Hey there and welcome.
Today I will be sharing chapter 2 from my book Break Free Live in Truth.
It is called Speaking Truth.
Lying is a common human behavior.
Most of us do it daily,
Often without even noticing.
This isn't a message to convince you never to lie again,
But rather an invitation to start speaking your truth more often.
The damage isn't always in lying to someone else.
Sometimes we lie out of protection,
To soften a blow,
To avoid hurting anyone.
But what we tend to forget is that lying to someone else can also mean lying to ourselves.
We think we're protecting or pleasing them,
But in the process we abandon our own inner knowing.
Of course there are endless situations we can think of.
Some seem harmless,
Even well-meant.
Maybe even good for everyone involved.
But I'm talking about those moments when you keep your truth to yourself,
And it starts to eat at you.
The tension builds up,
Maybe slowly,
But eventually your body begins to protest,
Because deep down it wants you to speak up.
Being authentic doesn't have to be rude.
You can still be respectful and kind.
You're not speaking honestly to hurt the other person.
You're speaking it because not saying it becomes a form of self-betrayal.
Every time you swallow your true voice,
You abandon yourself,
Just a little more.
Until one day you no longer know who you really are.
You feel stuck inside an image you allowed to be created.
And once that happens,
It becomes even harder to break free.
If you're craving real connection,
Deep connection,
How can it grow if people don't even know who you really are,
What you truly think and feel?
Truth isn't always pretty.
It's often awkward.
But it's more respectful,
To yourself and to others.
Hiding the truth creates confusion.
People can sense it.
They feel when you're not really into it.
But when you're honest,
Everything becomes clearer.
People know what to ask of you,
What to expect from you,
And you'll both know if the connection is still a match.
I grew up learning that adapting was the easiest way to be accepted by others,
And that not adapting could cause painful responses.
But I no longer want to be accepted by just anyone.
I want to be accepted by people who resonate with the real,
Honest me.
And the same goes the other way around.
Recently,
Someone close to me invited me to a milestone birthday party.
Months before,
I said yes,
Without realizing what kind of event it would be.
As the date got closer,
The theme became clearer.
I had expected something simple.
A few hours,
Kids running around,
Cake,
Small talk.
But it turned out to be a dance party with alcohol.
A group of people I didn't really connect with.
All in a different age group than me.
There's nothing wrong with that,
And the younger me would have gone.
Not because I liked it,
But because I felt I had to.
I would have used alcohol to get through the day.
A truth I had never shared with this person.
I don't enjoy most parties like this.
In fact,
I often feel truly uncomfortable.
Even dreading them for days,
Sometimes weeks.
It might seem small,
But the thought of spending an entire day with people I don't resonate with,
My body just protested.
Not because of who they are,
But because of who I become when I try to blend in where I don't belong.
You could ask me why my response was so intense.
And yes,
There's more behind that.
But it doesn't change the truth I felt in that moment.
I genuinely didn't want to be there.
As the date came closer,
I could feel my stomach tighten.
This person really wanted me there.
It felt important to her.
For days I tried to figure out if I should just go and push through.
But my body kept speaking.
At some point I asked myself,
Am I really supposed to go to something that makes me feel this uncomfortable?
Maybe if it were just two hours I could manage.
But I realized I was lying to myself.
And she would never really know the real me unless I said it out loud.
We can feel so pressured to be in places we don't want to be.
Sure,
A birthday is worth celebrating.
But if I decided to go bungee jumping for mine,
And someone would tell me they weren't comfortable with that,
We'd understand,
Right?
So why is it so horrible to say,
I truly don't enjoy parties like this?
I decided to be honest,
Even though I was scared.
So I told her the truth,
And I suggested we celebrate in a different way.
One that we'd both enjoy.
Afterward,
I realized how scared I had been.
Scared she'd get angry.
Scared she'd abandon me.
How can we be this afraid of someone's response when we're being honest in the most respectful way we can?
Why would someone want me there knowing I'd feel this uncomfortable?
After lots of reflection,
I realized how deeply these fears are wired into us.
And I'm sure I'm not the only one.
We carry so many expectations of each other,
Spoken or unspoken,
That it can feel like there's no room left for truth.
We end up doing things against our will,
Because somewhere in our past,
We learned that when we become real,
People get upset.
They get defensive.
They get angry.
Sometimes they even cut us off.
And yes,
This can happen.
But if that's the reaction,
Don't you think those might not be the best people to have in your life?
I'm not saying you should never do something for someone else.
But if the reason you say yes comes from fear,
Not from love,
Then you're not being loving to anyone.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is be honest.
That way they get to see the real you.
They get to decide if someone like you belongs in their life.
And so do you.
Instead of constantly holding yourself in a version you think they expect.
Another example is from long ago,
But I'll never forget it.
I was friends with someone for many years,
But over time I changed.
And maybe she did too.
In the last few years of our friendship,
Something started to feel off.
I noticed patterns that didn't come from love.
It didn't feel healthy anymore.
I tried to talk to her more than once,
But my words weren't fully received.
And then I made a mistake.
She called me to tell me she was getting married and wanted me to be her maid of honor.
Of course I felt happy for her,
But to me our friendship hadn't felt real for a long time.
Every time we talked I felt worse.
It was a hard thing to say,
But I told her I was happy for her and that I felt unsure about being her maid of honor.
Because our friendship didn't feel right anymore.
She cried,
Told me I'd always been like a sister.
Looking back,
I realized this was part of the pattern.
My truth wasn't really accepted.
Her response felt more like a way to keep me in her world.
I felt bad,
But acting from guilt isn't love.
Still,
I said yes.
She promised we'd talk,
Figure things out,
Like we always had.
But months went by and we barely spoke.
Any time I brought up something real,
She cried again.
Or got defensive or angry.
So I shut down.
I started tiptoeing.
And it felt deeply unhealthy.
I was being held hostage in a dynamic that didn't feel right.
It was my responsibility to speak my truth.
To stand by it and let her response be hers.
Eventually I saw,
Nothing was going to change.
And as the wedding got closer,
I felt it again,
Loud and clear.
I didn't want to be her maid of honor.
To me,
The friendship had already ended.
This was one of the hardest truths I've ever had to speak.
With romantic partners,
It seems okay to break up.
But with friendships,
It feels like we're not allowed to say,
It's enough,
Let's go our separate ways.
I knew I had been lying to myself.
And it wasn't fair to her either.
So I called her and I told the truth.
And then my worst case scenario happened.
I was yelled at,
Told awful things,
Even by members of her family.
Why?
Because my truth triggered hers.
And I became the mirror.
And this is what so many of us fear.
That our honesty will make people attack us.
So we keep lying.
But lying keeps us stuck and the truth sets us free.
So is it scary to speak your truth?
Yes,
Absolutely.
Sometimes you'll be misunderstood.
Sometimes people will walk away.
Sometimes it hurts like hell.
But every time I've spoken my truth,
Even when it cost me everything,
It gave me myself.
It cleared the noise.
It brought peace.
And it left space for the right people.
Even more important,
I was being honest with myself.
And that is the most liberating feeling I've ever known.
We carry so much stress in our bodies,
Just trying to live up to other people's expectations.
Trying to become who they want us to be.
But when you stop doing that,
You make space for joy,
For truth,
For you.
Of course,
Speaking your truth goes both ways.
If you want to live in truth,
You have to accept the truth of others too.
Sometimes you'll receive a no.
And part of you might want to convince them.
But that's control,
Not connection.
And love doesn't force.
Truth,
In its essence,
Is a form of love.
Because you trust someone enough to show them the real you.
Yes,
It might empty your life at first.
But those spaces will be filled again.
With people who love the person behind the mask.
Thank you so much for listening.
I hope you enjoyed this.
And I hope to speak to you soon.
