This conversation isn't one you need to follow or understand.
There's nothing here to get right.
As you listen,
You might notice what happens in your body.
A shift,
A tightening,
A softening,
Or maybe nothing at all.
Whatever shows up is okay.
You don't need to make any sense of it.
Just notice what you notice.
We're going to begin with a question.
And we're going to do our best to let it land without trying to answer it.
I will say it twice.
Why do so many of us stay longer than our bodies tell us to?
Why do so many of us stay longer than our bodies tell us to?
Longer in a place.
Longer in a job.
Longer in a relationship.
Longer in a conversation.
Longer in a thought or a pattern.
Longer in a dynamic we already feel pulling at us.
Why do we do that?
I want to describe a moment without interpreting it.
I was sitting across from someone I know well.
The conversation wasn't heated.
There wasn't an argument.
Nothing obvious was wrong.
And yet,
I noticed my shoulders lifting.
My breath became shallow.
And my jaw was tight.
They were talking.
I was listening.
I was nodding.
And somewhere in my body,
Something had checked out.
I didn't say anything.
I stayed present.
I stayed polite.
I stayed.
At the time,
I didn't call this anything.
I didn't think this is a boundary.
I didn't think this is misalignment.
I didn't think this is important.
I thought I was being regulated.
Regulated,
Mature,
Understanding.
But something didn't fit.
My body had information my mind hadn't caught up to yet.
And instead of listening,
Instead of being curious,
I overwrote it.
Not dramatically.
Quietly.
This is usually how it happens.
I have three observations from this.
And I'm going to speak each of them aloud twice.
And I'm going to do this with space in between to allow them to settle in.
The first one.
We often call endurance what might actually be self-abandonment.
And again.
We often call endurance what might actually be self-abandonment.
And the next one.
Regulation can become a way to avoid choosing.
And again.
Regulation can become a way to avoid choosing.
And the last one.
Staying longer than your body allows,
Teaches your nervous system that clarity could be dangerous.
And one more time.
Staying longer than your body allows,
Teaches your nervous system that clarity could be dangerous.
That last one might matter more than we would actually like to admit.
So I want to bring the question back to you in a little bit different way.
Where have you learned to stay past the moment your body has shifted?
What sensations do you override first?
Tightness?
Numbness?
A shallow breath?
And what story do you tell yourself to justify staying?
Be regulated.
Be kind.
Don't make it a problem.
What if part of the problem isn't that you feel the shift,
But that you don't trust it?
I don't think this question has a clean answer.
I think it's active.
And I think your body already knows where you stay too long.
We'll stop here.
You don't need to make sense of what came up.
You don't need to do anything with it.
Whatever you noticed,
Or didn't notice,
Is enough.
If you have any questions,
Stay with you.
Or you can let it go.
Trust that your body will keep listening.
In its own way.
And in its own time.
And you can come back and listen again.
In your own time.
Thank you for being here today.
