Hey there,
Welcome to a hit of hope.
Sometimes I come across a phrase that describes things perfectly,
At least for me in the world I live in.
A few years back one of these phrases was second arrows.
This Buddhist term explains that when life happens we feel things and those natural emotions are first arrows.
So when an ending comes,
A right and good first arrow is grief.
It means we loved.
It means we cared.
And that's a good thing,
Hard to be sure,
But good.
A second arrow is what can happen next.
It's when we beat ourselves up for being human.
So if a person doesn't get the job they wanted,
It is natural to feel sad.
That's the first arrow.
But how easy it is to let that second arrow fly.
You're no good at anything,
We might say.
Or who would want to hire you anyway?
Because how long has that laundry been sitting in your basket waiting to be put away?
So the first arrow is the feeling,
Sometimes sharp and piercing.
The second arrow is the poison-laced judgment.
And this is something that we shoot at ourselves and we know it can kill the good in us.
So recently I came across a similar phrase.
Attack thoughts.
Yes,
There might be wild daisies and gentle deer in our mind fields,
But many of us might have hidden mine fields in there as well.
So one wrong step and kablooey.
Out come those attack thoughts and down we go.
Much like second arrows,
Attack thoughts go after the self.
And it is often a self that is already tender,
Already hurting.
But more than that,
Attack thoughts love to go after the present moment.
Our here and now,
Ourselves as we are in this present,
It's never enough.
We have to be better.
We have to do something to change someplace else.
Someone else must be better.
And that better is always eternally up ahead or years and years behind.
And so we end up living embattled,
Making enemies out of all sorts of things.
Our tender,
Beautiful selves,
The past,
The present,
The future.
And we end up exhausted,
Wounded.
What's particularly cruel is when we notice attack thoughts,
That very thing can lead to second arrows.
Good God,
We might think to ourselves,
You're doing it again.
Could you please just stop,
You whining walloper?
But these attack thoughts,
They are wily little suckers.
They know how to hide in the trenches of our minds and they are ever ready to pop up and take us down.
So what are we supposed to do,
Betsy?
You might be asking.
Partly,
I want to be honest and say,
I don't know.
I struggle with these all of the time.
And you would think at this point in my life,
I would know better.
And I don't.
But I have some thoughts.
First,
I think naming them can help.
Hey,
We might say when an attack thought pops up,
I see you.
But how about we don't today?
Okay.
We might even brave naming them to others,
Which might help us realize that we are not alone.
We also need to understand something very important.
We've been handed the ammunition for these attack thoughts from all kinds of external forces and sources,
Social media,
Religion,
Advertising,
Algorithms,
Teachers.
And let's keep us keep it honest.
They can also come from family and friends.
A relative once said to me,
You know,
We love you,
Betsy,
Even though you're adopted.
We are constantly bombarded with not enough,
Too much,
Do this,
Not that.
You are not okay.
You are not okay.
You are not okay.
It's no wonder we have a horde of attack thoughts ready to spring on us,
Especially when we're feeling overwhelmed,
And wounded,
And tender.
So let's remember our thinks matter.
How we think about ourself,
The others,
The world,
They all matter.
So can we notice when the mind has turned into a war zone?
And if so,
Can we do our best to put the weapons down?
Not only do our thinks matter,
But our words matter,
Too.
Which means we have the power to give someone else the ammunition for their attack thoughts.
So be careful.
Be kind.
And trust that attack thoughts are akin to monsters under the bed.
We have the power to turn on the light and say,
You are not real.
You might have to do it again,
And again,
And some more after that.
But the more we can do that,
The more we can say you are not real,
The more we can focus on what is real.
You and me.
Fully human.
Beautiful,
And strange,
And flawed,
And filled with all kinds of magic.
And that's what we are.
