Waiting For Medical News

There is a kind of weighting that feels different in the body.

It's not abstract.

It's not philosophical.

It is specific.

It settles in the chest and doesn't fully loosen.

Even when you're doing ordinary things,

Parts of you stays alert.

You may check your phone more often.

You may replay the appointment in your mind.

You may hear certain words again and again.

You may imagine best outcomes.

You may imagine worst outcomes.

This is not overthinking.

This is a nervous system trying to prepare for uncertainty.

When the stakes feel personal,

The body becomes attentive.

If your heart beats faster,

It is not betraying you.

If sleep feels shallow,

It is not weakness.

This is care.

This is attachment to your own life.

Of course,

You want to know.

Of course,

You want clarity.

Of course,

You want relief.

Nothing is wrong with you for caring this much.

You don't have to minimize it.

You don't have to act unaffected.

Waiting for medical news is not neutral time.

It is a suspended space where your body doesn't know yet which direction to settle.

You don't have to be brave in advance.

You don't have to rehearse strength.

Right now,

You are simply a human being waiting for information.

That is enough.

Let this moment be only this moment.

The rest will arrive when it arrives.

For now,

You are here,

And you're allowed to feel exactly what you feel.

And in this moment,

You can pause and rest in your waiting.

And that is enough.

Let this moment be only this moment,

Where you can rest in your waiting.