Hello and welcome to today's episode of the Female Stoic Podcast.
Today I am going to be talking about Stoicism and Honest Empathy and I will be referring to my favourite novel by Charlotte Bronte,
Jane Eyre.
I will relate these conflicts,
These difficulties she faces in her novel with our lives in the 21st century.
As Stoics,
We are practising a greater understanding of emotion and how it can lead us down paths and encourage us to make choices we perhaps would not make in hindsight.
It is important as functioning members of society we are both honest and empathetic.
But is this always possible?
Are,
When being empathetic,
We compromising our own virtue?
By being honest,
Are we compromising our empathy?
Let's look at these two words and compare them.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
But is it always honest?
Is it born from the ego?
Ego-driven empathy means sometimes it is used to gain approval,
Sympathy or control over others.
Sympathy might be feigned,
Empathy might be feigned to manipulate a situation,
Or indeed there may be a projection of insecurities and needs onto others,
Making the person in question appear as though they were being empathetic.
When we are honest and aware of our own ego and how it might influence empathy,
We can then go on to practice genuine empathy.
This involves self-reflection and a willingness to let go of the ego in order to foster deeper connections with others.
So,
In essence,
When empathy is a valuable skill,
It can be used to support,
Encourage and comfort others.
But it can also be twisted and used in ways that are detrimental to a genuine connection.
A healthy balance of ego and empathy,
Of honesty and empathy,
Allows us to be both self-aware and compassionate towards others.
Attaining virtue involves developing good habits through consistent practice and ethical behaviour.
It's about finding pleasure in doing what's right,
Even when it's challenging.
And this is where Jane Eyre comes in.
In Charlotte Bronte's novel,
Jane Eyre sets emotional boundaries and she recognises that she cares deeply about Mr Rochester,
But she does not absorb his every emotion.
She is honest with him and yet it comes from a place of virtue.
At one point in the story,
She has much to gain by ingratiating herself to him,
By showing him just how much she has to offer because she understands it would benefit herself.
She is empathetic in a way that could be seen to be seeking approval.
And yet,
When he asks the impossible,
Which is for her to get married,
And then when she finds out ultimately that's not possible,
So to become his mistress,
She says,
This is one step too far.
It's compromising my virtue,
Therefore I'm not willing to do that.
This goes against her sense of overpowering emotion.
She loves this man,
She wants to be with this man,
And in fact she gives up everything,
Her whole livelihood,
In the protection of her virtue and against every emotion she feels that caused her to be with this man.
Why does she do that?
Why has Bronte set her up to do that?
And let us bear in mind this is an autobiographical novel.
While she is prioritizing principle over passion here,
She repeatedly chooses to act according to her moral convictions.
This is a major tenet of Stoic philosophy.
She's empathizing with with Mr.
Rochester.
She is honest with herself though,
And she understands that her ego would be drawn towards placating him,
And managing him,
And encouraging him,
And his weaknesses,
And yet she stays strong.
Then of course,
If you don't know the story,
Keep listening.
She is drawn to leave Thornfield Hall,
Sacrifice everything she's worked so hard for to honor her principles,
Finds herself in another home,
And in another situation,
Whereby she is called upon her principles again.
She empathizes with St.
John Rivers,
Who later turns out to be a familial connection to her,
But she refuses to accept his proposal,
And she maintains her moral compass.
She is a poor woman who appears to have little few choices,
And yet she maintains the right to protect the only choice she understands she has,
Which is within her inner citadel,
Her choice to protect her inner peace,
Her maintenance of her virtue.
As Stoics,
We understand there is a dichotomy of control,
Everything inside the circle of control.
The inner citadel,
We can control everything outside of the inner citadel,
We cannot control.
These are externals,
The opinions,
The behaviors,
The actions of others.
So we can control our virtue and our reactions to the actions of others,
And that is what she does.
She is being honest,
She's being true to herself,
And this is the key here.
Empathy that comes from an honest place is not compromising your virtue.
The emphasis on this novel is on integrity and honesty.
Jane values integrity and honesty above all else.
She will not deceive herself or compromise her own principles,
Even when it is tempting to do so,
And her character is deeply rooted in this strong sense of morality.
So with this honesty comes an honesty in communication.
Jane speaks her mind even when it's difficult,
Or in fact unpopular,
And this is exemplified by her outburst early on in the book against Mrs.
Read at Gateshead Hall.
She has an internal monologue in the book that is revealing this thoughtful and self-aware character who constantly reflects on her actions and implications.
By embracing her honesty and self-reflection,
Jane discovers her own strengths and limitations,
And she comes to understand her own desires and needs,
And places those above all else.
She is a fictionalized version of Bronte herself.
We see this stoic thread running through this powerful novel,
And Jane's stoicism is omnipresent,
Is ever-present in her ability to endure this hardship,
Particularly during her childhood,
Then her later struggles with Mr.
Brocklehurst,
Mr.
Rochester's hidden life,
Bertha's madness,
And she also demonstrates a sympathy and an empathy,
An honest empathy,
For who she sees as a wronged woman,
The forgotten wife.
This is not born of ego but of rational thinking.
So this work,
Charlotte Bronte's work,
Is presenting this nuanced exploration of stoicism and empathy.
While stoicism is providing characters with the strength to endure adversity,
The empathy here is essential for forming this meaningful connection and navigating the complexities of those human relationships she goes on to have.
Mastery of our emotions is not lying to ourselves,
It's empowering ourselves,
And stoicism here is the truth,
It's the thread running through this story.
Jane says,
I am no bird and no net ensnares me,
And this is the message for today.
Be aware of who you are,
Be honest with your empathy,
And be true to yourself,
And always protect your inner virtue.
See you next time.
