Hi there.
Welcome back.
I want to be able to help you today with people pleasing.
I am a life coach.
My name is Krista Cocotte.
And one of the ways that we can stop the cycle of people-pleasing is actually becoming aware that we do those things.
And we're never going to be able to change those patterns or those cycles if we don't know that we're actually doing them.
And when we live in a constant state of making sure everybody else is okay and putting ourselves on the back burner,
We live with bitterness and resentment and anger and burnout because our physical body actually can't keep up with it.
Our minds might think we can,
But we can't.
I believe that every single person has a little bit of people-pleasing in them.
The dangerous part comes when we neglect ourselves and we abandon ourselves time and time again,
In order to make people feel better and okay and happy at the expense of ourself.
So I want to give you 10 signs that you may live in people-pleasing patterns.
You may not have all of them.
You may have just one or two.
You may have seven.
You may have all of them.
I had all of them.
This is why all of them are coming up very easy for me to share this with you.
As somebody that's continually doing the work around people-pleasing and boundaries and codependency and breathwork and inner child healing,
All of this to overcome this and to pay attention and become really aware of when we are living in these cycles.
Because when we're living in our people-pleasing patterns,
We're not living authentically true to who we are.
We're caring about what everybody else thinks,
Right?
We're caring if everyone else is happy.
We can still do both.
This is the thing.
This is what's so beautiful is that you get to take care of yourself and other people,
Not at the expense of yourself.
So it's taking care of you and them,
Right?
So here are 10 signs that I want you to just really pay attention to and see if any of them resonate with you.
And if they do,
I want to give you some tips at the end of this to help you move forward.
Number one,
Do you have difficulty saying no,
Even when it inconveniences you?
Hmm.
You're laying in bed.
You're having breakfast with the family.
It's late.
Maybe it's really early in the morning.
It's the middle of work and you drop everything else around you and you say,
Sure.
Instead of no,
Now's not the time.
Number two,
Do you constantly worry about others' opinion of you?
Hmm.
This is a big one that we don't even realize that we're doing.
Sometimes we don't take action in the direction we want to go because we're worried about what other people are going to think of us.
Right.
Number three,
Prioritizing other's needs over your own.
Do you prioritize other people's needs over your own?
Now I know that I need to have this done or this needs to be done,
But you know,
I don't want to put them out or,
You know,
They have it worse or whatever it may be in your own mind that you say that to.
Number four,
Feeling anxious or guilty when you can't meet other's expectations.
Feeling anxious or guilty when you can't meet other people's expectations.
Number five,
Avoiding conflict at all costs to maintain harmony.
Do not rock that boat.
Do not disagree with somebody.
Do not speak up.
Right.
How many times have we lived in that?
Or we just stay quiet or we don't even disagree or anything like that because we do not know how to deal with conflict or if there's conflict going on around us.
Ooh,
How do we get in there and smooth that down?
Number six,
Difficulty expressing your true feelings or desires because we're not used to doing that.
We've just agreed with what everybody else has said.
Maybe we don't even know what our true feelings or desires actually are.
Contemplate that for a few minutes.
Number seven,
Always seeking validation and approval from others.
One way this shows up is by doing things for people is by actively putting yourself out there because you need the accolades from external validation,
Whether it's on social media,
Whether it's at your work,
Whether it's in your family,
Making sure you're being seen because you need that pat on the back.
You need that validation and approval to make you feel like enough.
Number eight,
Fearing rejection or criticism leading to over accommodating behavior.
You're so scared that you're going to let somebody down and you're so scared they're not going to think of you a certain way.
So you over accommodate yourself at the detriment of your own self,
At the detriment of your own health,
Possibly.
Number nine,
Neglecting your own needs and well-being to fulfill others.
So you see,
There's a bit of a pattern here,
Right?
With these that I'm coming to you with,
There's a bit of a pattern that we continually are neglecting and abandoning ourself while we make sure everybody else is okay.
We make sure they're happy and yet we're going,
Oh my gosh,
This is terrible.
I feel awful.
Number 10,
Feeling a sense of extreme emptiness and resentment despite helping others.
So even though you're doing all this work to help others,
Sometimes you get that feeling of bitterness and resentment.
And here's why that will come in is because maybe you're not being reciprocated.
Maybe they're not doing the same thing for you.
And you're like,
I've done all of this for you.
Why are you not doing this back for me?
Because they don't think the same as you.
So if any of those 10 resonated with you,
I want you to just really become aware of that because self-awareness is the first step to helping you change any of these patterns,
Right?
So until you become aware that some of these are yours,
Some of these are what you do,
You won't be able to change them.
And having a light shone on that is where the first steps begins,
The introspection.
So I wanted to bring those up for you because people pleasing patterns is actually really harmful for us.
If it's in a place that we are neglecting ourselves,
As I mentioned before,
We have beautiful gifts as well.
We're very empathetic and compassionate team players.
We have the ability to diffuse situations.
And that's when we're living in our really beautiful,
Honoring peacekeeping part of us.
But when we're living in the part that make sure everybody else is okay,
But us,
It can be really hurtful and harmful.
So I'm going to continue putting these types of insights out there for you,
And I hope that they can help you.
And I hope that they will bring some enlightenment and some wisdom to where you're sitting today.
All right,
Until next time,
I'll talk to you guys soon.
Thanks for being here.
