Hello my friend.
Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of the Luminous Recovery Yoga Podcast.
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Strength,
And hope,
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How I perceive life,
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Take what you like and leave the rest.
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So with that being said,
I'm gonna jump into the episode.
So today I want to talk about gratitude.
And I say it almost like cringey.
Not because I think gratitude is cringey,
But it's presented in a way that feels real cringey to me very often.
I don't like things that feel phony or contrived.
I don't want to have gratitude forced on me.
It aggravates me.
So you know it's that time of year where like you know Thanksgiving just happened and we're coming up on Christmas and other winter holidays and there is this urging to be grateful.
And I get it and I want to like asterisk this just to start.
Like I have a gratitude practice.
I am grateful,
But I do not like having gratitude shoved down my throat.
I don't like gratitude being presented as a way to ignore the pain or ignore like the real hard things that are happening.
Like I often find that gratitude feels like it's supposed to be this counteracting thing to suffering.
And it is.
It is.
And I just don't like the way it's often presented.
Like I don't like being told to be grateful.
Like it just really annoys me.
And maybe you can relate and maybe you don't.
Maybe you think I'm an asshole and that's okay too.
What other people think of me is none of my business.
I'm just here sharing my experience of it.
And you know my experience tends to be and you know we are modern 21st century people.
Most of us are on social media in some way even if you're one of those LinkedIn geniuses.
I think that LinkedIn is for geniuses because I can't seem to figure it out.
But there is this urging to be grateful and to make a gratitude list.
And if you're having a hard day sit down and write a gratitude list out.
And it's not that I think that those are not good things to do or suggestions.
I just again you know sometimes gratitude could be a little bit confused with there's another term love it or hate it toxic positivity.
Like the idea that I should just ignore the pain or ignore the suffering or ignore you know the state of things as they are.
And that if I don't focus on what I'm grateful for then I'm being negative you know.
So I don't like the idea that gratitude is almost like there could be a negative dark side to gratitude.
Where it could be used as a way to cover up what's real or the real things that people go through.
The real challenges the real suffering.
And so I want to put that out there.
That you know there is a difference between toxic positivity and gratitude.
And the idea that you know something hard happens to you and that person or that thing that wants you to well this happened for a reason.
And sure like maybe there are reasons that things happen.
But even if something happens for a reason it doesn't negate the fact that I might still have feelings about it or that it might upset me or that there might be trauma attached to it right.
So I don't like I want to just set this out there.
That my reframe of gratitude is that sometimes I am not very grateful.
And and having gratitude shoved down my throat just like makes me mad.
And it makes me want to be like the opposite of grateful.
Which is just how my brain sometimes works.
Where it's like I will now not be grateful.
So I just want to get that out there.
Because I find that sometimes gratitude talk is a little bit too fluffy for me.
And it just is kind of irritating.
And you know if you know me at all you know that I just I don't really put on a show of like if something annoys me I'm just gonna come out with it.
I'm just gonna tell you.
I am here to be honest with you.
I've never been anything but honest with you.
So you know just putting that out there that sometimes gratitude can be annoying.
So now I want to get to the other part of gratitude.
Which is that there is scientific evidence that gratitude does help like with depression and anxiety and lift mood and all of that.
There is scientific evidence of why one ought to practice gratitude.
And what gratitude does for our brain.
So that's the part that I want to like shift this to.
Which is that gratitude when practiced has the potential to you know shift our thinking.
To shift our focus.
To you know reframe our minds.
And I think that that is the important part of gratitude.
And so here's what I want to say about it.
For me gratitude practice is like having a yoga practice.
I owned a yoga studio for many years.
I still have a yoga studio.
And there are folks who come to yoga once in a very like once every little while.
And that's fine.
That's great.
Come to yoga.
Like if you can get to yoga once every few months great.
But what ends up happening is that when you take that yoga practice it feels hard.
Or you feel really stiff.
Or you feel like you know you can't do a lot of the things in there.
Because you know maybe it's just been so long right.
And so the so yoga can always feel hard right.
And I feel similarly about gratitude.
Like if I'm doing gratitude as a one-off.
Like oh I'm having a bad day.
I will sit down and write things that I'm grateful for.
Like I don't know that that actually makes me feel grateful personally.
So what I'm getting at is practice.
Like the idea of yoga as a practice.
Gratitude as a practice where it's not so much doing yoga to get better at yoga poses.
It's doing yoga so that yoga becomes a part of like how I am in the world.
It's more about practicing principles.
And I know that when I do yoga more regularly then it doesn't feel hard or like the first time every time.
Because that's the thing.
It's if you do these things once in a while then it always feels like the first time every time.
And so there is almost this sense that like well yoga is hard or practicing gratitude is hard.
And it's hard because you're out of practice right.
Or if you go running right and it feels hard.
Well running isn't necessarily as hard if you're doing it every day because your body is used to that.
There's a muscle memory behind it.
And the same thing with gratitude.
There's a muscle memory that can be developed when we have a gratitude practice.
And so that's actually really the difference that I'm seeing here.
The difference between gratitude.
Have gratitude.
Be grateful right.
As a one-off or as like a thing I do once in a while and having a practice.
And to me a practice is more about it's less about getting good at gratitude or being good at yoga.
And it's more about being able to call in these principles in a pinchy moment.
So here's where I'm at.
I have a gratitude journal.
And I'll be honest with you.
I'm very specific about this gratitude journal.
It's about this big by this big.
If you're listening to this and not watching me it's a small gratitude journal.
I keep a small notebook.
And every morning when I sit down I pray,
Meditate,
I read my recovery daily readers.
And then I write out a gratitude list that probably has 20 things on it.
Right.
It's the notebook is about as big as I could fit 20 items.
And I'm grouchy.
A little grouchy especially in the morning.
And I don't want to do any more than that.
I don't want to be any more grateful than that.
I'll just be honest.
That's that's as much as I can muster.
Right.
But but but but but it is the practice.
I make my ass sit down every morning and write out things that I'm grateful for.
And sometimes the things I'm grateful for look like the same thing every day.
Sometimes I can be like you know oftentimes what will happen is I'll reflect on the day that happened before and be like oh yeah yesterday that person or that conversation or that thing that happened or whatever.
And that gets on my gratitude list.
Right.
So it helps me like jog my memory of like what were the good things that happened.
And why I think that this practice is so important especially because my brain almost naturally gravitates towards negativity a little bit.
This gratitude practice helps to retrain my thinking.
Helps to create new pathways in my thinking.
So why I think a gratitude practice is important is because it is the it is the practice it is the act of retraining my brain to find what's good in my life.
Because if I wasn't training my brain to find what's good in my life I could get too heavily focused on what is not the way I want it.
And so the practice the practice of gratitude is about retraining my brain to find what is good.
To find what's working.
To find the okay things that are happening in my life.
Because my default is to want to my default is perfectionism.
And if things aren't perfect if things aren't looking the way I think they should look I could find a lot of fault in my life.
And so gratitude practice helps me to retrain my brain.
So for instance here's something that happened once.
And this again like I've been doing this gratitude practice for probably a couple years now.
Every morning I sit down and I write these 20 things that I'm grateful for.
And again it's just it's being able to call this up in a moment.
To sit down and like think about like to retrain where I'm putting my gaze.
My drishti.
Right?
Like where am I putting my attention.
So for instance one day I had an appointment to go take my car to the mechanic because it was sounding funny the night before.
So I got home made an appointment for the next morning to get up and take it to the Nissan dealer.
So on my way to the Nissan dealer the car is still acting funny and I'm literally in the middle of a busy major intersection and my car stops.
And it's raining and it's gloomy and people are going fast and my car stops in the middle of this intersection.
And there's this moment of panic but then because I was on a slight incline the car continued to roll.
And it rolled across the intersection and stopped right in the middle of the street but on the other side of the street where it was much more calm.
Car just stopped.
Done.
No more rolling.
Okay.
Whoo.
Had this moment of like holy shit what just happened and then took a couple deep breaths and I called my roadside assistance and I sat there and I waited for roadside assistance to come and pick me up and now take me to the Nissan dealership.
So in this moment I could tell you all of the things that went wrong and yet because I had a gratitude practice practice practice I was so grateful that my car rolled to the middle of the other side of the street.
Like that was the part that really stuck with me was like oh my god thank you oh thank you God thank you God thank you God thank you God.
And although I felt sorry for myself and there were other things happening in my life at the time that exacerbated like why is this happening to me I was so grateful that my car rolled to the other side and that was the part that I just kind of like held on to was like I didn't have to like stop traffic nobody had to get out and push my car or me push my car like I could tell you all of the things that I'm so grateful that did not happen because my car rolled to the other side because I just so happened to be on enough of a slight decline where the car rolled across traffic.
So that to me is why I have a gratitude practice because in that moment I could have had a full-on meltdown and I'm not saying that I didn't I'm not saying that I didn't sit in my car waiting for roadside assistance crying and whimpering but I was so grateful that my car made it to the other side and and that to me is why I practice gratitude and I really keep like emphasizing that word practice I practice gratitude because in that moment in a panicked moment my brain was able to point out something that was okay you are okay your car made it to the other side you know and so that is why I think practice is really the key to gratitude like the gratitude itself meh fine okay sit down right write a gratitude list fine but that one-off gratitude list isn't necessarily going to help you in a pinch recall the reasons why you're okay or where we could look for the good right and that is ultimately what I need and why I have to practice gratitude is because my brain needs to be trained to look for the good otherwise it is way too easy for me to get caught up in the negative.
So I have a reading for you I'm gonna do a little reading this is courage to change it is one of my favorite Al-Anon daily readers each day is a different thing and so this is September 20th okay September 20th trying to follow a suggestion I heard in Al-Anon meetings I dutifully wrote lists of things for which I was grateful I listed such things as my health my job and food on my table when I was finished I didn't feel very grateful my mind was still weighted down with the negative thinking that had resulted from living with alcoholism but I had made a gesture and the seed of gratitude was planted a seed of gratitude was planted I gradually learned to appreciate the small accomplishments of my daily life perhaps I was able to avoid a pointless argument by reciting the serenity prayer or my sharing helped a newcomer or I finished something I had been neglecting I was beginning to change I made a point of recognizing small changes and my self-esteem grew the daily the daily application of Al-Anon principles helped me to deepen my sense of gratitude and replace those nagging negative thoughts nagging negative thoughts eventually I was able to go back to my original list and be truly grateful for those things I had taken for granted today's reminder I need to nurture myself with gratitude today I can practice appreciating myself my world and my higher power so the two things I heard in there very important for me is that I can practice appreciating myself because that to me is something I have to practice it is doesn't come easy doesn't come natural I just don't naturally go into appreciation it's just I don't know and maybe you do and that's wonderful but that is not how my brain works and then the part about the seed of gratitude and that's why I think it's you know I'm what I'm getting at here is that seed of gratitude gets planted and then we water it and we nurture it and then in a pinch when things are actually awry it's possible our brain will you know start to default to those places and and that's what I think is really important is that we we learn to retrain our brain so then I have one other thing I want to read here okay this is December 5th I was sure there had to be somebody in this world who would understand my every mood always have time for me and bring a smile to my face when that individual appeared I'd finally have the love I deserved until then I had no choice but to wait poor me what a sad and lonely life I had then someone at an Al-Anon meeting used the word gratitude and suddenly this whole scenario began to crumble when I thought about how much I had to be grateful for my fantasy showed itself to be no more than a shadow reality presented a different picture entirely there were my friends the child who comes to me with so much trust the co-worker who reaches out in friendship the beloved alcoholic in my life the Al-Anon members who hug me talk with me and encourage me what was I doing with their love it seemed to me I was brushing it aside for that one imaginary person or worse not noticing it at all today's reminder if I can't recognize the love that already exists in my life what I really appreciate receiving more let me acknowledge what has already been given to me quote if the only prayer you said in your whole life was thank you that would suffice that's by Meister Eckert and that really resonates with me you know I have this fantasy of like finally finding the love and somebody who would love me and oh gosh I'm alone and lonely and all this but it's true if I can't count the love I already have in my life what I even recognize more and that is to me what gratitude does for me is it helps me recognize what I already have so that in a moment when things are not going my way I can call in the good and you know what's interesting and I read this in another Al-Anon courage to change reading but I couldn't find it in time for this episode but what's interesting is this person was talking about how their sponsor had them write a gratitude list or no no no their sponsor had them write a list of all of their complaints and then a few days later when they were feeling good the sponsor asked them to write a gratitude list and so then this person was going to put their gratitude list into a drawer and notice the list from the day before which was the list of complaints and realize that the same things were on the list and that just makes me laugh right because things that I can bitch about and complain about today are often the same things that I am grateful for and really they can make it on the same list the same things that I could be in complaint about on one day could be the same things I'm grateful for on another day you know the the people places and things that agitate me are also the people places and things that I love right which is probably why I get agitated so you know one other thing that I want to say about gratitude is that you know I think about this in terms of you know I'm an Al-Anon because I've been affected by the family disease of alcoholism and one of the things that I've really learned from Al-Anon and this is something that like took years this is not something I ever try to shove down the throat of a newcomer because it seems weird and counterintuitive but because of Al-Anon I've become grateful for alcoholism like alcoholism the the struggle with another person's disease or whatever you want to call it is what brought me to my spiritual program and if it wasn't for that I don't know where I'd be and so in this strange way I have learned to find gratitude for alcoholism for the alcoholics in my life for my own addiction issues because I have the spiritual program that helps me so like that's an interesting like paradox and that's what I think is interesting about gratitude is that gratitude we can both we could see the both and you know like and that's what I think the difference between gratitude and toxic positivity is is that with gratitude there can be both and I could be both stranded on the side of the road with a dead car and super grateful that my car rolled to the other side right like both of those things can be true and by being grateful for what is working doesn't mean that I have to ignore the fact that my car costed $1,
300 to fix oh man I feel like anytime I go to the mechanic I go in for a an oil change but I'm expecting to walk out there spending a thousand dollars that's just been my experience but I'm so grateful that I have mechanics who are honest with me I'm so grateful and that is something that has like really happened for me through the practice of gratitude in a moment even when things are like oh my gosh face palm why is this happening that I could be like well at least these people are honest with me and I'm so grateful that I have people that you know will help me and like I could close my eyes and I could start to list off the things that are going right and that is only because I have a gratitude practice it's not because I practice gratitude one-off because personally that wouldn't work for me it wouldn't come to me in a moment of like holy shit what could I see here that is not all bad right so that's what I think the important thing about gratitude is it's both and I could see the world for how it is I could see that there is suffering in my circumstance and I could find what's working I could see the good so this holiday season when people are you know challenging you with gratitude you know take the challenge if you want and what I would really encourage is what would it look like to have a daily gratitude practice like something simple something that you could tie into your morning routine for me I have a morning prayer and meditation routine so I put it right into there do I make other gratitude lists in the middle of the day no no I do not do I sit down at the end of the night and write everything that I'm grateful for no no I do not and I'm not gonna feel guilty about that like I do the gratitude list and it's not because like I guess I'm trying to like formulate the words around this I don't do it just to be grateful for those things I do it for the sake of cultivating gratitude right it's just like the same with yoga I don't do yoga to get good at yoga poses I do yoga because it helps me practice principles in my life it helps to keep my body in a place where I feel comfortable it helps to create connection with my breath I could list all of the reasons why I do yoga and none of them are because I want to be good at yoga poses I don't practice gratitude because I'm honestly even grateful for any one of those individual things although I am just like I like yoga poses just like I am good at something there are some yoga poses that I'm good at you know and that's not the point the point is that I practice because practice is really what helps me get through challenging situations when I have these these practices it is much easier for me to recall on them or call them in when I'm in a moment of suffering or when I'm in a moment of challenge that is when these practice like that's when the rubber hits the road you know when I am in a downward spiral that is when I need my brain to start coming up with some stuff we are grateful for because it would be too easy to go down that road and it would be too easy to stay there and gratitude helps me to come back there are days when I'm like sad or you know I've had a really rough year if you've been listening to my podcast you know I've had a rough year and there are mornings where I wake up and I'm like I don't want to be grateful and I do it anyway I do it anyway because that's when I really need the practice and so if there's one thing that yoga has really taught me it's practice it's not get good at yoga poses it's not you know whatever it's practice because learning how to practice yoga has helped me learn how to practice other things in my life so if there's anything I could really offer you from this episode it's what does the practice look like and is there a way to integrate this as a practice so that you can start focusing on what is good in your life even though there are things that aren't ideal there are things that are good and I don't know about you but I have to train myself to see those things so if you download the PDF which I really highly recommend especially if you're not already on my subscribers list download the PDF and there will be some like great questions for consideration some things that you can just put in your mind or maybe what would it take to develop this gratitude practice like rather than just being like I'm gonna start doing a gratitude practice like maybe let's consider where you could put it in in your day and like there are maybe pre steps and I like to think about like well what what would I have to change around or where would I have to readjust my life to make this happen sustainably so anyway if you download that PDF those are some things that we'll talk about in there some just questions for consideration and just ways that you can start to you know maybe reorient your brain to start looking for the good and I hope that there was something in this practice this this podcast episode also one of my practices that helped you today or that helps you to reframe gratitude maybe in a way that doesn't annoy you like it annoys me I just don't like being annoyed it's too easy but that's why I have a gratitude practice because it helps me to reframe right like don't throw the baby out with the bathwater let's see what we could actually excavate out of this so with all that being said we are gonna take it to the mat we're gonna do a very gentle simple yoga practice if you've never practiced yoga before you know this will be something that anyone can do you don't have to have any special equipment if you have a mat great if not just do it where you are and and with that being said I'll see you on the mat hello my friend welcome back it's now time to transition to our practice I consider this practice embodied understanding so it's a way to take what we've talked about in the opening share and apply it to our yoga practice and see how we can embody these principles so today the theme of this practice is gratitude but more specifically give thanks to every breath breath is something that happens so naturally happens just so it's just a natural function of our bodies that we often don't stop just to thank the breath so let's begin in a seat a simple easy seat I've got one foot in front of the other my ankles aren't crossed just sitting really easy and comfortably pull your booty out from underneath you just to make sure you have a good connection to the floor and start by placing your hands on your knees lift your shoulders up to your ears roll them down your back and begin by noticing your breath without doing anything or changing anything notice the natural rhythm of your breath the inhale and the exhale the rise and the fall of breath and in your noticing make the noticing a form of gratitude that by noticing your breath by paying attention you're bringing your attention and your energy to your breathing and there's a way to do that and I'm going to show you how to do that you're bringing your attention and your energy to your breathing and there's a way to be grateful for that to call in a bit of gratitude I read today that if the only prayer you ever say is thank you that would be enough and so let's try that let's pair thank you with the inhale and the exhale so just in your head say this to yourself with your inhale say thank exhale you thank you and just keep doing that a few more times on the inhale say the word thank and on the exhale you thank you just take a moment notice your body notice any sensations that you might be feeling if there's any tightness or tension in your body just take a moment and notice yourself and we can both struggle with our body maybe there's some pain or tension tightness and we could still be grateful for our body for what it does for us both can be true both and drop your right fingertips to the floor tent your fingers right beside your body so that just your fingertips are touching the floor imagine you had a cupcake under your hand so you're just tenting those fingers keep your left hand on your left knee and drop your head over to the left bring your attention to the stretch between your fingers up your arm up the top of your shoulder and through your neck breath in breath out now put your whole palm on the floor reach your left arm over your head stretch your left fingertips over to the right and maybe look up if that feels okay breath in breath out now bring your left hand down set your left fingertips on the floor beside you put your right hand on your right knee and tent those left fingers so just your fingertips are touching the floor and then drop your head over to the right and after a couple of breaths I like to just try walking my fingers a little bit further away just to deepen the stretch and continue to breathe give thanks for every breath keep noticing yourself take an inhale and exhale now ground your whole left palm reach your right arm up stretch your right fingertips over to the left you can look straight forward or you can look up just depending on what feels good on your neck honor the body that you have breath in breath out then place both of your hands back on your knees drop your chin to your chest and take a few neck rolls from side to side move your neck and your head in a way that feels good to you and now we'll take some seated cat cows keep your hands on your knees pull your chin and your chest forward draw your shoulder blades in towards your spine and now round your back tuck your chin to your chest lengthen your arms and pull your belly in and do that a few more times and see how it feels to pair it with the breath on the inhale lift your chest forward open up your chest then on the exhale around your back a couple more now start to move in some circles we're just moving the torso in circles I like to pretend that I'm a spatula scraping the edges of a bowl if you've practiced with me before you've heard me say this just pretend you're scraping the sides of a bowl and when it feels good natural and intuitive switch directions then you might find that it feels good to linger in one spot if you find something that feels good find what feels good I even invite you to close your eyes just allow the movement to be exactly what it is and gently make your way up to a seat open your legs wide into a V pull your booty out from underneath you start by putting your fingertips again tented fingers right in front of you and see how that feels that might be plenty but if there's a little more space walk your fingertips forward for me I could put my forearms on the floor but that might not work for you so you might just keep straight arms with your palms down but also notice when you go too far by rounding your back to make it happen I want you to keep your chest lifted and your shoulder blades in so just notice how far you can go while we're maintaining the principle of the pose the long straight lifted chest rather than rounding or hunching forward so just find what feels good but also maintain the principle of the pose to lengthen the back body notice what you're feeling notice where you're feeling sensations you might even try pointing your feet or flexing your feet and see if that creates additional sensation that you enjoy and let's take a few thank-you breaths no slowly lift yourself back up pull your right foot to the inside of your left leg turn and face your left leg and slowly slide your hands down your leg maybe you'll reach your foot maybe you won't reach your foot today but just reach in the direction of your left foot slowly come back up and now straighten the opposite leg and pull the left foot in slide your hands down your right leg and you might reach closer towards you or you might be able to reach your foot it doesn't say anything about you it's just the reality of your body today give thanks for every breath slowly gently sit up now straighten both legs pull your booty out from underneath you reach your arms up over your head take a big full stretch and slide your hands down your legs reach for your feet even if you can't catch your feet just reach in the direction of your feet breath in breath out slowly sit up come to lie down on your back put your feet on the floor keep your left foot on the floor reach for the pinky toe edge of your right foot half-happy baby and if you can't reach the pinky edge of your foot you can reach something closer keep a bend in your knee and if it feels good you can stretch your leg out to the right do anything that you like here notice what you're feeling stay connected to the sensations of your body slowly return your right foot to the floor and now reach for your left foot the pinky toe edge half-happy baby same thing on this side you might take your leg out to the side or straighten the leg anything that feels good here and then put that foot on the floor supine butterfly bring the soles of your feet to touch and let your knees fall open place your hands on your belly take a few thank you breaths on the inhale thank you come into a short shavasana lengthen your legs drop your arms by your sides draw your shoulder blades underneath you allow your palms to naturally rest up and your feet to fall out heavy let your fingers and toes be soft soften the space between your eyebrows take a moment to rest not because you've earned it or because you deserve it but because rest is your birthright rest much like gratitude is a practice for some of us rest doesn't come easy so for that we can practice fast Take a breath in.
And out.
Gently wiggle your fingers and your toes.
Circle your ankles and your wrists.
Take a big full body stretch from front to back.
Pull your knees to your chest.
And if it's comfortable,
Roll over to your favorite side.
And then gently come up to a seat.
Bring your palms to touch at the center of your chest.
Just take a moment and say thank you to yourself for making it to your mat today or making it to your practice.
Wiggle your thumbs to the center of your forehead and bow your head towards your heart.
And gratitude to you,
My friend.
I bow.
