of being unloved,

Unseen,

Unworthy,

Unwanted,

Not enough,

Triggered,

Triggered,

Triggered,

Raging,

Mad.

Wanting to die,

To disappear.

Enough of living in despair.

Incredibly sad.

Don't tell me to fix my face,

To smile,

Think myself blessed and highly favored.

No,

I'm not ungrateful.

Yes,

I know what I already have.

But in this battlefield of my mind lives terror and I struggle to smile.

So I cry when no one is watching,

Thinking of ways to disappear and die.

If you're one of the lucky ones,

You get to see me break.

Experience my temporary insanity before I lock it back up inside.

I am so sorry.

You had to see me cry.

It is an illness.

I feel pain.

My mental health is fragile.

I'm not insane.

So I color,

Read,

Meditate,

Do yoga,

Disappear and drift for a while.

I breathe as I heal my mental health and I smile.

I breathe and continue to smile.