Now choose one relationship,
Preferably the main one.
Be it your best friend,
Somebody from your family,
Your lover,
Your child.
And then,
In the last few weeks,
Where you're aggressive,
Take one scene that is memorable.
Okay.
What was your wish there?
And you can note down.
Take a moment and formulate it.
It can be a few requests that you had.
And then what was the price?
What happened to the relationship when I was aggressive?
What happened to me?
Maybe I felt guilty,
Maybe ashamed,
Maybe my body was in pain,
Maybe there's walls between us.
Maybe it was very mild,
The price.
Maybe we broke up because of that.
And then to what degree did I attain what I wanted?
How clear was it to me when I was aggressive?
How clear was it that I want something?
How clear was it for me what I want?
How clear did I express it?
And now we will search.
Could I have expressed that wish in a loving way,
In a way of trust,
Of collaboration?
What would have happened then?
How would that have looked like?
And now we move to the victimizing mode.
When were you victimizing yourself the last few weeks,
Saying how horrible the other person has done something to you?
How much has hurt you?
How much damage has been caused to you?
Find one scene and then see,
Okay,
I victimized myself.
Did you inflate the pain?
Did we pretend that it's bigger than it is?
Did we pretend our hurt is bigger?
What does it do when we pretend that the hurt is bigger?
Does it not grow the hurt?
Does it not grow our pain when we pretend it is bigger?
What is it that we wanted?
What was our wish?
What did we want to attain by being a victim,
By making the other one feel guilty?
What was the price on the relationship?
What did it do in our inner world?
Did it increase the pain that we were in?
What did it do to the relationship now that our lover maybe feels guilty,
Maybe feels deceived?
What's our friend or whoever we are in a relationship with?
What was the price?
To what degree did we attain what we wanted?
And how clear was it for us when we victimized ourselves that this is what we want?
How clear did we express it?
And then could we have expressed that need,
That wish in ways of collaboration,
In ways of love?
How would that look like?
And finally,
Negotiation.
When did we negotiate?
What did we want to attain?
What was the price over the relationship?
We negotiated,
We gave what and received what?
What was our wish?
What was the price over the relationship?
Maybe it's a small price,
Maybe a big price.
Did it close us a little bit in front of the other one?
Did it close them a bit in front of us?
What was the result of the negotiation?
Did we get what we wanted?
Were we clear in front of ourselves and the other one,
What we want?
How would it be to do this through loving collaboration?
As an act of generosity rather than trade,
Mutual generosity.
And finally,
Let's take one loving moment that we had,
Something that we did purely from love,
In a mutual way or at least from our side,
We just done it lovingly.
How does that feel?
What is it that we wanted then?
What does it feel like to love and to collaborate and love?
What does it feel like to actually care about another person and that they actually care about us?
What happens energetically inside of us when such love exists?
What wishes are fulfilled inside of us in the presence of such a love?
What meaning does it give?
And that's very good.
So we did it a little short but you can definitely repeat this exercise.
