by Pam Aks
Do you compare yourself with others? During this short podcast, Pam shares two experiments for creating a new neural pathway that'll keep you from going down that comparison rabbit, so you go from underestimated to unstoppable.
Transcript
Hello fellow Insight Timers. Welcome. Welcome to the Unstoppable Mindset, A series of deep diving mindset related topics to empower, Inspire, Ignite, And encourage one another. So we go from underestimated to unstoppable. And welcome to this session, Getting Out of the Comparison Rabbit Hole. You know this is a topic that comes up often in coaching conversations with my clients, With friends, With family members, Where we compare ourselves personally and professionally with other people. Comparing what we do, Comparing what we have, Comparing what others have to what we have, To what others do to what we do, Compare. And as I was preparing for this topic, I was reading an article in Psychology Today and they reported, Quote, According to some studies as much as 10% of our thoughts involve comparisons of some kind, End quote. That blew my mind. I mean 10% may not seem like a lot but think about it. If 10% of our thoughts are about comparison, What is that doing to our mindset? I want to ask you, I mean have you ever found yourself on social media, Say Facebook or Instagram, Scrolling through your newsfeed, Seeing pictures of other people's vacations or maybe their weight loss or their new car or their new house and all of a sudden you felt yourself shrink or feel really heavy or even jealous? That's comparison. I have caught myself doing it multiple times. Probably one of the reasons why I limit my social media time because it it does it makes me feel bad. Comparison plain and simple is a form of self-judgment but more importantly it become a mental black hole that causes us to spiral downward into those feelings of not good enough. And it can also be a way to you know momentarily build ourselves up in those moments of insecurity when we're feeling not so good but we see somebody and we think wow okay I'm better off than they are. I call that comparison with a hint of better than. Either way comparison can be really toxic to our mindset unless and I have to say this unless of course it's being used as a positive motivator for self-improvement. As an example maybe you know of someone who is doing something that you really want to do and you're using that comparison piece of where you are versus where they are as a way to motivate you to continue to take action. Okay that's really cool because that's positive. Where we want to be really careful is when the comparison becomes negative. When it makes us feel less than, Smaller than, When it makes us shrink, Makes us feel jealous. That's when we want to really pay attention to staying out of the comparison rabbit hole. You know I remember when I started coaching coach training and my coaching practice back in the early 2000s comparison was really the name of my game. I did it often unfortunately. As a matter of fact I remember one time in particular I was sitting in a training class and the faculty leader asked us all a question and several coaches who seemed to me to be more seasoned chimed in to answer. Their answers to me seems so eloquent and experienced and I found myself getting kind of intimidated and thinking I'm not as good as they are. I then started to feel jealous wondering what they had that I didn't have. I never took into account that I didn't know what their story was or how busy their practices really were. I didn't have the details to compare myself. I was just comparing myself to a perception. What I did know however is that they possessed an air of confidence that I felt I didn't have and my little trip down the comparison rabbit hole only made that worse. Not to mention I missed out on the entire class and what the faculty leader was saying. By the end of the class I found myself second-guessing myself my abilities as a coach and on the verge of quitting. Mark Twain once said comparison is the death of joy and he was right. My comparing myself to the other coaches almost had me quitting something I found and still find great joy in. At the end of the day comparison feeds our feelings of not good enough and it hides what makes us unique. It hides what makes us who we are as authentic human beings. So if you're ready and willing let's weaken that comparison neural pathway by creating a new one with a new habit. I'm going to just ask you to experiment with this. Okay, Experiment with engaging present moment and creating some awareness around comparison. Creating awareness is key to getting out of that comparison mindset rut and to help with that awareness creating I have some journal prompts for you. You may want to stop the audio after each question to give yourself time to answer or to at least jot down the question so you can answer them at a later time. The first question I have for you is what triggers or causes you to compare? Think about times in the past where you've compared yourself and jot those times down. The reason this is important is so that you know history has a tendency to repeat itself. If they were a trigger for you once there's a good chance they're going to be a trigger for you again. So if you have awareness around your triggers you can identify them before they happen so then you can engage a different behavior and we're going to talk about that in just a second. That's the first question. The second question, What makes you awesome? What makes you awesome? Capture your skills, Your traits, Your abilities. Those are important. I use that list that I've created for myself for those times when I do find myself going into comparison mode. I remind myself of some of those cool things. It's really very helpful. And the last question, What choices do you have when you go into comparison mode? Now this is the really fun part. Get those choices down on paper. Get creative with those things that you can use when you catch yourself in comparison mode. So for example when you find yourself triggered you can then do something different that's positively different. For example if I start to go down the oh she's skinnier than me rabbit hole I stop myself mid-sentence in my head because that's what's happening I'm having a conversation in my head and I state one thing that I like about me from that list of characteristics, Qualities, And abilities that I've made. I do it every single time now. So I anytime I'm saying something where I'm comparing myself to someone else I stop. I stop mid-sentence and I replace it with something good about me. Let me tell you sometimes it's easier than other times but doing it religiously helps to create that habit. And as another experiment I'd like to offer you the following tapping script. And just as a helpful hint I want to encourage you to stop the recording and make notation of the timestamp so you can fast forward to this exact point the next time you want to use this script. Now for the first round I will tell you the placement if you've never tapped before I'm going to tell you the placement of your fingers. You can do this by using two fingers on each tapping point. And I'm going to give you a statement to repeat. So as we begin tapping I'm going to share that statement and you'll want to repeat it. Okay I'm gonna ask now that you find a comfortable seated position taking a really really deep breath into your belly and then letting it out. As you're letting it out release your shoulders if they're being worn as earrings. Settle into your chair get comfortable. I'm gonna ask you to take another deep breath in in through your nose releasing it out through your mouth. We're gonna begin with the karate chop point. Now if you were to karate chop a piece of wood that's the point on the underside the point that makes contact with the piece of wood. And taking two or three fingers begin tapping there very lightly and repeat after me. Even though I compare myself to others I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Karate chop point again. Even though I compare myself to others I deeply and completely love and accept myself. One last time on the karate chop point. Even though I compare myself to others I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Taking both hands two fingers from both hands we're gonna tap on the eyebrow point and the edge of the eyebrow that starts to meet the nose the bridge of the nose you're gonna tap there. I compare. Now you're gonna go to the side of your eye both eyes either and putting your two fingers on the temple lightly tapping repeating and when I compare it feels awful. Now we're gonna move under our eye in line with our pupil right on that bony bit right underneath our eye socket tapping gently. It's a form of judgment. Taking one hand with two fingers we're gonna tap on the fleshy bit from the bait that's between the base of our nose and the top of our lip and I know I judge myself harshly. Now we're gonna move to the chin it's that fleshy bit between the point of your chin and the bottom of your lip right in the middle there tapping gently repeating after me. It's been a way to keep people from judging me. Now we're gonna move to our collarbone. If you trace your collarbone to the center where your collarbone starts to trail off just below your throat there are two ridges on either side tapping gently there and repeating. Nonetheless comparing myself to others is what I do. Now we're gonna go in line on under your arm in line with your nipple so it doesn't matter which arm you can use your left arm or your right arm taking one hand go in line with your nipple right under your arm and begin tapping on the side of your breasts under your arm and I want to stop. Now taking both hands two fingers from both hands on the top of your head at the crown begin tapping lightly repeating I just don't know how to stop. We're gonna take another round beginning with the eyebrow point comparing myself puts me in a place of great lack. Moving to the side of the eye lack and not good enough under the eye I often find myself wishing that I was like someone else under the nose or that I had what they have. Chin I then feel worse about myself collarbone like I'm not good enough under the arm or why them and not me top of the head I know it's not fair to me to compare. Now I want to ask you to take a deep deep breath notice your breathing are you breathing easily and with flow if you are fantastic I want you to continue on with the next round if you're still feeling heavy or your breathing is not as easy and doesn't flow as easily I want want to encourage you to rewind the audio portion to the beginning of the tapping script and do those first two rounds again until you start to feel yourself lighten. Going on with the positive round tapping on your eyebrow point repeating after me and I'm so ready to stop all the comparison side of the eye I know that no one is like me and that's awesome under the eye I know that I have some really great qualities under the nose and I choose to focus on my positives the next time I feel the need to compare. Chin so that I can release the comparing behavior collarbone that doesn't serve me or my highest good under the arm because at the end of the day I deserve to feel good top of the head I deserve to feel good about me about all that I do and about all that I have now take another deep breath in notice the flow of your air if it feels like you're relaxed and lighter fantastic feel free to use this script as often as you'd like I want to thank you as always for being here I also want to invite you to join me in the group an unstoppable mindset right here on insight timer to share questions thoughts insights and support that's hashtag unstoppable by the way I look forward to connecting with you and keeping the mindset shifting conversation going and in the meantime I'm sending you much peace much love much light be well and take good care
4.9 (45)
Barb
November 23, 2021
Very helpful. The message resonated. I will be listening again. Comparing myself to others is harmful to my sense of well-being. It brings up shame and I'm ready to let go of this behaviour. Thank you.
Kristine
October 11, 2021
Very interesting! Good instruction for the tapping, thank you!
Rahul
October 7, 2021
This was really so so nice, I loved the combination of journal prompts and EFT tapping, it was definitely very effective on the first round. Thank you so much 🥰. Great strategies🥰
