Welcome back.
I'm Jocelyn.
If you haven't been here,
This is day 17 of the whole curriculum through the insights and the journey that I'm on.
And I'm actually on that journey right now and everything is shifting.
I had something else planned for today,
But I have had a week and I said,
Oh,
We're doing this live.
We're doing this with other people transmitting it.
So I might as well bring it in today.
I'm going to talk about the last week,
Maybe even two weeks that have really tested me.
And the reason I'm going to talk about it is because I'm still on the SoulArt journey.
My soul art journey intention is I am showing up for myself.
When I'm on a journey,
When I'm in an intention,
I find that life tends to give you things that aren't always easy.
I have not had an easy week from that.
And I think it's really beautiful to be able to bring you into what I'm working through because none of us are perfect.
Well,
We're perfect in our souls.
I thought I would bring this in today because a lot of people are going through the same thing.
See,
This is the week.
Let's just arrive.
Feel your feet on the floor or your hands.
On your thighs and just feel the groundedness in your body.
You might want to close your eyes for a minute so you can really sense the weight of your body,
The volume of your body,
Your muscles,
Your bone,
Just feeling.
You are here and you are safe within your body.
Feel that groundedness.
Taking a breath in.
And let everything else from this morning,
Maybe this week for you,
Just fall away.
You can sigh it out,
You can blow it out through your lips in a cool stream of air.
And one more time,
Just inhaling.
And then exhaling,
Letting it all fall away.
So we can arrive present.
Bring your attention to your belly,
Not to your head,
Not to your mind,
Not to your heart,
To the belly,
To that area of the solar plexus and the sacral chakra,
Right?
That deep center place right there.
That belly is not something that negotiates.
It is something that knows,
Right?
And just allow yourself to take one big breath into the belly.
Exhale through the mouth.
And just ask yourself gently,
Is there something in me?
That almost gave up.
This week.
And see if there's an answer.
Don't fix it.
Don't judge it.
Just let the question land.
Is there something in me that almost gave up this week?
And just breathe in.
And out.
And stay there.
We'll come back to this,
Right?
So I'm going to tell you a story about my week.
I am on this soul art journey.
And whenever I'm on a journey of any kind,
Often life tests me.
And it's because it's bringing me to things that need to be looked at.
And I am on,
I am showing up for myself.
This last week and the week and a half,
I had my dryer break.
My car has had over $4,
000 of repairs that are needed.
We are like maxed out on credit,
Right?
I am in the middle of this soul art journey.
That's I am showing up for myself.
And the irony is not lost on me.
And that's when these voices coming,
Not harsh voices.
They're not cruel ones.
They're just,
They're there.
They're familiar,
Soft.
They sound like care.
Those voices for me are because I homeschool my three kids,
Stay home with the kids,
Be present.
It'll all be taken care of.
The universe will take care of it.
All of this stuff has been going on,
You know,
In these little voices that,
That go around my head.
But I am working on,
I am showing up for myself and I'm going to be honest with you.
I got lost in it.
Yesterday was a little bit of a breakdown day for me because I'm sitting with these bills.
I'm sitting with all this stuff going on.
And in the middle of all that,
I realized that for the last four and a half years after my parents died,
I went underground.
I needed to.
I needed to go underground.
I needed to heal.
I went underground.
That was where I began to heal myself.
I got certified in so many different things.
I wrote my book,
Right?
All of that underground without a community.
I was alone underground doing that work,
Excavating,
Being there with it.
And that was like four and a half years.
And I realized yesterday that I had been underground.
I felt the pull towards giving up yesterday.
Oh,
Maybe I just need to stop and do something else.
What happened is being underground,
I don't have a community.
I'm a 4-1 in human design.
Knows about human design,
4-1 needs their network.
I lost that network,
Not only for my own stuff,
But when I went underground,
No one came underground to come and help me.
Everybody did their own thing.
And it was a very strange time in the world,
The COVID stuff that was happening,
Right?
Like everything was shut down.
And I am just coming up now.
I am just beginning to come up now.
I just had,
I published my book in January.
I've been developing an entire ecosystem of healing,
Right?
But I have not put myself out there.
And how is that showing up for myself?
All of that excavation work that I did and not offering it.
I had a moment yesterday where I was like,
I just need to give up and I need to move away.
And then I was like,
I am on this journey about showing up for myself.
How dare I say this?
This is like life testing me.
I am juxtaposition of fantasy.
That's my incarnation cross.
And it's carried through gate 44 and gate 41.
Gate 44 is like alertness.
It's intuitive memory.
It's being able to read the patterns of DNA.
I have the shadow of that.
Run the show.
That's that mimic voice.
I've had all of these things going on.
41 is the very beginning of human design.
That's the beginning.
This is something that has been very apparent to me for a long time,
But I haven't stepped into it.
I haven't showed up for it.
I have also the channel of struggle.
The channel of struggle is really about what is worth fighting for.
So this showed up yesterday.
And by the end of the night,
I realized what was going on.
Is this my struggle?
I have been through a lot.
Can I find the meaning in the struggle?
This was a crazy week or two.
And I'm sure that everybody is feeling that.
From that incarnation cross,
I can feel the struggle everywhere.
I can feel within myself the desperation that people are having all over the place with money,
With bills,
With health,
With pain,
With all kinds of things.
We are coming into 2027,
Which in human design is a major threshold collective.
It's a big change and a big shift.
And part of my design is that bridge and helping people move to that 2027.
Place.
Last night I walked outside and I found cicada shells all along my garage door.
These beautiful,
Translucent,
Light brown cicada shells.
And what it made me think was how much I had been underground in all the work I had done and how much I had actually moved through and how I'm now coming out and I'm beginning to notice and look around and say my truth in different ways.
Again,
All about I am showing up for myself.
It's not apologizing.
It's not in shame.
It's not guilt.
It's being in the present moment.
That's why I started with going into the belly.
Is there any point in time where you have given up in the last week,
Or you wanted to,
Or you heard the voices of,
This is not enough,
This is what I need to do,
This is not worth it,
Right?
Because I've been feeling the shadow rise.
The nervous systems are on fire for a lot of people.
People are stretched to a breaking point.
Systems are a bit crumbling.
And so all of this is happening as we midwife into 2027.
This is where I have to go today because I feel it in everyone.
There is a desperation,
And we're at that threshold.
So yeah,
Let's just do a little bit of visualization and use that cicada,
That being underground and doing the underground work and coming up and then all of a sudden leaving that shell and moving into life,
Singing your song,
Giving what you have to give.
This is a fork in a road.
It's a fork in a road for me.
Today is the fork in the road and I made the choice.
And even when I think about it,
Like I did all of that work underground.
I developed an entire ecosystem of healing and I wrote a book that is the map for systemic,
Beautiful,
Emotional Akashic Records healing.
To be honest,
I have not promoted it.
I have not promoted my work.
This is the fork in the road for me to show up for myself,
To say,
Okay,
What I did is worth it.
It's worth the struggle.
I want you to think about where your fork in the road is,
Right?
Wherever you are,
Let's get into it.
Let's get dirty.
Let's get messy.
Let's see it.
Let's not shame it.
Let's not guilt it.
Let's just be present with it.
Wherever you are,
Feet on the floor,
Cross-legged,
Hands on your thighs,
Feeling the weight of your body,
Right?
The support of your body,
The support beneath you.
Begin with breathing into the belly,
Inhaling into the belly.
Opening your mouth and exhaling.
One more time,
Inhaling into the belly.
And exhaling out.
And I want you to feel into your own underground.
Where you have been underground,
Building,
Healing.
Right?
You might be alone.
Maybe there's someone with you,
But you might be alone in that underground like I was.
Feel into what's been happening underneath.
It might be that thing that you've been building,
That piece of your body that you've been healing.
It might be actually doing the healing work and having no one witness it.
It might be that you've just been working on yourself.
It might be that gift,
That thing that you have to enter into the world,
But it's still underground and no one's found it yet.
So just breathe into that.
Feel that underground space of your own life.
Inhaling.
And exhaling.
It's real.
It matters.
It's there.
Inhaling.
And exhaling.
And for a minute,
Feel into that soft voice that maybe is a mimic voice for you,
That familiar one,
The one that sounds like care.
Feel it without fighting it.
Don't try to fight it.
Don't put up your guard.
Feel into that voice that sounds like care,
But maybe is like love.
You're not ready.
Or the world's not ready for this.
Or I'm not worth it.
I need to change direction.
I just need it to be with myself for a little bit longer.
Just feel into that voice.
Breathing into the belly.
Is this wisdom?
Breathing out.
Breathe into the belly.
Or is this my shadow?
Exhale.
Inhale.
Is this the voice that nurtures me?
And exhale.
Breathing in.
And feel into the idea and that vision of a cicada.
The years underground.
The shell left on the threshold.
It's that emergence.
Breathe in.
Ask yourself,
What shell am I ready to leave behind?
And exhale.
Inhale.
What song has been building in me?
And exhale.
Inhale.
What gift has been building underground?
Exhale.
Inhale.
Sigh it out.
Let the knowing be there.
You don't necessarily have to take a step.
On your fork on the road yet.
This is your choice.
You always have free will.
This is your choice.
Let the knowing be there that you have been working with your gifts underground,
Whatever those gifts may be,
Whether it's healing your body,
Whether it's a gift you want to enter into the world.
Whether it's something you've been working on a project,
A business,
Whatever it be.
And even if it's scary,
Even if the bills are piling up and your credit cards are maxed.
Even if the pain in your body is still being felt.
Even if the timing feels impossible.
Let the knowing be there.
Let that underground space sink in.
The knowing of that underground space be there.
And when you're ready,
You can open up your eyes.
I'm going to give you three questions to sit with,
However you want to sit with them.
Where did that soft voice show up for you this week?
The one that sounded like wisdom,
But was pulling you away from yourself.
What did it say?
And what do you know underneath it?
What have you been building underground?
What did those years underground give you that you couldn't have found any other way?
And what would it mean to stop apologizing for your timing?
And instead,
Trust.
That you're emerging exactly when you're supposed to.
And this week tested me.
The bills,
The broken things,
The voices,
The almost giving up.
And then I found those cicada shells.
And I was like,
Oh my God,
This is all part of the same journey.
I am showing up for myself.
And in that,
I am showing up for others.
You know,
The underground time,
That's never wasted.
I needed to go underground for four and a half years to heal,
To learn,
To grow,
To shift.
I needed that.
I needed to be in that underground space.
It wasn't going to happen any other way.
But that struggle,
That struggle,
Is the initiation.
That struggle teaches me what it is worth to fight for.
You haven't put it out there because it's still a bit underground and you need to emerge into this is today this is today it is okay it is beautiful I'm not judging much shaming not guilting I hope you don't judge you don't shame you don't guilt but you show up for the moment that's that fork in the road.
So thank you so much for coming along today.
Namaste.
