43 Tenant Of Wildfell Hall - Read By Stephanie Poppins

Hello.

Welcome to Sleep Stories with Steph,

A romantic bedtime podcast guaranteed to help you drift off into a calm,

Relaxing sleep.

Come with me as we travel back to a time long ago where Helen Huntingdon is sacrificing everything she knows in order to protect her son.

But before we begin let us take a moment to focus on where we are now.

Take a deep breath in through your nose then let it out on a long sigh.

It is time to relax and really let go.

Feel your shoulders melt away from your ears as you sink into the support beneath you.

Feel the pressure seep away from your cheeks as your breath drops into a natural rhythm.

There is nothing you need to be doing right now and nowhere you need to go.

We are together and it is time for sleep.

The Tenant of Wildfelm Hall Read and abridged by Stephanie Poppins The 30th.

Alas,

My kind neighbours will not let me alone.

By some means they have ferreted me out and I have had to sustain visits from three different families,

All more or less bent upon discovering who and what I am,

Whence I came and why I have chosen such a home as this.

Their society is unnecessary to me,

To say the least,

And their curiosity annoys and alarms me.

If I gratify it,

It may lead to the ruin of my son,

And if I am too mysterious it will only excite their suspicions,

Invite conjecture and rouse them to greater exertions,

And perhaps be the means of spreading my fame from parish to parish till it reaches the ears of someone who will carry it to the Lord of Grasdale Manor.

I shall be expected to return their calls,

But if upon enquiry I find many of them live too far away for Arthur to accompany me,

They must expect him vain for a while,

For I cannot bear to leave him,

Unless it be to go to church,

And I have not attempted that yet,

For it may be foolish weakness,

But I am under such constant dread of his being snatched away that I am never easy when he is not by my side.

I fear these nervous terrors would so entirely disturb my devotions that I should obtain no benefit from attending church.

I mean,

However,

To make the experiment next Sunday,

And oblige myself to leave him in charge of Rachel for a few hours.

It will be a hard task,

But surely no imprudence,

And the vicar has been to scold me for my neglect of the ordinances of religion,

So I have had no sufficient excuse to offer.

I promised if all were well he should see me in my new pew next Sunday,

But I do not wish to be set down as an infidel,

And besides I know I should derive great comfort and benefit from an occasional attendance of public worship,

If only I could have faith and fortitude to compose my thoughts in conformity with a solemn occasion,

And forbid them to be ever dwelling on my absent child,

And on the dreadful possibility of finding him gone when I return.

Surely God in his mercy will preserve me from so severe a trial,

For my own child's sake,

If not for mine,

He will not suffer him to be torn away.

November 3rd.

I've made some further acquaintance with my neighbours.

The fine gentleman and beau of the parish in its vicinity,

On his own estimation at least,

Is a young.

.

.

Here it ended,

The rest was torn away.

How cruel,

When she was just about to mention me.

For I could not doubt it was your humble servant she was going to mention,

Though not very favourably of course,

I could tell that,

As well by those few words as by the recollection of her whole aspect and demeanour towards me in the commencement of our acquaintance.

Well,

I could readily forgive her prejudice against me,

And her hard thoughts of our sex in general,

When I saw to what brilliant specimens her experience had been limited.

Respecting me,

However,

Helen had long since seen her error,

And perhaps fallen into another in the opposite extreme,

For if at first her opinions of me had been lower than I deserved,

I was convinced that now my deserves were lower than her opinion,

And if the former part of this continuation had been torn away to avoid wounding my feelings,

Perhaps the latter portion had been removed,

For fear of ministering too much to my self-conceit.

At any rate,

I would have given much to have seen it all,

To have witnessed the gradual change,

And watched the progress of her esteem and friendship for me,

And whatever warmer feeling she might have.

To have seen how much of love there was in her regard,

And how it had grown upon her in spite of her virtuous resolutions and strenuous exertions,

To.

.

.

But no,

I had no right to see it.

All this was too secret for any eyes but her own,

And she had done well to keep it from me.

Reconciliation Well,

Halford,

What do you think of all this?

And while you read it,

Did you ever picture to yourself what my feelings would be during its perusal?

Most likely not.

But I am not going to discant upon them now.

I will only make this acknowledgment,

Little honourable as it may be to human nature,

And especially to myself,

That the former half of the narrative was,

To me,

More painful than the latter.

Not that I was all insensible to Mrs.

Huntingdon's wrongs,

Or unmoved by her sufferings,

But I must confess I felt a kind of selfish gratification in watching her husband's gradual decline in her good graces,

And seeing how completely he extinguished all her affection at last.

The effect of the whole,

However,

In spite of all my sympathy for her,

And my fury against him,

Was to relieve my mind of an intolerable burden and fill my heart with joy,

As if some friend had roused me from a dreadful nightmare.

It was now near eight o'clock in the morning,

For my candle had expired in the midst of my perusal,

Leaving me no alternative but to get another,

At the expense of alarming the house,

Or to go to bed and wait the return of daylight.

On my mother's account,

I chose the latter,

But how willingly I sought my pillow,

And how much sleep it brought me,

I leave you to imagine.

At the first appearance of dawn I rose,

And I brought the manuscript to the window,

But it was impossible to read it yet.

I devoted half an hour to dressing,

Then returned to it again.

Now,

With a little difficulty,

I could manage,

And with intense and eager interest I devoured the remainder of its contents.

When it was ended,

And my transient regret at its abrupt conclusion was over,

I opened the window and put out my head to catch the cooling breeze,

And imbibe deep draughts of the pure morning air.

A splendid morning it was.

The half-frozen dew lay thick on the grass,

The swallows were twittering around me,

The rooks cawing and cows lowing in the distance,

And early frost and summer sunshine mingled their sweetness in the air.

But I did not think of that.

A confusion of countless thoughts and varied emotions crowded upon me,

Whilst I gazed abstractedly on the lovely face of nature.

Soon,

However,

This chaos of thoughts and passions cleared away,

Giving place to two distinct emotions.

Joy unspeakable,

That my adored Helen was all I wished to think her,

That through the noise and vapours of the world's aspersions and my own fancied convictions,

Her character shone bright and clear,

And stainless as that sun I could not bear to look upon,

And shame and remorse for my own conduct.

Immediately after breakfast,

I hurried over to Wildfell Hall.

Rachel had risen many degrees in my estimation since yesterday.

I was ready to greet her quite as an old friend,

But every kindly impulse was checked by the look of cold distrust she cast upon me on opening the door.

The old virgin had constituted herself the guardian of her lady's honour,

I suppose,

And doubtless she saw in me another Mr Hargrave,

Only the more dangerous in being more esteemed and trusted by her mistress.

"'Mrs can't see anyone today,

Sir.

She's poorly,

' she said,

In answer to my inquiry for Mrs Graham.

"'But I must see her,

Rachel,

' said I,

Placing my hand on the door to prevent its being shut.

"'Indeed,

Sir,

You can't,

' replied she,

Settling her countenance in still more iron frigidity than before.

"'Be so good as to announce me.

' "'It's no manner of use,

Mr Markham.

She's poorly,

I tell you.

' Just in time to prevent me from committing the impropriety of tackling the Citadel by storm and pushing forward unannounced,

An inner door opened,

And little Arthur appeared with his frolicsome playfellow,

The dog.

He seized my hand between both of his and smilingly drew me forward.

"'Mamma says you're to come in,

Mr Markham,

' said he,

"'and I'm to go out and play with Rover.

' Rachel retired with a sigh,

And I stepped into the parlour and shut the door.

There before the fireplace stood the tall,

Graceful figure,

Wasted with many sorrows.

I cast the manuscript on the table and looked in her face.

Anxious and pale,

It was turned towards me.

Her clear,

Dark eyes fixed on mine with a gaze so intensely earnest,

They bound me like a spell.

"'Have you looked it over?

' she murmured.

The spell was broken.

"'I've read it through,

' said I,

Advancing into the room.

"'And I want to know if you'll forgive me.

If you can forgive me.

' Helen did not answer,

But her eyes glistened,

And a faint red mantled on her lip and cheek.

As I approached,

She abruptly turned away and went to the window.

It was not in anger,

I was well assured,

But only to conceal or control her emotion.

I therefore ventured to follow and stand beside her there,

But not to speak.

She gave me her hand without turning her head and murmured,

In a voice she strove in vain to steady.

"'Can you forgive me?

' It might be deemed a breach of trust,

I thought,

To convey that lily hand to my lips,

So I only gently pressed it between my own and smilingly replied.

"'I hardly can.

You should have told me this before.

It shows a want of confidence.

' "'Oh no!

' cried she,

Eagerly interrupting me,

"'it was not that.

It was no want of confidence in you.

But if I had told you anything of my history,

I must have told you all,

In order to excuse my conduct,

And I might well shrink from such a disclosure till necessity obliged me to make it.

"'But you forgive me?

I have done very,

Very wrong,

I know.

But as usual I have reaped the bitter fruits of my own error,

And I must reap them to the end.

' Bitter,

Indeed,

Was the tone of anguish repressed by resolute firmness in which this was spoken.

Now I raised her hand to my lips,

And fervently kissed it again and again,

For tears prevented any other reply.

She suffered these wild caresses without resistance or resentment,

Then,

Suddenly turning from me,

She paced twice or thrice through the room.

I knew by the contraction of her brow,

The tight compression of her lips,

And the wringing of her hands,

That meantime a violent conflict between reason and passion was silently passing within.

At length she paused before the empty fireplace,

And turning to me,

She said calmly,

If that might be called calmness,

Which was so evidently the result of a violent effort,

"'Now,

Gilbert,

You must leave me,

Not this moment but soon,

And you must never come again.

' "'Never again,

Helen?

Just when I love you more than ever?

' "'For that very reason.

If it be so,

We should not meet again.

I thought this interview was necessary,

At least I persuaded myself it was so,

That we might severally ask and receive each other's pardon for the past,

But there can be no excuse for another.

I shall leave this place as soon as I have means to seek another asylum,

But our intercourse must end here.

' "'End here?

' echoed I,

And approaching the high-carved chimney-piece,

I lent my hand against its heavy mouldings,

And I dropped my forehead upon it in silent,

Sullen despondency.

"'You must not come again,

' continued she.

There was a slight tremor in her voice,

But I thought her whole manner was provokingly composed,

Considering the dreadful sentence she had pronounced.

"'You must know why I tell you so,

' she resumed,

"'and you must see it's better to part at once.

If it be hard to say adieu for ever,

You ought to help me.

' She paused.

I did not answer.

"'Will you promise not to come?

"'If you won't,

And if you do come here again,

You will drive me away before I know where to find another place of refuge,

Or how to seek it.

' "'Helen,

' said I,

Turning impatiently toward her,

"'I cannot discuss the matter of eternal separation calmly and dispassionately as you can.

"'It is no question of mere expedience with me.

"'It is a question of life and death.

' She was silent.

Her pale lips quivered and her fingers trembled with agitation as she nervously entwined them in the hair chain to which was appended her small gold watch,

The only thing of value she had permitted herself to keep.

I had said an unjust and cruel thing,

But I must needs follow it up with something worse.

"'But,

Helen,

' I began in a soft,

Low tone,

Not daring to raise my eyes to her face,

"'that man is not your husband.

"'In the sight of heaven he has forfeited all claim.

' She seized my arm with a grasp of startling energy.

"'Gilbert,

Don't!

' she cried in a tone that would have pierced a heart of adamant.

"'For God's sake,

Don't you attempt these arguments?

' "'No fiend could torture me like this.

' "'I won't,

I won't,

' said I,

Gently laying my hand on hers,

Almost as much alarmed at her vehemence as ashamed of my own misconduct.

"'Instead of acting like a true friend,

' she continued,

Breaking from me,

"'in helping me with all your might,

"'or rather taking your own part in the struggle of right against passion,

"'you leave all the burden to me.

"'Not satisfied with that,

You do your utmost to fight against me "'when you know that I—' She paused and hid her face in her handkerchief.

"'Forgive me,

Helen,

' pleaded I.

"'I will never utter another word on the subject.

"'But may we not still meet as friends?

' "'It will not do,

' she replied,

Mournfully,

Shaking her head.

"'Then she raised her eyes to mine with a mildly reproachful look "'that seemed to say,

"'You must know that,

As well as I.

'"