Coming Out From Behind The Wall

1:07:38

1:07:38

Coming Out From Behind The Wall

by Premasudha Janet Hobbs

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5

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talks

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Meditation

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Experienced

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29

So many of us live our lives in a defensive way, as if we are hiding behind a thick stone wall. Ironically this wall of numbness and alienation doesn't protect us from life. (We just pretend it does.) When we step out from behind this phoney protection, we begin to live life with a capital L. This means stepping forward and living from the heart, from wisdom. Premasudha says it is our best protector by far. The great thing about living life from a 360-degree-perspective (rather than from a I win-You lose attitude), is many problems dissolve or even fail to manifest in the first place. Ruth Ann described how opening to Unconditional love is helping to heal her auto-immune disease while Michael observed how darkness we see in family members can reflect our own unacknowledged fear and ignorance. Atibha spoke about being able to smell the scent of freedom while Maxie made the brave choice to take space to discover her true Self. Further speakers: Bhavani, Miriam Music: Jenna

Spirituality Heart Opening Emotional Vulnerability Ego Dissolution Higher Vibration Self Compassion Inner Child Healing Family Dynamics Self Acceptance Kundalini Divine Feminine Unconditional Love Self Discovery Spiritual Guidance Spiritual Transformation Kundalini Experience

Meet your Teacher

Premasudha Janet Hobbs

North Vancouver, BC, Canada

Meet your Teacher

Premasudha Janet Hobbs

North Vancouver, BC, Canada

Transcript

Hello, Beloveds. Many, Many, Many blessings to you. Yeah. Beautiful to see your faces. Yeah. Yeah. So we're gonna, You know, Call on Grace, Our, Our best friend, Our inner Amma, Our Hailstrom, The, The truth, The loving truth of this universe. We call on Amma and the Creator to help us receive the grace, To help us open our hearts, To help us purify, To allow the purifying so that we become clear vessels of this light and that our negativities dissolve in the light, Which they will. If we just keep going, All we have to do is keep going. Give us the strength, Please, And the willingness to really open our hearts and receive. So it is. Thank you. Thank you. Well, We're opening for questions. I have something to say that it's not a question, But it's a, It's a thank you. I see Miriam is here and I've been blessed to join the Clips team recently. And the clip that I was, One of the satsangs I was working on was the last time Miriam was here at the satsang. It became a beautiful clip called Healing Session from, Hi Miriam, I see your heart, Healing Session from Sadness to Silence. And it's absolutely beautiful. And I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being a part of our group. Thank you for being you. Thank you for giving your journey. And thank you for letting me get to work more deeply with this because it's been healing for me working on the clips and specifically this one. Yeah, Miriam, It was very beautiful. You help the group. You do. You know, I just want to say one small thing, Which, You know, Premasutra will tend to fill the vacuum, But I possibly will discuss this tomorrow. I want to just talk about how often when I'm working with people, It's as if they're hiding behind a thick wall. And it's like the wall isn't that long. It's like about 10 feet long. It's so, And it's about a foot deep. It doesn't give them any protection, Actually, But they think it does. And it's kind of a wall of numbness, Alienation that we have to like fight life, But we've got our backs to the wall and everything. And, You know, Premasutra started off there too. But one of the things that I work with with people is just inviting them, Letting the love invite them, As premasutra is inviting you now to just stand up and walk out from behind this wall and just face life with your wisdom. Yeah, Because I'll tell you, So many problems will not manifest for you if you live your life in wisdom. It's a happy way to live. It takes some courage because you will feel very vulnerable at first. But wisdom, What happens is you get a 360-degree perspective, Which keeps you very safe because you can see at a glance what's happening. And when you're hiding behind the wall and kind of cowering, Somebody can come up behind you and you're too numbed out to notice. And, You know, I know you guys, You know, With questions, It can be, You're getting really much better. You really are coming forward beautifully. This is no criticism, But working with you has been a lot to encourage you to come out from behind this wall. And we can even, You know, Have a spiritual life. We don't realize that we're hiding behind a wall of numbness. So, You know, Premasutra's wall was so thick and the defensiveness was so big that life became intolerable, Which is why I came out from behind it. So, There is no demand in what I'm saying. I'm just really drawing a picture. And many of you are just slowly emerging from behind the wall. And remember that any question you ask or any self-exposure helps everybody so much. And there's no firing squad. There's no punishment. Your ego might give you a hard time for exposing your vulnerability, But it will be very short. And if you witness it and don't buy into it, That part of your ego will die. Then you'll be freer. And again, You know, There's no demand. All of this takes time. Please, Please understand this. Premasutra really understands this. It takes time. There's no demand. I'm just shining a light, You know. That's why we get together. Yeah. Right. And it's just coming through premasutra to speak like this. Yeah. I'm giving you big energetic hugs. Yeah. And an IV of courage. Hi Premasutra. Ruthanne, Sweet one. Thank you for coming. Firstly, Thank you. Thank you for your email. It really meant a lot to me. I'll bring that up a bit later afterwards. I just wanted to bring up something that happened a few nights ago. I had a very unsettling night. I wasn't sleeping, Which isn't all that rare. But for a few hours, I was in, I was, I don't know, I was really lost. And I didn't know what up was or down was. I didn't know who or what I was. Yeah, I was. It was, It went on for quite a few hours. And I was, It felt like I was going insane. Actually, I kind of was losing my mind. I didn't know what was happening. I just, I tried to stay with it. Well, I did stay with it. I mean, I had no choice. I was really there. There was nothing else I could do. There was nothing I could do. And then I guess after at least four or five hours, I went over, Turned my laptop on and I just listened to a satsang for an hour. I don't know if that was wise or not. I just, I thought, And then I fell asleep for a couple of hours and I woke up and I was fine. It was just very disturbing though. And I don't know, Right after I, Yeah, Sorry. No, Sweetie pie. Yeah. Love, Love, Love to you. Oh, Sweetie pie, You were going up in vibration. Okay. You guys, This is what it's like. You actually experienced kind of like the end of the world is at the end of the world's going and you're actually shifting into a higher vibration. Sweetie pie, You know, Premasuddha had nights like that in spades, Which is why do this work? To reassure you guys, Because I don't want you like spending months worried about this stuff. Okay. So if, How do you feel that Premasuddha is saying it's a change of vibration and it's all good? How do you feel though, Hearing this honest? It makes me feel good because otherwise I'm thinking, Oh man, I'm losing my grip. So I feel a bit relieved to be honest. When our parts of our ego are dying, Our known world is dying. You see, Like most of us are so walled off from our souls, From the truth of us. We just know the ego and when the ego starts to die, We lose our known world and it's very disorienting. Yeah. But this is like, It was hard. It was like, I felt like I was free falling and there was no bottom. Like I was just, It was just going forever. Like I was never going to, There was nothing there. Okay. Anyway, I'm, As I say, It wasn't the end of the world. It was just like four or five hours in the night. It, I felt a little fearful. I wasn't panicking or anything, But I, I certainly was extremely uncomfortable. Okay, Sweetie, You were falling out of your intellect into your heart. Truly, It is like a free fall. We talk about that we fall in love, But you know, Falling in love, We, We make a similar shift, But we've got another person to cuddle, Have a relationship with. So it doesn't feel so traumatic, But if that relationship ends, Then it's traumatic. Yeah. So you just, This is the process of falling into your heart. Now it is not always so uncomfortable as this. You will get big rewards for having done this and your more light will come into your life and it will be so worth it. Yeah. You're, You know, Okay. Now look at our world. The normal, You talk about that you were, You know, We're falling, But look what's happening into our world. Look at the cost of us holding on to our head's view of things. We are actually falling into real trouble. Do you see? Okay. So when you wake up, Like what you're doing, This is, This helps the collective return back to balance, To return back to sanity, And it will certainly help your life blossom. Yeah. Premasuri, See, This is the stuff I walked through when I didn't have a teacher. So this is why, This is where my authority comes from. Do you see? Yeah. I know it so well. Right. You're okay. And actually the deeper, The anger that we're carrying, Like this is what happens when you let go of anger at your true nature. It's okay. Which you really want to do. I know you do. Yeah. So this is what it feels like because we're so used to this anger. Yeah. So I give you a medal of honor for going through this night. We only get what we can stand, I promise you guys. We never get loaded up with more. And this also will be the integration of your very honest communication with me and my email back, Which felt really good. Now this is more the physical integration of this shift into a higher vibration and bigger understanding. And when you know this, You guys, You'll never take these nights so seriously. You'll go, Oh, Okay. I'm, Oh, Well, I'll just put on a sad saying or, You know, Put on something to inspire me or go eat some chocolate cake, Whatever works, You know. Ruthann, You know, When the going gets tough, The tough get going. When people who've been carrying heavier resistances get going, They make the biggest contribution. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. And I just, I guess, I don't know if it's appropriate for me to tell the group about my health and Oh, I promised it was so love you to do that. Okay. Okay, Great. I try to make this really short for 20 years, I've had, I guess, Autoimmune disease. The last five years, It's been apparent it's lupus sort of attacks different organs. And the last five years, It's been very classic lupus, Which is I don't know if anyone's seen the photographs, But it's a butterfly on your face. And it's like a third degree burn. And it's coming from the inside. And it is you're swollen, You're it's excruciatingly painful. So you're I'm putting I'm put on very high doses of prednisone in order to help calm it down. And for four and a half years, I have been I always go up on these high doses and I wean down and around 10 milligrams, I it flares up again. I have to go way back up again. And then this takes a while this is because you can't come down very quickly. So it's quite a few months every time. And it's very discouraging. And it's I can't explain it. But anyways, All I can say is the last two to three months, I have been able to wean down. I'm just below three now three milligrams, Which is unbelievable. I've I'm afraid I was afraid to say anything because I know this sounds crazy. Childish almost, But I felt like I was going to jinx it if I said anything, That if I said something, I would immediately come back and you know, I'd be jinxed. So I, I wrote to premise to and I thanked her because I attribute this healing completely to premise Suda and her love and her truth that she has shared with me and all of us. And I just don't have the words to say how grateful I am. It's almost like in a way saved my life, Because I know it's I've had so much anger inside and I try to deny it because I hate being angry. And I, It just so I guess I stuffed it so much. And anyway, I just so grateful and even if it comes back, I trust that it's okay that it was meant to be and that somehow I need to release more anger. I don't care. I just know that I'm in the right place and the premise to do that. You're just everything to me. Thank you so much. Wow, I'm so touched. And you guys, It's just the Amma coming through me and it's the Ammas in you and the creator and all this is, Is reminding you. Yeah. Reminding you. But you know, Ruthanne, What you're going through with these kind of, With this, The integration into better health, This is exactly what Premasuddha went through psychologically and emotionally. My mental health started expanding and then I realized that even though I'd gone nuts in a way, It was actually a step into sanity. It was a step into truth that I was on the right track, Even when it looked like such a mess. Yes, You guys, I'm so, I am so grateful. I am just so grateful to Amma for, For all of you manifesting like this with your presence and your willingness. It's just, It's everything to me. Yeah. Right. And I know sometimes you guys, You don't always understand my input with you. Do you know? Yeah. Like sometimes I'll be a little bit hard on a defensiveness. I mean, Ruthanne, You're so open that you get my softest, Softest, Right? You so want to get over your defenses. So you just get like, Yeah. And some of you, You know, Who are a little younger, You're more in the throes of it all. You're, You, You know, You get a bit of pushback from me sometimes, But it's all taking you the same way. And even when I'm pushing you back, It's like, I get it. It's like, Amma pushed me back. This is how I learned. Right. It's always the most loving thing. But Ruthanne, I'll tell you, It's just so exquisite to, You know, It's like when somebody's really to let go of the way it's been, It's just exquisite, But you don't have to stay so willing. I don't want to put any demands on you. It's okay. Just however you come, However you guys come, It's all good. Yeah, I'm definitely willing. And thank you so much. I really appreciate everything. Everything. Thank you. Thank you. The Prima Sutta is a happy camper. And for all of you, Just take courage with speaking up, Even if you're worried the Prima Sutta won't be so open with you. Just jump. Just jump. You're all beautiful. I'm so sick of hiding behind the wall, So I go. I have an interesting night. I had a night like Ruth, I guess. I was just like praying, Okay, Amma, What are you going to tell me? I don't get it. And it was about, I had the chance to go on a, I don't know the English name. It's like a mom-kid timeout for three weeks in Germany. You can get that from the, Yeah, Like a timeout for moms and their kids for like three weeks at the Baltic Sea. So I almost didn't say yes because I thought, Okay, I had to quit the holidays with my children. And then I decided, Oh, I remember Prima Sutta told me I need some space. So I did, Like in this night, It happened to me that I decided, Okay, That's the space what Amma probably gives me to take space. Is it good? Yeah. And it felt really, Really good to me. I was like, Okay, I can just book all the vacation with the children. I can change like the ferry tickets I used to have before. It would be a big problem for me to do this. I was just like, Okay, I do it. But then when I told my daughter, Hamina, That we were going, She made like, She's still making like a big, Big fuss. And that's kind of upsetting me right now to how to work with that because she doesn't want to go there and she doesn't want to be alone at home or with her dad. So yeah, That's a trouble. So I'm like, I'm like taking responsibility for me. And I'm telling her, I need space for myself. Yeah. And on the same hand, I'm kind of like hurting my daughter's feelings. So yeah, That's intense at the moment. It would be very intense. Yeah. So, But on the, Like on the, How do you say, Like in the last weeks, It had been very intense, But I still feel like I'm on track. And like, You're always like, Right, Me just keep on going. And it feels, It feels so good. It feels so intense. But also, I kind of have the trust now that it is really there. Ama is really there. And it is really worked. Like, I kind of feel it. And I didn't feel or know that before. That's amazing. Yes. Now, This is one of the things about the feminine aspect, Feminine polarity is like, It's really important that we bond with our children, Because if we don't bond with our children, We raise sociopaths. And also they, They die. So yeah, So it's really important. But the vulnerability is in this culture, We, We bond with our kids at a codependent level. Yeah, It's like, They're easy to love. We, We love them. But we're actually avoiding big parts of ourselves often that we don't even know about. Okay, So when you take time to bond with yourself, You actually are moving out of codependence into a truthfully spacious, Loving relationship with the child with a true relationship. So you can see the child clearly. Because one of the things that moms can do, Especially with daughters, Is they get really mixed up with like themselves, Their unresolved baggage and their daughters, And they can fight. They're just fight. Okay. Right. So it's, It's very human. It's very common, Maxie. So when you step back, And you take some space to bond with yourself, You will see yourself and your daughter more clearly, And it will be easier for you to become non-reactive, Less reactive to her. And her dad is her dad. So he is her dad. She chose her dad before life, You know. And she's going to have to deal with men as well. And it's kind of like, You know, If the plane's crashing, You put the oxygen mask on your face first, Then you put it on your child. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, Just, I mean, I would just reassure your daughter. And, And, And just say that you really need need this. And that your great hope is that your, Your relationship with her even becomes clear that you just become clear about everything. And this above all to thine own self be true, We have to love the God within us, We have to love the Alma, Alma within us. Love thy God with all thy soul and all by my Christ said the two most important commandments, Love thy God with all thy heart and all thy soul, And then love thy neighbor as thyself. Those are the two main ones. If you get those, You've, You've got the whole secret to life, Actually. Yeah. Yep. And also, Maxie, Please don't put any pressure on yourself to get totally fixed in this three weeks. It's just three weeks. Yeah. Okay. So just, Just experiment with how it is. You know, Just, Just be with how it is. Just be with this situation as it is. And reassure your daughter as best you can. And the other thing is, You know, Your daughter and I could always have a zoom if she wanted, You know? Yeah. You know, I mean, It's just a I've spoken with a few children. Yeah. So just feel it out. There's no, But Maxie, You know, Just take this time and experiment and see if it works for you or not. Because if you, If it, You'll just go with the reality of it. Just go with the truth of it. Don't put anything or, You know, Remind yourself not to put stuff on your shoulders that you have to get fixed. Like, Please. It's just three weeks. But just you deciding to do this, I think is a revolution in the making. I'm like, J Ma. Like, Yay. I remember, I remember, You know, Myself feeling like I was so upset with the boys, You know, That they had that year with their dad. And this very excellent channel said to me, Hey, Woman, They're way better with your dad than with a very confused woman. And if, You know, If you don't have space to heal you, They're just going to be raised by a slightly nuts woman. I'm like, Okay, I'll, The time's good. That was better. That was a better, That was a better choice, You know, And also the channel said that they ended up, Their dad bonded with them, Which he never would have done if they hadn't spent that time with them, Which made it much better for them in their lives. This is all stuff I couldn't know about. Because I was carrying the whole world on my shoulder. It's all up to Premasutha. Premasutha has to be perfect and solve everything. And it's like, It's a bigger picture than you realize. And who knows, Maybe something will happen between the dad and the daughter this, In this three weeks that wouldn't have been able to happen. But Premasutha is going to do some intense prayer around this for the best for everyone. Okay. I'm going to really take it to heart. Okay. Work with your daughter and work with you and yeah, Just experiment, But you're brave woman, Sweetie. Mm hmm. Thank you. Yeah, Good. Yeah. The great taboo about women knowing who they really are in our technological culture, You know, So this is, This is good. This is a step forward. It's very good. Exclamation mark. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It's very beautiful. You guys. Miriam, How are you, Sweet one? I haven't seen you for a while. Maybe you don't want to say anything. But if you do, I'd be very interested. It's nice to be here. Nice to see you all. I have been listening. I sort of resonate with some of the things about the sleepless nights and I don't, I don't sort of, I resonate with the sleepless nights and the sort of intensity intensity and I find that these days I just don't fight it anymore. Good. Good. And I think like you said, It's getting better. I'm one of these people that, Or I shouldn't say, I have started talking to myself in my sleep. And so in other words, I don't know if I'm self soothing, But I'm changing, You know, The dialogue that's going on in my sleep to kind of dialogue. Great. Wow. It's not always easy, But that's what I'm doing. Well, That's what started to happen. Wow. And I've not been well past few weeks and I feel like my body, My emotions, My mind, And just like, Oh, I just surrender. You know, I sort of thought about, And I think Pramashida said to me some time ago, And it may have been in that clip that, You know, I walk the world and I don't actually, Or I haven't actually believed in my spirit. And actually I can't walk the world alone. I can't walk the world anymore without believing that I'm a spiritual being too. I'm not just flesh and blood. That's where I am at the moment. Forgiveness and compassion and kindness and love. And yeah, I see the harshness inside myself, The harshness and the way I've been, You know, Fear of how hard and harsh I am on the inside. And it's, I think like Pramashida said, It doesn't change overnight, But I can see it. And actually it's me that's doing it. I'm unbelievably thrilled. And you know, Your vibration has changed. If you go back and look at the, Listen to any of the really early ones, It's like, You just sound like a completely different person. Truly. It's gradual. It happens gradually. So we don't really notice. We kind of notice, But I'm gobsmacked. I'm like, It's tremendous. Badge of honor. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Nice to see you all. Nice to be here. She took it, You guys. She took it. She took it in. Yeah. That's so great. Oh boy. Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Maybe there'll be peace in our time after all, You guys. I mean, I just want to say something about what Ruthanne, She was talking about the butterfly effect in it. It's in the shape of a butterfly and it burns. So unconscious anger burns when it's released. And also when we feel shame, Our faces burn. Okay. And the butterfly effect, It's like, It almost feels like that's kind of maybe the key to lupus in there. It's a transformational disease. You know, If you just get to the heart of it, If we just understood the heart of things a little better, Because I mean, This is how uncanny it is that the outer world, Even the diseases will mimic this transcendent body approach thing. And it was part of what I used as my validation proof of it. Yeah. Anyways, Just to think about. Yeah. Oh, This is so rewarding. From Masuda. Michael. Hi. Hi, Everybody. Yeah. I actually have a question. Okay. We just spent three days in Montreal because my son, He graduated from a program out there and ended up staying with my sister. And after having had a conversation with my brother the first time in five years, Just last week, He came for dinner. When we got there, It was all very, Very odd because I had to teach a class and I didn't get to talk to him very long. But, You know, Long story short, You know, There were things that we talked about. One of them, Actually, I saved his life when he was, You know, When he was two years old and not, You know, Not to brag, I just told him because I thought he knew that and he didn't know the story. And so, You know, In a way, You know, It was kind of the typical, You know, Cleansing from, You know, Some past experiences. And, You know, We all have our part, Of course, In the family dynamic. But, You know, So it all, You know, Felt pretty good. But what I noticed was my brother, I mean, I always knew that and he's always been, You know, Very excessive that way. And his wife even works very, Very money-oriented. It's all really that matters. And it's very difficult to get through to them. But, You know, You try and, You know, I mean, I didn't think it was really something that I had to do, But it was just something I noticed. And my sister, Who's, You know, Very sweet, Put us up and everything, But a very, Very negative person. And more than a couple of days, It's difficult to take. So, My question is, You know, You can, I could leave, You know, I could leave my sister's place and having seen my brother and, You know, Feeling very, You know, Very good about myself, But how much of what we are seeing is still a mirror? And how much is, You know, How much do I still have a problem? Or is it just something that's, You know, That I'm being made aware of, That maybe I was like in the past, Or my sister's negativity? In other words, You know, How much of that is still on me? Yeah, You know, In my experience, It's like, The change is kind of global. It's like, Even the air around you gets brighter, Everything gets brighter as you move into truth, And you see people's failings with a kind of neutral perspective. Michael, Your vulnerability is that you have a hard time trusting your heart. And so, You approach things with your head a lot. And it's very understandable. And, You know, You have a very good brain, And you're a professor. Okay, So I want to ask you, How do you feel when I'm saying this? Be very, Very honest. And how does your body feel? You know, I don't really feel anything in my body. Maybe I could give it a, You know, A bit of time and I and I might, But I do really feel that I've been moving into my heart a lot more. And the reason part of the reason I say that is because I didn't, I didn't judge. I kind of observed and thought, Okay, You know, That's where they are. You know, I'm just interested in where I am. And in, You know, Reaching myself, I got a lot of little kids pictures, Actually, From my sister that I didn't even know existed. And they were, They were really great. So, Yeah, That I guess, I guess I feel like I am. Right. And there we are, Michael. There you and Premasuddha are. Premasuddha is saying one thing and you're saying, But I'm doing it. Premasuddha is going, Okay. Well, Just wait a minute. Yeah. What I'm looking for in you, There's a very kind of sad, Vulnerable part of you. And it's like Premas wanting access to that part. And I never get it really. It's like you greet Premasuddha from you're behind this wall I was talking about, And we're talking over the wall. And I'm saying things to you and you're going, Yeah, But that's not true. You're wrong. But it's because you're behind this wall. And Premasuddha isn't. So our perspectives are different. Right. Right. And you're not to be judged or criticized. Okay, We'll just be here for a bit. But it's like the story's bigger and richer than you realize. But you also haven't had time. To realize. When you ask questions from Premasuddha, You're often really wanting your head to be reassured. But even if I said to you, Oh, You're right, Michael, You would be reassured for a bit. And then there'd be kind of an discomfort, Your kind of a feeling of, Oh, There's something bothering me anyway. Uh-huh. It's your vulnerability and your deep feeling that you're afraid of, And you have never found space for. You don't know what to do with it, Really, Because it doesn't, It's like life doesn't feel safe enough for you to allow it. You try to allow it. You do a kind of acting, Allow it. But there's a very deep vulnerability and deep sadness that it's like, You don't want to go near, Even if your life depended on it. And that's where you and I have problems, Michael. And why you feel that I don't really get you. Right. So, How do you feel as I'm saying all this to you? And remember, Others feel the same way. It isn't just you. You know, I'm glad you point that out. I want to know it, If it's there. I know there was a period you know, A few weeks back, A longer period where I actually, You know, I felt a lot of the emotions. I know that that vulnerability and sadness is there. In my head, I know it's there. I wouldn't deny it. But I guess I haven't gotten there yet. Well, You just got closer. It's all good. And it's not anything your head would want to fix it, You know, And it's more just to kind of just accept what I'm saying and just give it to Amma and keep going. And, You know, Our families do show us, You know, You're right. I mean, In the sense of, Yeah, Your sister be showing, Reflecting back the negativity and the focus on material things of your brother. It's these are the family climates that we grew up in. So, All the siblings kind of show it in their own way. You know, Your brother's young souls never get over their love of things, Really. Because they're just like eight to 12 years old. They don't get the subtle pictures that older souls get. So, Sometimes we can't really expect people to change. They're right where they need to be. Yeah. And the negativity, I guess your sister's disappointed in life that she hasn't, You know, When we don't blossom, You guys, When we don't blossom, Then that unused energy goes into negativity to see. We're either gonna be negative or we're gonna blossom. Really, Any energy you don't allow in will get used in the negative. It will go into the negative because really the universe is trying to wake you up to make you face this and clear it. Yeah. Takes a while to get your head around it. But Michael, Premasiddha is really pleased with just how you've been in this question and answer. And Premasiddha can feel that your trust of this process is growing. And it will just happen organically. Like guys, In my experience, You know, Guys just kind of get it. They sponge it up. They maybe don't get it so intellectually. They kind of just get it. Yeah. It's like any mom of a little boy. You don't want to give too many words to the child. Men will tune out after a few words. Just make it simple. Go to the heart of it. Don't criticize them, You know, Too much. Support them too. Yeah. But so just don't worry about it. You're on track. It will just happen. And it is happening. Good. Okay. Good. Thank you very much for that. Good. It's really true. And you know, Premasiddha really means it. Yeah. Premasiddha can feel this organic trust of this process occurring in you. And that's the most important thing. I really want that. I know you do. And you're getting it. And also you sit and listen to Premasiddha endlessly like shining a light on things and you don't run out of the room and you keep turning up. And that gets a badge of a Medal of Honor from Premasiddha. And it will be the angels will be giving you invisible Medals of Honor. It's how it works, You guys. Yep. It's so much sweeter than you guys know yet. Yep. Yes. Yes. That is why Premasiddha can talk with so much self-confidence because Premasiddha knows this. And you know, The main thing, It says whether a person's awakened or not, The awakened person really knows it's all okay. And it's all going to have a happy ending. And that love wins. And the person in their ego doesn't know that because they're still in their ego, Which is telling them different things. So this is why it's the job of awakened people to just go around reassuring and fertilizing and shining a light and patting on the back, Doing whatever they can to help, Which is actually in some ways quite limited. Yeah, That's what Premasiddha feels. It's limited except Premasiddha's soul, Like the inner Amma does it in a big way. So Premasiddha is just going along for the ride. Yeah, It's the inner Amma that helps you guys. Yeah. Beautiful, Beautiful souls. Yeah. Funny, I just got a picture of Premasiddha singing from the mountaintops about what beautiful souls you are. That is so funny. But it's true. It's actually true. We've got time for one more question or observation. Hi, Premasiddha. Atiba is talking. I'm glad you stepped up. Good, Atiba, Sweet one. How are you? Yeah, So I do not really know where to start because so much is going on, Seems like on different levels at the same time. And for one, It's for sure, It's my issue right now about the hiding and the stepping forward. And when you talked about it, I felt a little one inside who is still in pain also about, You know, Especially not showing up, You know, It's painful not to, It's painful to hold back out of fear. It is. Yeah, It is. And I'm really, But it's as if I'm smelling the freedom already. But I'm not completely there yet. I have this wish in my heart and maybe a sort of a vision that I might be totally naked in a group or I don't know where. And I'm failing, You know, Because I'm so afraid of failing. I've always been so afraid of failing. And so I am failing. And I will be freed, You know, In this moment. So I'm looking forward to this to happen, That I'm freed from the, That I'm, I don't know how to talk about it, But to really, Yeah, To really come back to myself in this moment, Independently of failure or success and independently of people applauding or people not liking me. Thanks. Yeah, It's very beautiful. You know, Pramasutha found that the fear of failure, Do you know what failure really is? You guys, We, We really only feel failure about our failure to follow our heart. Truly, That is the root of feelings of failure. And as part of that, You know, We could get fired or, Or betrayed or something. But the root of it, I mean, Even the whole reason we got fired or betrayed was the universe was wanting to us to wake up and smell the coffee more, That that's what we are feelings of failure. Okay, So when you get that, You can self-correct. Do you know, Pramasutha would walk around sometimes with intense feelings of failure, And I would realize that I, I wasn't being true to myself, That I wasn't being honest with people, And I would, I would correct, I would deepen. And Atiba, That is my feeling about what you're doing right now is this deepening, Even as you were speaking to us. Yeah, Felt really good to me, Really good and spacious and kind of right outside the, Or coming right outside the box of, You know, The usual, The usual thing. Oh, Pramasutha is really pleased. Yeah, Thank you. I mean, I even had a dream two days ago. It referred to an actual situation some weeks ago. It seemed like people would have loved me to translate in the retreat, Which I did spontaneously last year, Without any thought in between, You know, It just happened like this. And this time, I was really reluctant to do it. I was afraid of failure. And I was afraid of being in my head going, Having to go to my words and not being able to let go and so on. And people were very sweet with me. So they did not force me, They said, It's up to you, You do a very good job. And we'd like you to do it. But it's there's no pressure. And they asked other people and they did it. But in the dream, I was on the verge of talking to the other lady translating and saying, Okay, A step forward this one round I will do, You know, And I but I didn't, I was, You know, Like back and forth. I couldn't really say it. And before I could say it, I woke up. But that was really the issue about my heart wants to go further forward. And the fear stopped me. Hi, Here it is. There is no problem. It's like the baby's crowning. The baby is what sorry, The baby's crowning. Like when a woman gives birth to see the head of the baby. Oh, Yeah. Okay. So this is what your process is like. The baby's crowning. I mean, You had the inner willingness to you were you were moving into the inner willingness to do it. You see? Notice, Notice the judgment. It's like, You see, This is this is how it talks about how we need to our minds to get bigger. We need our minds to see the real picture. Like in this case, The baby's crowning. This is wonderful news. It's all good. Thank you. Because that that's maybe what I meant, You know, That I get the sense that I'm moving in this direction. You know, When I when I said what I said at the beginning of our conversation, If I can smell it already, And and I'm, I'm steering towards it, Something like that to to be more courageous and get out of the box. Yeah, It's good. This is Yeah, You guys, You see, Okay, This is a really good example of what we all do. Our heads will criticize, But it's like criticizing the process of life, We have to remember to give ourselves room. And a Tiba, Thank you for speaking, Because this is a beautiful, Beautiful example. And I can feel that you are smelling freedom and the baby is crowning. This is really good news. Oh, Thank you. It is as if it will come naturally, You know, One moment, It will happen by itself. That's how it feels without it. Well, Babies just get bored. Right? I think it's when the baby decides that it's fed up with it, Like prison. It's like I'm being born. Actually, When I was was a baby, I came three weeks in advance. So that's what my mom told me. We're eager to get here. You're eager for the training. Good work. Yeah, Beautiful. Beautiful. And then sometimes now maybe if I may mention this, Sometimes my my head is blank. Now. I want to speak and the words don't come. I cannot remember what I mean. I it's not totally I'm not totally out of it, But I wanted to, You know, I wanted to go. I went to the pharmacy and wanted to get the things I had ordered. And she asked, What did you order? And none of my medication showed up in my head. It was really weird. None of it. I could not even remember one name, One friend of the medication. Yeah, You know, I this kind of thing would happen to premise it all the time, You know, Just really, It's this shifting from the head to the heart more. It it, You know, Even in when premise to to speak, Especially in the earlier videos, I had real trouble putting words to what I was trying to say to you guys. Yeah, And I would bumble around and on and on. So it is what it's like. So just don't think it's dementia, A T, But just keep just embrace it. Laugh at yourself, Crack a joke with the pharmacist and yeah, Let it be. Yeah, Yeah. Yeah, It didn't feel like dementia. Actually, I thought it's not dementia. It's something happening inside. Good. Yeah, Good. Well, Good that you didn't get scared. Lots of people get scared, You know, Of these things. We kind of watch our bodies and with we're a bit phobic, You know, Oh, This change. Oh, This. And it's hard because with aches and pains and things like this. Yeah, It happens with the Kundalini and with the rise in vibration. So if we're monitoring ourselves too heavily, We we actually slow it down. Oh, Thank you for saying that, Because quite some parts of my body, I am pain and sometimes really strongly also. Yeah. And so. Yeah, That, You know, Yeah, Just pay attention to where the aches are and know that that's the issue. Yeah, Don't take your instinct too seriously. Still the left hip and now the left feet, The left foot also. Oh, So it's your understanding your feminine understanding. This makes sense to me because you're making room. Actually, Atiba, You're making room for coming into this broader feminine understanding. You know, I didn't watch it, But I saw a heading on a Jungian video and it said basically that freedom for a woman is coming out of being run by her animus or by the male inside. Freedom is her moving into her feminine and allowing the male to come in behind her. So most of us are run by our male. OK, And this is part of women's unhappiness and why we get argumentative and judging all these things. But when we come into our feminine, Like our like your left foot hurting your feminine understanding, Your understanding on your feminine side. So, Atiba, You know, You could, There's part of you that steps back from letting yourself really get the transcendent body approach, But you could let yourself get it more. You could let yourself get it. Yes, Because actually, If I may continue, Something is happening and it's beautiful, But it's also mysterious. I have this little image of a, I guess it was, I don't know the word in English. Mother Mary sometimes can be seen, You know, By people, But they really see her, You know. And so I have a little picture. It happened in Amsterdam, I guess in the 1950s, And she showed up to somebody. And so from the way she was described, There is a picture and with a prayer also. And I don't know how it happens, But since three weeks, I feel very much connected to her. And something is happening here with light on my head or something and and getting wider, More spacious. And then it feels like as if on one level, There's still this small child, As I'm talking about. And on another level, Sometimes I felt like, Oh my God, It's difficult to speak it out, But to be the guardian of Mother Earth, Something like that, You know, As if, As if like, Yeah. So, You know, Just the biggest contribution we can make is to wake up. So that's what heals everything all across the world. Yes. You know, It's not like you have to be a protector, Like fight. You just, Yeah. Okay. It's like a caring, A caring. You know, The top of your head is like, This is where I really want you to get. It's a crown. So you're, You know, It's so obvious. And you're, You're feeling this expansion. You're getting this bigger understanding. You're moving more into truth. Like, You know, This, You just pretend not to. It's like, Really. It's like, Yeah, I mean, From this perspective, And I was touched this morning, I felt that was something new for me from this perspective. How shall I say? I felt it maybe for the first time beautiful to have a human experience also, Because I could see where we come from in a way. And that is really difficult. I mean, There's human experience. We don't know anything about it when we come. And so I, I felt the process, We make mistakes and we learn from it. And for the first time, It felt beautiful this morning, This, This human experience with, With the process of, Of learning, Actually. Yay. That's it. That's letting your God self in. This is what happened. Yay. You know, All the words stop. It's so funny. It's very beautiful. It's like, You know, It's good. So good. Good. And remember, The pendulum goes back and forth, And don't take it too seriously. And it's not, Don't take it so personally, Just, You know, You're a fragment of God awakening. Beautiful. Thank you. You guys were all nobody, Really. You see, We're all just fragments. We're all this one, You know, The non-dualists say this one, Like, Meaning this, This personality, This name, But really everything's one. Yeah. And when you get that, You go, Wow, Is it ever great to be alive? Yeah. I mean, I'm like, I feel blessed. I mean, I get to hear you guys. I get to hear you, You know, Speak of your experience. What an honor. And I'm gobsmacked, Quite frankly, Except, You know, We have to do this. We're doing it. Our backs are at the wall. We have to. Yeah. That's great. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. So hopefully see some, If not all of you tomorrow, We'll just continue this sacred work. Yeah. And may Alma bless us all. Love, Love, Love, Love, Unlimited love.