Trust The Timing: A Gentler Way To Heal

21:56

21:56

Trust The Timing: A Gentler Way To Heal

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talks

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Meditation

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Everyone

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Are you exhausted from orchestrating your healing — pushing yourself toward the wound you think you're "supposed" to face, judging yourself for being stuck or doing it wrong? What if the timing isn't yours to control? The smaller, ripe, ready-to-be-picked frustrations in your daily life—not your biggest trauma—are what you're truly ready to heal right now. Going for the biggest wound before its time often keeps you feeling stuck. Your nervous system determines your true capacity for growth, so trust your inner guidance rather than forcing yourself toward what you think "should be" next. This isn't the slower path—it's the more direct one. You stop wasting energy climbing toward wounds you're not ready for, and stop exhausting yourself before you even begin. Trust what's showing up for you now. Your healing is unfolding in perfect timing.

Healing Self Compassion Nervous System Inner Guidance Emotional Resilience Shadow Work Self Inquiry Nervous System Regulation Healing Journey

Meet your Teacher

Scottsdale, AZ, USA

Meet your Teacher

Scottsdale, AZ, USA

Transcript

When we're doing inner work, It's so tempting to go for the biggest trauma, Assuming that if we do, We'll have the biggest healing. But that's not always true, And it often sabotages us and keeps us stuck. When people tell me they're stuck, This is usually what I see as the biggest challenge for them. So my advice is to always go for the low-hanging fruit. Let me tell you a little bit more about that. I want you to imagine a fruit tree. This tree represents your entire healing journey. All of the wounds and patterns, Unfelt feelings, Unfaced fears, Unmet needs, Essentially all your baggage, All of your boulders in your backpack that just weigh us down. At the top of the tree, Way up high where you need a ladder to reach, There's fruit. It's not ripe. It's probably really hard and green. Maybe if you were to eat it, It would taste sour or bitter. Definitely not ready to be eaten. These often represent your biggest traumas, Your deepest wounds. The most problematic patterns in your relationships. And if you tried to eat them, You'd probably realize that they're incredibly hard, Hard to chew, Maybe even hard to digest. They just don't feel ready to be eaten. So if you think about this in the context of these wounds and patterns, I totally understand the impulse to climb up there with that ladder and to try to grab that piece of fruit, That wound, Because it feels like if I could fix this one, Then everything else is going to get better. But here's what I want you to understand. That fruit is not ready for you. And you aren't ready for that fruit. And the idea that if you fix this, Everything's going to get better, Well, I'm just going Ask the question if you tune into yourself, Is that true? Have you tried to go into your deepest, Darkest wounds and go right there and try to resolve them, And you're still resolving them? Oftentimes it's because we need to take some smaller steps first. So scattered throughout the middle and lower branches of your tree, There's a whole bunch of fruit at various stages of ripeness. Some are developing, Some are getting close, And then there's the low-hanging fruit. The right, Ready, In-your-face fruit that you can simply reach out and pick. And it even just falls gently into your hand. You don't have to pull at it. You don't have to tug at it. You don't have to effort too much. Just there. My advice is to always go for the thing that's literally dangling in your face right now. The one ready to be picked, The one ready to be eaten, Metabolized, And integrated into your cells, Into your being. That's where the healing really happens. By following where you've been divinely guided to next. This is the low-hanging fruit. Trying too soon. I want to use an example of a peach. Because it seems like a peach is particularly awful to eat when it's not ripe. And the best description that I have for it is that it's too hard. It's just too hard. Very much like when we try to dive into our biggest triggers and address them too soon. Because they are just too hard. And then what happens, Though, Is we start to get down on ourselves. We start to beat ourselves up. Like, Why am I resisting doing this? Or why do I feel so stuck? Or what's wrong with me? And I would answer, You probably aren't ready to deal with that particular issue. You're over there judging yourself for your resistance, Saying that you're maybe not brave enough or that you should be doing better. But most likely, You're just trying to do something that you're not ready for. When you try to work on unripe fruit or trauma and wounds that you're not ready for, You end up so dysregulated from it. Here's one of the things that happens. You know when you get super triggered by something, Like really extremely triggered, Your heart is racing, And you're just in such a dysregulated state. And then by the time you've regulated yourself, Which sometimes takes a long time, You're so exhausted you really can't even bear the thought of doing the inner work. And I want to give you a little bit of permission here to say, Maybe when you feel resistance to doing the inner work, When you feel too exhausted from it, That it's okay to just focus on nervous system regulation then. Not going into the trigger of that one. Because sometimes what is happening is your body, Your parts, Are telling you, This isn't ripe yet, This isn't ready, And it's okay to listen to that wisdom. One of the most limiting factors in our growth is our nervous system. We can only go as far as our nervous system has the capacity for us to go. So therefore, Slow and easy is the way, Patiently allowing our nervous system to titrate us while our soul and ego are guiding us, But to not rush ourselves. When we're in a very dysregulated state to focus on regulating our nervous system, Self-care, Soothing, Coming into a relationship with our body again, And then picking low-hanging fruit. To do the self-inquiry work, To do the deeper dive into what's really going on here. So the low-hanging fruit approach is so deeply reverent and respectful to your nervous system's capacity, And it allows you to build that capacity gradually, Safely, Without overwhelming your system and sending you into more dysregulation that makes it even more impossible to do the work. Do you see where I'm going here? Do you see why doing this work and following the low-hanging fruit is so important? We have this internal guidance system that's built into us that really is showing us the step-by-step things that we are ready to work on. So let's make sure that we're following the low-hanging fruit rather than trying to be the super high achiever and go for the hardest things and getting totally dysregulated and then feeling like we're stuck and we're just not good at this stuff. So I just want to talk about what happens when we wait too long. It's been on my mind and I've just been curious about what happens if we wait too long on low-hanging fruit. An example would be like the fruit starts to get rotten. Maybe it falls and it goes into the ground and now it gets broken down and then reabsorbed and becomes part of the ecosystem and then it gets brought back into the roots. Well, My question is that if we aren't actively working on the low-hanging fruit and that keeps on falling off, Does that hold us back? Does it spill over to other places and make things harder for us? I think it might. So I think it's really important for us to eat the ripe fruit, To choose that low-hanging fruit first. Don't look at the low-hanging fruit and say, Oh, Low-hanging fruit, You are not worthy of being eaten, Because that small thing is worthy, And it's actually the key to everything else. So let me give you a little bit of a sense of what low-hanging fruit might look like, And then we're going to talk a little bit about this. We're going to talk about why we sometimes do ignore the low-hanging fruit. Usually the low-hanging fruit are the things that we say are too silly to focus on. Maybe you got annoyed with someone who didn't open the door for you at the grocery store when your hands were full. Or maybe it's the proverbial toothpaste cap and you were annoyed with your husband for not putting it back on. They seem so small, Maybe even silly or ridiculous. And so what can happen is that we might mentally bypass them. Like our brain says something like, I'm just being too sensitive. And then we push it aside or we shame ourselves for it. We say, I can't believe I'm making such a big deal out of nothing. Or we dismiss it entirely because it's like, That's just so silly. It doesn't seem worthy of our inner work. Let me tell you, I have done inner work on the silliest things. Or even just the things that seem so insanely crazy. Like, For example, I had to do deep inner healing work around the day that I found a spider in my bed. I could've. Totally missed that as an entry point into my healing. But let me tell you, It was a really profound healing for me. Because here is the truth. The thing is never the thing. When you're mad about the toothpaste cap, You're really not mad about the toothpaste cap. It's the accumulation of a bunch of other things that you're upset about. It's kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. When you're upset because somebody let the door slam into your face while you were carrying your groceries, It's touching on a wound of perhaps feeling invisible or not worth the effort. So we have to recognize that there is nothing too tiny. This is an opportunity to explore it. What if you let the toothpaste cap be a trailhead, An entry point? What if you journaled on it or did a dialogue quadrant or bring it into therapy? What would happen is this. It would reveal what's going on underneath. It would bring you to deeper levels. Without you having to dive into the biggest, Deepest wound, That might just be too much for you to face right now. Instead, You go with the toothpaste cap and let that be your way in. So here's something really important to understand. We have these boulders that are in our backpack. Otherwise known as baggage. And for most of us, It's really heavy. And it's weighing us down. But this is really cool. Every boulder weighs the same. So, Yes, Some wounds might be made up of many boulders, And some smaller frustrations might be just one boulder. But the point I'm trying to make is that every single thing that you heal is a boulder. And when you heal that boulder, It comes out of your backpack. And it lightens your load. In addition to that. . . Every wound. Which I would call a hole in you. Gets filled. So every single boulder that you take out of your backpack and every hole you fill provides you some level of relief. What this means is that even the little things will provide you the relief. Even the little things will free up some of the energy you were using before, Will help you to feel less burdened and less empty, More whole. And that relief actually really matters. It changes things. Because there's something happening when you do these little things. And this is crucial to understand. Each time you heal the little things, You're building yourself from the inside. You're building you. It's like this. Each time you do work on these small moments, You become more ready and available for the next levels. It brings you new levels of consciousness. It expands you, Evolves you, And deepens you. But in addition to that, You become more resourced. You become more internally safe and secure. Healings becomes the platform from which you then go to the next level of your healing and your growth. It builds your confidence. It builds a sense inside of you that you can do this. And it helps you to practice doing this inner work without it becoming this massively overwhelming thing. That you're dealing with. And then can you imagine that if you're practicing these tools and processes on something more manageable, And then when you do get to something bigger, You're more resourced. You're more practiced. You're more ready. Now I want you to suspend disbelief for just one moment. I want you to imagine that you are being guided all the time. That you have this internal guidance system, The Solway GPS that knows exactly what's right for you at the right timing. And that what you're ready for is what's coming up for you right now. The person that you see, The way that that person interacts with you, The experience you're going through right now, The way your boss talked to you, The way that you felt when you were with your friend today, That every single one of these things is divinely led. And that maybe, Just maybe, The best thing we could do is trust that process, To follow those breadcrumbs. What if we trust that no matter how small, Or seemingly insignificant, Silly, Or ridiculous, That if you got upset by that thing, Or you got triggered That is the thing, That nothing is too small. In fact, Maybe the smaller the better. But let's just be honest here. Sometimes the low-hanging fruit is something really freaking big. But if it's right there in your face, Then it must mean you're ready for it. And here's why it makes sense from a wholesale way perspective, And probably even from an internal family systems IFS perspective. If it really is that our protector parts are showing the way, That our protector parts are the way showers, Then your protector parts are only going to bring those things to your conscious awareness if you're ready to handle it. It's the things that your protector parks. Is willing to release control over. So therefore, In theory, You would be going along the grain. You'd be following the flow of your divine guidance rather than trying to go against it. So if you got really annoyed with that person who didn't open the door for you at the grocery store when your hands were full, And you say, This is so ridiculous, I cannot believe I'm being so sensitive about this thing, This is just so dumb, And you blow it off and you don't do the inner work on it, Then you miss this amazing opportunity. Okay, But let's talk about the traps we fall into. I just talked about some of them, But I'm going to just highlight them for you. Because what happens is that we do get derailed from the process because we have these other traps. So one of them is a trap of shame. Because the moment feels so insignificant, We basically shame ourselves for being upset about it. That's why sometimes we'll just mentally bypass it. But it's important to know that sometimes it's because we shamed ourselves. And once we put shame around it, Kind of we wrap it in shame, We don't want to look at it. And maybe we're even ashamed because it brings up shame in us. Maybe we're ashamed because we're being too sensitive, We took it too personally, Or that we're making a big deal out of nothing. I would say, Take those things that are nothing and make them important enough to look at. So trap number two is following someone else's journey. In this case, What happens is maybe we're scrolling on Instagram and somebody is talking about how their husband isn't emotionally available. And all of a sudden we're like, Wait, My husband does that same thing too. He's totally not emotionally present for me either. And then we become fixated on it. And now we're trying to focus on that thing. We're trying to heal that thing or face that thing or to change him. But it's not even really been up for us lately. It's not even something that's super on our mind right now. Maybe it's true. He actually is emotionally unavailable. Maybe. But maybe you guys have been getting better at it lately, Or maybe you're focused on some other situation in your life right now. And now with this Instagram person's comment, We become a victim of being squirreled, So to speak. We're distracted. We're over here looking at someone else's journey, Thinking that needs to be what I need to do. But why not go for the thing you're actually experiencing right now? Let's just be honest. Sometimes the reason why you're not doing the thing that you're experiencing right now is because it's actually hard to deal with it and you kind of want the distraction. So. I would say this, Wherever you are is exactly where you're supposed to be. And whatever situations, Struggles, And challenges you're confronted with, Those are the ones to be using as the fodder for your healing right now. And the third one, Even though I'm sure there are many more, It's just our natural inclination to control rather than trusting and following the flow. I was literally just grappling with this concept of can I really just trust that my personal growth path is happening as it's supposed to and that I don't have to orchestrate it? So I'm there with you. I understand it fully. And I also know that it's important for us to try not to get in our heads about this. Sometimes we try to pull up that ladder, Climb up to the top of the tree, Get to the thing that's not even ripe. It's not ready. It's far away from us. It's not really the thing that needs to be looked at or examined at that point. But we use our minds, Right? We come in and we say, No, No, No. This is the important thing to be working on right now. So I would say, Put the letter in the garage. And just walk out there and instead. . . Pick the fruit that's right in front of you. What if I were to tell you that if you took the tiny, Low-hanging fruit, Those little triggers, The micro-moments that irritate you through the day, And when you had a chance, Perhaps later, Perhaps in the moment, You started to unpack those, There's a strong possibility that you won't even get triggered by the other things. Those big things at the top of the tree, They start to become more ripe. They become more available for you to eat and to digest. And because you've been building yourself Because you're more resourced, You've been expanding, Deepening, Evolving, And you've been creating this safe, Secure, Strong, Internal place inside of you, The platform from which you can handle the next level. Than when the bigger things come. They're actually not quite as daunting as you imagined them to be. Or perhaps you find yourself just not as triggered by some of the things that you've been triggered by before. That is how the process works. This is the divine unfolding and healing. So here's what I want you to take away from this teaching. Always go for the low-hanging fruit. That's what it is. When you're on your healing journey, Always and forever, 100% of the time, Go for the low-hanging fruit. Seriously, Whatever frustrations, Irritations and challenges come up, Don't just look for the big triggers. Now, I want to also caution you to not be searching for things that are problems and over fixating on it. The point is not so much that you have to do every single one, But that you don't negate the tiny ones. So when you notice yourself getting annoyed at something small, Instead of dismissing it mentally, Kind of just saying, We're not going to deal with this, Shaming yourself, Telling yourself you shouldn't feel that way. Instead, Take a moment to get curious about it. Do some journaling on it. Bring it into therapy. The key thing is to let it be your trailhead. Let it be your entry point. There's this statement in shadow work that's called eating your projections. I want you to imagine eating your trauma. Aiding your beliefs and your parts and your feelings and your fears and your needs. And when I say, Eat them. The idea is that we make them part of ourselves. We. Metabolize them, We integrate it into our being and into our cells. So instead of this thing being a fragment of us, That's kind of, In some ways, Always torturing us a little bit. The thing that's in our unconscious mind, We bring it to our conscious awareness and then we bring it into our being. So wherever you are right now on your journey, Whatever small irritation is bothering you, Whatever tiny moment of frustration you experience today, It is not insignificant. That is your breadcrumb. That's your low-hanging fruit. That's your divine guidance showing you exactly what you're ready to do right now. So my invitation to you is to trust it, Follow it, And do the work on it. And watch as piece by piece, Fruit by fruit, You become lighter, More whole, More expanded, More you. The tree is always there. The fruit at the top is still there. But you don't need to worry about it right now. Just reach out and pick what's ripe and ready. That's all you need to do. One step along the way. One breadcrumb. That's the practice. That's the path. That's the way forward. And remember, We're not bypassing the big stuff here. We're just building ourselves up to be ready for it. We're just trusting that there is a divinely led process that our internal guidance system knows and that it's not just okay to pick low-hanging fruit, It's the wisest, Most compassionate thing that you can do for yourself.