Have you ever noticed that there's a very specific type of exhaustion that sleep just cannot fix?
It's the pure exhaustion of forcing yourself to show up for a life that just doesn't fit you anymore.
If you look at a photograph of yourself from a few years ago,
You might realize that you're looking at a stranger.
Same eyes,
Maybe even the same habit of leaning your chin on your hand when you're tired,
But the person inhabiting that body the architecture of your thoughts,
The things that keep you awake at night now feel completely different.
You see,
We like to think that change happens in a flash.
We celebrate the grand gestures,
The day the resignation letter is handed in,
The day a relationship that wasn't good for us comes to an end,
Or the day we pack up our lives into boxes and move somewhere else.
We treat these moments like lightning strikes.
But the truth is,
That big moment is usually just the final step of something that's been happening months,
Maybe even years,
But in total silence.
I like to refer to this as the invisible shift.
It's when you mentally check out of a job,
A relationship,
A role,
Weeks,
Months,
Or even years before you actually pack up and leave.
So if you find yourself sitting in a life that looks completely fine on the outside,
But internally something has fundamentally shifted for you and you just know it,
But can't quite put your finger on it,
Welcome.
You are in the messy middle,
My friend.
I have spent 20 years sitting across from people in these exact thresholds,
And I have also navigated it myself.
And when a career,
A system,
Or a relationship demands more of your core humanity than it is willing to nourish back to you,
Your nervous system will make an executive decision for you.
Your nervous system actually ends up protecting you by slowly pulling back your emotional investment.
But what does pulling back actually feel like?
I mean,
You don't just wake up on a Tuesday and suddenly decide to stop caring.
It starts very small.
Imperceptible boundary adjustments begin.
This may look like you no longer overextending.
You may stop correcting people when they misinterpret your actions.
Because the energy required to explain yourself feels far heavier than the discomfort of being misunderstood.
You just let things slide.
Not because you don't care,
But because you're recognizing that your energy is actually required elsewhere.
Logically,
We refer to this as anticipatory detachment.
It's a beautifully designed coping mechanism,
But it also comes with a profound sense of isolation.
Because everyone around you still expects the old version of you to show up.
It feels like they are interacting with a shell of who you used to be.
If you're honest,
You'll probably say you're ticking all the boxes,
But the real you is somewhere else entirely.
The hardest part of this evolution is in the beginning,
And it's certainly not the end.
It's the limbo.
Space and in this middle space we experience a very specific kind of heartache,
Disenfranchised grief.
It's a grief you feel you aren't allowed to openly mourn because nothing has technically been lost yet.
I mean you haven't left but internally you are mourning the illusion that this reality was going to be your forever and you are allowed to mourn that.
You are allowed to grieve the life you thought you would have had.
It doesn't make you ungrateful.
It doesn't make you a bad person.
It only makes you a human.
You see,
We can resist our disenfranchised grief because the void of not knowing what comes next is absolutely terrifying.
So we try to force ourselves back into the old box.
We may even tell ourselves to be more grateful,
To work harder,
Or just to forget about what has happened because it's not important.
But once that internal shift starts to happen and the messy middle starts to take form,
Firstly,
Notice your exhaustion.
There is a distinct difference between being tired because you worked hard and being tired because you are suppressing your truth.
The constant effort of pretending.
One of the best parts about being in the messy middle is that once you overcome it,
You will no longer have the urge to perform.
Secondly,
Notice your irritation.
This is a big one.
When you are stuck in a structure that no longer fits,
Your frustration will leak out into the small things.
You may find that minor inconveniences which never bothered you before suddenly become unbearable.
But it's not actually about the small details being unbearable.
It's about the fact that your spirit is chafing against walls that are simply too small for you.
If you recognize these signs and what I'm saying resonates with you,
I want you to know that the shift you are experiencing is not a crisis.
It's just data.
Because it is your deepest,
Most authentic self sending up a smoke signal saying we are nearly ready.
You see,
Change is like building a house.
Long before you see the scaffolding go up,
There's a massive amount of digging happening underground,
Almost completely out of sight.
So you do not need to blow up your life today.
You only need to trust the quiet evolution that is happening within you.
Trust that the emotional detachment you are feeling is actually clearing out the space required for whatever is next.
As scary and uncomfortable as the messy middle can be,
I want you to ask yourself this question.
What if who you are becoming is the best version of you yet?
Thank you for connecting with me today.
Remember to pay attention to the shifts you think that no one else can see.
They are the most important points of data that you have.
Take a breath.
Press play on whatever feels right today and let's begin the good work together.
