You'll know when therapy is going to be helpful because you will be open to receiving the professional help and guidance to get you where you haven't been able to on your own.
When your efforts to change are not creating the lasting effects you had hoped for,
And when you don't know why you can't seem to feel better on your own and are struggling with the day-to-day aspects of life that should be easy and enjoyable.
And perhaps you have wondered what a session of therapy could do for you.
How does one identify effectively all of the ways that therapy can be of help?
How do we do this without embracing the experience itself,
When the idea of talking with someone can be overwhelming for some who don't know where to begin or how it can truly help?
We've gone from a culture in which mental health was associated with the deep stigma of disorder and a fear of carrying a label of mental illness to a culture that has found labels for quite everything we may be experiencing as a reason for why we feel and act the way we do.
But are we focusing on the healing?
Are we teaching the tools and strategies of self-empowerment and the notion that Therapy is a journey into the self first and foremost.
Because to overcome what has happened to you and to create positive changes,
You must first begin with self-honesty and a sacred holding of your willingness to do this work because anyone in therapy will tell you it's one of the most important journeys you will ever make.
When my client,
Who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 18,
Now,
Some 20 years later,
Is in a spell of low affect,
When her cognitive ability is challenged,
Simple processing tasks are impeded.
It is more difficult for her to make decisions,
For example,
And to feel motivated to complete daily tasks.
Her usual upbeat and larger-than-life personality becomes submerged in what is now a quiet and somber,
Depressed version of herself,
One that lacks confidence and the ability to make decisions and is often tormented by thoughts of being a burden to her loved ones.
Her words to me in the moments when she is feeling like herself and happy again are substantial for us all.
She reaffirms the simple truth,
Your mental health means everything.
She is right.
Therapy is far more than talking about a traumatic childhood event and reliving its scarring impact.
In fact,
The way that therapy helps best to deconstruct a past event or trauma is to examine it from an enlightened perspective,
To understand the situation and the context in a way that allows for healing,
Forgiveness,
Acceptance,
Peace.
That whatever happened and for whatever was done to you,
There are always going to be two positive outcomes that we will arrive at together.
The first is a more accurate comprehension and understanding of the situation,
And the new insights and discoveries that arise out of a search for greater meaning,
And from that,
The ability to come to acceptance.
Acceptance does not mean agreement with what has happened,
But rather the willingness to acknowledge what has already occurred.
This allows you to psychologically move into a place of action,
Of rendering what will be the action that you need to take,
Whether as an approach to how you think or what physical actions will support you best.
Acceptance of what is,
Emotionally,
Psychologically,
Cognitively,
Spiritually,
And often physically,
In the relief of what trauma symptoms were once related to the situation of the past and your perspective of it.
This healing is the return to wholeness that you,
That we all are inherently seeking.
Even after the majority of healing has been completed,
Therapy can continue to be a place where one experiences growth in other areas of one's life,
And hence the ripple effect of what it means to learn and discover more about oneself,
Including the different choices one may choose with greater understanding and perspective.
Or disavowing your feelings and how you have been impacted by a situation or another.
Rather,
Examining the past from a vantage point of a different perspective that I can help with,
That brings new insight and awareness and allows for healing and to alleviate the pain and suffering that you have been holding on to.
Having a safe and therapeutic place to unpack what has happened within a framework of learning is a healthy means for processing the situation while it's supported and validated in your experience.
This means that a client will have help and guidance as they now feel a growing confidence in alleviating their suffering.
This is what fosters growth and evolution and the learning of new approaches and strategies to live more successfully,
As one is supported in their continual growth,
Even as similar or related situations may arise or continue.
Think of it as having new tools and strategies because therapy is not about changing you,
Rather changing how you think and feel and react in situations when others are behaving the same.
We are also going to rethink the parameters that you have in some of your relationships when others are not able or willing to make changes.
Think of therapy as a healing paradigm for whatever has happened,
For whatever has affected you in a way that has made it difficult in other places in your life.
And this makes sense that some people have chosen to be in therapy for a lengthy time.
Therapy can be a wonderful source of support and learning in a dedicated space outside of the typical aspects of your life,
Where you can explore your thoughts,
Feelings,
Behaviors in the context of what you were taught to believe and as a source for inspiration and a different means for how you will choose to experience the rest of your life.
Many clients are relieved to discover that they don't need to continue to remain mired in the habits and behaviors that have never served them.
Now they have alternative strategies and mutually helpful habits and behaviors in place.
If you have a supportive and trusting rapport with a therapist,
And of course,
Confidence in them to be the right person to help you,
You may continue to receive helpful guidance and insight for as long as you choose,
For as long as you wish to have this therapeutic alliance and a safe landing place that you can return to as you need or wish,
Whether that becomes bimonthly,
Twice a year or perhaps again for an intensive weekly series of sessions for a time as a new life event or situation may require additional support as you process and best navigate what is in front of you.
The process of therapy teaches you about yourself and also how to implement what you are learning into your life and in practical ways that allow you to make the positive changes that you seek and that are needed in order to support you best.
What makes for an excellent experience in therapy is a place where you can sift through your thoughts and feelings in the safety and presence of someone who willingly holds the space for you to be.
One of the best outcomes of therapy is the ability to know yourself even better,
To challenge and rewrite what beliefs hold you back in the absence of judgment and in the presence of another who is able to help you make the connection between your experiences and what learned beliefs have shaped who you are up to this moment.
Sometimes you are in search of a solution or answers to your questions of uncertainty.
Sometimes therapy is an intervention after you have on your own and for a time aimed to change a behavior and now needing help to ensure that that change is long lasting.
The truth does set us free.
Therapy can also help you to understand and know from where within yourself you may access your inner wisdom so that you can become confident in knowing yourself best and in trusting that you will make the right choices for your life.
In therapy,
You are able to explore the never-before-heard-out-loud thoughts that you have kept buried in your mind.
These thoughts and perceptions hold the secret to how you feel and what you live.
To bring them into the forefront,
To hear your voice as you say them aloud,
Begins the process of experiencing,
Of being witness to how the mind formulates and justifies and how the ego in particular serves to protect through its many defenses.
The inner dialogue that often goes under the radar means that we continue in similar habits and patterns,
Even when we know on a subconscious level that what we are telling ourself and believing is not helpful.
Inside your mind,
You continue to rehearse and reinforce the messages and statements that were critically spoken to you.
Now these same words continue to reinforce a belief that was never true.
In therapy,
You voice your inner dialogue and the thoughts and beliefs that you hold on a topic that has weighed heavily on your mind and heart.
So that you may examine in detail whether what you tell yourself and believe is even true,
And to explore what beliefs you learned that are not accurate and that have been limiting all that you wish to be.
As you bring honesty and truth into the light of your experience and in the presence of the other caring being of whom you have carefully chosen to help and guide your journey.
Your previous perspective and thought patterns now shift to one of new awareness,
New insight,
And enlightenment.
In the context of therapy,
Using additional tools for calming the mind,
Such as breathing techniques,
Mindfulness,
Meditation,
And mantras,
Help to elicit clarity,
And for one to be able to witness the accuracy of one's thoughts rather than the cognitive distortions and inaccuracies in a biased perspective that we all experience whenever we tell ourselves something that is untrue.
For example,
If you have ever been self-effacing and self-loathing,
You are telling yourself and believing thoughts that diminish and uproot your self-esteem,
Confidence,
And self-worth.
These thoughts have a powerful impact on how you think and feel about yourself and are often far removed from what is true.
When you begin to witness the power of your thoughts in real time,
That is,
In the moments in which your thoughts are occurring,
Your mind is now free to pursue what is important to you and without the limiting beliefs that cause self-doubt and discouragement or even perceived failure.
This wisdom,
This emergence of light where there was darkness,
Metaphorically helps you to witness all of what you are.
This is the abundance that sets you free and into the light of day.
Therapy provides you with the tools and the scope of best practices of which to better see yourself as you are,
Rather than through the veil of how your ego serves to build more of how you have been living in the world inside your mind.
You can learn on your own to become aware and mindful of what thoughts you hold.
You practice this as you say aloud what you have been voicing,
Repeating,
Even ruminating on in the space that only you are privy to.
The same space inside your mind in which you cultivate the deeper experiences of your life by what you focus on and what your inner dialogue is,
And what feelings are but the result of this.
Each one of us is a self-contained world.
Our intentions intercede with those of others.
Each one of us reflects outward the world that exists inside our mind,
Together with the constant and ever-present bombardment of stimuli in the external world.
How we perceive and are impacted by each of our experiences makes for a voluminous set of possibilities for when we interact with another.
Here in your willingness to unpack and release some of what has tormented you,
You must be willing to examine it authentically,
And even to do so means that you will relive parts or all of what is already the past.
Having the tools and a new means of making sense of what has already happened presents some of the most helpful expressions of what it means to know yourself well.
I remember in the first year of my clinical internship,
The small group of us that were told that a part of the practicum of our training was to experience a year of individual therapy from the perspective of being a client.
I know that at that moment,
As we all glanced at each other and with a somewhat blank and perhaps inquisitive look,
I remember thinking,
What on earth was I going to talk about?
And amazingly,
As what typically happens in a session.
Sometimes what you need to speak about and what can help most is precisely what finds its way to the surface.
Whenever I share this aspect of my training,
I am so grateful to say that it was one of the best surprise experiences of my clinical internships.
Because even as you are training in something,
How can you know what something is truly unless you have had the direct and personal experience?
Thanks for your experience.
I don't wish for my dental hygienist to have had cavities in order to know the specific nuances of what to look for as she is cleaning my teeth,
But I would want to find a therapist that has gone through the experience of therapy and continues to walk the talk and to always be seeking to become more.
My therapy scratched the surface of what I had already been investigating in my life.
And it definitely gave me the insight and a different perspective,
And of course,
The tools to be able to excavate,
Process,
And understand the rest.
Best of all,
It gave me the experience of what it means to sit in the other chair,
Metaphorically and actually.
I have clients that will say how important therapy has been for their life,
For their growth,
For what has allowed them to get from there to here.
And they are emphatic in their assertion that therapy should be something that everyone has an opportunity to experience.
Good therapy will help you to heal in ways that you would not be privy to on your own,
Unless you too,
As I did,
Choose to make it your profession and to continue in your own self-study,
Learning,
And positive change.
I say good therapy because it must first be a fit for you with the best possible clinician.
There are several important criteria for what will ensure that therapy is most and also enjoyable,
Even in the moments and sessions in which there is also much emotional weight and revelation that can bring forth new insight and wisdom,
And as you seek to understand and heal from past situations.
You bring as little or as much of yourself to each session as you choose,
And you feel safe to do so.
There is a gentle balance in therapy between revealing more of yourself than you would to a friend or colleague,
And as you foster closeness and trust with your therapist,
You will hopefully find a greater willingness to reveal more and to learn more about yourself.
Yourself.
Remember that the deeper you go into your honest and true thoughts and feelings,
The more vulnerable you may feel and the greater in depth you reveal and discover yourself,
Including what stories and experiences have served to shape who you are.
It's a little like storytelling from a perspective of being as honest and open as possible.
There are no limits or bounds to what you can accomplish,
To self-actualize,
To grow,
To transform,
And to heal.
It's okay if you need to change therapists or even to take a break for a time.
Therapy is effective guidance and expert help that makes it so helpful to overcome a problem behavior or way of thinking,
And of course to help you best when you may be struggling on your own to solve and fix a problem.
I share this because even as we have more and effective ways of communicating and connecting with others than at any other time in the history of humankind,
It doesn't necessarily make us good and honest and effective communicators.
You may want to make time to be with your thoughts and feelings as a first step in learning how to better help yourself.
It's also okay if you are not ready or believe that you don't need therapy.
I would just hope that in hearing this information,
You will feel a little more comfortable and at ease for when there may be a time that you are considering it.
I also wish to offer some strategies and help for how you may use this time in your life for greater introspection and self-awareness.
There is a lot that you may do to understand and know yourself best,
And to find your own best answers from within.
Therapy in a formal way with a skilled guide can help you ask the questions of yourself that need answers.
Here I offer a short list of Socratic questions that you can begin to ask yourself and then answer these most honestly and completely.
This will get you started along a path of mindful self-discovery.
Think of it as a precursor to what you may then seek to know,
To learn about yourself,
To create positive change,
And to heal.
In the case of my client I spoke of earlier,
She is aware that when she is in a low mood,
Her thoughts devastatingly become self-critical and self-effacing,
Which causes her to feel badly about herself and her life,
And which creates for her a cycle of unhappiness and self-loathing,
To which she then feels unmotivated and even more displaced from herself.
As we have already many strategies in place for what she can do to help herself,
This client and others use the pillars of healthy daily behaviors,
Which become life habits.
These include measures such as exercise,
Good sleep hygiene,
Healthy eating,
And the practices of mindfulness and meditation.
And sad,
This client knows the CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy strategies to identify her critical and negative self-talk and how to implement the strategy of challenging her thoughts and to replace them with what is true.
It's a process that millions of others use every day when practicing CBT.
The difference being that bipolar disorder in particular causes serious shifts in mood,
Energy,
And thinking and behavior.
From the highs of mania on one extreme to the lows of depression on the other.
What is difficult for people who are diagnosed with bipolar is that what they experience is more than a fleeting good or bad mood.
The cycles of bipolar disorder last for days,
Weeks,
And also months,
As it does with this client,
Making it a larger endeavor to consistently monitor one's thoughts and to replace these thoughts with positive statements based in truth,
Especially when one's mood is already negatively impacted.
Thankfully,
CBT and other forms of therapy do help,
And clients report progress and relief,
And they continue to work and have successful lives.
Thank you so much for joining me.
This is Dorothy Sonoruyuchuno.
Namaste.
