Why You Need To “Watch Your Mouth”

25:30

25:30

Why You Need To “Watch Your Mouth”

by Candice Alessia Berry

Rated

4.7

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

122

In this episode of the podcast, I co-opt a phrase often used by parents with children to talk about why you need to be mindful of the ways that you speak about yourself. Then I take you through the steps to reframe a lot of the "negative" aspects of yourself in order to use them as powerful tools towards getting what you want!

Mindfulness Self Talk Responsibility Beliefs Limiting Beliefs Self Belief Authenticity Personal Development Identity Self Compassion People Pleasing Personal Responsibility Identity Deconstruction Social Circles

Meet your Teacher

Candice Alessia Berry

Florence, Metropolitan City of Florence, Italy

Meet your Teacher

Candice Alessia Berry

Florence, Metropolitan City of Florence, Italy

Transcript

Hello and welcome to another episode of the Wild Freewell podcast. So I'm here today to reframe something that we've probably all heard when we were kids, Which is, You know, You need to watch your mouth. You know, You hear parents saying this all the time to kids and usually it's because they're saying something bad or saying like, Saying something rude or saying like a bad word or whatever. And I want to reframe that and kind of use it in a way that relates to mindset. So a little bit of background information. I was on a call with a client today. I'm actually recording this podcast a little bit earlier this week, But I was on a call with a client today and at a certain point I literally had to stop her and say to her, Did you hear what you just said? Because basically she was going off on a tangent of like all these things that were quote unquote true about her life. Okay. And we want to be really careful about what we make true or about what we choose to be true about our lives. Okay. And there's so much self responsibility necessary here. And if you understand, If you haven't listened to the episode, The truth about the truth, Then maybe I would go back because that will give you like a good idea of why I'm saying what I'm saying. But to summarize, Essentially, Like there is no truth period in the world about anything. Everything is subjective and everything is true based on our own perspective of things. And just because something is true for us doesn't mean that it's true for someone else. Okay. Just to summarize really quickly. But I basically had to ask her, Like, Listen to what you're saying, Like really reflect on it for a second. And she did. And she realized like how negative was, But it's not enough to just be aware of it. When someone else points it out to you, We have to learn to really be mindful of what we are creating with our words, Because our words come from our thoughts. Okay. And our thoughts build our beliefs and our beliefs influence our actions. So this is like mindset 101, What I'm talking about here. Okay. But we forget that, Like, I think often, At least we forget that we are forging our realities with the words that we use to describe ourselves and to describe our lives. So you really, Really, Really need to watch your mouth when you're talking about yourself and when you're talking about your life. So like, Are you using words that are actively creating the life that you want? Or are you painting yourself into like a limited box that makes it impossible to move beyond where you are right now? Think about that for a second. Are the words that you're using, The way that you choose, Because it's a choice, Right? We talk about that all the time. Welcome to the Wild Freewell podcast. If you've never listened to it before, We're going to hear it all the time. We choose what we talk about. We choose the way we describe ourselves. We choose the words that we use, Right? And if we're not choosing them, That's almost worse. Okay. If you really feel like you're not choosing your words or you're not choosing to say what you're saying, Then you're living so from default and so from autopilot that like, What's the point at all at that point? So it's really dangerous. And even not choosing them actively is still a choice. So at the end of the day, It boils down to that. We have to decide exactly how we want to live. We need to be really clear about what it is that we want, And we need to make sure that our language and our thoughts and our behaviors and our actions are all aligned with that. That is how you move forward powerfully. Okay. And this is not something that ever goes away. I really, Really, Really want to make that clear. It's not like, Because I'm a mindset coach and because I talk about this all the time that I do this perfectly. I really don't. We all have limiting beliefs. We will all always have limiting beliefs. That's the way that our minds work. It's the way that we process the world. But if we want to live an awesome life, And if we really want to feel free, If we really want to be all of who we are, Which is my version of wild, That's what I, That's what wild means to me is being all of who we are being authentic, Being raw, Being real. If we want to be those people, Then we really need to get our shit together in terms of these topics. So thoughts, Actions, Behaviors, And beliefs. Okay. So just to like break this down about what I mean by this, Even if you believe something negative about yourself, Or you say something negative about yourself, I want you to really look at that for a second and ask yourself if it actually is negative or if it has to be negative, Because there are certain things that are negative by society's standards, And that's fine, But they don't have to be negative by your standard. You can reframe anything. You can literally reframe any single thing in your entire life if you want to. And if you're willing to like show up for that reality, Right, You can do it. So some of the things that I've written down here, Some notes are like, Are you actually lazy? Like are you really truly lazy? Or do you just not rush to do things? And then you kind of also move at your own pace. And if you look at those two things, There is a massive energetic difference between calling yourself lazy and saying that you do things at your own pace. You could also use procrastination. Like, Are you a procrastinator or do you just like to do things when you want to do them? Like, Do you just have your own method? Do you need to be under pressure? Because there's nothing wrong with that. If you're somebody who needs pressure to thrive or who needs pressure to show up, Then congratulations, You actually know yourself better than somebody else who's busy hating on that aspect of themselves. There is nothing wrong with what you uniquely need to thrive. It is simply the story that you are telling about it that needs to shift, Not the actual action itself. You don't need to move any faster because society tells you you need to. You don't need to do anything actually that anybody tells you. You always need to do things in the way that feels best for you because that's the way that you are meant to do them. That's the way that you are meant to work. Okay. So are you really distracted or are you just prioritizing the safety of the known and established patterns that you have built instead of stepping out of your comfort zone? So what I mean by that is often when we're distracted, It's because we are, Let's be honest, On social media in this day and age or we're on our phones in general. Okay. So are you actually distracted or are you just choosing to prioritize and put your focus and your energy and your attention on something that keeps you safe and keeps you stuck? Let's be totally honest. Instead of stepping out of your comfort zone. So like putting the phone down and actually engaging with life, For example. Like there are two sides to every coin. There's so many ways to look at a single situation. We do not need to look at the aspects of ourselves that we consider to be flaws or we consider to be negative as negative things. And we sure as hell need to make sure that we are speaking about ourselves in the terms of who we want to be or who we will be or who we could be as opposed to what we're afraid people see us as. Because I think that really boils down to it. Like I don't believe that we are necessarily anything. I think that we, We get stuck into these identities. We, We get trapped in them and we forget that we have the power to change them. We don't have to be any one thing. You can take anything that you are and you can make a decision tomorrow to be different. And I know that sounds like insane and it wouldn't happen necessarily overnight, But it is 100% possible. You do not need to sit in the, In the identity that you find yourself in right now if you don't want to. But there's nothing wrong with you at the same time, Right? There's nothing wrong with you the way you are, But if you want to change, Cool, You can do that. I really, Really believe that. And it starts with changing the way that you think and speak about yourself. So if I was to think about myself, Myself, Like what are some of my like negative aspects? I think I'm quite bossy, Which we could easily, That one's easy to translate. You could just say like, Well, You're a leader and I am a leader. I know that. I know that I'm a leader. I know that I'm a leader because I have been my whole life. I've always been in leadership roles, Like since I was in high school. Um, I think probably even before that, Maybe even in elementary school, If I really think about it, I feel like I was on a committee in elementary school, But I don't remember which one it was now, But in high school I was on every committee. I was the head of the cheerleading squad. I was on the dance committee. I was on the grad committee. I was on the prom committee. I helped out with student council. Like I literally, Anything that happened in that school, I had a hand in it. And that has always been, Oh, I was a teaching assistant too. So that's always been a role that I have embodied and I feel very comfortable there. So like, Am I bossy? Probably sometimes. And that's a misuse or a misdirection of my leadership energy. I embody that leadership energy and I'm cool with it. Bossiness is like maybe the negative side of that. And that's something that's easy to shift to. It's my approach. It's the way that I go about it, The way that I engage with my leadership, As opposed to being like negative about it or pushy or whatever. I can be a positive side of leadership. I can be inspiring. I can be, Uh, Engaging. I can be inclusive, Right? Because bossiness tends to be like that. You're not really including other people in the decision-making process. So there's a lot of ways that you can reframe all of these things. Like I'm stubborn. Am I, Or do I just know what I want? Right? There's, There's a positive and a negative to every single thing in life, Light and dark, Ebb and flow, Right? All of these things that we talk about all the time, The duality of life. We're not trying to eliminate any of these things. We are trying to see them in a way that actually serves us. Because if you believe something negative about yourself, Like if we go back to the lazy things, I feel like that's a really big, That's a big one. Like with all of my clients at one point or another, That's come up. And even yesterday, If I think about like conversations I have with clients, It's like, I should be doing more. Why though? Why should you be doing more? And based on whose idea of more, On your idea of more, On society's idea of more, Your boss's idea of more, Who is, Who is having this conversation in your mind? Is it you or is it somebody else that's in, That's influencing you? Right? So like, Yeah, Are you actually lazy or are you just not passionate about what you're doing? Are you lazy or are you just not like, I don't know, Not that interested in the topic at hand or not feeling very motivated? Are you in a bad period of life where you're tired and you're not really taking care of yourself so you don't have the energetic resources to go after what you want? Right? Should you actually be doing more or do you need to be doing things differently? There's so many ways to look at this. And this is where individual coaching, Like shameless plug, But this is where individual coaching really gets to the root of what is going on with you. Because this is the work that I do with clients, But it's almost impossible for me to get to the root of you and what you're thinking right now without having more feedback and more information about your unique situation. So I can give you the tools and you can take yourself there, But you have to be able to see beyond your own perception of yourself and your life. And that can be very difficult, Especially at the, At the beginning. Like if you're relatively new to personal development and even more so if you're new to coaching, It can be very difficult to take yourself on that journey. Not impossible, Certainly, But it can be more challenging because you have this sort of almost concrete view of who you are and you're so embedded in your own identity that it's really difficult for you to kind of take a bird's eye view of your life and see how what you're telling yourself isn't necessarily true. Right? And how that could be reframed. And there's no way for me to reframe it for a particular situation. Like I'm giving multiple options for just like lazy, But that's not, Might not even be like your thing. And we've all got a thing. Oh, We have all got a thing, Whatever it is. Perfectionism is another one. And we do want to be careful about how we reframe this one, But perfectionism is absolutely another one. Another really interesting one, Actually. And it's like, Are you a perfectionist or I don't know. I don't even know how I would reframe this one, Actually. How would I reframe perfectionism? Yeah, I mean, So this is interesting. I'm glad that I said this because I've backed myself into a corner because a lot of what people say is that when they're perfectionists, They have high standards. And I definitely relate to that. I think I definitely have high standards and there's nothing wrong with having high standards necessarily. However, Are your high standards limiting you in some way? Because then we still have the same problem, Right? If your high standards are making you an asshole to other people because perfectionists tend to be like, I'll just do it myself because nobody can do it as good as me. That kind of idea. If that is the energy that you're embodying, Then that's not really great. Having a high standard or creating any kind of hierarchy between you and someone else is always, Always, Always a bad decision. Always. That's actually one of the things I try so hard to not do on the podcast because I really don't want it to seem like I am like above anybody. I'm not. I'm just a person and I got my own shit that I'm dealing with. I just happen to be somebody who loves this topic. Like I love it. I love talking about mindset and I want to walk the journey with you. I don't want to be ahead of you. I don't want to be above you. I want to be beside you. I think that is how we change the world too, By being in that condition. So I would not encourage you to create a hierarchy. But there is nothing wrong with wanting things to be a certain quality, Not a certain way. Be careful. A certain quality. Because if you want things to be well done, There are multiple pathways to get to well done. And I think where perfectionists tend to get tripped up is they think that their way is the best way. Right? And there's a little bit of arrogance in that too. Right? But we can reframe anything. There is no limit to what stories you're telling yourself that can be different. Like, You know, Think of anything, For a second, Think of anything that you feel that you just could not do. And it's probably something that you want to do. So think of something that you want to do, But you feel like, I could never do that. A good one, I think, Is traveling solo, Especially if you're a woman. So if that inspires anybody who's listening to this, Just sit with me for a second. Is it true that you could never do that? Is that ultimately true? That you could never travel solo? Like, Of course you could. Maybe you didn't. Maybe when it comes down to it, You don't really want to travel by yourself. Right? But are you capable of traveling by yourself? Yes. And I'll tell you why. Because you are capable of booking the ticket, And you are capable of going to the airport, And you are capable of getting from the airport at your destination to your hotel, And you are capable of walking around the city. And that's traveling alone. You've already done it. So whatever it might be like, Oh, Like, I can't find another job, Like, Or I'll never find another job. This ties into the episode from last week, Guys. If you haven't listened to it, Then check that out too. Anytime we've got like, I've never blank, Or I'll never blank, That ties into the episode from last week that was called Letting Life Surprise You. Check into that, Because it takes you through the steps of reframing this specific idea here. But yeah, Even like, I'll never find a job. Is that true? Like, You'll never find a job. You'll never find somebody who wants to hire you. Or I'll never make the kind of money that I want. Like, None of these things are objectively true. They are all just stories that we tell ourselves. And so we need to be mindful of the ways that we think and the things that we say. And here's where things get really juicy already. You need to be especially, Especially, Especially careful about what you talk to people about and listen to the kinds of conversations you're having and with who. Let me paint a little picture. My family, Especially my grandparents, Have a very, Very linear idea of success. Okay? And there's nothing wrong with that. It's cool. That's the, They come from a different generation. They come from a different, Um, They come from a different, Like, Place in terms of like, What they lived through. They have totally different experiences in me. And I believe that what they believe is true for them, Or certainly was true for them. That does not necessarily mean that it needs to be true for me. Okay? But it is true for them. So they have a very, Very linear idea of success. So when I speak to my grandparents, I have a tendency, Like, I'm just outing myself constantly on this, On this podcast, But I have a tendency to have conversations about how busy I am and conversations about how busy you are, Just about the most boring fucking conversation that you could have, Like, What a waste of time. But see, I'm tapping into their values. I know that they value the idea of busy. It is important to them because busyness equals success. If you are working, The more you work, The more successful you will be. This does not in any way, Shape or form align with what I believe. Okay? But it is a people-pleasing tendency, I think, That I have. See, I want them to think well of me, And I want them to think that I'm doing well and that I am successful. And the only way that I feel like I can do that is by putting success in their terms, Which is of course also not true. That's just a story that I'm telling myself, And it doesn't need to be true. I can reframe it. I can work on that. And maybe now that I've, I think, Realized it on a deeper level, Having said it here on the podcast, That I will be able to, Like, Kind of unpack that and, Like, Shift the way that I do that. Because that's not the world that I want to create for myself. I do not want to live in a world where I am even busier than I already am. Like, I'm busy enough. I am plenty busy enough. I don't need any more of that. So that's like, But that is some of what we do. Different people trigger us in different ways, And we respond in different ways. Think about your friend who's really gossipy. When you're around her, How much more do you, Or him, Whatever, Or them, Whatever, How much more do you gossip when you're around that person? Because it triggers that in you. And so we have to be mindful, Not necessarily about the people that we hang out with, But also, Okay, But about the conversations that we choose to have. You need to watch your mouth. You need to pay attention to what you are saying, Because it is creating your beliefs. It is influencing the way that you show up in the world. It is so fucking powerful. Your word is your wand. It is literally your superpower. Okay? And you can create literally whatever you want, Just by repeating this shit over and over again. So think for a second about what you're saying to yourself on a regular basis. Is that the life you want to be creating? I'm going to go out on a limb and say probably not. And the reason why I say that is because even in my own world, I know this shit. I could talk about this for another 40 minutes. I could talk about this for another 10 days, To be honest with you. Just this topic alone. I know this shit, And still it shows up in my life. And still I'm having these conversations with myself where I uncover another layer of the onion every week. Every time I talk to you guys, Every time I record a podcast, Every time I talk to a client, Every time I hear somebody else's limiting beliefs, Because I can hear them. Oh man, When I'm listening to people talking, Like any conversation, I can hear people saying something and I just leave it there because you can't be coaching people that don't want to be coached. That's not how that works. You just got to like drop it like a hot potato and walk away. But like you can, You can find so many examples, Like everyone is doing this. So take a second and think about on the one hand, What am I currently saying? And is that creating the life that I want to live? And if not, Most likely not, Right? It is most likely not. Then you need to get really fucking clear on what you want. And you need to start speaking like that person. You have to start speaking like the version of you that has that thing already, Whatever it is. It doesn't have to be like an object thing. It might be like a certain trait or it might be a certain job or it might be whatever, A certain income. I don't know. Uh, A certain lifestyle, A certain, I can't think of anything else. Oh, Relationship. Yeah. Certain relationship. Yeah. So like anything that you want to create, You need to speak like that person of you and you got to fucking believe it. All right. You got to believe it. And again, Listen to the episode from last week about letting life surprise you. That will help you tap into that belief that you can have what you want. Okay. That episode was more focused on that than, Than this one is. So just to recap, You need to watch your mouth. That's basically all I have to say today. And I've just given a million examples as to why. So just to kind of take you through it again, You need to watch what you're thinking and you need to watch what you're saying about yourself. And you also need to watch what circles you're putting yourself in and the conversations that you're engaging in within those circles. So when you're with your friends, What do you talk about? How do you talk about it? What are you saying? What things get constantly repeated by you and by them when you're with your family, Same story. What do you guys talk about? What things get repeated? What things are they saying? Is that true for you? And then again, Going back to episode one of the podcast, That's not mine. When somebody says something that you hear your bullshit meter going ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding. Okay. That's not true. Then you want to tap into that right away. Cool. You believe that, But that's not mine. It's that's not mine. I literally had this conversation with a friend today where I was just like, Uh, I was saying to them like, Oh, I realized that like, I'm not really meant to be working like a ton of hours per week. Like, I don't feel like I was put on planet earth to work a ton of hours per week. I don't have the energy to be able to give that much. And the work that I do is like literally me pouring my soul out and like, And then also holding space. Like I give not 110, I give like 110, 000% to my clients. I just don't know any other way to show up. And so working like a ton of hours is not feasible for me. And the person that was on the other end said like, Oh, That's like way too easy. And I was like, No, It's my truth. So you can think that it's bullshit, But for me, That is my truth. And that is the reality that I want to create for myself. I get to choose that. I get to choose that I'm the kind of person that doesn't work full time. I get to choose that I'm the kind of person that doesn't even work part-time if I don't want to, Right. I can create a reality in which that is possible. If I believe in it, If I believe in myself, And if I tell myself a story of the person who lives that reality, Right, That's what this whole episode was about. So you need to watch your mouth. That's basically where I'm leaving you today. I hope this episode was useful as always. If you have any feedback, Please, Please reach out to me. I want to hear from you. I want to engage. So you can find me on Instagram at Candice Alacia or on my website, Www. Candicealacia. Com and that's C A N D I C E A L E S S I A. And yeah, If you liked this episode, Please rate, Please subscribe, Please like, Please send me some love, Whatever. And if you have any critiques, Comments or concerns, Yeah, I'm open for that too. So hit me up. I want to, I want to hear from you. Anyways, Have the best weekend and I will see you on the next episode of the podcast. Ciao.