Would you believe me if I told you the enemy in your marriage is not your partner,
It's the pattern?
Every couple brings patterns into their relationship.
They were just modeled for you when you were growing up.
They become a part of you.
With my clients,
I call it a reference point.
You know,
The reference point of where we might reach out for love and connection or how we avoid conflict.
So many of these patterns are counterproductive to creating what we all want most in our relationship,
Connection,
Emotional safety,
The ability to do conflict in a healthy way.
Maybe you grew up with emotional reactivity because you weren't shown how to regulate your emotions or understand your feelings in healthy ways.
Maybe criticizing instead of clearly expressing your needs.
Because in your home growing up,
Criticism and love somehow got all wrapped together.
Maybe you avoid accountability by shifting the blame,
Because you grew up learning that if I admit fault,
It goes direct to punishment.
Maybe you shut down or get mean instead of getting vulnerable.
Because in your home growing up,
Opening up didn't feel safe.
Relationships that thrive hold the big picture.
See all these patterns and how they're going on behind the scenes instead of blaming the person.
This is even more important if you have children watching you,
Living in that environment that sets the tone for what love looks like,
How communication goes,
And how conflict gets resolved.
Don't let the patterns that have been running in the background take the lead on your relationship.
And we certainly want to give special attention to what we might be passing on to our kiddos.
