Rewriting Relational Trauma: Part Two

Hello,

Welcome to Trauma Unpacked.

My name is Inger Andress and with me I'm Anna Sorensen.

And we are actually trying to bring awareness to the obstacles of unresolved relational trauma in our lives and to look at it because we want to see the benefits of healing from that relational trauma that we sometimes knowingly or unknowingly keep hidden.

Our goal is to have a conversation about several topics around relational trauma to share with you how it has helped move us through our process of healing in hopes that it will help you as a listener to grow through your process of healing.

So how we view ourselves with our friends now is the next area that we're going into.

And however the relational trauma,

Whoever that was,

How they perceived us,

Is going to affect our relationships with the people that we care about and that we're drawn close to.

And so understanding how they are either encouraging us to stay in our old path or story or if they are actually wanting us to expand,

Grow,

And learn how to love ourselves and move towards rewriting our story is really identifying whether or not those friends are encouraging you to do that or not.

So being aware of the qualities in the friends that you have,

Knowing that if there's patterns you're trying to change,

Are the people around you,

Do they have similar values,

Are they encouraging you to go the direction in this new direction or new path that you're going on,

Are they encouraging that or are they wanting you to stay back with the patterns from before because that's comfortable for them.

And so just being aware of how your friends are responding to you in this time of change,

I think that's a huge piece because your friends are the ones that are your safety net a lot of times.

When you're sitting at the crossroads of if you should go with the old pattern or the new pattern,

They often help encourage or unintentionally discourage.

And once again,

Being able to identify what you're sensing and feeling inside,

Staying connected to that,

Not getting so caught up to being accepted by your friends,

But really wanting to be true to who you are is a challenge in and of itself.

But when you find that sweet spot of really identifying who you are,

Do you recognize that when you're around your friends that you feel drained after leaving them?

Do you feel encouraged?

Do you feel enlightened?

Do you feel light and easy?

Do you feel heavy and defeated?

Do you feel like you're doubting yourself then after you leave being around your friends?

All those questions are so very important to help you evaluate whether or not they're encouraging you to rewrite your story or if I would say if it's uncomfortable for them to be encouraging you to rewrite your story,

If it feels to them that it's safer to stay with the old patterns because they're not ready.

That's a great point,

By the way,

That you said right there,

Because understanding that our friends obviously aren't trying to keep us from growing,

But if they're uncomfortable and not at peace with certain things inside themselves,

Then of course they're going to have a hard time wanting you to change because then that means that they have to face some things that they just might not be ready to do.

And it's not that they don't care for you,

It's just they're not at a place to move on at that point.

And they also may not have the skill set because to me,

As you choose to go down a new path and rewrite your story,

You're actually building skills and learning new things.

So we're all at different places in that journey.

If you're friends with someone who doesn't have those skills yet,

It is going to be challenging for them to see you changing and know how to interact in these new ways.

The other thing I was thinking about was how our patterns of developing relationships affect our friendships in the sense that we have a tendency to not let them in or keep them at a distance because of maybe some of the trust issues that we've had in the past,

And there may not be a reason to not trust that person.

But you may avoid wanting to get close to them because you unconsciously think they will hurt you.

And that would be another thing to be looking at is how is your past affecting your ability to move forward and develop that relationship with that person.

Are they really an untrustworthy person or is it more about your own protective patterns that keep you from getting closer with that person?

Great comment.

So part of identifying these stories and seeing a pattern in our lives that affect our friendships is important to do to help set a scene for your new story that you want to write in your life.

And sometimes you need to ask the tough questions like we've just brought up and whether or not you need to make some changes with those friends for a time.

You need some space possibly to rethink a few things.

And whether or not they're willing to let you have that space is true friendship and wanting you to be able to grow in respect and appreciation for yourself can only encourage better friendships in the future because you will attract those that also want to do the same and see life as sacred and want to encourage that in you and in themselves.

So there are great benefits.

Once again,

Rewriting the story of the people that you surround yourself with and making sure that that is in alignment to the life that you want to live.

Thank you.

Thanks for joining us today.

We know that some of this information can be very hard to hear,

Sensitive,

Raw feelings.

We want you to love yourself.

If there were any of those kind of emotions drawn up when listening,

We're in this together.

Thank you for listening today.

We hope this encourages you in your journey of healing and that you feel loved and cared for.