I sometimes ponder how many masks I wear,
That of mother,
Friend,
Mentor,
Leader,
Creator.
And if they allow my authenticity to be seen,
Is it just a veil I can hide behind,
Carrying out the role society has labelled?
The more I wake up,
The more I realise I have the choice to drop the mask,
Or at least allow my true self to shine through,
No matter what I'm doing in that moment.
I sometimes recall the comfort and ease which is provided when I was asleep,
When I was living within my comfort zone,
Unaware of the illusion we are taught that they call reality.
As I began to question and learn about alternative possibilities,
To take a peek outside the four walls of the box,
I soon realised the exhaustion of keeping the masks in perfect place,
Too worried what others may think if I threw down the gauntlet.
It has been a lonely place when I realised I was prepared to show up in raw vulnerability,
To bring forward the truth of who you really are,
How you think,
What you really want to do with your life.
It takes courage,
Inner strength,
Conviction,
Knowingness from deep inside your heart,
The gut wrenching decisions to leave certain people behind as you venture on your own journey,
Finally standing up in your own authenticity,
No longer allowing others to clip your wings and keep you playing small.
It could do a good job of making me feel wrong by not following the system.
I could play victim very well if I chose to.
However,
Following my authenticity and being true to my heart gives way to the freedom I found within when I simply let go of what others thought.
Moments flash before me of utter joy and connection as I shine my own brilliance when aligned with my true purpose.
Words and energy flow through me as I release all the masks.
My authentic self shows up as a vessel of love and light pouring through every cell and in those moments I feel the deepest connection to who I really am.
I cannot remain separate from love when I am love.
No more than the water in my glass feels separate from the ocean.
It's part of the wholeness.
So whilst in these beautiful times of heartfelt elation,
I take time to acknowledge how I feel in that moment.
To anchor it in through a symbol I call in so I can feel safe to show up in this world with my authenticity shining for all to see.
It radiates through my heart and energetically permeates those who are ready to witness.
For some,
Seeing another person in that authentic power can be challenging for the ego.
They may have little understanding of the difference between true power from the heart and force from the mind.
When I connect into my authentic self,
I share compassion from the place of the observer.
However we are all human.
The emotional triggers are the first to pull down the masks of perfection and quickly the guise of defence can take its place.
We are here to feel everything,
Yet it is our choice to stay in the emotional response or not.
Only when I am true to my authenticity can I release the emotional hold I perceive another has over me.
I have to be prepared to let down the masks,
To stand strong in the moment,
To reject any barricade of response being sent in my direction like arrows to my heart.
The other person wants to make themselves feel better by throwing their wounds in my face,
Oblivious to their choice of ownership.
My authentic self does not tolerate other seeking power outside themselves from me,
Attempting to throw the blame in my direction.
I see it wash off like water down a window pane on a rainy day,
As I simply collect into the truth in that moment.
This is not my stuff.
I will not take it on for you,
However much I care for you.
One of the hardest challenges I have faced while standing in my truth and vulnerability is that of rejection from those closest around me.
The times where I lay bare my soul,
Expressing the depths within how I truly felt,
Only to be met with a resounding echo of silence,
Of non-communication,
Of rejection.
Or so my head thought as my heart felt ripped and torn,
My original soul wounds playing out time and time again in this lifetime just like lifetimes before.
I know what I must do.
I must go within.
I meet my inner family as tears stream down my face,
Within my heart,
Feeling once again the rawness of isolation in the external world.
It is within my heart that I must find comfort as I expand once again my connection to the all that is,
Re-establishing my wholeness,
Remembering there is no separation.
I ask my inner child,
What is it do you want dear one,
In this moment?
I hear a small voice respond.
I long to be seen,
Heard and understood,
To be loved.
I am the one to give that to her,
Right there as we melt together in unity and understanding once more,
To release the feelings of being alone,
Hurt,
Confused and vulnerable.
For this is where my authenticity lies,
It nestles deep inside my heart,
The centre of my universe.
Once again I can finally feel safe again to be me.
I recognise with compassion that my truth can be too confronting for others.
To remember every experience is an opportunity for me to grow,
To awaken,
To return my soul to self-love.
I have done my bit and nurtured from within.
I have to leave it up to them to choose to heal or not,
I cannot do that for them.
I leave behind my mask of wanting to fix others.
We are taught that when in service to others,
That is when we can receive love,
To prove we are worthy.
What is unconditional about that.
Once I learnt to love myself from within,
I free others from the responsibility of making me feel good to provide the love I crave.
The opportunity is there for them as well,
To be responsible for the emotional responsibility brought up to the surface for healing.
My authentic self knows it is not my job to fix them.
I am here to hold the space,
To be the inspiration and maintain my own connection to the love and light that I am.
I release the mask of co-dependency,
Of wanting to be wanting and needing to be needed in order to prove I am worthy of love.
Authenticity allowed me to find my own part of the fuel,
My heart and soul craze for to know how to fill myself up with the qualities of spirit that I have been searching for all my life.
I could see clearly the absence of being shown this was even possible,
Let alone how.
In the reality we are brought up in.
We are not taught by our parents or by our teachers how to fill ourselves up without needing others.
I feel so much gratitude to allow my authenticity to shine through the roles I play in life.
The eye holes of light in our masks are free to radiate,
To be the beacon of inspiration for others.
We begin to remove the sunglasses,
Keeping us shaded from the real truth that keeps the illusion in place.
Until we feel safe to start illuminating our own life,
To give up the mask of being a sheeple,
Understanding once again the truth and reuniting with our own authenticity.
Then I know I am living my purpose of returning to who I really am.
