Find a comfortable place to lie down on your back.
In your bed.
The couch,
Or the floor.
And take some time with this.
Use a covering if you feel cool.
Add a pillow under the knees if the lower back is asking for it.
And use an eye pillow if you're sensitive to light.
Let the arms rest gently by the sides with the palms facing the sky.
And now let the eyes close if you haven't already.
And just arrive however you are this evening.
Maybe there isn't much feeling here tonight.
Maybe things have gone a bit flat.
Or a bit distant.
Almost like the volume of life has been turned down without your permission.
And if that's you,
That's okay.
Tonight we're not gonna push through the numbness or try to fix it or pull you out of it by force.
Instead we're going to go into it.
Slowly and with great care.
So that we can find what lives at the very center of it.
Because something does live there.
Something that was never known.
That's been steady and warm and present through all of it.
And we're going to connect with that tonight.
So let's begin by gathering the attention around your heart center.
And from this space in the center of your chest.
Even if it feels quiet or far away now.
Will set an intention for your practice.
So ask yourself.
What would it feel like to be felt again?
Even a little in your own time.
Let your intention become simple.
One sentence.
Something that you can feel.
It can be something like.
.
.
I allow myself to be felt.
Silently repeat your intention to yourself three times.
Let it settle wherever it lands,
Even if you can't feel it yet.
Just trust that the seed of your intentions have been planted within.
Let the awareness move through the body now.
Warm and unhurried.
Like a light moving slowly through every room of the house.
Stay awake if you can.
But if sleep comes,
Let it.
You can't do this wrong.
So bring your attention to the crown of the head.
The forehead.
The brows are wide and smooth.
The space between the eyebrows.
Open and relaxed.
The eyes resting deeply in their sockets.
The cheeks,
The lips.
The jaw.
Letting go of whatever it's been holding today.
The throat is easy and soft.
The right shoulder.
Right upper arm.
Elbow Forearm.
And wrists.
The right thumb.
Index finger.
Middle finger.
Ring finger and pinky.
The whole right hand.
Just notice what's here.
Maybe there's warmth,
Tingling,
Or stillness.
Let whatever's here be welcome.
Now move your attention back to the right wrist.
Forearm Elbow upper arm.
Right shoulder.
The whole right arm is resting.
Whatever it feels.
Whatever it doesn't feel.
Allow all of it.
Move your attention into the center of the throat.
And into the left shoulder.
Left upper arm.
Elbow.
Forearm.
Rest the left thumb.
Index finger.
Middle finger.
Ring finger.
And pinky.
The whole left hand.
Questioning what's here.
Is it warmth or distance?
Simply notice.
Move your attention into the left wrist.
Forearm.
Elbow Upper arm.
Left shoulder.
The whole left arm.
Completely allowed to be as it is.
Feel both arms together.
And both hands.
Whatever sensations live here,
Let them be witnessed and allowed.
Bring your awareness back to the center of the throat.
The center of the chest.
The center of the belly.
All the way down into the center of the hips.
And now the right hip.
The right thigh.
Knee.
Shin ankle the top of the right foot.
The sole of the foot.
The right big toe.
Second toe.
Third,
Fourth.
Pinky toe.
The right ankle.
Half.
Back of the knee.
Back of the thigh.
The whole right leg.
Is heavy.
And resting.
Allowing whatever sensations are here to be here now.
Move your attention into the right hip.
The middle of the hips.
And into the left hip.
Left thigh.
Knee.
Shin.
Ankle.
The top of the left foot.
The sole of the foot.
Left big toe.
Second toe.
Third,
Forth.
Pinky toe.
Left ankle.
Back of the knee.
Back of the thigh.
The whole left leg is heavy.
And resting.
Feel both legs and both feet.
Completely surrendered into the earth beneath you.
Now move your attention back into the center of the hips.
And up into the belly.
Notice it rising and falling with each breath.
And just notice,
Does the breath reach all the way down into the belly?
Or does it thin out before it arrives?
Just notice.
There's no need to change anything.
Now move your attention into the solar plexus.
The chest,
The center of the heart.
Wide and open.
Or perhaps it feels quiet and distant tonight.
Either way,
You meet it with your attention.
Now bring your attention to the whole back of the body.
From the base of the spine to the crown of the head.
Long and held and supported.
Now feel the whole body.
The front and the back.
The top and the bottom.
As one living field.
Lying here.
And being witnessed by its own awareness.
And now,
If it feels okay,
We'll bring a little gentle energy back into the body.
This isn't a strain or debrace.
Simply press the back of the head,
The shoulders,
The backs of the arms,
The low back.
And the heels softly into the surface beneath you.
As if you're hugging the earth beneath you.
Press.
Press.
Breathe in,
Press just a moment longer.
And then exhale and release completely,
Letting the ground take everything.
Feel what remains after.
Maybe there's a gentle warmth spreading.
A tingling sensation.
Maybe a hum where it was quiet before.
Just be with that sensation for a few moments longer.
Now bring your right hand to the center of the heart.
And the left hand on the back of the right.
Feel the warmth moving from the hands towards the center of the chest.
And notice what lives beneath the hands.
Maybe it's warmth meeting warmth.
Or maybe it's warmth meeting something cooler and something quieter.
Either way,
Let your hands stay here.
As if you're offering presents without asking anything in return.
Now move both hands to the low belly,
Just below the navel.
Feel the hands sensing the belly.
The belly sensing the hands.
Warmth moving inward,
One degree at a time.
If softening comes,
Welcome it.
If nothing comes,
Welcome that too.
Your body's listening even when it feels quiet.
It'll register you here,
Staying with it.
And maybe a breath reaches a little further down than it did before now.
Let it come gently.
And now,
Without changing the breath,
Simply follow it.
Notice where it enters.
Feel it cool at the nose.
And warm as it leaves.
Breathe in and follow it down to the throat,
Into the chest,
Noticing if it fully arrives here or hovers near the surface.
And exhale slowly.
And then on the next inhale,
Follow it further,
All the way into the belly.
Notice if it reaches all the way down.
Or if it thins out before it gets there.
Exhale on your own.
As you continue following the breath,
Just notice where it flows freely.
And where it stops short.
Where it meets something denser and more still.
That place where the breath thins out is the edge of where we're going next.
So just explore this for a few moments longer.
Now,
With gentleness,
Let your awareness move towards a place where the breath thins.
That place within you that's quieter,
More distant,
And more still.
You don't have to go all the way in now.
Let's just stay near the edge first.
And just know you get to choose how far you can go.
You can always stay at the border and still be doing this perfectly.
And as you arrive at the edge,
Just notice.
What does numbness actually feel like from the inside?
Is it heavy?
Is it hollow?
Is it cold or simply absent of warmth?
Does it have clear edges or a shape?
Is it in one place or does it spread?
Just observe.
The way you might observe weather moving across a landscape.
You don't become the weather.
You're the sky that holds it.
And find the shoreline.
The place where numbness meets sensation.
Where the quiet meets the alive.
And rest at that edge.
Not inside of the numbness,
And not away from it either.
Just at that meeting place.
With your hands still warm on your body so you know that you're not alone here.
And breathe into that edge.
Not forcing.
Just offering a breath to that border.
If it feels like too much,
Come back to the place that had a flicker of sensation.
That's your home base.
You can go back and forth.
To the edge of the numbness,
And then back to sensation.
Feel if there's any response,
However small.
Maybe you feel a degree warmer or there's a small tingle.
Or perhaps the breath reaches one centimeter further than before.
Now,
Only if it feels okay,
Let yourself drift just a little further from that shoreline.
And deeper within this numb space.
And just know you're safe here.
Your own hands are still on the body.
The ground is still here.
You can pause here for as long as you need.
If you feel you can go deeper.
Let your awareness settle right in the middle of that numbness.
Not to fix anything.
Just to rest in the very heart of it.
With the breath.
With your hands supporting you.
With the ground holding you.
And just asking yourself,
What lives here?
Maybe the answer is a sensation rather than a thought.
Because at the center of what feels numb,
There's always something.
Something quiet.
Something waiting to be seen.
Something that never actually went away.
So stay here in the very heart of it.
You don't have to do anything.
Just stay.
With your breath.
With your body.
And with this warmth.
Breathe.
Feel.
And remain.
You're safe to feel as much or as little here.
Nothing is being asked of you.
The simple fact that you stayed with yourself is often what softens this numb place.
And now gently release your hands.
This awareness that's been with you through everything tonight.
Through the intention,
The body.
The hands,
Through the very heart of the numbness within.
This awareness is never far away.
It's always here.
Steady,
Warm,
And watching everything.
You are not the numbness.
You're the one who's aware of the numbness.
You are not this disconnection.
You are the vast space in which this disconnection arises and softens and passes.
Rest as that.
I am not my numbness.
I am the one who stays to feel.
I am not this distance.
I am the warmth that was always here beneath it.
And now silently repeat the intention you made at the beginning of practice back to yourself three times.
Feel the breath still moving through you like a quiet river underneath.
Feel the ground holding you without asking anything from you.
Begin to gently wiggle the fingers and the toes.
Feel whatever sense of aliveness is here now.
And turn gently to one side and pause here for a moment.
And when you're ready,
Rise slowly.
Carry whatever sensation returned tonight.
Even if it's very faint.
You are here.
And you are alive.
And alive is where we begin.
Bring both hands to the center of the chest.
Gently bowing the chin.
Taking a moment of gratitude for your body.
For this moment.
And for your life.
Namaste.
