Have you ever noticed that there are times when something relatively small might happen and suddenly your whole system reacts as if it was much bigger?
Maybe your heart starts racing,
You feel irritated,
Panicky,
Restless,
Or desperate to fix something.
Or you might even go the opposite direction.
You feel numb,
Disconnected,
Exhausted,
Or like you simply can't make yourself do anything.
One way of understanding these experiences is through the idea of the window of tolerance and the nervous system.
Your window of tolerance is essentially the range where your nervous system feels regulated enough for you to think,
Feel,
Connect,
And respond to what's happening around you.
When you're inside that window,
You can still experience stress and frustration.
You can still be sad or have difficult conversations,
But you still have enough to access yourself and make choices about what you want to do next.
When stress becomes greater than our current capacity can manage,
We will move outside of that window.
One direction is called activation or hyperarousal.
This is when the nervous system moves towards fight or flight.
You might notice racing thoughts,
Anxiety,
Irritability,
Muscle tension,
And urgent feeling that something needs to happen right now.
The other direction is towards shutdown or hypoarousal.
Instead of your system mobilizing,
It begins to conserve energy.
You might feel disconnected,
Foggy,
Emotionally numb,
Exhausted,
Or just unable to get started on anything.
These reactions aren't necessarily conscious choices.
Your nervous system is constantly taking in information and trying to answer a very basic question.
Am I safe enough right now?
Polyvagal theory is one framework that people use to understand this process.
It describes the nervous system as continually responding to clues of safety and threat,
And shifting between states of connection,
Mobilization,
And shutdown.
Some of the specific claims of polyvagal theory continue to be debated scientifically,
But the larger idea can still be helpful.
Our bodies change state in response to perceived safety,
Stress,
And threat.
And when our state changes,
Our ability to think clearly,
Communicate,
Solve problems,
Or access our typical coping skills can change too.
This is why simply telling yourself to calm down doesn't always work.
You are trying to use thinking to change something that you're feeling in your nervous system.
Instead,
The first step can simply be noticing,
Where am I right now?
Am I within my window?
Am I becoming activated?
Or am I starting to shut down?
And then rather than asking,
What the heck is wrong with me,
We can ask a much more useful question.
What might help my nervous system feel just a little bit safer right now?
If you're activated,
That might mean slowing your breathing,
Feeling your feet against the ground.
Or stepping away from the situation for a moment.
If you're noticing that you're shut down,
Regulation might look very different.
You might need a gentle movement,
Sensory input,
Or connection with another person.
The goal isn't necessarily to make yourself completely calm,
It's to help yourself come back to now.
Notice that you're in the room.
Notice the support underneath your body.
Notice one sound around you.
Feel your feet or your hands and remind yourself.
I am here.
This is what's happening right now.
Sometimes regulation happens in very small increments.
We don't have to force ourselves from totally overwhelmed to peaceful.
We may simply move from overwhelmed to slightly more grounded.
From shut down to slightly more present,
From reactive to having just a little bit more choice.
And every time you begin recognizing these states,
You're learning something important about your own nervous system.
Not simply,
How do I calm myself down?
But what does activation feel like in me?
What helps me return?
And perhaps most importantly,
What helps me stay within my window a little bit longer next time.
Thanks so much for spending this time with me.
Take care.
