Oh,
I can't stand frustration.
Let's talk about the three insights into frustration and how we can actually get through it and learn how to use it for our benefit and find inner peace when we're just frustrated.
David,
I'm listening to this episode because I'm so mad right now.
Nothing's working out.
My computer keeps crashing.
My friends don't show up for me.
My partner's a jerk.
Make a list.
I get it.
I'm not laughing at you.
I'm laughing with you.
Trust me.
I know frustration.
I've been there a thousand times.
We've all written that merry-go-round.
When you're in it and someone says,
Hey,
Don't be frustrated,
You usually want to just bite them or smack them.
So I get it.
I want you to take a deep breath,
Relax your shoulders,
And I want you to know there's a rhyme and a reason here for your frustration.
So let's go into the three insights into frustration.
And the first one is when we feel frustrated,
When we're just in that moment,
It feels unbearable and it feels like it's punishment.
This frustration is just like this punishment from life.
I'm doing something wrong.
So the first insight into frustration is it's not punishment.
It's probably a signal,
A signal that you're coming up against some kind of friction in life and that there needs to be a different way to approach it.
Perhaps life is trying to teach you something.
All right.
So if you're feeling frustration,
I want you to take a deep breath and recognize it is not here to punish you.
It is not here to torture you.
That is insight number one.
Can you recognize that insight number two with frustration?
Usually when we get really,
Really upset like this,
Immediately the frustration turns to blame and it can even turn into resentment and deeper layers of anger,
Forms of anger.
So the second insight is that frustration often comes with blame.
I'm either blaming myself because I fucked this up or I'm blaming somebody else because they're stupid,
Bad,
Mean,
Dumb,
Ignorant,
Racist,
Something.
Frustrated with politicians,
With the world,
With my family,
With my partner.
So frustration often comes with blame.
So I want you to recognize the frustration that it's not punishment and that,
Oh,
There's probably an extension of blame and criticism and judgment coming out of it towards yourself or towards someone else.
So we're just becoming aware first of those two things.
Can you smile at it?
I'm blaming the shit out of somebody right now.
I wrote a long text.
I'm about to hit send David.
Someone told me recently.
Oh,
That's right.
I forgot the story for a moment,
But it just came back.
They told somebody,
Hey,
Before you make a decision,
I know you're frustrated.
Can you take 24 hours and then get back to me?
And the person said,
Okay.
And five minutes later emailed back and said,
Nope,
I've come to the same decision.
Clearly,
They were still frustrated.
You can't get out of frustration usually that fast if it's a deep one.
That the sound of your frustration?
If you hate me right now,
Well,
It's normal,
But it might just be some of that frustration.
Let it pass.
And then the third insight into frustration is that it's truly,
Truly here to teach us.
So no feeling,
No sensation,
No energy is meaningless.
So what is this frustration trying to teach you?
What is it really,
Really trying to show you?
What insight is it trying to bring you?
Perhaps,
Oh,
I lack calmness.
I have a short fuse.
That's a good insight.
I often get frustrated when someone doesn't meet my expectations or when things don't work out the way I want to.
I want them to.
Oh,
I'm a control freak.
You freak.
I need things to be perfect.
I have to work out the way I want them to because if they don't,
I'll feel anxious.
And if I feel anxious,
That's one step closer to knowing that I'm actually afraid.
So there are these layers under frustration.
Frustration is the icing on the cake.
It's the radiation coming off of you.
It's the last thing.
It's not,
It might feel like the first thing because that's what you feel on the surface,
But it's actually the last layer.
So what is under the frustration?
Now those are the three insights.
And now what are you going to do about it?
And what is it here to really,
Really teach you?
Let's kind of dial back the life is punishing me.
Let's dial back the criticism and blame towards someone else or ourselves.
And let's recognize it's here to teach us something and be with the energy.
When people come to me,
They're like,
Help me get over frustration,
David.
And I'm like,
No.
How about no.
Oh wait,
No,
No.
I want you to be with the frustration.
That's where the enlightenment is.
It's in the frustration.
It's not around it.
It's through it.
What is it teaching you?
What is it here to teach you?
So that incessant need to get around it.
That is the frustration.
Stay with it.
See if you can start to love on it a little bit.
And then what is it here to show you?
Okay,
I am a control freak.
Fine.
I want everything to be perfect.
Why?
Because when it's not,
I feel like I'm not in control and I feel anxious.
Okay.
And what,
Where does the anxiety come from?
I don't know.
I have never gone that deep.
Right.
So take a moment.
Where did the anxiety come from?
Maybe my mother,
My father,
Or the people around me.
Maybe I'm absorbing everybody's expectations and trying to live up to them.
Maybe I want people to like me or see me a certain way.
Maybe I'm just deeply,
Deeply afraid of life not working out.
If you get to that core,
Congratulations.
Sit with being afraid that life is not going to work out.
I can guarantee you life will not work out the way you think it's going to.
Has it ever?
No.
Even if the events you think are going to happen happen,
You never feel the way you think you were going to feel.
So can you let life unfold the way it's going to unfold in this moment and have awareness and acceptance?
That's the only real way to make any change.
You don't want to make change out of frustration.
And then see if you could shed some of those fear layers.
See if you could shed some of that anxiety.
And then you might be like,
David,
How do I shed it?
Just by becoming aware of the energy.
Just start by becoming aware of how you feel,
Aware of the energy,
And then slowly like layers that just peel off as you sit and meditate with it,
As you breathe with it,
But also as you look at it.
I don't want you to avoid it.
I want you to look at it,
See it.
Maybe see an image in your mind's eye.
You see a color,
You see an energy,
Start to have insight and you start to see the frustration.
What would it look like if you closed your eyes and actually looked at the frustration for a moment?
What form would it take?
What would it say to you?
When you look at it,
When you really have insight and look at something this way,
That's when it starts to shift.
And stop trying to understand it intellectually.
You're overthinking,
Son of a.
.
.
So good to have you listening to this podcast.
Thanks for being here with me.
Oh yeah,
Bonus,
Bonus technique for frustration.
Have some amusement,
Smile.
It's okay.
As you know,
I like to say only the end of the world is the end of the world.
This is not the end of the world.
It might just feel like it.
And if it is the end of the world,
Well,
I guess we'll have a martini in heaven or something.
But besides that,
This will pass and you'll move on to the next thing.
But you want to do it with a sense of grace and inner peace and ease.
Let the frustration teach you it's not here to punish you.
Dial back the blame.
Recognize it's here to teach you something very,
Very deep about life and have some amusement.
And enjoy the frustration while it lasts.
Maybe you'll miss it when it's gone.
I think there's a song like that.
Thank you for being here with me,
For listening.
Come sit with me or lay down with me for the sleep meditations I do,
The grounded sleep podcast if you want.
And maybe I'll see you in meditation school where I teach live.
Love you.
Love all of you.
Thank you for being here.
Take care.
.
.
.
