Spiritual Friendship

41:55

41:55

Spiritual Friendship

by Pretty Spiritual Podcast

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4.7

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talks

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Meditation

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Everyone

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628

Today, we’re talking about lifesaving moments of spiritual friendship. When first starting out on spiritual paths, each of us experienced loneliness, fear of people, and a deep sense that we didn’t belong. We were afraid of emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and letting people get to know the real us. In episode 34, we talk about the people who encouraged us to be intimate with ourselves and the ways we try to pay that that loving encouragement forward by showing up as safe friends for others.

Meet your Teacher

Pretty Spiritual Podcast

Oakland, CA, USA

Meet your Teacher

Pretty Spiritual Podcast

Oakland, CA, USA

Transcript

Thanks for joining us here on Pretty Spiritual where we're attempting the unthinkable about how to navigate this messy, Beautiful, Imperfect life with spiritual tools, What, Principles, And our own personal stories. So we're not experts, We're not religious, We're definitely silly. We're honest, Real, And willing to share. So join us as we connect, Bond, And grow together. Hello and welcome back to Pretty Spiritual. Hey! Woo! We missed you. Yay! We're so glad to be back together again and today we're going to talk about spiritual friendship. Yeah! And if you thought we made that up, You are sadly mistaken. Even the term spiritual friendy we have borrowed from Sanskrit, Unknowingly perhaps. So I was just thinking about how just held up I feel by spiritual friendship and positive encouragement. The real difference it's made in my life at times where, You know, Someone believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself and it's been life-saving, Actually. By way of introduction, I am going to look at what Brene Brown said about the word courage and if you don't know who she is, She's amazing. She's an author and scholar and she writes about courage, Vulnerability, Shame, All of these really. . . Our favorites. Yeah, Our favorite topics. In the TED talk that kind of put her on the board, She talked about the word courage comes from the word heart and so the original definition as she put it was to tell the story of who you are whole heart, This kind of like wholeheartedness. And when I think about how that fits into encouragement, I think about how a friendship like what we have means that you learn the song in someone else's heart and sing it back to them when they have forgotten it. That was another quote, Please don't give me credit for that. I've heard it before. I know. Thank you so much for the placement, Thank you so much. And so I was just thinking about how sweet that is that when we are lacking in the stuff we need to keep going, That our spiritual friends can remind us of who we really are and that we belong, That we're here, That we're held. Like I was saying, In case you thought we made up the term spiritual friendy, We actually borrowed it from Buddhism and this is a concept in Buddhism that probably exists in many other spiritual traditions and religious traditions, But in Sanskrit, The word for spiritual friend is kalyanamitta. This kind of relationship is one that aims to offer spiritual support based on shared principles, Like ethical beliefs and the shared effort of trying to live an awake life. So today we're going to talk about life saving friendship, Spiritual connection and encouragement and see what happens. I'm so excited. I love this topic. Yay. So let's start with Miss Lindsay Pony. What does this topic mean or bring up for you and can you remember a time when you received encouragement from a spiritual friend and it felt like a really, Really big deal? Thank you so much for the topic. And I just wanted to start by saying if you feel like you don't have any spiritual relationships or friendships that you're on the path and you definitely have us. I really remember what it felt like to feel really alone and misunderstood and not to belong to myself or to any friends or, And the truth was, Was that I really didn't know how to be a friend to other people. I was afraid of women. Of course, There can be like lots of reasons for this. It's really different today. I w when this topic was brought up, I started to have a visual Rolodex of all of these people in my life, These resources, These teachers, These people who have really helped and held and reminded me when I've gotten off the path of how to like get back on and how to be here and how to come back to myself and come back to belonging. I really appreciate the, How the lowest parts in my life where I felt the most alone, Those are the places where I really got to grow. And without having that juxtaposition of what it was like not to have any friends, Not to know how to be a friend, Not to have resources, Know how to find communities and get involved, How to get in where I used to say that just get in where you fit in. You know, I would see the circle of people talking and I would go and just kind of stand outside of it. Like, I want to be a part of, I didn't realize before that I didn't want to be a part of, I didn't, I was afraid. I thought I was in competition with a bunch of people and that I couldn't get in there and be a part of. And so I would alienate myself. When I was first meeting Annie, I believed that this person would never be my friend. That was my story. I was like, Oh, She would never be my friend. And I was starting this women's circle and I was inviting someone near Annie and Annie invited herself. And I was like, Wow, I was so, Cause I would have never invited her because I was just like this person so amazing and I, She doesn't want to be anywhere near me. And so these were all the thoughts and weird things that are going on inside my head that it was useful to be aware of because it's so great that this was like put into, This was all really happened naturally and organically. I didn't have to force or push any of this, But I was, We were growing in the same direction and we were on the path in the same way. And that was definitely how it was for Ella. The first time I met Ella, We were having some pretty deep conversation right off the bat naturally. And I said something off the cuff and probably off the wall and she looked at me and she goes, Oh, You really are a special human. And I remember, No recollection. I, Well, This is my memory. So I remember believing you and that felt very bizarre. And I was naturally like, Oh, I love this person who will compliment me. You know, I love that you believed her. That's I did. That was, That was really, These two experiences really helped lead me towards believing that I belonged and that there were things here that I wanted and examples. It's really been the example that Ella and Annie completely separately and together had just over and over again, Have provided that I've like wanted to run to and that I have used over and over again in my life because they were just examples I had never seen before. And I did not possess myself women that were willing to show me how to heal and grow. And without these relationships, I wouldn't know how to be kind, How to be gentle, How to love myself. Someone once told me that the two greatest powers are the power of prayer and the power of example. And I really did not understand that at first. And as the years go on, It's really just deepened and widened. And with the, This, These spiritual friendships, The power of example has absolutely changed my life before being afraid of women, Untrusting the world, Believing that it was a bad place and people were unpredictable and that I couldn't count on anyone, But myself kept me isolated, Alone, Afraid. And that's how I saw the world. And with these beliefs, It's a miracle. It's so sweet that I found you all and that you all have loved me until I could learn to love myself, Which I also did not understand, But now I really feel it in such a deep way. Some of the big experiences that people have helped me with in my spiritual relationships, Annie, Like a month ago or more, I was lamenting about how I felt so alone. My therapist, I was like, Oh, It really doesn't feel good. You know, I could share about these deep things that were going on with me. And she said, Oh, Well, Maybe you're ready to grow. And I was kind of, I was hardened as I usually am and bristly. And Annie said, I could look up some people for you, You know, Maybe I'll check in with you in a week, Not to pressure you, But to just see if you've looked for other people because it sounds like, So here she is just reflecting back to me that I've been sharing about something that I can't really see that I'm having a hard time with. I was really afraid to leave my therapist. I'd been with him for four years. But what I was saying and sharing with her, She was able to mirror back to me and I was able to listen to that a few times over because of the way that she said it. Maybe you're ready to grow. And so I would do little, I would look, I had to look and find and do all these little things. And it was really her encouragement that got me to change therapist, Which I am so happy. I could go on and on about how intense, Amazing, Crazy it has been to switch the relationship there. And so I wanted to talk about that. And then I'm also going to talk about Ella obviously very quickly. And the example that Ella has given me and has given me for so long as I would, She would just be doing what Ella does, Which is so for years Ella would really just checking in with what was going on with her and doing writings. And even though for the first year I kind of took it as like she's trying to give me a hint. I of course I never did it. But she continued on her way as she does taking care of herself. And then when I would be in a lot of pain, She would say, Oh, Well, We could we could write a little bit about it. And then she even helped me. She did my first writing for me, Which I still have she typed it in. And like, I love going back and seeing where I just wasn't able to get over that first hump of how to look at myself how to be with what was here, How to see all the feelings that I was having that was causing me suffering and pain, Ella was able to sit there with me and even do it for me. So I have amazing spiritual teachers in my life. I'm so great. That was so sweet. Okay. Okay. Annie, Can you let us know what it's been like for you? Yes. And I got so excited about this topic because sometimes I have to research or kind of dig deep. And it's really clear and easy because it's so fun to have spiritual friendships in my life. Similar to ponies experience. This was really hard for me at first, Opening up to my own spiritual side was not comfortable. There was so much internal dissonance. And it was almost like this part of my brain was making fun of the other part of me that was reaching for spirituality. So meeting people in a spiritual relationship and trying to build spiritual friendships was really weird for me because I didn't know how I felt about my own spiritual journey. And so I didn't really know how to talk to other people about where I was at. So it just took the first couple of years were just me pretty isolated, Which is no fun. I thrive in a community. And so me trying to figure it out with my at that time mean brain was a little bit sadder than it needed to be. And I've always had close friends growing up and close female friendships. And I have lifelong friends still that are so dear to me. But when I started on this spiritual path again, That part was so hard of when I say like getting in touch with my spiritual side, I mean, Like Ella was sharing about with that Bernie Brown talk about vulnerability. So we could put that talk up on our tools page on our website. I couldn't be vulnerable with myself. And so I couldn't be vulnerable with other people in that way. So I could hop in and do cameo stuff, You know, Like I could pop in and have this like cameo moment with someone that was also on a spiritual path and like connect, But then I'd pop out. So I couldn't let things deepen. And I could also let me kind of control or thought that I had some control over how people saw me or experienced me like I'm still showing my sparkly Annie and I, I come in and maybe I'll cry a little bit and show a little vulnerability, But I'm going to go now too. And so I'm still keeping me safe. And it was just a matter of me getting some trust in myself before I could really trust other people too. So then fast forward about five years into the spiritual journey. And that point that Pony talked about was a pivot point for me where it was actually to Ella and we were all in the same place and I overheard and I had been making friends with Ella because she'd said something totally bananas and I was like, Oh, I want to be this girl's friend. And I didn't know Pony very well. And I heard Pony say, Hey, We're reading this meditation book together. We're going to meet once a week. It's women. We're going to meditate together and then do the worksheets from the book and then share about it. And it's, I'm overhearing her invite Ella and I just, Something came up inside of me and I jumped up. I was sitting down and like, Um, I want to come too. I just invited myself. Thank the goddess. And it was such a, So amazing how these moments just come because sitting around that table each week, Face to face with women, I knew, But not all of them that well. And people were being really vulnerable and often more than one of us would cry and it was just intense. And each week I left and I thought, I'm never going there again. It was so like I could feel myself get nauseous and not because I would, It was so uncomfortable for me to be that upfront with other people's stuff and to be with my own in this kind of cauldron of closeness around a table. And I was just like, So I would just say, I watched myself like despise the intimacy and then at the same time be like, Annie, Why is this so hard for you? Why is this so hard? And so I would just practice showing up to it each week being like, It's okay, It's okay. This is hard. It's okay. This makes you really uncomfortable. And it was just this slow process, But that was like the turning point was just this willingness to show up and feel weird. It just feels so weird. And I couldn't do my cameo thing. It wasn't like I'd go once every three months and be like, I have some insights to share and then I'm going to go. It was like I would go every week and some week, You know how it is when you go every week, People get to know you. So it was this process of getting spiritual friendships for me has been this slow trust in myself. And then the slow trust that showing this vulnerable side to myself, To others that that was safe. I needed to be patient with myself, But I needed to keep showing up and just trying my best to be as vulnerable as I could at that point. Like it changed. And so the payoff is this really sweet foundation for my life. Like these girls have been sharing. I get so much strength from this tripod, This podcast from like friendships that I've built in our spiritual community. And it's amazing, You know, But it was like it took time. So when we talk about tools, I have some really, Really simple tools. Just if you're anywhere near the experience that I was talking about, Just like some basic stuff for setting up this foundation. Yay. Thank you both so much. It was really sweet to hear from both of you. I really related to what you were talking about, Where before we know how to have real friendships, This idea of intimacy and vulnerability is so for me, It was so gross. So gross. It's a practice like everything else. And I also wanted to say that, You know, Today, Each of us, And thank you, Lindsay, For starting out with this, That today we do belong to these friendships and we belong to ourselves and we belong to life, Even when we forget that that's true. But it didn't start out like that for us, You know, And I think probably the reason that I value these friendships so much is because I really remember what it felt like to be, To feel utterly alone, To feel like nobody, Like I didn't belong anywhere. Nobody understood that I was somehow like separate or different. You know, I remember feeling like that when turning towards substances for that reason, Because even when I was with people, I didn't feel like one in a crowd, You know, I still felt separate. And then I remember it when I was newly sober, How it was all so acute, This like not belonging and this pain of feeling separate. And that's why it was such a big deal for me at that time when I received the kind of encouragement that I'm about to talk about. And for me, I've received so much loving encouragement from Lindsay and Annie and continue to, You know, Constantly the other day I was texting them a kind of dramatic text about how I was like going to sleep after like crying my eyes out and I was not okay. And they both reached back out to me, But I was totally asleep by then. Like I can, I can just like let it all out and I know that they'll receive it lovingly, Whatever it is. But before I had that experience, There were these two moments that kind of stick out in my mind. And one was, I was very newly sober, I was so anxious, So much anxiety that I hadn't been dealing with and instead had been kind of covering over with anti anxiety drugs. And I was so anxious, I didn't really know how to do anything, Show up, Anything like that. I felt like all the stuff I thought I knew how to do before I stopped drinking was gone, You know, Like it was like learning it fresh. I was having this like emotional breakdown to my dad who has had his own struggles with depression and he, He just said, Yeah, I remember it being really hard when I was your age and I know you'll get through it or something like that, You know, It was like a really simple kindness and I didn't have any of that inside myself that I could like search for and call on. And so the fact that someone else was kind of telling me I was going to be okay, That I hadn't ruined my life, Which is how it felt at the time. Like I just kind of ruined everything and there was not going to be any coming back from this. I was like active, I was actively suicidal, You know, And, And then there's just this, It wasn't like I was seeking it out or, You know, Like asking leading questions and I just got this like big dose of loving encouragement and it has only been in hindsight that I can really see what a big deal that was for me because in the moment it felt like something, But I didn't really, I couldn't really understand how big a deal it was until I was looking back like, Wow, That kind of, That encouragement and that love at that moment probably went a long way towards saving my life. The reason I really like to think about this today is because we never know the impact we're going to have on someone else's life. Just smiling at someone, Walking down the street, Just, You know, Saying hi and starting a conversation or thanking someone for something they said that you related to how these small gestures of like friendship and community can save someone's life actually, You know, It's such a big deal. The other moment that comes to mind was when I had first moved to Tassajara and the then Tonto, Whose name is Greg, He had conducted my introductory interview and so he was asking me what kind of experience I had with meditation and I lied a lot and I think he could probably tell it was something he did frequently was like interview people before they were going to come. He said something very tactful like, I want you to leave room for the possibility that this isn't the right place for you. And of course I got really, You know, Like offended and angry. And I was like gonna go to, You know, Despite that to prove it to him that it was the place for me and very lucky that that turned out to be true. But I remember being there and feeling like, What am I doing here? Why did I think I could do this? Geez, You know, Like I was wrong. It was dumb for me to come here. I can't do this practice the way other people can. And the encouragement that I so desperately needed, I actually got from him. Thank you, Greg. It was such a constant source of like, I could just feel it emanating from him, This encouragement and this every time I would sit down with him to have practice discussion, He would say such encouraging things like thank you for reminding me of that, You know, That spiritual practice or principle or whatever. And I don't know if it was like, Consciously him going out of his way, If this was just the way he showed up for his role as a practice leader, But it was so beautiful and so encouraging. And in the moments when I felt like this, This spiritual thing just isn't for me, This meditation thing just isn't for me, It's too hard, It's too much. I got this really constant source of love and encouragement. And it, It meant that I stayed on that spiritual path, Regardless of how I felt about it in the moment, It meant that I keep trying kept trying. So it's such a big deal. Okay, It's been, It's been all leading up to this, Ladies, The tools. So when we switch our conversation to tools, Let's look at how we show up as a spiritual friend for someone else and what tools guide us in doing that. You know, Whatever it's like to offer encouragement, How it affects your relationships and whatever feels like a guiding tool for you and you show up as a spiritual friend. Pony. Okay, I was just thinking about how the reverberations of what I've learned in relationship in this safe environment of how to be and how that ripples out into the rest of my life with others with strangers. So I'm very grateful to you ladies and to the divinely orchestrated to myself for seeking and I'm so glad about all of that. Because before how I thought I was being a good friend or helpful or useful to someone was to explain to them how, How easy it would be to solve their problems. That's how I would show up and be there for someone is like, Oh, That's what you okay, Well, Let me just cut you off right there what you're talking about. Here's what you do. It's very simple. This will fix everything. Are you missed this? How did you not know how to do this? Very simple. Just gonna cut you off there. You don't even need to finish your feelings or what's happening for you on the deep level. I'm just gonna let you know this is easily solved. Let me tell you how. I feel like maybe we should turn that into an app or something. Oh, Yes. It's called it's very simple. When I was going through what you are going through, Here is how I and it's a really lovely place. Now, How I show up for people is to be there and to hold space and to really listen. I practice that here in my spiritual circle, My very close one where I just move in really close and I just stand there and I really listen. That's all I do. I have nothing to say. I have nothing to fix. Sometimes I'll, Annie has taught me how because she touches me. Annie will put a hand on me and it is the most lovely thing in the world. So comforting. It's so comforting. I would have never known and I've, Oh, It's just so sweet. And so I feel like I learned that from you. You're so good at hugging. And she gives the best hugs because she'll hold the back of your head when she hugs you and I just feel so safe. I always have to move Francis's hand there because he doesn't put it there naturally. And I'm not, No, This hand goes up here on the back of my head. Oh, It's so great what happens with us. What I mean by that too is what we learn here and how we learn who to be here, We get to take out with us into the world. That's been my experience, Feeling safe and held and loved and being taught how to whatever it is, Whether it's just stand there and be with them or listen and hold space and just, That's really, That's my whole go to. Then I really get to do that when I go out and I'm with other humans. And I remember that other humans just want to be heard. And a lot of times that's all I need to do. I just stand and I listen. I listen with my ears and then I really listen with my heart and I really just stand in the power of what it's like of two people, Whether I know them well or not and sharing that space and the humanness and this human experience. It was my cousin's birthday so we went to this morning dance party. Oh my God, The videos were amazing. And it really, I had these really incredible experiences that I do not feel like I could have had, But I was so open to being with and around other humans on a really open level, Even if that meant taking in who they were and like hearing some of their, Whatever it was, You know, We're dancing. So maybe we dance for a little bit and then I recognize that like I don't like their energy or this isn't where I want to be and then I just move. But that didn't even happen. What happened was I was with a room full of strangers and I was so open and I danced with every, As many people, So many as I could in there. And each one of them in our own energetic field had this little back and forth relationship that we got to have. And I felt so connected and alive and I would go and introduce myself to people and talk to the people who like made the coffee and the people who were working the door. And I would not be able to do that. And it's helped me so much to become a part of and belong and participate in the situation is to just show up five minutes early and then to go and introduce myself to strangers. And I know it sounds super crazy and scary and it is, Except that what's going on inside my head is so much more scary than the interactions that I have with people. And I get to learn so much about myself by showing up and having this human interaction and being in relationship with a stranger and maybe just having a moment, Whether it's dancing or whether it's just seeing how what's going on for them and truly listening and participating. And I would not be able to do that if I hadn't felt so held and loved and belonging in this spiritual friendship that we have here, Which also started for me in community. So I would have to go and find other people who are seeking, Whether it's like Dharma talks where you go and listen to a meditation teacher and you all have a time for meditation, Creating a women's group. I hear of sacred circles all the time. Just seeking out people who are, Whether it's a bike ride, That's where I, My first communities were people who rode bicycles. And it's so cool that if you go, If you seek inside, Then you go towards what you're looking for or what's here. And then you find your like-minded people. I love the little small things that have happened that have mushroomed out organically that have created this really deep spiritual. And just by spiritual, I just mean this life that I'm really here for to participate in with myself, With what's going on internally, And then to even bring others in externally. It's just so cool. Thank you so much, Miss Pony. Thanks Pony. Annie, Will you tell us about your tools and your experiences? Yes, I would love to share my tools. And Ella, I loved your question about how to show up as a spiritual friend for someone else. And I, When I was thinking about this and thinking about my own experience and how rocky it was getting started, I thought it might be helpful to just share some tools for people who are even wondering how to find spiritual friends, How to even establish that. And I think we can all bring spiritual tools into all our friendships, But we've gotten a lot of emails from people saying we want, We're in an area and we feel isolated and how do we connect with more spiritual friends? So these are just some ideas I was thinking. And it's in relation to my past experience. One, It's okay to be uncertain. So if this is new for you, Just be really gentle with yourself. You don't have to know what your own spirituality or anyone else's should look like. So just let it unfold and know it's a journey. You don't need to know what it is before you start to talk to people about it. You can just explore. Two, Spend time with people you feel safe with, Not people that you feel competitive with or judged by. And that may take time to know, But maybe just keep it in mind as a guiding guidepost or goal. Three, Research spiritual communities in your area. Bonnie was talking about this. So just see what's out there. See what fits and what feels good. Go to all of it or go to none of it. But just know that there are a lot of communities that already exist and you can go and put your toe in and see what connects with you or what doesn't. And like Pony was sharing with going to that morning dance party, When you go to some of these spiritual communities and if they're holding events and you're drawn to someone, Go introduce yourself. And it can be totally weird and scary and that's okay. Most people are a little bit scared and insecure. So when we make that first effort of just being like, Hey, It can lead to cool stuff. Invite someone out to coffee, You know, Just see what happens. Ask them questions about themselves because people love to talk about themselves. It's the way to go. Yeah. But I mean authentically, Right? Well, Yeah, Of course. It's very authentic. But yeah, Definitely like be curious about what they're doing. Find spiritual texts like books or writings that resonate with you and then read them with soon to be friends or existing friends. So like Pony mentioned this too and how I got to know Pony was she found this meditation book that she wanted to go through with a group and she organized this group of women and half of us had never even met each other and we would just have tea and like some little snacks serve orange slices. And if you don't like the people, If you don't like the book, If you don't like the experience, It's okay. You're just trying stuff. But at most it's going to last a couple months and you'll learn more about yourself. Even better if you don't, Sometimes we don't like stuff that's good for us. Yeah. So just like you were talking about and I just kept showing up and some magic happened. Yeah. So be curious about how other people are going spiritually and experiment with what works for them. So we do that all the time in this tripod. One of us will be like, Oh, I'm, I'm doing this thing and I'll just try it on for size. And all the time in the spiritual community I'm in, I'll hear of someone trying some prayer, Doing some type of meditation and I just try it all like, Oh, Maybe that works for them. It might work for me. And then, So talk with them about it, Seek out their experiences, But then also share freely of what works for you. So it's this kind of endless give and take with healthy boundaries, Invest in your safe spiritual relationships. So that love that you give out comes back to you freely. And I love what Pony was saying about not fixing people, But listening. And so I get to learn how to show up and love people as they are. Not as who I want them to be or who I want me to be. And most of all, Just have fun if you can. Like I said, It was so weird for me at first. It was not fun. I felt like someone was trying to rip my spleen out. It's like, Over time, My spiritual friendships are built on love and support, But we have this special glee. We just have a lot of fun. Like there, We share our sad stuff and our hard stuff, But also there's so much playfulness and we just start getting to learn and grow together. And honestly, Like even this podcast is why we started it was to learn and grow with more people so we can kind of spread this out. So we love all of you. It's so true. Yeah. And he thank you. He's so wonderful and so helpful. I forgot to say this. If you're someone who feels like you're lacking the kind of friendship or community that we've been talking about, We're so happy that you're listening here and joining in this community. You can always count us among your spiritual friends and please feel free to reach out to us with anything really, You know? So true. And if you're at a place where you don't have these kinds of relationships or communities, The guiding principle that I used when I was in that position is go where it's warm. So like Annie was saying, Go to places that feel safe with people that nourish you. And it's okay for it to be messy and a big experiment and all that stuff, But you can trust your heart to let you know where it is you feel safe and keep looking for those places. The other thing that is a really simple tool that I love is if you feel really uncomfortable and awkward, Which chances are if you're anything like us and you're going out to like make friends as a grownup, Might feel awkward. I feel really awkward all the time. So if you're somewhere like at one of these wonderful places that Annie mentioned and you're like, Oh my God, What am I doing here, Why did I listen to that crazy girl in the podcast? This is a terrible idea. Escape, Escape, Run. You can actually look for the person who feels more uncomfortable or looks like they feel more uncomfortable than you do and you can go strike up a friendly spiritual conversation with them. They're in the corner behind the plant. Yeah. By the cheese platter. Oh wait, That's me. Yes. And the, The tool that I love and that has helped me so much is verbal affirmations and some examples of what this looks like are to say things out loud like I believe in you. I'm proud of you for doing this work. Your experience matters. You can trust yourself. You know, Those kinds of express expressions of love and encouragement have gone such a long way for me and what is so cool is that what it's like for me when I'm in the role of delivering these affirmations or in the role of someone who wants to encourage, Expressing love in that way really cracks my heart open and reminds me instantly of what really matters to me and this is especially true when my heart feels shut down and I don't feel loving toward this person or their experience. If I feel self-righteous or judgmental, That an expression of love can totally shift my attitude and sense of where I fit into life. It's not to say that you should like cover over your feelings by using expressions of love to make yourself always feel like you're loving. What I'm saying is you can act your way into right thinking through right action and if you practice expressing love for yourself and other people, Eventually your thinking will catch up with that, You know, And it's like we can come back again and again to expressing love and encouragement for ourself and others and then we will experience feelings of love and encouragement for ourself and others. One thing that really helps me to express love and encouragement to other people who are on a spiritual path is to remind myself that I wholeheartedly believe in a spiritual life, In spiritual growth and development and that there are all sorts of different pathways that lead there and as soon as I remember how much I believe in a spiritual life, It's so easy for me to encourage anyone because I know that this is a real thing, That it means something, That it changes our lives and our experiences and I really trust it. I trust the power of living by spiritual principles and so no matter who you are, I believe in you if you're trying that because I believe so much in that, That there's room for every variation of experience and all different kinds of people and there's room for however it works for you. No matter who you are, No matter how you're practicing waking up spiritually, I believe in you. I believe so deeply in that work and that what you're doing matters that it's actually it gets really easy for me to encourage people who are doing that because I really believe in it. The last thing that I would like to say is that when I can remember what matters most to me like love and kindness and freedom, Service, That what I'm really doing is I'm laying the groundwork to be a safe person in my relationships. What I mean by a safe person is that even if I get stuck on something like ego or pride that ultimately that isn't my highest value so I can be trusted to come back to my true values which are love and connection, Growth, Freedom, All of that good stuff and so in relationship with my safe friends I know that even if we have disagreements, Even if we get caught up on something that makes us feel icky or weird or whatever, There's this groundwork of safety and we really trust each other. We really trust that we'll come back to our true values and priorities. There's a funny way that like ego and pride and all the other kind of stuff that we can get tripped up on just sort of dissolves when it meets spiritual principles. Yeah and so I just want to say thank you all so much for listening. Thank you and I love what you said Ella, We believe in you. We really do. Wherever you guys are on your spiritual journey we believe in you. You could also let us know where you're at on your journey, What it's like. You really could. One of the most simple ways is to go to www. Prettyspiritualpodcast. Com, Our official website under the say hi tab. You can send us emails, You can sign up for our newsletter. There's all kinds of fun information about us on there. You can also find us on all the social medias and that's at Pretty Spiritual Podcast so we can connect there. Social meds. Social meds. For legs. For googs. For googly. Googly. Pretty Spiritual Podcast we will come up. You shall find us. We are here for you. Yeah and we love you. We love you. And I'm supposed to insert the topic for next week and it's a mystery. Mystery flavor, My favorite. Mystery topic. Of course I'll show up for it. You're going to have to tune in. Find out. Yes. Okay guys, We love you so much. Bye. See ya.