Well,
Hello there,
Love doves.
I hope you are having an awesome start to your week.
Mine is going pretty great.
I'm actually really excited.
I hired someone to help me with the music for my intro and outro for the podcast.
So I'm really excited to get that back,
A little jingle,
And to have it personalized for my personality and for what this podcast represents,
And I'm super excited.
I can't wait to get it back.
So yes,
I will be doing a new intro again.
I know I've done several,
But you guys,
This is episode 164.
So I think it's okay that I've had a couple different intros because when I started this podcast,
I had no idea what I was doing.
I just knew I wanted to do it.
I wanted to have a place for you to come to get some tips that you could start applying to your life to just level up your relationships,
Including the relationship with yourself.
I'm excited as I go to be making this more and more professional for your experience.
So I'm super excited about that.
Okay,
You guys,
Today I want to talk about manifesting love because love is a real thing.
When we don't have love,
We can feel really lonely.
And there's a difference between when you're alone and when you feel lonely and when you're wondering if you're lovable or if anyone can even recognize the good things within you,
The things that are worth loving.
And let me know if this sounds familiar to you,
If you're wondering why everyone else is finding love,
But not you,
And what did they have that you don't?
And do you ever catch yourself wondering what's wrong with me?
And I'm going to tell you now,
There's nothing wrong with you.
I was actually having a conversation with one of Keone's friends and he was like,
I don't know,
The people I'm attracting.
And we were talking about how a lot of that has to come when you're trying to manifest love.
You have to level yourself up if you want to have the more fulfilling relationships.
You can't be a three.
And I'm not talking your physical appearance.
I'm talking about your personality,
How you're showing up,
How you're treating yourself,
How you're treating other people,
Your expectations of yourself and of others and all of it coming together.
So if you're showing up as a three,
Why in the world would a nine want to join a relationship with you?
Do you know what I mean?
So it's like,
What are you doing to personally be growing on a day to day basis?
I have another friend and we were talking about relationships and just life in general.
And what he said was just really just like,
Oh,
That was so good.
He was talking about how people are either growing or they're sinking,
That there's really no neutral.
You might think you're just like staying neutral and you're not really doing anything.
You're just going through the motions of the day,
But really you're sinking,
Right?
Like it starts to feel numbing and blah and just blah.
And so what can you do to really help yourself to be making sure that you're growing?
And that's important when you're manifesting love,
Right?
Like one of the most important parts is working on yourself so that you can be the partner that you really want to be and so that you can have the partner that you want,
Right?
And then it kind of also sets the foundation that you and your partner will be continuously growing together or sinking together,
Right?
Like will your relationship flourish or will it eventually kind of just be stagnant and feel like something's missing?
That's why it's so important to grow together.
Because if one of you is growing and the other one's sinking,
That relationship would be really hard to make last or at least make last in a fulfilling way.
So this actually may also be an episode where you want to have like a pen and paper handy so you can do some journaling or think about your answers,
Write it out a little bit.
So one of the first questions I would ask you is how do you define a successful relationship?
So think about that.
Think about when you really close your eyes and visualize what kind of love and what kind of relationship you want.
What does that look like?
Like if I was a fly on the wall watching your relationship,
What would I see?
What could I report back to my little fly colony and let them know,
Hey guys,
We might want to be doing this because it's pretty great?
Or how are you feeling in that relationship?
Like are you,
What's going on?
How do you guys talk to each other?
How do you resolve conflict?
How do you apologize?
How do you repair the hurts?
You know,
What are you guys doing on a day to day basis and stuff like that?
So how do you define a successful relationship?
And kind of after you define that,
Think about,
Because really when it comes to relationship,
You can only control your part of that relationship.
You can only control how you're showing up in it.
So when you think about a successful relationship,
Whether you're in one right now,
Like a relationship now or not,
Where are you at?
Like if you looked at your definition and you were to put a scale on that from one to 10,
10 being like the successful relationship,
Like you know where are you at in creating that 10,
You know?
So the 10 is like the best it could be.
You've actually that successful relationship in every single way.
It's even better than that.
It's basically you couldn't get any better.
So when it comes to your part,
Where are you on that scale of creating that type of relationship?
You know,
Think about it.
So if you're out of five,
Awesome.
You have to know where you're starting,
Right?
To know where you're going.
The jets are flying above me.
So if you think about that and you scale yourself and you say,
You know what,
Right now I'm going to rate myself as a five.
So I'm at a five right now.
Great.
What are you doing that's bringing to a five and a half?
What are you doing that's bringing you to a six?
And start focusing on that.
And then once you have that five and a half down,
Go to a six.
When you have that six down,
Go to a seven.
Do you know what I mean?
So be working on your own self growth that is going to help elevate you to be the partner that you want to be in a relationship so that you're doing your part to create the successful relationship.
You really have to know the value you add to someone's life.
Know what you're bringing to the relationship.
And appreciate that.
And also be very aware.
Have that awareness to know where could you actually improve a little bit on how you're showing up in a relationship.
Do you know what I mean?
Are you someone who dismisses other people pretty quickly?
Are you really defensive?
Stuff like that.
That's some work you could be doing on while you're preparing to be in a relationship or while you're currently in a relationship.
And if you're manifesting love and you want to have this incredible relationship,
It's also understanding that there are possibilities all over.
You are not doomed to be alone forever or in crappy relationships forever.
I know so many people who stay in relationships that are really unfulfilling to them because they think this is all it's going to be.
I'm not going to find anybody else.
This is my one chance.
This is my one shot at love,
So I'm just going to sit here and eat it.
And that's when people talk about settling,
So don't settle.
And are you going to find someone who's 100% perfect?
No way.
Like John Gottman in his research,
He has discovered,
So he has the masters and the disasters when it comes to relationships.
And the masters,
Even in the masters,
You guys,
69% of conflict is unresolvable.
So you could find temporary solutions or brainstorm together,
But those issues might be there because to me,
They're probably under a value.
Maybe your values aren't 100% aligned or maybe you just have different perspective on things.
And that's okay.
Just because you have that disagreement or that conflict doesn't mean the relationship can't work.
So it's basically in this relationship,
Am I able to handle this conflict?
Can I,
Will I be okay if this is our conflict,
That unresolvable stuff that's going to be with us till the day we separate,
Till the day we die or the day we move on from each other?
Am I going to be okay with this stuff?
And if you are like,
Yeah,
It's going to be annoying.
It might be inconvenient,
But does it break your soul?
Do you feel unloved or is it just something that's annoying?
So those are some of the things to kind of consider and think about.
And remembering that if you are feeling lonely and you want to have incredible love,
There are possibilities everywhere.
Like you might think your slice of the pie is so small,
But guess what?
There are other people in that same slice of pie looking for someone like you.
But if you think that there's no chance,
You're not going to take the risk to go out and meet people because you're already telling yourself you've already decided that love's not for you,
That an incredible love story just isn't part of your journey.
So it kind of starts in your mind,
You guys.
I know everything starts with mindset and we hear this all the time now,
But we hear this all the time for a reason because our mindset is really so powerful and our mindset is basically what helps us thrive or basically tears us down in any aspect,
Right?
It holds us back or it moves us forward.
So while you're thinking about all of these things in your mindset and being open to possibilities and putting yourself out there and taking the risk and understanding that in the journey of manifesting love,
That rejection is part of the process and rejection doesn't mean that something's defective about you or that something is wrong with you.
It's simply sometimes you're not a good fit.
Like think about every person who's been interested in you,
Whether you've known them or not,
Right?
Because sometimes someone has a crush on you and you have no idea they had a crush on you,
Right?
But think about if every single person who liked you,
You were just automatically required to go out with them,
Right?
To date them.
You know,
Just because somebody likes you doesn't mean you're a good fit.
You know what I mean?
So the same goes for when you like somebody else also,
Like maybe they're taken,
Maybe they have,
They're just focusing on their career right now.
Who knows what it is?
There's so many other reasons that could be going on for somebody on the reason why they are saying no thanks.
Do you know what I mean?
So it's not because you're not pretty enough or you're not smart enough or you're not wealthy enough or tall enough or strong enough or all of these different things.
You're not driving the right car.
You know,
Sometimes it's simply because you're just not a good fit.
And that's okay because when you get that no,
They're actually saving you time,
Right?
So now you get to continue and save your energy and continue looking for and moving towards somebody who is the good fit for you.
So also be thinking about how are you raising your energy?
How are you working on yourself?
Like we just talked about,
Right?
Like the growing or the sinking.
But what are you putting your efforts towards,
Right?
Are you spending your day just like,
Oh,
I feel so lonely and all focused on the lonely and how love's never going to happen for you?
Or are you saying,
You know what,
I'm going to work on being the best version of myself and I'm going to lift myself up and I'm going to do the work that I want and need to do.
I'm going to learn the skills that I haven't learned yet.
I'm going to figure out and discover who I am as a person,
Right?
Why,
What are your love mindset issues and limitations,
Right?
Discover are there rules that you've set for yourself that you've told yourself,
Oh,
I need to follow these rules in order to find love or to have the best relationship.
And are those rules really serving you or are they rules that maybe it's time to let go of?
And are you cutting off opportunities because of those limiting beliefs of like thinking you're not enough in some way?
Like I've been there.
I get it.
Like I used to date people who I knew I could never fall so deeply madly in love with and that felt safe to me.
It felt like,
Oh,
This relationship will never lead further than just this like,
You know,
Having a good time,
Having,
You know,
Like the arguments,
The conflict,
Whatever,
But it's never going to go that deep.
And that kept me safe because to me it was like,
If I let myself go and fall in love with this like incredible human and if they didn't love me back,
Then to me at that time,
It meant that,
Oh,
All my insecurities were true.
It meant that I wasn't good enough.
I wasn't pretty enough.
I wasn't smart enough.
I wasn't funny enough.
I wasn't fit enough.
Like all of these things went through my mind.
And so I limited who I would allow myself to date,
The personalities that I would allow myself to date.
So,
And yes,
I have dated some really incredible guys and then I dated some guys who are really good people who just,
We were not a good fit together and us being together brought out our really negative sides.
Do you know what I mean?
Have you ever been in a relationship where you're with someone and you know they're like a really good person?
And some reason the way that you mix with them just like brings out all the drama and that's some of the relationships I've been in in the past.
And this was my own work that I had to do.
So I get it.
I've been there.
I know the work that you're going to be going through so that you can manifest the love story that you want,
The one that you've been longing for.
Like I get it.
You want your heart to skip a beat.
You want to be swept off your feet or you want to sweep someone off their feet,
You know?
So you got to do the work.
There's no easy way.
There's no skipping over this.
There's no jumping over it.
You have to go through it.
And I remember as a child seeing love is something that I couldn't trust or it was people who just hurt each other.
So I used to limit,
Like I said,
Because of this,
I used to limit who I'd let in because I truly thought that love was just designed to hurt you and that the people who,
You know,
They're cool are supposed to love you when they don't love you.
It is soul crushing and it feeds the story of I'm not good enough and am I lovable?
I must not be lovable.
Like what am I doing wrong?
Why not me?
Right.
So do yourself a favor.
And when you're journaling this week,
Write about what are the stories you're telling yourself around love and are they actually hurting your journey to love?
Like really take a moment to let that self-awareness come to,
You know,
As a story you're telling yourself about love hurting your journey to manifesting the greatest love story of your life.
And while you're doing this,
Like ask yourself,
What did you learn about love as a child?
And was love a safe place comforting or was it scary?
Was it broken promises?
Was it arguments?
Was it feeling silenced?
Was it feeling like you didn't get to have a voice?
You know,
What did love look like when you were growing up?
And you know,
Even if you had a really healthy,
Awesome model of love,
Was there things in that relationship that you've associated with what love means and what it means to be in a relationship.
So really do the work to take some time,
Like take 30 minutes or whatever and really think about the stories and the relationships that you've witnessed throughout your life that have helped shape your story.
Like I know some of the story that I had to rewrite for myself was thinking that I was too difficult to love,
You know,
That I wasn't an easy person to love,
That I was so sensitive and I got my feelings hurt easily and I didn't trust love and I didn't trust people and I had this wall up.
And so I truly thought I remember even telling guys in the past,
Like,
You know,
I don't think you should even be interested in me because I'm really difficult to love.
Like it's very hard to be in a relationship with me.
And that is literally the story I would tell myself,
You guys.
We really create our worldview as little kids.
And so that's why I'm asking you to think about the relationships you saw growing up and how you started to define love,
You know,
So because this is all happening as we're growing,
Right?
And then we develop our beliefs around it and our worldview and then when we're an adult,
We act it out.
You know,
We'll think like if I can't keep love or receive it the way I need to feel love,
That must mean I'm unworthy.
That must mean I'm not enough.
That must mean I'm.
.
.
That must mean something's wrong with me,
Right?
And ask yourself,
How did others in your life view love and what did they accept?
Because what you believe is what will show up.
Those are the stories that you're going to be creating for yourself.
So after you write your story,
Your old story of love and what you've been telling yourself up until this point when it comes to love,
Then critique it.
Really decide,
Is this story actually holding you back?
Is this story getting in your way?
And if it is,
It is time to throw out that story around love,
Around relationships.
And then take some time and write a new story.
If you were your ideal self and you had your ideal partner,
How would you define love?
What would that story look like?
What would that love mean to you?
How would you be showing up in that relationship?
How would your partner be showing up in that relationship?
How would other people view your relationship?
How would you view your relationship?
What would that love mean?
Would it mean that you have safety,
That it's a safe place to be yourself,
That you feel understood,
You get to have fun,
You get to be your silliest,
Goofiest,
Most playful self?
Is it a person you can trust?
A person you can be vulnerable with?
A person you can explore the world with,
Explore yourselves with?
A person you can challenge yourselves to grow?
A person that you can go into the deep ends with?
You know you can play in the shallows,
But then you go deep too?
Is this a person that you have passion with?
Like maybe physical passion,
But also emotional passion,
Spiritual passion,
Mental passion?
So really take time to write your new story around love.
And this is the story that you're going to pass that down to if you decide to have kids,
This is the love story that you're creating for them,
That you're helping them create for themselves.
So here are some other things you can do to help you manifest love.
And it really starts with you.
And maybe you don't want to hear that answer.
Maybe you want to say,
Okay,
What you're going to do is you're going to go get three rose quartz crystals.
You're going to put them on your front step and you're going to sing a song and poof.
I mean you could do that.
Like that could be part of your routine of manifesting love if you wanted to.
But honestly,
It's going to have to come from your mindset.
It's going to have to come from writing this new story.
It's going to have to come from investing in your self growth,
Giving yourself that time and that permission to grow and to let go of the things that are no longer benefiting you anymore,
That you no longer need to do.
Like you don't need to keep that wall up anymore that you needed to before because maybe you needed that wall to survive,
But you don't need that wall anymore.
So let it go.
Create an experience list and do it.
I think that is one of the most powerful things you can do because it helps you discover yourself and you don't need a partner to go have experiences with.
I know it seems like it makes it so much more fun and sometimes it does,
But you know what?
You can have a lot of fun with yourself and you could also really grow your relationship with yourself.
And that is irreplaceable.
Do you know what I mean?
Like if you can learn to love and deeply and completely accept who you are,
Even with your flaws,
That voice that says you're not good enough starts to get smaller and disappears.
And every once in a while it'll come back and then you just remind it,
No,
No,
Actually I am good enough.
I am enough.
Right?
But we do that by empowering ourselves,
By building our confidence,
By releasing the insecurities that we've had that have hold us back.
So it's really also identifying where do I feel insecure?
What are the insecurities?
What's that negative self talk I keep playing in my head and what in the bananas can I do to get rid of that?
And then you start talking to yourself differently.
You start lifting yourself up.
You start being your biggest cheerleader and you can critique yourself only if it's constructive though.
There's no point in just beating yourself up just because you can.
What's the worth in that?
That's just going to keep you down.
So for sure,
Be honest with yourself and identify areas that you can improve upon,
But not to tear yourself down,
Just to continue your growth and build yourself up.
Negative criticism has a place in your journey.
Just regular plain old criticism doesn't though.
And so really with that negative self talk and whatever else that comes up for you,
Just stop doing the things that encourage your crappy self view.
Right?
So if there's something that you're doing in your life right now that every time you do this,
You feel worse about yourself or the you're not enough voice gets louder,
Something's wrong with you gets louder.
Stop doing that thing and work on your self growth and then tip toe back into that thing if it is something that you feel like you really love or that's missing from your life.
But fill your time with things that add to you,
That add to yourself,
You that add to your love,
That add to your feel good.
Right?
Make sure every day has a couple things that add to it in a joyful,
Blissful,
Gratitude feeling way.
And also on your journey of manifesting love,
Do some mirror work.
Like if you are not able to see your own value,
You won't be able to show other people it either.
You'll hold it back.
If you're holding it back from yourself,
You're going to hold it back from others.
So do the mirror work.
Look yourself in the eye,
Apologize for the way you've been treating yourself.
You know,
Let the tears fall and then start building yourself up.
Have five minutes a day where you just lock eyes with yourself and get real and appreciate yourself.
Take off your humble hat and just love you to every single inch and cell of your body.
Be proud of who you are.
Be proud of what you've overcome thus far in your life.
Be proud of the self you're creating.
Be proud of the love that you know is possible for you.
And the more you do this mirror work,
The more it'll transform your life.
So if you could commit to 90 days,
Five minutes a day of doing some mirror work,
It is so transformative.
You know,
A lot of people give meditation lots of kudos for transforming your life.
And I agree with it.
Like I love meditation.
And as you know,
I've been doing like an hour of meditation each morning the past week and I love it.
And it's challenging,
But I love it and it's definitely transformative.
However,
Mirror work is also extremely transformative and it's five minutes of raw vulnerability with yourself.
And you know what,
If you need to,
Back when I used to go to therapy,
My therapist had me take lotion and rub it on each part of my body,
Starting on my feet and all the way up telling myself something appreciation about that body part when I was learning to love myself.
And that's something that I even have my own clients do.
I'm like,
Rub lotion on your body or whatever it is,
Whatever your routine is when you get out of the shower,
Give appreciation to every single body part.
You know,
Instead of like putting that lotion on and thinking,
Oh,
My legs are so gross or something.
Instead,
It's like,
Oh wow,
Thank you legs for carrying me through the day.
Like I couldn't get through this day without you.
I really appreciate you.
For me,
One of the insecurities that I've had that I'm definitely working on myself talk around is like,
I have so many moles and freckles and I continue to get more and more and more of them.
Every year I'm like,
What the bananas?
Why do I keep getting more of these?
Like I'm in my late thirties,
Shouldn't I be freckled out by now?
But nope,
Somehow I just continue to get new ones.
And I know when I have a new one like on my leg,
I'm like,
You were not here yesterday and all of a sudden you're here.
So now instead of being like,
Oh,
Now my legs are gross because I have all these freckles on them.
Instead,
I think,
Hey,
Welcome to our body.
This is going to be your new home now,
I guess.
So here's the thing.
Our legs are awesome.
They work really hard.
They help me dance and play and do everything I need to do in my day.
So these are great legs.
So you just found yourself an awesome new home.
And that shifts so much.
It shifts the way I feel.
It shifts my actions.
So those are the kind of things that I'm asking you to do for yourself on your journey of manifesting love.
Get yourself feeling high vibe.
Level yourself up so that you can attract that person that you're daydreaming about.
And if you level yourself up,
You're less likely to settle,
Right?
If you release your insecurities,
You'll know your value.
You'll know what you bring to the table and you'll want that back.
If you are holding tight to your insecurities,
If you are so scared of what life would be like without those insecurities,
You're more likely to settle because you're not going to think you're worth more.
You're going to think getting treated in a way that feels unloving is okay.
I mean,
You know,
I know so many friends that are in a relationship like this,
So it must be okay.
I guess this is as good as it gets,
Right?
So tell yourself a new story.
Write your new story today.
Invest in your self growth.
Do the mirror work.
Do the experience list.
Change yourself.
Talk and let yourself grow.
Release every part of yourself because you know what,
You guys,
When I was younger and I was told all the time how sensitive I was,
Because I'm going to be honest,
I'm a huge,
Like empathy is one of my biggest strengths,
I think.
I think empathy is what,
You know,
Kind of what will change the world in a better way.
But when I grew up in my small town and you know,
All that stuff,
People just thought I was the most sensitive person ever because I cried easy and I didn't get offended easy.
So it's so funny because with me,
I think people who are sensitive get offended very easily.
So I didn't get offended easily,
But my feelings would get hurt or I would get moved or just touched easily.
You know what I mean?
Like I can watch a commercial and if it's done well enough,
Then it'll bring tears to my eyes.
I'm a huge fan of love and of kindness and of just good things in the world.
So that always just fills me up with so much.
It's like overwhelming sometimes and so just my tears have to leak a little bit because I just can't hold it all in my body because I feel like that,
You know,
The feel good stuff and then the hurt stuff,
Like I don't know,
Just empathy has always been one of my strengths in any way.
I'd always be told how sensitive I was,
Whether it was by my family or guys that I was dating or whatever.
And you know,
Finally in my early 20s,
I was like,
Wait a second.
No,
I'm not too sensitive.
I bought into this story for years,
You know,
That,
Oh,
Something's wrong with me because I'm too sensitive.
Like I'm never going to find anybody to love me because I'm such a sensitive person.
And then it just like a switch.
I was like,
Wait a second.
That's not true.
I was like,
If I was made to be this sensitive,
This,
You know,
Empathetic,
Then I know someone out there is my match for that.
Like someone out there is going to appreciate my sensitivity and my empathy.
They're not going to look down upon me for it.
They're not going to criticize me for it.
They're going to embrace that in me.
And you know what?
I found Keoni and he completely loves that about me.
It's not something that he ever thinks is a negative trait.
He thinks it is one of my strengths as well.
And so sometimes I just think,
Huh,
I was right.
I knew someone was out there that wouldn't see my sensitivity as a negative thing and they would embrace it and just embrace it as part of me.
And voila,
I found it.
And so I had to change my story though first,
Right?
I had to tell myself first that someone is going to appreciate that in me.
And I found that person.
And I want that for you.
I want you to be able to manifest the love that you are dreaming about,
The love that you are longing for.
I want someone to love you the way that you desire to be loved and for you to love them the way they desire to be loved.
And I also truly,
Truly believe that to have the best relationships,
You have to be flowing with kindness and generosity and gratitude.
Those are the best relationships I've ever seen in my life and that I've experienced myself.
And just for those of you who are wondering,
Kindness does not mean a doormat.
You can still have your boundaries.
You can still teach someone how to treat you.
However,
If you lead with that kindness and that generosity and that gratitude and all of that appreciation and all of those things,
It sets you up for such an incredible relationship.
And whenever I look at relationships or I'm having clients that are talking to me about their relationship,
They're really talking about the unkindness that's in it.
That's what they're venting about.
That's what they're complaining about.
That's what they want to change or are the areas of their partner when they show up in an unkind or an unloving way.
And that's what they want to see shift.
So start working on that yourself.
How can you show up?
How do you want to show up in a loving,
Generous,
And grateful way to show appreciation?
And you can still feel frustrated.
But there's a huge difference.
You can be frustrated and still be kind.
When you're frustrated and you start calling names,
Especially tearing the person down,
Where like calling them cuss words or saying that they are certain things,
I mean,
That's not kind.
I can feel frustrated and I can say,
I'm frustrated right now because this isn't going the way I wanted it to.
I'm frustrated because you're not saying the things I wanted to hear.
You know what I mean?
So it's like really taking ownership of who you are and how you feel and letting that be a part of your relationship too.
So I hope this was helpful for you today.
I hope that you've got some things you can journal about and you can start thinking about so that when you are manifesting the dream love that you want,
You actually manifest that person because if you're staying low vibe,
You're not going to be able to attract the person that you're wanting to attract and you're going to think,
Oh,
It's because something's wrong with you.
No,
It's because you're focusing on your negative things or the things that you think are negative about yourself and you're feeding into that idea that you're not enough.
So you're going to attract the same vibe.
So if you want that really incredible love,
Just do the self work,
Work on your self growth and watch how it transforms all the relationships around you and always lead with kindness because that's a game changer.
Sending so much love to you.
I'm so excited for your journey to love your journey in love and if you have a moment,
Please go ahead and leave me a review.
That is such an awesome thing for you to do and I always appreciate it so much.
They bring such a smile to my face and it just feels good to know that at least one person got something beneficial from this episode and that's a good thing.
So go out and have an awesome week,
Do some self development,
Some self growth and know that you're already starting out is enough.
You're just focusing on that story from this point forward.
Thanks so much for joining me.
Have an awesome day.
Bye.
