Welcome to the scared of your own voice series.
Today I would like to talk about holding your tongue and how it affects your body.
Especially if you are holding your tongue for decades.
If you are coming from the place of obedience and culture of obedience.
The pain in your jaw and grinding of your teeth comes from unexpressed anger.
And by anger I mean healthy aggressive anger we all have and need to have and need to express.
Meaning I am allowed to say no when someone is crossing my boundaries,
When something is not okay and still feel safe.
And many of us we didn't have a privilege to express our anger.
So did you have to hold your tongue?
Did you witness your mother holding her tongue?
Were you allowed to speak up,
To say no,
To scream,
To call for help,
To call for justice?
Or did you hold your tongue?
Were you loyal to your family by saying nothing?
Did you have to hold your tongue?
An enormous amount of survival anger is stored in our caged mouth.
Suppressed,
Braced,
Protected anger sits in your jaw for decades.
And at the same time you're holding your mouth back,
Your pelvis is holding back too.
The pelvis and jaw have almost the same anatomy.
So if a person has been assaulted,
Pelvis and jaw will respond simultaneously in a braced,
Tight,
Protective response.
And those body parts will keep the memory of that holding and will feel unsafe letting go.
And this is a form of trauma held in your body.
Years of holding in survival states causes a lack of tone and lack of oxygen coming into the system.
So many times you will feel not only in your mouth but your pelvis doesn't have any tone.
It's almost like you cannot feel the blood flowing in your pelvis.
It can feel dumb,
It can feel cold,
It can feel as nothing,
It can feel very tight.
This means cells are not replenished and rejuvenated.
That in your muscles there is no radiance or color in our skin.
There is no color in your face and there is also no awareness of a pelvic floor.
So when we don't see energy in those places in our body,
We know the person had to hold their tongue.
So what's happening on a cellular level,
Your cells,
They cannot be fed by oxygen.
So there is no self-regeneration.
And inflammation,
TMJ pain,
Migraines,
Gum issues,
Endometriosis,
Not being able to conceive,
Not being able to have an orgasm,
Not being able to have an orgasm,
And not be able to speak your truth,
You are null.
Your voice,
Not being able to speak up,
Are very common symptoms of the caged mouth.
So think of how many times we had to hold our tongues even in the midst of assault,
Of verbal harassment,
Of comments,
When someone had to explain things to you.
How many times did you have to hold your tongue because you didn't want to embarrass your family name or cause a fuss?
Or because you're afraid if you say anything,
Retaliation will be next?
So this pain in our jaws and pelvis didn't start also with us,
It started with our mothers and grandmothers.
Think about your lineage.
Because our mothers and grandmothers,
They also knew how to hold their tongues in order to survive.
If you're a minority,
Underprivileged,
If you're not in one percent,
Think how many times your grandfathers,
Your father,
Had to hold their tongue.
How many times your grandfathers,
Your father,
Had to hold their tongue in order to survive.
So we will pause here.
Take time to be with us.
Observe,
Reflect.
Write things down.
See what will come up.
And I will meet you in the next share of scared of your own voice series.
I am Anamail,
Somatic experiencing therapist for PTSD and trauma recovery.
And as always,
Be gentle with yourself.
Much love and care.
