#1 Red Flag This Person Is Going To Make Your Life Miserable

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

My name is Lisa A.

Romano.

I am a life coach,

Best-selling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough Podcast.

So today we will be discussing the number one sign that someone you're dealing with is most likely going to make your life miserable.

Without objectivity,

In my opinion,

Someone can,

Well,

Their sanity can be called into question because someone who lacks objectivity is inflexible.

Someone who lacks objectivity is a black and white thinker.

Somebody who lacks objectivity is coming from their ego,

Believes in what they believe,

And due to the nature of human behavior and human psychology,

What happens is once I form a belief,

I have a cognitive bias towards that belief.

And if I'm not careful,

Then when someone else presents me with information that is in conflict to that belief,

Then my defense mechanism is to whack a mole.

My defense mechanism is to shoot it down.

My defense mechanism causes me to be closed and I'm unable to hear what the other person is saying.

And in my opinion,

I have to question someone's level of sanity or ability to be rational when they are so one-sided,

When they live in extremes and they are inflexible to someone else's opinion,

When they are inflexible to someone else's beliefs,

Unable to and unwilling to step into the shoes of another person and wonder where is their perspective coming from.

To be able to do that represents someone who has a high level of emotional intelligence.

And if you want to understand why divorce happens,

Why relationships break down,

Why parents and children get into it,

It's because there is a lack of flexibility in their thinking,

A lack of objectivity,

A lack of empathy,

A lack of understanding,

A lack of a desire to understand.

At the end of the day,

It may come down to a lack of consciousness.

Getting stuck in one paradigm,

I believe in this and nothing else will do,

And if I believe in this,

You should believe in this,

And anybody who doesn't believe in this is the enemy.

Not everybody,

But I see it often where people would rather stop talking to family members or what recently happened to my daughter was a professor reached out to her in her own private DM and attacked my daughter for having a different opinion than her.

And I was really infuriated by that,

That someone that we paid through college tuition,

A handsome son by the way,

A woman who is presumably intelligent and a woman who presumably wants to encourage women to be their own free thinkers,

To form their own opinion versus follow any crowd,

Be your own person,

Develop your own opinion.

I presume that that is what an intelligent woman would want a university to turn out.

But yet,

Because my daughter holds a different view than her,

The professor felt within her right to minimize my daughter,

To gaslight my daughter,

To devalue my daughter.

Now I just don't think that is necessary,

And I think it's very unhealthy for a society.

And if you take that mindset,

That mindset is very,

Very,

I think,

Dangerous.

And that's why I think the number one trait that you need to watch out for in relationships is a lack of objectivity.

Somebody who is a black and white thinker,

Someone who thinks they're right all the time,

Someone who when you have an opinion,

They shoot it down,

Just sit back and observe.

Can this person hear me?

Is this person already in their head amping up a defense for their position and ramping up a defense or some argument to prove me wrong versus listening to me?

This person who lacks objectivity is someone,

In my opinion,

Who is grandiose.

This is someone who has high narcissistic traits.

So let's get into it a little bit.

Objectivity refers to the ability to see situations and people clearly without bias or distortion.

A lack of objectivity can lead to a distorted perception,

Irrational decision making,

And an inability to consider alternative viewpoints.

Now in relationships,

Those who lack objectivity may exhibit,

These are the signs you're going to look for,

Black and white thinking.

You'll notice that they dismiss others' perspectives in front of them or behind their back.

And they resist feedback.

They resist constructive criticism.

So you can't say anything to them that challenges them.

This can create challenges in communication because then problem solving breaks down.

And it contributes to conflicts and misunderstanding.

So the person who lacks objectivity makes the person who is dealing with them feel unseen.

Now here are some signs to indicate a lack of objectivity,

Defensiveness.

So those who struggle with objectivity may become super defensive when confronted with any hint that this person that they're dealing with has a different opinion than them.

Or they become super,

Super,

Super defensive when you offer them feedback.

They might react emotionally.

They might dismiss valid points and refuse to consider alternative perspectives.

So the facts are the facts,

But they just ignore the facts.

Number two,

They're inflexible.

People lacking objectivity may demonstrate rigid thinking.

Now this will be pattern.

You'll see a pervasive pattern.

And you'll also notice that they resist adapting their views or beliefs based on new information.

They may insist on their own way of thinking,

Even when presented with evidence to the contrary.

So they have a cognitive bias and nothing you say is going to change them.

Number three,

Projection.

Those who lack objectivity may project their own insecurity,

Their own biases or faults onto others.

So exactly what they're guilty of,

You're inflexible.

You don't listen.

They're going to blame you for that.

So they're going to blame others for their own shortcomings and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

And they're going to deflect criticism by shifting the focus onto someone else.

So we're going to focus on their perceived flaws of you or others rather than keeping the spotlight on them.

Now my favorite,

Because a lot of people don't know about it,

Is confirmation bias.

This is getting into the nitty gritty.

And if you get this,

Life is going to be a lot easier for you.

So people who lack objectivity,

You want to try to like snuff them out.

What you're going to look for is that they exhibit what's called a confirmation bias,

Seeking out information that supports their existing beliefs and dismissing contradictory evidence.

This can lead to a narrow minded approach to just about everything.

And especially when it comes to problem solving and decision making.

Now this is very much like an algorithm and that's important to recognize.

Recognizing these signs of somebody can help you navigate relationships more effectively and also protect yourself for potential harm and also being emotionally drained.

By being mindful of defensiveness,

Inflexibility,

Projection,

And someone's tendency to use confirmation bias,

You can assess whether someone that you care about or are interacting with is able to be objective in interactions with you.

So trust your instincts.

So if you think about the media,

How does the media know to keep sending you ads for what you're talking about?

Or how does YouTube or how does TikTok or Instagram,

How do they know to send you a specific ad?

Why does that ad keep showing up in your database?

Why do you keep seeing it in your reels and your shorts or whatever?

Because it's confirmation bias.

An algorithm is going to align with whatever you focus on.

It's really,

Really important that we understand that confirmation bias means that by default,

Through the reticular activating system,

Through my ego,

Through my unconsciousness,

I'm going to tend to feast on information that supports my bias or supports my belief.

Now someone who is highly emotionally intelligent,

Someone who is rational and objective,

Wants to understand both sides of the aisle,

Or rather than just repeat what someone says that's a talking head,

They take a step back and they say,

Is this just supporting my bias?

Or could this not be true?

Or how about I try to understand the other side?

That to me is where we need to be in family disputes.

When we're having arguments with our spouses,

When we're having difficulties with our children across the field,

And especially during a political campaign,

Is that the idea is how can we bring people together and not continually fan the flames of separation?

The reason for this session is because I was so taken aback by the idea that this supposedly highly intelligent woman who we paid to educate my daughter,

Not indoctrinate my daughter,

Felt within her right to attack her on social media.

I think it represents an infection that can very easily become a malignancy and it is up to us as people to recognize what's really wrong.

What's really wrong is that people suggest that because we think differently than other people there's something wrong with that other person.

That is a lack of objectivity.

For instance,

Let's say we bring it home to a relationship.

When I was going through my divorce,

Actually a separation,

My ex was inflexible.

He had his idea of me.

He said,

You just want to be divorced,

You just want to be a single woman,

And my mouth would drop.

I was like,

The last thing that I want to do is go out on my own.

Being a college dropout,

You sold our business.

I know you're playing with saying how much money you make.

All of this is true.

I don't have any money to fight you in court.

I'm terrified.

My own family has turned against me.

They're not supporting me like you would think that they would.

They're siding with you most of the time.

The last thing that I want to do is take this all on my own.

I really feel like I'm dying in this relationship.

He was inflexible.

He had a confirmation bias against me.

He was irrational.

He was not willing to hear me,

And I was just wrong,

And he projected a lot of his feelings onto me.

So I know very well what can happen when you live with someone who lacks objectivity,

Someone who's not emotionally intelligent,

Who is not responsible,

Who lacks empathy,

And who thinks they're right all the time.

Now that's what happens in one relationship.

Imagine it happening in a national landscape or an international landscape.

Does World War II bring a bell?

So it's important that I think we as the people,

We come together and we recognize that the best way to heal our country and the best way to heal the world,

The best way to heal our families is to regularly check ourselves to make sure that we're not swimming in the narcissistic end of the pool,

And that if we have strong opinions,

We recognize that confirmation bias is running,

There's an algorithm running,

And by default if I don't check myself,

My mind is going to whack-a-mole when it comes to any other information that is in conflict to my bias.

I think that's how we bring people together and we begin moving society towards the healthier end of the spectrum.

Thank you so much for being here.

Until next time,

Everybody,

Namaste.

Bye for now.