107 How To Release Regret

1:04:13

1:04:13

107 How To Release Regret

by Ruwan Meepagala

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Regret is a type of shame-- One of the worst kinds since it allows the past to continually mess up your present. This episode covers some of my recent experiences confronting these very old feelings. The two types of regret; Why sometimes your actions SEEM outside of your control; How to retrain your autopilot; Deleting victimhood, and Psycho-Cybernetics.

Meet your Teacher

Ruwan Meepagala

New York, NY, USA

Meet your Teacher

Ruwan Meepagala

New York, NY, USA

Transcript

The Ruando podcast is an exploration of the unconscious in the game of life. Be sure to visit ruando. Com to get a preview chapter of my upcoming book Infinite Play and free access to my content library. Enjoy the show. All right, We are live. It is Monday. We have a new backdrop. Thank you to everyone in the Mass Underground group who commented on my previous backdrop. Yes, It looked like a Puff Daddy music video. In fact, Now it still probably looks like a Puff Daddy music video, Maybe more so, But I got rid of the shelves that were a little noisy behind me. I'm probably going to replace this with gray paneling. If you're being off your screens like a good person, You have no idea what we're talking about, But I'm fixing up my backdrop. Today we're speaking about how to release regrets. I'm sharing some stories today from my personal life. This is something that's come up. I went through a process a few weeks ago, And this is an emotion that comes up with a lot of my clients, A lot of people I reach out to. If you're actively trying to live your life and create your reality, Sometimes, Many times, You're going to mess up. If you really care about your growth, Which is probably true for you if you listen to this podcast, You may be subject to the emotion of regret. I'm going to speak about that. I'm going to speak about the different kinds of regret, Those of wrong action versus inaction, Losing your realms of control, And some models from a book called Psycho-Cybernetics, Which is a self-help book from the 60s. Some of the ideas seem cliche nowadays because it's been so long and they've been adopted. I want to share it. The reason why regret is so important is that when someone is feeling regret, Actively feeling the emotion of regret over something, Whether it's justified or not, It's hard to enjoy the present. It's hard to fulfill your potential if you're feeling the emotion of regret. So let's see, Before we jump in, Any announcements? Don't think so. Oh, Actually, One personal announcement. I'm just saying this for accountability, Kind of. I'm doing a 4x4x48 challenge this weekend with some of my buddies here in Thailand inspired by David Goggins. I think he does this every January, But I just heard about it. He does four miles every four hours for 48 hours. We're not going that hardcore, And we're in Thailand, So we're using the metric system. We're going to do four kilometers every four hours for 48 hours. If anyone's listening and wants the type of challenge where you do something hard and wake up, Do something inconvenient. It's not the hardest thing in the world. Do something uncomfortable, Challenge yourself, And get up at odd hours at night. You can join. I'm going to maybe share a little bit about this in the Masculine Underground group. That's what I'm doing this weekend. I'm actually thinking about getting back on Instagram just to document it, Even though I loathe Instagram. Okay, Anyway, Let's jump in. Regret. So as I said, Regret is a type of shame. Specific about regret is where you are letting the past withhold your present. Obviously, There's a lot of things that if you look back at our past, We would have done this or that differently. But the type of regret, The specific occurrence I'm speaking about is where you let actions of your past or occurrences of your past discourage you in the present. Discourage you. Take away your courage. Take away your belief in yourself, Your belief that things are good now. They take away. And discouragement, More than just fearing you up, Makes it hard for you and yourself to act on the same page. And it basically takes away the possibility of a better future. That's the big deal with regret. And so in order to live up to your potential, In order to create your reality the way you want it to be, You have to release this emotion of regret. And this is done by reconnecting to yourself. Things we're going to talk about through this episode. And this one key idea that we may come back to a few times is that if you can trust yourself, Because that's the thing that gets lost when you feel regret. You start to, You become discouraged, You start to distrust yourself. You distrust your ability to do things when you're like constantly dwelling on something you didn't do or something you wish you didn't do. But if you can trust yourself, You can overcome any circumstances. And that's one of the reasons to get rid of regret. So why this all came up, Why I decided to speak about this is that a few weeks ago, If you caught the dark masculine 2 episode, I spoke about this a little bit in the intro. I decided to get off coffee. I was suffering from adrenal fatigue. I didn't realize how badly until I did a few days off coffee. And I went into a deep caffeine withdrawal. And it was like, I could not believe how dead my body became. Clearly my adrenal glands must have been fucked up. I slept for like 15 hours a day, A bunch of days in a row. And because I was physically depressed, My body physically became depressed from this lack of caffeine, From this addiction that had come up. It started to become easier to feel kind of emotionally depressed. And we know that a lot of our emotions come from our energy levels. And there's a correlation. There's the quote from Hamlet, Often attributed to General Patton and Vince Lombardi, Fatigue makes cowards of us all. When you're extremely exhausted, It's really hard to think courageous thoughts. It's really hard to think positive thoughts. It's a lot easier actually to think fearful and negative thoughts. And that's kind of what happened. And I noticed, Even though I knew that this was kind of a physiological thing, Mostly a physiological thing, If not all, I was like just sleepy because I had become dependent on coffee. I started noticing a bunch of negative thoughts that I hadn't thought or hadn't really felt in a serious way or in a real way in a long time. I thought about a lot of things from my past that like, Man, I wish I didn't do that. I wish I took that chance. I wish I made that decision or that decision. I wish I stayed true to myself. A lot of these things started coming up. And it just so happened also, I was on an island. This was a few weeks ago. I was on an island where my ex lives. And one of my biggest adult regrets comes from that relationship. And I think maybe because of the caffeine withdrawal and the physical depression I felt, I started to feel like intense, Intense shame about it. And actually, If I'm honest, That relationship is one of the things I feel like the most embarrassment about because of how, I mean, The reason I got into it in the first place. Like, I'm not going to go into all the things with that. You don't want to hear that. But essentially, Even entering that relationship, I kept ignoring my instincts. I kept going against things that I knew better. In fact, If I was coaching myself or someone like myself through that relationship, A lot of times I'd be like, What the fuck did you do? Why did you do that? And I did a lot of things that went against my core values. The main thing, Just not listening to my desire. I didn't even really want to be in that relationship. Somehow I found myself in it. And I look back on it because of the fact that I speak about these things. I speak about masculinity and honoring your own instincts and getting in touch with your desires and introspection. I've been, For the last year, I broke up with her over a year ago. For the last year, I've been feeling this kind of like nagging, Light shame. It's been like, It's been over 12 months, Right? This is the kind of shame of like, I can't believe I went so against what I knew better than. I mean, Essentially, I was feeling a lot of regret. And sharing this with my girlfriend, Nalaiah, She's amazing. She's a little more spiritual than me. She suggested, OK, You've done a lot of processing, Thinking about this, Journaling. Try a ritual. So I was like, OK, A lot of this mystical stuff, I don't really take it seriously. It's not my go-to thing. But I kind of find it fun. I'm like, What the hell? Why not? So I had this piece of clothing that I got from my ex. And it seemed like the great thing to do would be to burn it, Do a ritual, Like create a bonfire, Maybe chant to myself, Whatever, Speaking to my subconscious. Maybe that would let me release whatever emotions were here. Because of the fact that because of my regretfulness, And actually, I just want to make a sidebar. One of the practical reasons why I really wanted to get rid of this feeling of shame and regret was that even though it was a past relationship, It was kind of affecting my current relationship a little bit. I was kind of reacting. And a lot of us do this if you have any sort of relationship pains from your past. You maybe overreact to what your ex did, Or you're reacting to what your ex did with your current partner, Which is not fair to your current partner. In fact, Most relationship troubles happen because both partners are reacting to what their exes did to them, But now with their current partner, Which is only creating a cycle of problems. Anyway, I knew I didn't want to do that. So this bio-ritual. So I went out into the beach. We were staying on this island. We had a little bungalow on the beach. I collected some wood. I had this silk piece of clothing that I got with my ex, So I kind of associated with her. And I just thought I was going to burn it. I'll be done. Starting a fire with a cigarette lighter on a windy beach was so fucking hard. Like I was also, I had all these pieces of dry wood, But I was trying to, My kindling was this kind of moist palm branch. So I was like ripping up these kind of moist leaves, Trying to get this lit. And if you ever held a cigarette lighter for a long time, You know they're not meant to have an ongoing fire. So I was like this, The metal piece getting so hot, I was like burning, Like I burned a boil into my thumb. And I was like, I was getting so frustrated. And that same emotion was very similar. Oddly, I mean, We can make this, You know, It's a bit of magical thinking, But I'm choosing to make the symbolism. Like it's kind of how I felt through that past relationship. I was trying to let go of like this constant, Like, Why the fuck? Like why the fuck? Like this, This pissed off feeling. And there's a few times I wanted to give up and like, Just be like, Ah, I can't do it. Which was what I did wrong in that relationship that was a part of my shame. I kind of just gave up when things were kind of confusing or frustrating. But I was like, You know what? I'm not going to, Part of it was my ego. I didn't want to go back and let my girlfriend know I couldn't start a fire. So I was like, I don't give a shit. Like no matter what, I'm going to start this frigging fire. And I held onto this thing while it's like burning, Like burning a boil into my thumb. And like, I just held onto it, Held onto it. It took me like 40 minutes to get this fire started. But then as fires go, Eventually it lit up. You know, The branches lit, You know how fires work, The wood lit. And this silk piece of clothing, This silk onesie, Like just like blew up in flames all at once. And it felt really fucking good. Like to have that determination and like finally like, Ah, It's release. And I kind of went into this like semi altered state of consciousness. I started to feel this peace and I heard these words come over me, Which was, I chose this. And I started to see like, I don't mean to over spiritualize it, But this is what was popping up in my mind. Like I was seeing all these flashes of different moments where I could have exited the relationship. I could have followed my gut instinct to get out of there when I was repulsed. Because part of what made me stay was I kind of like bought into this victim idea that like, Anyway, I don't want to go too deep into that, But I kind of felt like this white knight syndrome thing. I felt bad for her. I was tempted by certain experiences. I basically abandoned myself in not a good way. And I ultimately wasn't a good guy by doing it besides the point. And this ritual, This onesies like up in flames and I'm seeing all these moments in the relationship where I could have exited, I could have done something different, But then I recognized, I kept hearing these words. I chose this. I chose that experience. I chose to put myself through that for some reason. Because like for the last couple, Many months, I thought a lot like, It's kind of strange that my absolute worst relationship in my life comes right before the best relationship in my life. Where like I'm with the woman I want to be with for the long haul, Right after I had this terrible, Terrible relationship. Anyway, I started seeing like a man, I chose this, I chose this. And so I let the onesie burn. I had taken it off my body, So I was in my underwear. I swam back in the middle of the night. It was kind of crazy. The moon was up. I ended up finding a patch of beach where there was a bunch of dead crabs. So I was cutting my feet walking back, Which kind of felt symbolic too. Like oh man, This is like me letting go of the pain. Anyway, I was trying to make meaning of it. Otherwise I would just be pissed off. And that's when I decided, OK, I'm going to pose this idea to the Masson Underground group. Maybe we could do a podcast on regret. I'll tell the story that I just told you. That'll be it. I chose this as the lesson of the day. Perfect. That's it, Right? Not really. Because after that, I did, Something did let go with that. But maybe because I was so physically down from the caffeine withdrawal, All these other regrets started coming up. I started regretting like decisions I made with my athletic career when I was younger. I started thinking like all the time that I didn't ask out a girl I liked, I got upset about myself for like every time I was mean to my brother by accident when we were growing up. I started even thinking about like totally random things that seemed so totally meaningless, Like bad jokes I told last month. And I started to feel bad about all this stuff. It was like, It's so strange that I said I was going to make a podcast on regret. And I'm feeling like every regret I could possibly think about, I'm feeling this regret. So I had to explore this more because it was not done. And I did come across this book that actually my friend Nick suggested to me, Psycho-Cybernetics. We're going to share some of the principles that I find useful from that. But essentially, I basically had a huge process of regret these last couple of weeks. And part of it was recognizing agency, Which is our first part. So it's a couple parts of today's episode, Actually two parts. One is on reclaiming agency. I think a lot of what is debilitating or discouraging about the emotion of regret is when you feel like you don't have control. Either you don't have control over your circumstances of like, Because that's why it's a big deal, Right? Like we all have done things we wish we didn't do or we wish we did do something. We wish we did something different. But it only hurts in the present if we feel like it's actually affecting our present, Right? If it discourages us, It makes us feel like we're less capable. If it harms our self-esteem, Because I did this back then, Now I can't do this. Actually the most common thing I hear from guys that I coach who are looking too much at their past are like, Because of this, This, And this, Because I didn't do this for many years or whatever, Therefore I'm a loser, Right? And of course, That's a limiting belief that's going to prevent you from enjoying your present. So that's the first part. The second part of this episode is on creating a new self-image, Because it's not enough just to stop thinking about your past or remove the energy from the past, But to actually create the present that you want. That's actually a way to nullify any negatives of regret. So on reclaiming agency. As I said, One of the parts of, One of the debilitating parts of regret is that it triggers this fear of not having control, Control of your reality. So again, Distrust. You feel like this distrust of your ability to navigate the world, Essentially. Maybe it means distrust of authority or distrust of people or distrust of women or distrust of men, Doesn't matter. You're creating this distrust between you and a reality, And that causes one to become contracted and fearful, Right? A lot of guys' fear of women, Or anyway, Any ongoing fear probably came from some small interaction of childhood. Maybe a girl was mean to you in school, Or if you have a fear of money, Maybe you heard your parents worrying about something when you were really young. These things cause this constant contraction sometimes. And so we want to reclaim agency. So this is a baby taboo thing for a man to say, But I heard this from a woman, Specifically from a woman who helps women overcome rape trauma. And she shared that one of the most effective ways for a woman to get over her trauma over sexual abuse is to go back in that experience, Go back in her memory, And go back scene by scene and recognize all the individual places where she actually did have control and she made the wrong choice. Now this probably seems really strange. And I know, Again, Taboo for a man to be saying this. I don't know what it's like to be raped. I don't know what it's like to be a woman. This is what I've been told. And it makes a lot of sense that I've applied some of this in my life in a different situation. Part of the fear and part of the trauma that comes with something like rape is this feeling of like, I don't have control, So I'm never safe. Like a woman who has PTSD from that kind of abuse, Logically she feels like, OK, I'm not safe. I'm not safe to just be me. Maybe she shuts down. Maybe she shuts down her sexuality. A lot of women will gain a lot of weight as a defense against sexual interests and stuff. But actually, And I just want to be clear also, This is not victim shaming. This is not saying, Oh, It's your fault. But it's going back and reclaiming agency, Recognizing, OK, Yes, At a certain point in the interaction, Maybe you're overpowered or maybe your emotions shut down or your defenses shut down. And yes, At some point you didn't have control. But at some earlier point, You did have control. So the idea that you never have control is actually false. And that's the whole point of this part of going back and recognizing where does your realm of domain end. So a lot of us look back at times that we, First I'm speaking about, This more applies to things you wish that didn't happen. A lot of us feel like when we're debilitated by regret, We're like, Man, Part of the fear is that we had no control. Maybe we're mad at ourselves because we didn't do something, Even though it wasn't an instinct. A lot of people have pains from childhood where they feel like they should have done something for their parent who is in need, But they just didn't mean you were a child. But instead, Going back and looking at where your realm of control actually ended, Recognizing where you could have actually made another decision, Reclaims the agency. So it does feel shitty. It does feel shitty in a different way than being a victim to say, Oh, Man, OK. I know it's a tad move again to say it with rape, But for a woman or some sexual abuse victim to be like, OK, Yeah, I kind of knew better at this moment. But I decided to go to this place anyway, And that's when I put my psych. To actually recognize where you had agency allows you to not feel afraid, At least up to that point. And that takes away the future fear of, OK, Next time in a situation like that, I actually do have the ability. And you have to identify that. Because if you just look at it of like, Oh, My god, I'm a victim to circumstance, Or I'm a victim to my own past conditioning, Or the way my mother raised me, Or whatever, Then the whole thing seems like you have no control. And of course, The next time you're in that situation, You're not going to do what you intend to do, Whatever the thing is. Whether it's, I'm mostly speaking about things you wish you didn't do. We're going to talk about regret of inaction as well. So even though this might seem like some people are going to accuse this of victim shaming or whatever, The victim identity, Which a lot of people take comfort in, Tells the unconscious, Hey, We're powerless. When you hold on to the victim identity, You're like, It's other people who control my reality. Or there's other things that control my reality. And you can never feel in charge from a victim standpoint. You can't be empowered and a victim at the same time. So even though maybe some terrible stuff has happened to you that was out of your control, There is a benefit of recognizing where you did have control or where you do have control. Because otherwise, You're always going to be telling yourself and reinforcing the image into your own brain that you don't have any influence over circumstances. And if you really believe that, Then there's no point in doing anything. You're just on autopilot, Right? What I'm trying to bring to you is that you can actually redirect your autopilot if you can learn how to trust yourself. And that comes from releasing regret. So I chose this bad thing as better than I can't trust myself. I'm going to give a totally, Maybe, Opposite idea of this in a second. But one thing I want to share from the book Psycho-Cybernetics, This is by Maxwell Maltz, Is that I found useful is that when it comes to bad decisions that you might have regret over, We learn through trial and error. So his whole idea in the Psycho-Cybernetics book is that we always act in accordance with our self-image. And his idea of putting effort into things and willpower is only useful up to a point because even if you put a lot of willpower toward something, If your self-image is, I'm a loser, Or I'm a victim, Or I'm a beta male, Or I'm a whatever, No matter what you do, Whatever perfect actions you take, You'll still drift back to your self-image. You have to change your self-image. Part of this reframe is recognizing that when someone is, Because in his idea, The whole idea behind a self-image is that if your conscious mind picks an image in the future, It's like an autopilot that will drive you that way. And the way that the autopilot navigates is sometimes by swaying back and forth because it's not going straight from point A to point B. He uses the image of a torpedo. I didn't know this was how torpedoes work, But apparently, I mean, It's how torpedoes worked in the 60s, But there's a target. But the torpedo doesn't go straight there because of wave currents or whatever, So the torpedo will swing a little bit to left and its automated mechanism will correct it and it'll swing too much right and it'll correct it and it goes back and forth. Those errors are actually necessary because if it doesn't go off track, It can never direct it back on track. So essentially everything wrong you've ever done was a trial and error opportunity for you to learn how to do things better. Obviously that's a nice, That's a nice platitude, That's a nice rationalization, But it doesn't really take away the feeling by itself. But it's recognizing that you need to learn, You need to have errors. If you're actually doing stuff with your life, You're not going to not make mistakes. The thing is, Can you learn from them? Can you let the torpedo course correct and not continue reacting to this thing once it's gone, Right? Like if you don't, Like a lot of people are like, Man, I wish I didn't do that. I'm such a loser because I did that. And they constantly push away. So their torpedo keeps going further, Further, Further off track because you're not, They're not letting the, The slight negative feeling of like, Oh, Don't do that. Go back on track. They're not letting that happen. So they're letting it go on and on and on forever. It's kind of like, Similar to like one of the things that defines an overeater is not, Is not the amount of food necessarily one eats because we all need to eat. People need to eat different degrees. An overeater is someone who doesn't recognize the signal from their body that, Hey, We're full, Because maybe they have perceived scarcity or perceived emotional scarcity that they need to eat another big sandwich to feel okay. So they don't recognize that their body's like, Whoa, Whoa, We actually have enough calories to chill out. Let's move on. Because anyway, Anyway, That's, That's the idea there. Being hard on yourself doesn't work. Like it's that whole thing of like being angry at yourself forever going off track keeps you off track. And Emile Couet, Who's been quoted a lot in like law of attraction type things. He was, I think he was a French pharmacist actually who had a lot of sayings that a lot of the law of attraction, New thought people later adopted. But one was what he called the law of reversal effect, Which is when will an imagination come into conflict, The imagination always wins the day. So this is going back to whatever you're imaging, That's what's going to, That's what's going to stick. So even if you're trying to correct your behavior, But you're imaging, I'm a loser or I'm, I have no willpower or I always cower in the face of someone I'm attracted to, Or I never follow through on my business ideas. If you're, If you're holding onto that idea, That's what you're going to go to anyway. So how do you release this? You have to learn to forgive yourself. I know this might sound cheesy. Oh, Self forgiveness, Self forgiveness. But you have to recognize that there is no straight path to whatever your definition of success or your desired outcome is. You have to go off track. Like it's important to go off track. You don't go off track. You're never actually going to find your way. There is no life journey that way. So you have to forgive yourself for making bad choices sometimes. And actually I go even further than that because we talk about darkness all the time here is that can you not just be like, Oh, I'm kind to myself. I forgive myself. That's that's nice for some flowery self-development spiritual folk, But can you actually own the fact that you chose that thing that maybe wasn't ideal? Essentially can you embrace your darkness about that? Can you be like, Yeah, I did that. Yeah, I do bad stuff sometimes. Now I realize some of you listening maybe have done like some seriously fucked up stuff. I don't know. But the fact is you've already done it. You've already done it. It's not to say that you're trying to justify it and do it again. Maybe you're a cheater, Maybe you killed someone, Maybe you committed some crimes that landed you in jail. Of course, You don't want to do that again. But being ashamed about your entire life won't actually make it better. Actually I know a guy who he was accused of rape when he was a teenager. I actually don't know whether he did it or not. He was acquitted. But it's been like 15 years. And he's so ashamed of that incident that he's basically done nothing with his life. And you hear these types of stories a lot. Anyway, Can you own it? Can you own the fact that you did that thing? Can you basically be like, I chose that bad thing. Actually I want to tell a story from my childhood. I want to tell the story for a while for some reason because it's kind of a bizarre thing. Not bizarre, But it's kind of a weird thing I did when I was three. I didn't know where to fit it, But actually it fits in this episode. Where when I was three years old, This is one of my first memories. It's my very first memory of regret and confusion in myself and a little bit of distrust in myself. I was three years old. My father's family is from Sri Lanka, So every summer we would go to Sri Lanka. So it was maybe my second time in Sri Lanka. I was three and the first time I remember. And I think I saw on Sri Lankan Mr. Rogers, The Sri Lankan Mr. Rogers, Some children's show where they're building a house made out of little clay bricks. And I thought that was really cool. So I was nagging my dad for a whole week like, Dad, Can we get some clay bricks? Can we get some clay bricks? Can we get some clay bricks? I knew that in Sri Lanka there's clay pits around. So finally my dad asks a guy who lived on my grandpa's property to go out and get some clay. The guy gets some clay. My dad spent an afternoon making little bricks. And we spent a bunch of time building these little brick houses and stuff. And the final piece was to burn it because it wasn't Play-Doh. It was real clay. So we had to burn it in a kiln and then it could be a solid thing, Which is what I was asking for all week. And we had to put it in a fire. And my dad was like, Oh, We just have to burn it until the fire runs out. But for some reason, As soon as we got to that final step, I ran into the house. And remember this clearly. It's one of my very first memories ever. I ran into the house. I filled up a two liter Coca-Cola bottle with water. And I ran back to the fire. And my dad looked at me and he was like, Why are you doing this? You're not going to pour water on the fire. We spent all day trying to make this thing. If you pour water on the fire, It'll ruin everything. And I was like, Yeah, Yeah, I know. So what are you doing with that? I was like, I don't know. So you're not going to pour it on the fire, Are you? And I was like, No, I don't know. So he's like, OK. So as soon as my dad looked away, I poured all over the fire. And I remember my dad was like, Why? What are you doing? And I was pouring it. And I remember this weird feeling in my head of like, Why am I doing this? Just with like, Oh shit, I'm doing something bad for no reason. And I don't know why. And the weird thing is I still don't know why I did that. My dad asked me, Why did you do that? You just ruined this thing that you wanted. I have no idea. Maybe it was like some instinctual self-sabotage that I inherited. Maybe it was like, I don't know. Maybe I was remembering a past life where I burned in a house and I was trying to save myself. I don't know. I don't really believe that. But I don't know why I did that. And I've thought about that my whole life. Why did I do that? It was like such a bizarre instinct. But it's kind of funny. And there's something, And this is obviously a very innocent example. I was a kid. There was no consequences. But I look back and like, The feeling I was feeling is that I was almost proud. I was almost proud that I was fucking things up. I can't explain why. I was just like kind of proud of the fact that I was messing up this thing. And when I think about that, I smile. And I came across this memory again during this week of pondering all of my life's regrets of like, What if I chose that? What if I chose that bad relationship? What if I own the fact that I made this terrible decision, Maybe just for the story? Maybe just so I could tell a story in a podcast. I don't know. But it takes away the negative feeling of discouragement that comes from wishing I did something else. Kind of reminds me of a passage in one of Carl Jung's books where he shared about spending some time in the Amazon with some indigenous people. And he witnessed a father get so angry kind of out of nowhere where he killed his son and then immediately cried about it. He's like, Why the hell did I do that? I can't believe I just did that. And he was trying to demonstrate how fluid, Uncivilized, Or primitive people were with their emotions. Like, They don't even have that forethought to regret things. But I would interpret that as like, That man's animal side and his human rationality were not integrated. So he did something that was kind of repulsive and revolting to his human side. But that was his animal side running on its own. Was it terrible that he killed his son? Of course. But I'll just say, He probably does not live with so much debilitating regret. Anyway, I know this is a weird example. Maybe I shouldn't have used that one. But the point from here is, What if you looked at all the things that you regret doing and you're like, Yeah, I fucking did it. And if it's something that's really kind of messed up, You could be like, Yeah, I'm just a fucker, Aren't I? When you own it, It takes all the power away and is actually quite empowering. Because there's actually two kinds of regret. We've been speaking mainly about regrets of wrong action. At least that's what I just said applies to most. But a lot of what people regret is inaction. One of the things that I kept dwelling on for some reason, Not for some reason, But something I honestly regretted, Was that I have taken so long to get into jujitsu. It's not a big deal. It's not consequential in my life. But I became interested in jujitsu when I was 15. I didn't really start doing it until I was 30. And I've met so many guys my age who have black belts now. I'm like, Man, I probably was into jujitsu before you. I wish I got into it sooner. And during this regret week that I had a couple weeks ago, I was feeling that, Like, Fuck, I wish I didn't waste 15 years not doing it. And that also can feel shitty. It almost makes, It can almost, The funny thing, The contradictory, The paradoxical thing about regret is that when you regret not doing something and you feel that a little bit too much, It actually makes you delay it even more. Like someone who's regretting not, I don't know, Not going to jujitsu or not going to college or something that they wanted to do, Not asking out the girls he was interested in, They end up like recreating that situation more and more and more because of the self-imaging. You're going back to whatever your image is. So actually that's one of the examples I want to give here because one of the things that I haven't felt this regret too acutely until this regret week because overall my relationships have been very fulfilling. But one of the biggest, Like, Cyclical regrets that I experienced throughout my entire adolescence and into, Kind of into my early 20s a little bit was that for some reason I could never ask out girls I liked. I just couldn't. Even when, Now I'm not just talking about fear of rejection, There's fear of rejection too, But it was like even when I knew a girl liked me, Even when, Like, Her friends would tell my friends to tell me that all I had to do was, Like, Text her or call her or say, You know, Like, Hey, I like you too. Like, That's all I had to do. I couldn't do that. And it created so much self-loathing in me because I felt like I couldn't trust myself. For some reason, Not only did I distrust reality, It was like I didn't trust myself. It's like for some reason I would walk up to her or the person and, Like, I'd just lose all energy and, Like, All emotion from my face would disappear and I couldn't get words out of my mouth. And I could not understand why I had no control of my body and it created so much self-loathing and so much self-distrust. I didn't, I felt like I couldn't count on myself to do what I intended to do, Even when I tried. And it was a really terrible feeling, Of course. And actually, The more I felt that feeling, The more I recreated it. Like, The first time it happened when I was maybe 15, We could chalk it up to innocence or butterflies or whatever, But because I dwelled on it so hard, It happened again when I was 16 and 17. And, Like, My whole life act, I mean, Not my whole life, I had some instances of confidence, But it was a recurring theme, Even into college, Where, Like, When I would really like a girl, I would, Like, Totally freeze every time and, Like, I would go through the cycle of, Like, Okay, Tomorrow I'm going to ask her out and I would see her and I would freeze. And then the next day, Tomorrow I'm going to ask her out. It was like this endless groundhog loop of regret and self-loathing because every day I had more days to regret not inaction, Which, Of course, Made more inaction. I remember when I was 19, I like this chick, I actually went through the cycle with her, But then somehow, Like, I, We reconnected in, Like, Some platonic way and I was, Like, I was just pissed off. I was just friggin' livid that I had spent so much of my, I mean, All of what my adult life was at the time, Basically not acting on my desire and not putting myself out there and being so, Like, Such a, So out of control of myself. I just got so pissed off and I was like, This time I'm going to do everything within my control. And it was kind of like I flipped myself over to, Like, Just, Like, Fucking pissed off. Like, I'm not going to let my life pass away. And I thought, Okay, Maybe I can't control myself when I'm in the presence of such a person. Like, I just can't, I can't handle the tension or whatever. I didn't think of these terms back then, But I was just like, Maybe I can't control myself there. But there is something I can control, Right? Like, I can control whether I leave my dorm room today or not. I can control whether I walk in, Walk where I think she's going to be. I know, I mean, I feel silly using this as an example, But this is what, What was the heaviest of my emotions at this point in my life. I can control, And sometimes it would be like, You know, Varying degrees of control, But something I could always control is what I thought about. And this is when I started getting into, Like, This, Like, Paying attention to my thoughts. This is around the time that I first started journaling. And I was like, Man, I think all of these hateful thoughts of myself, Like, This can't possibly be good. Like, The kind of women I'm interested in can't possibly want to be with a guy who thinks this way towards himself. Like, This can't be attractive. And I was like, Okay, Well, I definitely can control my thoughts, Right? And even if I don't even leave my bedroom, I can think differently. I can choose not to think this, This angry, These angry thoughts. And I went into this, I went into this, Basically I created a new self-image, Which is a second part. But I remember, This is just to finish the story, When I was 19, I connected with this woman that I had a crush on the previous year. I somehow got her phone number in some platonic way, Like, You know, Mutual friends in a way that there was, Like, I still hadn't broken the ice. And I remember, I remember I was working as a busboy at the time. And while I was at work, I was texting her and I was texting her passively, Because every other time that I got a phone number up until this point, I had always messed it up somehow. Like, I had always become too try-hard or too needy. Or like, Again, Just kind of like in the way that I was spazzed out and stuttered in the presence of such a woman, I would sometimes, I mean, Almost every time, I would text something really stupid. Like, Text something either rude when I didn't mean to be rude, But it just came out, I would text something really needy. And I had self-loathing of that too, Because this was, I mean, This was back in the T9 days, But I still looked back at my texts and be like, Wow, You retard. Like, Why didn't you send that? But like, In the moment, I just couldn't. Anyway, So I spent this, I forget what vacation it was, Maybe it was winter break, Working at this restaurant. And I remember texting her this one time and I was like, I am not, Whatever I'm going to do, I'm not going to think needy thoughts. I'm not going to think weak thoughts. I'm not going to, I'm not going, I'm going to assume the reality where she might actually like me too. And I, And this was all happening in my head. It was like very like fierceness with myself. Like I will not think a single negative thought if I have to like squeeze every muscle in my body, Which is actually not the thing to do, But if I, If I have to like use all of my energy, I will not think any thought reminiscent of I'm a loser, I can't do it. And essentially in that, Like I finally, I mustered the courage to call her. This is, This was back in the T9 days. So I think back then it was still the ballsy thing to call someone to ask them out. Nowadays I think it's maybe socially not, Socially weird to call someone that you're not already talking to. Last round anyway, It was one of my first like ongoing relationships and it was, It was okay. It was, It was, It was a good step in the direction of courage. Actually I have regrets in that relationship for being so closed off and anyway. But I overcame a fear that I had in that moment, But like I had to be so fierce with, I'm not going to let myself think those old thoughts. And this is where I feel like a lot of guys don't give themselves enough credit of, Of where they actually have control. A lot of people assume because they fucked up a bunch of times in the past because they weren't able to act or they made the wrong decision or something, They assume they have no control and they're very quick to go back to, Oh, You suck, Self-loathing. That kind of low self-esteem, Those kinds of thoughts are actually, I mean, Of course they're a cowardly thing, But they're kind of an easy way out because it's a lot easier and lower tension to think negatively of yourself than to actually consider that you might have the possibility of winning or losing. You're basically rejecting yourself first or taking yourself out of the game before giving yourself a chance to find out. So all of this comes with creating a new self image. So the quote from Maxwell Maltz from Psycho-Cybernetics where he says, A human being always acts and feels and performs in accordance with his imagination or what, I'm sorry, Excuse me, In accordance with what he imagines to be true about himself and his environment. This probably sounds reminiscent of Law of Attraction stuff. It is, I think this, This is one of the things that inspired the secret people, One of the books. It's actually that whatever you image in your mind is what you unconsciously are drawn to. It's like you may have heard this example before, But I mean, I used to ride motorcycles. If you've ever ridden a motorcycle, They teach you. If you ever take a class, They teach you to really pay attention to your head position. Because if you, Because your body will follow your head. And if you look at something, You get caught on something, The bike will unconsciously follow. A lot of people, I think my friend Nick told me this, He also rides a bike. A lot of people, A lot of, It's been a disproportionate number of motorcycles driving into telephone poles. And you think like telephone, There's more not telephone pole than telephone pole anywhere, Right? Telephone poles are a small amount of the space. But because a lot of guys riding motorcycles are like, Oh, I don't want to run to the telephone pole. Their eyes go to the telephone pole and then their body goes to the telephone pole, Especially at high speeds, Obviously. Same thing happens with your life, Right? If you're imaging, I'm a loser, Or I got to stop being a loser, But you're still imaging the image that you're, The sensations that you're recreating in your mind is loser or incapable of doing this or inferior to other people or lacking confidence. That's what you drive towards. And the thing about regretful experiences is that it's a lot easier or any past experiences is that it's a lot easier to recreate something you actually experienced in the past than it is to recreate something in nowhere, Right? It's easier to remember than to imagine, Which is why naturally confident people, Usually we look back on, Oh, They were fortunate to have a bunch of positive experiences that reinforced courage in them or whatever, Confidence in them. People who have negative, Negative patterns had some negative experience or maybe, Maybe you internalize something mean someone said to you when you were little and just stuck in your head and that's why you have low self-esteem now. It's harder to imagine something or image something that you haven't experienced, But you can do that, Right? Every time you remember something, You're recreating it in your mind, In your visual center, In your auditory center, Perhaps in your kinesthetic center anyway. So you can create a new self image and that's what this part is about. Another way to look at it is that reality tends to catch up with whatever image you hold onto in your mind if you let it, Right? So whatever current images you have, Particularly your image of yourself, Whether you see yourself as confident, Whether you see yourself as intelligent or capable or creative or whatever, A lot of it has formed because probably you had a past experience and you reinforced it with emotions and then you thought about it again. So you like solidified it with thought and like now it's like a clear picture painting that it lives in your unconscious. And when your involuntary behavior wants to act, When your unconscious behavior wants to come out of you or emerge through you, It uses those old images. It's like, Okay, This is how we behave in these situations. This is how we behave when we're in the presence of someone. This is how we behave in front of people. It's how we behave when we're doing hard things, Pursuing our career or trying to be creative or whatever. It draws on these things. Now of course you have positive experiences and negative experiences, But you can just as easily recreate a new image in your head. And this is essentially what the power of visualization is and a lot of hypnosis things you may have seen is a lot about creating new images. NLP does this a lot. We're going to use like kind of a more layman's version of this, Of how to essentially recreate your self image or recreate your image. So the first principle, Something that also comes across in any kind of hypnosis is relaxation. So all of your current images were put into you unconsciously or your initial ones were probably put into you unconsciously. And unless you like actively thought, Oh, I'm going to make myself into a negative person, Which maybe on some level you did, Chances are everything was unconscious and kind of input into you when you're in a relaxed state. So many of our behaviors and tendencies come from childhood because in childhood we are in what's known as like, Basically our brain waves are moving a little bit slower. So we're a little more suggestible. Children are often in a theta state, Which is basically like a light trance or it's like basically a trance. Sometimes they're deep in delta, Which is dreaming. They're mostly in alpha, Which is a light trance and a ranking consciousness, Our adult rational consciousness doesn't become our dominant form of perceiving the world until we're a little bit older. When we're in this relaxed state, Become more suggestible and things that are input into us can become a little more solid. But this is also the way to recreate yourself. So entering relaxation is the most important thing. And specifically something I speak about in the arousal control course, My advanced arousal control course is this idea of parasympathetic dominance. Now in that course I speak about it mostly on a sexual performance level. This is also essentially what like the root of being grounded or the root of being charismatic is, Right? It's like your parasympathetic nervous system, Your basically your chill nervous system, Your feed and breed nervous system is more active than your fight or flight nervous system, Your sympathetic nervous system. And this is a concept in that like predators, As I spoke about in the predator prey episode, Predators are actually more chill. Like the ones who are more afraid are the people who are the creatures that feel like they're not in control of their reality. Predators are in control of their reality. Masters are in control of their reality. I was considering speaking about master-slave morality here, But yeah, It's a whole other tangent. I'm probably going to do an episode on that in itself. And we know that physical and emotional tension are co-bearing in the same way that perhaps caffeine withdrawal opened me up to a whole slew of negative thinking. If we're holding out the physical tension, We're reinforcing this feeling of fear. This has to be a reason why we're tense and it reinforces emotional tension. So the most important thing actually starts, The most important thing if we're removing this from your mind actually starts in the body. Can you relax your body? And there's a million techniques for relaxing your body, But certainly having attention on your body was one of the reasons why I encourage people to be off their screen. You know, It was why after many videos I say please listen to the audio version of this because you can pay more attention to your body when your eyeballs are not on the screen. And essentially this is the skill of grounding, Which we speak about in the mask and archetype challenge a lot, Right? In fact, In that challenge, I share a lot of different exercises on how to stay grounded because it's so important. It's like it affects everything in your life. And essentially what grounding is, I mean, We speak about ground like physical earth, Right? It's insisting, Essentially what grounding is, Or this attitude towards grounding is insisting on material reality, Assisting on living in the physical world and not in the wild world of your thoughts. Now thinking is amazing and we're going to talk about the positive use of imagination, But if you're experiencing a lot of stress from thinking about past events, From thinking about things that you wish didn't happen or fear about the future, Then you're not feeling your present moment. And whatever that thing is, Whatever that abstract terror is, Is probably not affecting you in this moment. And if you can, And just like, Just like speaking about the realm of control, Not thinking about all the things outside of your control, Bring you, Dialing it back to the things that actually are within your ability to affect. If you bring it back all the way, All the way to the beginning, All the way to like the beginning of your realm of control, That space is your physical body, Right? You can at any moment choose to pay attention to the sensations, To the sounds you hear, To the sights you see, Maybe on your screen or not. I mean, Our screens kind of take, Kind of hijack our visual attention, But if you can insist on feeling your butt in the seat, Feeling your body, Making sure you're breathing, You are reinforcing material neutrality. You're reinforcing neutrality, Right? Because if all you're doing is paying attention to the sensations of your body, There's no space to think of any judgments or opinions of, Am I awesome or am I a loser or am I confident? All those things only occur outside of material reality. So focusing on grounding is a way of kind of erasing all of that. It's a way of essentially rehearsing simplicity instead of the complications of your frustrated mind, But also entering a relaxed state where now you can input positive things, Which brings us to our second point. I just want to make sure I didn't miss something. I just realized I might have missed a keyword. Where was I going to speak about that? I think I didn't. Okay. I know it's right here. Okay, So the second piece is, Once you're in a relaxed state, You want to pick an image. That's what sounds like, This might sound like goal setting 101. We'll go dive deeper into this because again, As we said, When you're being discouraged by a past regret is that you're letting that past feeling persist longer than is useful. And the only reason why you feel shitty about that is because you either perceive or you're actually letting in reality that past event affects your current experience. Now, And so I'll just use money as an example because we can quantify it. If you lost a thousand bucks doing something stupid in crypto, Say $10, 000, You feel shitty about it. But next week you made 10 times that much, Made $100, 000. You wouldn't care about that, Right? Like there is some occurrence that can happen now that will make up for all the things you regret, All the things that you didn't do or did do, Right? Like using one of my examples from here, Like when I get a black belt in jujitsu, I'm probably not going to give a shit so much about the fact that I started kind of late. The fact that I'm in an amazing relationship right now kind of takes away a lot of the regrets unless I'm really depressed, As we mentioned, Right? Like if you can pick it, There's some positive image you can think of, Some occurrence, Some goal you can say, Or some event that you want to point to that can make up for all of those events. And that's a make up for all of those past regrets. And that's something to focus your mind on. But it's not enough to just do that. Because if you focus too much on a specific outcome and all the details of the outcome, It can sometimes, You might be thinking like, Oh, I have this amazing car or I have this amount of money or I have this great girl. But all those past regrets kind of creep up and you start to reinforce that image with all the negative feelings from your past. So actually, What's more important than the attachment to outcome, Which can actually create fear and encourage you to feel like you don't have it yet and feel shitty about it, You pick an image. I actually just did this with a guy I was coaching who wants to have better relationships with women. I ran him through this process and the images he thought, It's like thinking about being on a date with a woman, He described a whole scene. I'm not going to go into the whole scene. Describe all the experience, What she's doing, What he's doing. But I had him dial into what is he feeling in that moment? And he shared some specific sensations. He felt like I had him meditate on it and kind of went to like this, Not, I wouldn't call it hypnosis, But mini meditation on it. And he shared some specific sensations he was feeling in his body when he thought about that image. And for him it was, He was feeling particularly masculine. I dug deeper. What does that actually mean in his body? He was like, Well, I feel like my torso is really relaxed. My shoulders feel really broad and taking deep breaths. I can really feel my genitals. I use different words, But this is how I'm putting it. And like he felt really solid. I was like, Okay, So forget about the image because you know, The scene that he painted is not something that may or may not happen. But that thing that he just described, The feelings that he would feel in that scene, You could control that. You can actually control those feelings. You can meditate on the feelings that fit the reality that you want to experience. And that will only, I'm not saying it's going to magically manifest the occurrence, Although it might. It certainly will have you behave in the way that you want to behave, Which nullifies the regret. So you're picking a new image, You're creating a new image to replace whatever past image, Whatever hits to your self esteem or to your self image come from those regretful experiences. So I've done this, I spoke about this a little bit in the Road of Trials episode when I was like overcoming my fear of public speaking and leadership positions. I essentially meditated on the experience of charisma. And actually even in this first time I had the balls to ask out someone I liked, I spent a bunch of time while I was working the restaurant, When I was at home, Like meditating on like how I would feel if I actually was doing what I intended to do. And like the feeling I would just like kind of like when I would go home, I would like lay in bed and I would essentially, This is like what a Montauk Chia teaches of the inner smile. Like I was so focused on the feeling of what it would be like to do what I actually wanted to do, That it was impossible to not feel smiles all over my body and my body relaxed. And eventually it helped me stop running on the old programming that I had been looping over. And it's like I had this terrible program of shutting down and I was basically installed a new program. Maxwell Maud says throughout his book that if you're going to, I mean you can rehearse, If you have some negative pattern, You've essentially been rehearsing your whole life, Why not rehearse success? The next piece in creating a new self-image, We touched on a little bit in the first section, Which is fighting for everything that's within your domain of control. I spoke about this a little bit already, But like I think a lot of guys don't realize how much is in your control and you're always in control of your thoughts. I do not buy this bullshit that you can't control your thoughts. There are things that you can, That reduce your control of your thought, But you can also control that too, Right? Like I'm so anti-screens because they do weaken your control over your attention, Which is why I just avoid it because I don't want it just like the same way I avoid eating 20 doughnuts a day because it would weaken my body. I avoid things that weaken my ability to control my thoughts and my feelings. This goes back to the most simple stuff like Mr. Rogers, Who's one of my heroes, He's got this whole song for children that he actually read to the Senate. If you're into Mr. Rogers, You may have seen this clip, It brings tears to my eyes, Where he convinced the Senate to give funding to public broadcasting. He reads the song that was essentially a song for children on how to overcome their anger and it goes something like, I can stop when I want to, I can stop being mad. It's like, I can stop when I don't have control. It rhymed, I don't remember exactly how it went, But you can't stop thinking stupid, By stupid I mean negative, Like self-limiting thoughts, Thoughts that are not real if you actually choose to. And something I, You know, So one of the habits that has been so overwhelmingly positive in my life has been writing in notebooks. That's one of the reasons why I put my notebooks behind me, I wanted to show my many years of notebooks, It doesn't really fit, But it's okay. I recommend it to a lot of people that they do morning pages, Especially people who like are overcome with negativity, Especially creative people who can't seem to organize their thoughts. You write morning pages is good for you, But a lot of people have said back to me like, Oh, Well, I've tried that before and I only ended up writing negative things, I ended up writing all my resentments and my complaints and it just doesn't go away. So I just feel it's too negative, I don't want to do it. I say, Okay, Fine, You're writing, You feel negative, Write your negative, Negative, Dump out those negative things, But now you can see them, Right? Like Stephen King says, Writing is refined thinking. You can actually see your thoughts when you've written them down and you can see you've been thinking stupid thoughts, You've been thinking limiting thoughts, You've been running thoughts that were implanted into you by your domineering parent or like a mean school teacher, Like some kid who was mean to you or like a bad relationship experience from when you were younger or whatever, Like if you're holding, If you're, If you can see that on the page, Oh, That came out of my head, That was in my head, Correct it, Correct it on the page, Choose what you want to think instead because it's a two way thing, Right? Like I don't always feel great when I'm journaling, But if I see some diarrhea come out, I correct it, I don't erase it, I'm like, Okay, That's what I was feeling, But now I can, That was me, You know, Downloading or uploading or whatever, Like I can, I can put something back in, I can upload something back into my consciousness of this is what I actually want to think and you'll be surprised at how much influence you have over your thoughts, It's not, It's not an excuse to say that I don't, It's just like, It's not an excuse to say, Oh, I didn't feel like doing it, If you have some responsibility, Like it's not an excuse to say, Like, I can't control my thoughts, You can control your thoughts, If you're watching this video, Like all of my videos, All of my episodes are quite long, If you have the attention span to watch a video like this or listen to a podcast like this, You have the ability to control your thoughts and you control, You can choose not to feel regret if you have the balls to, If you're willing to let go of that victim identity, So yeah, You have to be fierce with it, Right, This is where you have to fight, It's like, Be fierce with your thoughts and be gentle with the stuff that's out of your control and I would say this even for behaviors, Right, Like let's say you're, You're an overeater or you act cowardly at times, Like maybe there's some point again where you lose control, But do everything within your power and you can be gentle with yourself there, Like if you know that you pissed your pants every time you speak in front of groups and it's just a thing that happens and you don't have control over it, Like don't be mad at yourself for that, I'm using that extreme example of course, But be fierce with yourself, Be like, Be violent with any time you think, Oh, I'm a loser because I can't speak in front of groups, Like this, This is totally within your control and what I think will, What often happens when you become fierce with deleting self-pity and blaming and resenting and assuming the worst, If you can be fierce with that, It's nice to think about the positive flowery stuff at times, But even that sometimes starts to feel cheesy, It kind of goes back to this practice of gnosis that I had an episode of before of like thinking about nothing, Like if you have this, If you have the mental fortitude to not indulge in negative thinking, You might recognize that the most fun thing to think about is nothing, Maybe the most fun thing to perceive is silence, This is Eckhart Tolle type stuff, But I think there's a lot in here because you'll be, I mean, A lot of creativity comes out when you just let yourself shut the fuck up. Finally, Just the last point here, We're ending in right around the hour, Is that after you've done all this, Right, You've done your best to forgive yourself, You've entered a real, You've done, Made efforts to stay grounded, Be in a relaxed state, You picked an image that is something that you want to nullify all your past regrets and you've reduced it down to the feelings within your body, You're meditating on those feelings when you've been fierce with your thoughts to not have weak thoughts, Because that's within your control. The last piece is trusting, Is having faith, Is trusting that if you put in the right inputs, Which in this case is you think the right thoughts, Then you will have the right outputs, Which is your behaviors and realities. Inputs is everything within your control, Your voluntary thoughts, Your voluntary feelings, Whatever you can control, Certain actions are obviously, Many actions are within your control, The output is the stuff that seems out of your control, Right, It might be involuntary actions like whether or not you turn out confidently when you speak in front of the group or whether or not you stutter when you try to talk to the pretty lady or whatever it is, Whether or not you can think clearly, That can be sometimes out of your control, A lot of creative expression is out of your control, There's a lot of stuff that leads up to that that's within your control, Creativity in particular is kind of like farming, Like watering a plant, Like you can't make it grow at a certain rate, But you can set the conditions that allow it to grow on its own, Right, Watering it, Whatever, Which would be cultivating good soil, Good brain soil. Yeah, And it becomes a positive cycle where the more you fill out your realm of control, The more you fill out your domain and take full responsibility for what is actually able to be affected by you, The bigger that domain grows, Like that's the whole king archetype thing, If like you take more and more and more responsibility, You know, Someone gives you shit, You don't get upset at them, You don't feel resentful at them, You don't go into slave morality of being like, Oh they have power over me, It's like, No, No, You're the master of the domain, This person is within my domain, I'm reacting to it in the best whatever makes the most sense, Right, You're acting, You're trusting essentially, Because any kind of hostile or scarce or contracted or self-harming action always comes from some distrust in the future, Some perception of scarcity that like we can't trust that, We can't do the right thing because things won't turn out, I mean we don't trust that things will turn out right essentially, Whereas as we've spoken about in like old episodes on abundance, Like the psychological definition of abundance is trust in the future, Trusting that you don't need to cut corners, You don't need to screw people over, You don't need to harm yourself, You don't need to do something you're going to regret later, Because you can trust that you're going to get the things that you mean to get, Right, You can trust that things are going to work out, If you do the right thing, Right, It's not blind faith, It's conditional faith, If I think the right thoughts, If I take the right actions, If I stop being whiny, If I let go of my victim identity, I actually won't become a victim again. And last bit, I've had a lot of people recently reach out to me about coaching, So I say this to everybody, This has always been the case, But maybe a lot of people didn't know, The least expensive way to get a coaching session with me, If you have any interest in me working with you directly, Helping you with whatever is going on in your life, The least expensive, The most cost effective way to book a call with me is to join my mask and archetype challenge, It's less than the price of a coaching call, And it's a graduate program, It's also a program that involves a lot of exercises that I normally, That I used to teach my coaching clients in a coaching call, But it's a lot more cost effective to just take the program and get them all, So that's available at romano. Com slash archetype, It comes with a free coaching session, So yeah, If you want to talk to me, Get the program and we can talk. I'm going to give a minute to see if any questions do come in. Let's see if I missed anything, Oh yeah, Last call to action if you will, If anyone wants to join me and my friends this weekend doing a 4 by 4 by 48 challenge, We're doing the baby version, We're doing kilometers instead of miles, I think it comes out to, What's 4 kilometers in miles, I think it's 2. 6 miles, I've looked this up already, So you run 2. 6 miles, Run or walk, I've had bad knees in the past, I might walk a lot of it, The idea is every 4 hours you do these 4 kilometers, 48 hours you end up running or walking 48 kilometers, It's not, It's totally within your control, Right, You want to do this to prove something to yourself, To show how much control you have over yourself of your reality, It might be fun to do it along with me, We could even chat about it in the massive underground group and anyway yeah, I'm doing it because I wanted a challenge, I wanted to see what I am capable of doing if I put my will to it, So I'm partly sharing this to invite everybody if you want to join, I'm also sharing this to keep myself accountable so I don't bitch out and not do this this weekend, So that's all, Thanks for listening, Goodbye.