What if the way you see yourself is keeping you stuck?
Have you ever wondered why you keep doing the same things even though you know they aren't getting you where you want to go?
Yet there is something you need to do that you keep avoiding.
Perhaps you know you need to make a decision.
Have a difficult conversation.
Put yourself out there,
Start something new or finally do something you've been thinking about for months and somehow you keep finding reasons not to do it.
You might tell yourself that you don't know what to do,
That you need more time,
That you need more confidence,
Or that you need to work out what the right thing is.
And you might genuinely believe that is the problem.
I see it differently.
I believe you live like the person you think you are.
And if you are feeling stuck,
It is worth looking at the person you believe yourself to be,
Because those beliefs influence far more of your life than you probably realise.
So what if feeling stuck isn't really about knowing what to do?
You see,
Throughout our lives we collect stories,
Beliefs and assumptions about ourselves,
Often without consciously deciding whether they are true or whether they are relevant.
It could be that something happens,
Someone says something,
We have an experience,
We make a decision about what that means about us.
And over time that becomes part of the story we tell ourselves.
That story then influences the way we think.
And the way we think influences the way we feel.
And the way we feel influences how we show up,
How we behave,
The decisions we make and the actions we take,
Which ultimately creates the results and experience we have.
So,
If you believe you aren't confident,
You'll behave differently from someone who believes they are confident.
If you believe you aren't good enough.
You'll make different decisions from someone who believes they are capable.
If you believe you don't know what you are doing.
You might wait until you feel more certain before taking action,
While somebody who believes they can work things out as they go may simply get started.
Neither person necessarily has more knowledge,
Ability or experience.
They are simply operating from a different belief about who they are.
And I know this because I've done it myself.
You see,
Coaching isn't my first experience of business.
My first experience was called Feel That Space,
Which was about promoting local Bristol artists.
And I was really excited because as far as I was concerned,
What wasn't exciting about running your own business?
The problem was that I'd completely disregarded the 17 years of experience I already had.
Before starting my business,
I had had a successful career as a project manager at an engineering company,
Despite not having any engineering qualifications or experience.
I'm from a technical point of view.
I knew very little about engineering.
Yet that didn't stop me from project managing highly complex projects.
And so I'd spent 17 years solving problems,
Managing complexity,
Leading people,
And getting things done when I didn't necessarily know all the answers myself.
Then I started my own business and somehow decided that none of that counted.
As far as I was concerned,
I was starting from a blank piece of paper.
I knew nothing.
I was constantly questioning myself.
Would anybody buy from me?
Do I actually know what I was doing?
Who is I to be running a business?
I remember going to networking meetings and looking at all these business owners in awe.
Thinking that they were really successful people who knew what they were doing,
While I felt like the child who had somehow been allowed to sit at the grown-ups table.
I thought that maybe,
Just maybe,
One day.
.
.
I would become like them.
I didn't realise that the way I was thinking about myself was influencing the way I was showing up.
And my results reflected that.
You see,
Sales didn't go particularly well.
Most days I didn't even make a sale.
And I was spending more money than I was actually making,
Which eventually led to me deciding to close the business.
If only I knew then what I know now.
I understand now that the way you think,
The stories you tell yourself and the beliefs you have about yourself will influence the reality you experience.
So if you are wondering how to stop feeling stuck,
Perhaps the first question isn't,
What should I do?
Perhaps it is,
Who do I believe I am?
So I ask you.
Who do you think you are?
I want you to take a moment and think about yourself.
Whether that's in your career,
In your relationships,
Or life generally.
Who do you think you are?
And then,
Think about how that person shows up.
If you believe you are someone who lacks confidence.
How does that person behave when an opportunity comes along?
If you believe you are someone who always puts everyone else first.
What decisions do you make?
If you believe you are someone who isn't good at making decisions,
How long do you spend going backwards and forwards before finally deciding what to do?
You might think that your behaviour is simply a reflection of who you are,
But actually,
The way you see yourself is what influences your behaviour every day.
And once you become aware of that,
You have something you can work with.
So I want to offer you three ways to start becoming the person you want to be.
The first being,
Decide who you want to be,
Not just what you want to achieve.
You see,
When people feel stuck,
They often concentrate on what they want to achieve.
They want more money,
A different job,
A successful business,
Better relationships,
More confidence,
More time for themselves.
And there's nothing wrong with wanting any of those.
I simply want you to take it one step further and ask first who you need to be to create the life you want.
Number two.
Listen to the conversation you are having with yourself.
Once you've decided who you want to be,
I want you to think about how that person would think.
What would their inner dialogue sound like?
How would they talk to themselves when something goes wrong?
What would they say when they make a mistake?
How would they talk about themselves to other people?
This is important because the conversation you have with yourself is happening all day and most of the time you probably aren't even aware of it because you have become so used to hearing it.
So I want you.
To really listen.
Become aware so that you can anticipate and then change that conversation.
Number three.
Start being that person one step at a time.
You don't have to change everything about your life at once.
I wouldn't recommend that,
Because when you give yourself a huge list of things to do that make you want to change,
It can feel overwhelming and that's just another reason not to do it.
Instead,
Just choose one thing.
If you've decided you want to be someone who speaks up,
Look for an opportunity,
Just one,
To speak up.
If you want to be someone who makes decisions confidently,
Make one decision without asking everybody else what they think.
And if you want to be someone who takes better care of themselves,
Make one decision that puts your well-being high on the list.
You see,
It's doing things one step at a time,
Which will help you get to where you want to go,
Or in this case,
To be the person you want to be.
So.
This is the time to reflect back on.
What's happened?
That has made you become the person you are today,
Which may not be the person who you want to be tomorrow.
Take the opportunity.
To pause here.
And to ask yourself.
Who do I want to be?
And use that as motivation,
As inspiration.
Change your reality from the inside out.
Take care,
Everyone.
