Welcome to day six of A Course in Miracles.
I'm in the south of Spain with my husband and his family and you know it's often that when we come here that I feel out of place.
He has a big family and my family's small and people tend to be louder here.
And so yesterday we went to a Chinese restaurant because here they're still celebrating Christmas for the three wise men.
And I was under the impression that we were going to share food as Spanish people generally do.
But because we were at a foreign restaurant we were not going to be sharing food.
I didn't get the memo and I ended up ordering something that I thought other people would like.
Although I would have preferred to have ordered something more vegetarian friendly.
And so I found out late that we were not going to be sharing food and that I could have ordered actually something that I would have really enjoyed.
And you know I felt like it was my husband's responsibility to let me know that being that he was with his friends and they do this every year and I'm kind of like the new person.
So when I found that out that I could have got what I wanted and I didn't because of the situation I got really mad just like super angry at my partner for not communicating that to me.
Like I got so angry that I wanted to go home you know.
And I just had to sit with it and apply yesterday's exercise which was these thoughts do not mean anything.
These thoughts do not mean anything.
And so now I'm going to take us into today's exercise.
Today's exercise is I am upset because I see something that is not there.
Today's exercise is I am upset because I see something that is not there.
So the idea is to again identify the feeling state within your mind.
Is it anger?
Is it depression?
Is it fear?
Is it worry?
Identify what it is and just begin to name that.
I am angry because I see something that is not there.
Or I am fearful because I see something that is not there.
Yesterday I was angry because I was seeing that my partner was not taking care of me.
See I can begin to become very wrapped up in the story of my mind that I was uncomfortable because of something that he did.
When in fact if I really sit with my feelings I can identify that actually I just feel weird here.
And so anytime something small like that happens it becomes this huge ordeal that triggers a lot of anger in me.
And what I know to be a super valuable exercise is begin to be in the practice of yesterday's exercise and today's.
These thoughts do not mean anything.
I'm upset because I see something that actually isn't there.
This feeling that comes up as anger is actually a shadow for something underneath that's going on.
And how can I be in conscious relationship with that to begin to realize that?
I can be with the fact that I feel weird here and I can begin to identify each time we go to have an outing where I know that it's going to be maybe uncomfortable.
I can begin to realize all of the thoughts that I energize that situation with.
Before I came to the dinner I said it's going to be uncomfortable.
I'm going to be weird.
People are going to be loud.
Whatever.
And I can begin to identify those thoughts,
Separate from those thoughts.
I am upset because I see something that is not there.
Begin to scan your mind today three to four times a day and begin to apply this.
We are starting a process of being able to see our thoughts as the craziness that they are.
Be able to uncover what is really there and to be able to heal these things at a deeper level.
I thank you for being in conscious community and conscious relationship with yourself.
There are no small upsets.
They are all equally disturbing to my peace of mind.
I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.
