Welcome to another talk on Insight Timer.
Today we're going to be talking about how not to be a chameleon in every crowd.
And this one gets me fired up because it was me for the longest time.
And when I am not really tuned into who Krista is,
I can sometimes flare back up.
I want you to take a big breath.
And let it reach the bottom of your lungs.
And release it.
And just settle in.
What I'm going to be sharing with you today.
And I want to ask you this one question as we get started.
Have you ever felt yourself walk into a room?
And you shift before you even say hello.
This one's for you.
It's about staying whole to who you are.
And if you are a deeply empathetic person.
This one will resonate.
You can still be.
An empathetic person and still know exactly who you are.
Sometimes.
We just get them mixed up.
They're versions of you and myself.
That we walk into a room and maybe we get quieter.
Around that one person that's real.
Really funny.
Or maybe you get agreeable.
In certain rooms.
Maybe you become louder.
Maybe you dress a certain way.
Maybe you act a certain way.
Most of us learn.
This as we were young,
To keep things smooth,
To not rock the boat.
How do we stay?
It kept us safe,
I'm sure,
At some point in our lives.
Empathy is feeling with somebody.
Becoming a chameleon is disappearing.
For someone.
Empathy says,
I see you.
When we become a chameleon or lose ourselves.
Instead,
I'll become whoever.
Makes you stay comfortable.
The thing is,
Is that it's exhausting.
It can be exhausting when you're performing 15 different versions of yourself.
It's a slow erosion.
Of not knowing your preference anymore.
Maybe it's leaving a gathering and you're sitting in your car.
Who was that?
What was I even saying or doing?
I don't feel like that.
That's not who I am.
And the thing is,
Is that people can't love or accept what you never let them see.
Real intimacy is built on being authentically you.
And somewhere along the line.
We've lost that.
Staying exactly who you are.
Means you're sitting with someone's pain.
You're laughing at their joke,
Holding space for their chaos,
While staying rooted in your own voice.
It's saying what you actually believe,
But in a really gentle tone.
Not in a differing of opinion.
Maybe it's staying quiet when you don't agree with what's being said instead of performing this agreement that you actually don't agree with.
Your body.
Will give you the cue.
You will feel a small tightening maybe in your stomach.
Maybe in your shoulders.
Maybe you have to clear your throat.
That's sometimes what happens to me is I find myself clearing my throat.
I'm like,
Oh,
I'm about to say something evil.
That I actually don't mean or that I think I should say.
That's a signal.
Not something to override.
You don't have to leave yourself.
To be with someone else.
This is really incredibly important with close relationships that you have in your life.
And I wanted to share this one with you because so many of us,
Especially as women.
And more.
And warm.
Try and say things and be something to everybody.
Just to keep the peace.
I want you to do a visualization with me for a minute.
I want you to close your eyes if you're not.
And I want you to imagine yourself walking into your room.
Any type of room and it's full of people.
You're not changing.
You're just walking in exactly who you are.
You're laughing easily.
You're listening.
You're chatting.
You feel confident in who you are as a person.
You don't dissolve into what's going on around you.
You don't give in to the drama.
You don't laugh at things that aren't your cup of tea.
You feel steady in your body.
You're not stiff.
You're just rooted in who you are.
And when you can walk into a room and be that person.
You're actually.
Here to find.
Because you're always the same person.
You don't have to choose between being kind and being whole.
I want you to take a minute to just think of times in your life.
Where you morph and you change and you become this chameleon within the room.
Just so that you blend in.
Just so that people like you.
Just so that you're accepted.
And now I want you to picture yourself being your actually.
True authentic self in that moment.
Because when you can shine and you can just be who you are.
Whatever that is for you.
Is when the real truth Intimacy is formed with other people.
You can still care about every single person in that room.
And still be the same person when you walk out of it.
That's not selfish.
That's actually you sitting in your car or walking out of the room or wherever it is and going.
Oh my goodness.
I stay true to who I am.
I can change the way I dress.
I can change my hair.
I didn't say something just to be approved or liked.
I listened.
I want you to take a deep breath.
We'll leave it at that.
If you were somebody that finds that you do.
Become.
Chameleon in a room.
I want you to know you're not alone.
And many of us have done it for years because we don't know exactly who we are on the inside because we've spent years.
Adjusting.
And pleasing other people.
This is where the work lies.
And start small.
Start by sharing one small thing.
About yourself,
Start by just listening.
Start by wearing what you want to wear.
I'm going to just end with a personal story here.
I have spoken on many stages in my life,
Talking about people,
Pleasing and boundaries and my life story.
And I remember one of the very first times years ago when I was going,
I was asked to come and share my story at this university.
Chola.
Business class.
And I went and hired a speaking coach.
And she said,
We talked for a few minutes about what I was going to talk about.
And at the end,
She goes,
What are you going to wear?
And I said,
Well,
I thought I'd wear a sundress with bare feet.
Because that's where I feel the most comfortable when I'm in my feminine state is where I feel the most confident when I'm coming from my feminine.
And she looked at me and she's like,
Well,
No one's going to listen to you.
You need to wear.
You know,
A suit.
And you can wear a hot pink shirt underneath the blazer.
Wear some nice heels.
Well,
That's what she says I need to wear,
Then that's what I need to wear.
I remember getting dressed for it that morning and I was already nervous because it was one of my first speaking engagements.
I got all dressed and I looked in the mirror and I'm,
I cannot do this.
This is not who I am.
And I took everything off,
And I put on a sundress,
And I put on my sandals,
And I walked out the door,
And I thought,
The people that need to hear what I'm gonna say.
I'm going to be looking at what I'm wearing.
And I drove there and I walked in and.
Right before I went up,
I kicked off my shoes and up I went on stage with bare feet.
And yes,
They were mentioned after.
What was talked about more.
Was my story and what I was saying and how it impacted them.
Because I was just myself in that space.
That is when people are going to see you.
Not when you morph into what you think other people want to see or what you think society wants.
I hope this resonated with you.
Need any more tips or help.
Please feel free to listen to my album.
Much love.
