Welcome back to the Samadhi Crusade podcast.
Today we're going to explore a question that comes up surprisingly often in therapy,
Coaching conversations,
And honestly,
In everyday life.
A question that sounds simple on the surface.
But has the potential to completely change the way we see ourselves.
What if you're not stuck?
Before we get into that.
.
.
For those?
Of you who are new here,
My name is Al.
I'm a psychotherapist,
A coach,
And someone who has spent many years fascinated by how people heal.
Grow.
Struggle.
Adapt,
And make sense of their experiences.
I've had the privilege of sitting with hundreds of people through some of the most difficult chapters of their lives.
And one thing I've learned is that people are often much hotter on themselves than they would ever be on someone they love.
Many people come into therapy believing they should be further ahead.
That they should be stronger.
More disciplined,
Motivated.
Healed.
They tell me things like.
.
.
I know what I need to do.
So why can't I do it?
I've read the books.
I've watched the videos.
I understand the problem.
So why?
Am I still here?
And underneath those questions is often a painful assumption.
That something must be wrong with them.
My goal is not to tell you what's wrong with you.
My goal is to help you better understand what's happening inside of you.
Because when we understand our experiences through the lens of the nervous system,
Emotional learning,
And human adaptation.
Things often begin to make a lot more sense.
And sometimes what looks like a problem.
Is actually a protective strategy.
Which brings us back to today's question.
What if you're not?
Let me ask you a strange question.
What if the thing you've been calling procrastination or anxiety avoidance,
Self-sabotage.
Not actually a problem.
What if it is protection?
Now before you roll your eyes.
I know.
I've heard every version of this.
And honestly?
So have many of my clients.
People often come to therapy saying,
I know exactly what I need to do.
But I'm still not doing it.
I've read the books,
I've watched the videos,
I've done the courses.
So why am I still here?
And that's the question.
I want to explore today.
Because maybe.
.
.
Just maybe.
You are not alone.
Talk at all.
Maybe something inside you is trying to keep you safe.
Most of us grow up believing something very simple.
If I'm not moving forward.
I'm failing.
I am not changing.
I am lazy.
If I'm not succeeding.
I am doing something wrong.
So we push We force.
We motivate.
We shame ourselves.
We make vision boards.
We buy planners,
Listen to motivational videos while drinking coffee we didn't even want.
And then.
Nothing changes.
Which is incredibly rude.
After all that effort.
We expected at least a little enlightenment.
But often we don't get transformation.
We get exhaustion.
Here is a different possibility.
What if the nervous system.
.
.
Doesn't care about your goals.
It cares about safety.
Think about that for a moment.
Isn't asking.
How can I help you become more successful?
It's asking,
How can I keep you safe?
Very different job description.
And sometimes what looks like being stuck.
Is actually protection.
Protection from rejection.
Failure.
Sad.
Protection from disappointment.
Very often vulnerability.
Protection from old pain.
That has never fully been processed.
The behavior doesn't make sense.
Sounds.
Until it does.
I often explain it this way.
Imagine you're driving a car.
Your foot is on the gas pedal.
You are trying harder,
Pushing harder.
Working harder.
But the parking brake is still on.
Would you call the car lazy?
Of course not.
You'd understand that something else is happening.
Many people are living life exactly this way.
More effort,
More pressure,
Self-criticism.
Pushing but the nervous system still has the brake engaged.
Not because you're broken,
Not because you're weak.
Or lazy.
Because somewhere along the way it learned that slowing you down was safer.
Maybe here.
Was.
A time when being visible I wasn't safe.
Maybe speaking up wasn't Save.
Or making mistakes,
Or trusting people wasn't safe.
Maybe being yourself wasn't.
Really safe.
The nervous system learns from experience.
And sometimes it keeps using on.
An old knob.
Long after the environment has changed.
And most people ask,
How do I make this stop?
I think a more helpful question is,
What is this trying to protect me from?
That question changes everything.
Not because it instantly solves the problem,
But because it replaces judgment with curiosity.
And curiosity is often where healing begins.
Not force and not pressure.
Curiosity.
Let's pause for a moment.
Take a look.
Around the row.
Notice three things.
You can see.
No special breathing technique.
No exercise.
No homework.
Just noticing.
Notice in the support underneath you.
The chair,
The floor.
The weight of your body.
That's it.
Nothing dramatic.
And that's okay.
Sometimes healing doesn't arrive.
As a breakthrough.
Sometimes it arrives as a small moment of connection.
A small moment of noticing.
A moment of safety.
Here is the idea I want you to consider today.
Maybe you're not behind.
Maybe you're not failing.
Not stuck.
But maybe you're adapting.
You've been carrying strategies that helped you survive another chapter in your life.
And now those strategies are simply waiting to be updated.
That's a very different story.
One story says Something is wrong with me.
The other says,
My system learned.
Something.
1 creates shame The other creates understanding.
One creates pressure,
The other possibility.
And possibility changes things.
I want to leave you with one final thought.
What if healing isn't about becoming someone different?
What if human is about understanding yourself more deeply?
What if growth isn't about fixing yourself?
What if it is not about creating enough safety to become more fully yourself.
Because every day.
I sit with people who believe they are failing.
And over and over again,
We discovered that What looked like resistance?
What looked like avoidance.
Or self-sabotage.
Was often a nervous system doing exactly what I learned to do.
To protect.
Adapt.
Survive.
And when that protection is finally understood rather than judged.
Something begins to soften.
Not because it was forced.
But because.
It no longer has to work quite so hard.
If there's one thing I'd like you to remember from today's conversation.
It's theirs.
Being stuck and feeling stuck are not always the same thing.
Because what looks like resistance is protection.
Sometimes what looks like self-sabotage is self-protection.
Or self-preservation.
Sometimes what looks like.
.
.
Failure.
Is a nervous system that has been working very hard to keep you safe.
And if that's true.
Then maybe there is nothing wrong with you.
Maybe there is simply something waiting to be understood.
Maybe the question isn't how do I force myself forward.
Maybe the question is,
What does this part of me need in order to feel safe enough to move?
That's a very different conversation.
And often It's the conversation that finally creates change.
If this resonates with you,
I'd love to hear from you.
Have you ever discovered that something you thought was holding you back?
Was actually trying to protect you.
Share your experience in the comments below.
I read every comment personally.
And if someone came to mind while listening to this episode,
Feel free to share it with them.
You never know who might need this reminder today.
And if you'd like to continue exploring topics like nervous system regulation,
Emotional healing,
Relationships,
Anxiety,
Anger,
Overwhelm,
Shutdown,
And the patterns that shape our lives.
Consider subscribing to the channel.
Until next time.
Be gentle with yourself.
Your nervous system may be doing the best it can.
With what it learned.
And that learning can change.
Take care.
