Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.
I'm Dr.
Robert Puff.
There are a lot of things that we do in life that take a great amount of our time,
But probably the biggest that we're going to spend the most time doing is working.
We start young,
Often 12,
13,
14,
With part-time jobs,
Mowing lawns,
Babysitting,
Things like that.
And then we go into the workforce,
Where it's still part-time jobs,
But now we're working for someone on a regular basis.
And then here in the United States,
When we finish high school,
We have a choice to make,
Whether we want to begin working full-time or delay that work until we finish college and then go into workforce,
Or perhaps even delay it longer and go on to graduate school and then go into the workforce.
But sooner or later,
Work is coming,
And it's something we're going to spend a large amount of our time doing.
And today,
Because of the economic changes that have happened,
I know in the past women may have taken perhaps 10,
20 years off from their careers,
But that's become less common.
And a lot of women today,
Instead of working at home,
Are needing or choosing to return to the workplace much more quickly.
And in some cases,
Men are staying home with the children and the women are going out to the workforce.
Our lives are changing,
But the one thing that has been and will always be the case is that we work.
We work for a long time and it takes up a great deal of our time.
So today we want to focus on how do we find happiness in the workplace?
Because I got a really good question from one of our listeners,
Katie.
And she writes,
How do I not feel guilty if I choose my needs and quality of life instead of being a workaholic like a lot of my coworkers who are trying to respond to every demand no matter how many hours they put in?
I have a strong work ethic and conscious and feel guilty not following the crazy train like the others.
I think this is such a great question because it's one that so many of us are going to face in our lives.
If we choose happiness,
If we choose to have a high quality of life,
It really is going to impact our workplace,
Sometimes for the better,
But sometimes it can have severe or at least significant consequences in how we do our work.
So let's figure out today how we can do our work,
Do it well,
And at the same time live well.
In my work as a clinical psychologist in private practice and as a corporate trainer in the workforce,
I think this is the number one thing that I really help people deal with because finding that balance is incredibly tricky in our day and age.
Well,
Let's start off with the extremes because they do exist and we always want to be careful of them because if we're not careful,
We can end up following one of these extremes.
Well,
On the one hand would be not working at all,
Just saying I don't like work,
I don't want to work,
I'm going to live a life where I don't have to work.
And not that this is necessarily bad,
But it has a lot of consequences to it.
We may not be able to thrive for our families,
We may need to live on the streets or in homeless shelters.
And again,
I know this can be a choice,
But because we can have such an aversion or a dislike or just a non-desire to work really hard,
This can be a path that some of us choose.
And again,
For some of us,
It may be fine,
But for most of us,
It's more of a rejection or not dealing with life instead of an embracing life.
The other extreme would be working so hard that it truly affects our health or our quality of life.
We work all the time and we just exhaust ourselves.
When I was first being trained to work with corporations,
There was a thing going on in Japan where the men there would work so hard,
Like three to five days in a row without sleep,
That they would literally die because they pushed themselves so hard.
So of course this extreme is not good for us either.
When we work incredibly hard,
There are just consequences.
But let's say we are listening to this podcast and we haven't worked for a while because for a lot of reasons,
We're afraid,
We're nervous,
We just don't know what to do,
Or we're working all the time and we just don't know how to slow down and metaphorically watch the sunsets and smell the roses.
So in these two extremes,
What I recommend is not doing it extremely in the sense of just finding that full-time job where we haven't worked for years or stopping to work at all or working much less when we're working 120 hours a week.
What is better is to take small steps.
So if we're not working,
Let's find a job where we do a little bit of work,
A part-time job,
To get our feet wet and get us back into the workforce.
Or if we're working a ton of hours,
It would be far better for us just to start taking Saturdays and Sundays off and start with that,
Just to create that change.
Because when we make drastic changes really quickly,
We tend to get afraid,
We tend to get overwhelmed,
And we tend to not do them anymore.
So if we haven't worked for years,
It might be better for us to find a part-time job that isn't a lot of pressure,
That we don't have to bring home the work every night with us.
Again,
It's easing ourselves back or easing ourselves into finding that balance at work.
Because think of it this way.
If we haven't worked out for years and want to get in shape,
Going to the gym and working out for three hours a day will be horrible and we'll just stop.
We won't do it anymore.
Or if we're working out at the gym five hours a day and we want to quit,
If we quit,
Our bodies will be in such pain because they really need that physical exercise.
They become accustomed to it.
So in either case,
When it comes to going back to the workforce or slowing down in the workforce,
Making drastic changes is not always the best for us.
Think of people that you may know.
I've met many that have worked very hard for years and then they retire,
Just cold turkey,
Or they're working at a job that they really like and they put tons of hours in and their job isn't there anymore.
They get fired or their position has been terminated.
That can have such drastic effects on them.
So overall,
It's usually better to make changes in the direction that we went ahead,
But small changes and then keep improving.
So let's say for whatever reason,
Retirement or our job is terminated and we didn't have a choice in it.
We have to retire.
It's probably best,
Instead of just tinkering around the house or just traveling,
To find things to do that are part-time for a while.
Volunteering,
Helping out with others,
Or getting a part-time job that gives us purpose.
Because both slowing down from work or jumping into work,
A lot of it's psychological in the sense of how are we going to handle it?
Because our egos matter.
They are going to talk to us.
And if our egos are saying,
You're worthless,
There's something wrong with you because we're not working enough,
Or you're worthless,
There's something wrong with you because you're not working like you used to,
Those are hard on our self-esteem.
It is far better then to work towards the direction we went ahead and do it with kindness.
Because when we're making changes in any direction,
It is so much easier to move in that direction when we're given kindness and encouragement.
And a lot of,
We can do it.
And mostly,
That comes from ourselves.
Of course,
We need to be careful who we're hanging out with and making sure that other people aren't criticizing us.
But mostly that criticism is something that we're giving to ourselves.
So,
Always,
Always,
Always,
When we're making changes,
It's super important to use kindness,
To watch what we're thinking and saying,
Hey,
Did I do a little bit better this day,
This week,
In perhaps finding work?
Or did I do a little bit better this week in perhaps coming home earlier and spending time with the family?
And if we're doing that,
Then use that kindness.
And if we're not,
Saying,
Well,
Tomorrow's a new day,
I'll try better.
And we just keep trying better.
And with that gentle kindness,
We really will find that we'll get better.
Okay,
But today,
I also want to talk about where most of us are going to be,
Where we're in the workforce,
We're going to work every day,
And we're working with other people.
And there's a sense of how well am I doing?
And how do I make sure that my job is going in the direction on a daily basis that creates happiness and joy and peace in my life?
And I really believe it boils down to three things,
Three things we need to be actively involved in throughout the day,
And making sure that we're monitoring.
And the first one is,
It's never healthy to compare ourselves to others.
The person that we compare ourselves to is ourselves.
Are we doing well?
Are we improving?
Are we living up to our expectations of what's required of us given the job description?
And if we're living within those parameters,
Then we really don't pay much attention to what other people think we're doing.
If we're doing our job,
If we feel we're doing it well,
And if our employer doesn't,
Then perhaps they may not evaluate us as well,
Perhaps we won't get promoted as well,
Perhaps a lot of things can happen.
But what will mostly happen is that we will be proud of our work and glad of what we're doing.
The path of suffering begins when we do the comparing and contrasting.
Because if we're at a job that's requiring things of us that we don't want to do,
That aren't healthy for us,
That aren't leading to our overall sense of well-being,
Then perhaps the decision will be made that it's time to get a different job,
Where we fit better.
I think in life,
Jobs are not for everyone.
Some jobs work well for us and some don't.
And part of the process of life is finding a job that works well for us.
And that can take years.
But what we judge it against is not others,
Not what others think,
Not how others evaluate us,
But what we think.
What are our expectations?
How do we want to perform at work?
That's the key.
But these expectations need to be based upon our abilities and our training.
For example,
A dear friend of mine,
Who is very intelligent and excellent at what she does,
When she was younger,
She tried for a very brief time working as a waitress.
And for her,
That did not fit her personality,
Even though she's very intelligent,
Like I said,
And has been very successful in her career.
Also,
Waitressing just did not fit her personality.
For others,
Being a waiter or a waitress would be awesome,
And they'd be extremely good at it.
We have different abilities,
We have different gifts,
And part of life is finding the jobs that work well for who we are,
And then working within the parameters that we've been trained at and are able to do.
But,
This is a big but,
But we're going to find it's a lot easier to do our jobs,
To do them well,
If we stop comparing ourselves to other people,
And we say,
How am I doing?
Am I improving?
Am I good at what I do?
And are there ways that I continue to improve my performance at work?
Because we can always get better at what we do,
But we compare ourselves to how we did yesterday,
Or the year before,
Not to others.
Comparing ourselves to others in any regards is always the path of suffering.
We focus on our behavior,
How we're doing,
Based on our abilities and our training,
And we go from there.
That's where all the comparing and contrasting comes from,
Ourselves,
Period.
And if we do that,
What we'll find is our overall sense of well-being at work will be so much better.
Okay,
The second thing is balance,
And this is a big one.
We need to find balance at work.
If we're going to be happy,
No one,
No matter what they do,
Let's say you love golf,
No one who loves golf golfs 100 hours a week.
It would be impossible.
We are better when we're balanced.
So at work,
We do work,
And we do a good job,
But we also don't work,
And we go on vacation,
And we spend time with our families,
And we go to the gym,
And we meditate,
And we grow,
And we learn,
And we explore the world.
This is all part of life.
Life is better when we work towards balance,
And the way we do that is,
Is even though work takes a great amount of our times,
We balance it.
We balance it when we're at work.
We find times to take a break.
We may go outside and have our lunch outside.
We may make sure that there's photos of our family at work,
So we have things that we enjoy looking at.
We may stop and just connect with people throughout the day,
Making sure that connection and that enjoyment of others is there too,
Because people and relationships matter.
And then after work,
We make sure we go home when it's time to go home.
We make sure that we take those vacations when we're given them.
This is probably one of the biggest things that I teach people.
I mean,
Everyone is given some vacation and time off.
Take it.
You'd be amazed how people will work an entire year and not take their vacation so they can get a little bit extra money.
That's both silly and very unhealthy.
It is good for us to take those vacations,
To enjoy life's journey,
Because in balance,
We do so much better.
There's happiness in balance.
Whenever we're extreme,
That's a path to suffering.
So it's important to say,
Okay,
Am I balanced at work?
Not comparing myself to everyone else who may be killing themselves.
I'm not going to do that anymore.
But am I doing things,
Making sure that my life isn't just work and that I am taking that time off when needed?
In my own experience,
I remember when I was younger,
I had the opportunity of going to Europe for a summer on a very inexpensive budget.
But what I discovered when I was there is a lot of people in Europe compared to here in the US started their jobs off with six weeks a year.
Here in the US,
When we get our first jobs,
It's often two weeks for a year.
And I said,
I like that.
I like that a lot better.
So when I was trying to decide on my career,
I found careers where I could take six weeks off.
And even though I work for myself,
And I don't get paid when I take time off,
I have always,
Since the beginning of my career,
Taken six weeks off every year.
So balance.
It's really important.
We work towards it every day.
And then we'll find that our lives at work will go better.
But again,
We have to be super careful not to compare and contrast to other people.
We only compare ourselves to our past.
And are we improving?
And that's the third thing,
Improving.
At work,
We should be getting better,
Both at what we do,
Because we've been doing it for a while,
But mostly at enjoying our lives.
Our lives should be getting better.
And they get better by making sure there's lots of time for life and not just work.
So I know this isn't always going to be the case,
But for many of us,
As we work,
It is a choice to take more time off,
To take more vacations,
To take more personal leave days.
It's the choice.
And we should work towards that,
Taking them instead of then when we hit retirement saying,
Okay,
I'm going to work 50 weeks a year and then completely stop.
I don't think that's going to go well.
It doesn't go well for a lot of people.
It's far better to keep improving our jobs where we both like what we do and we have more free time to do other things.
Now for all jobs,
Particularly when we have to start a new one,
This may not be possible.
But for many of us,
We worked at our jobs as we get older for many years now,
And we do get more vacation with time.
Let's make sure we're taking those times,
Those personal leave days,
All of them,
And really enjoying them.
When it's time to go home,
Let's go home.
Maybe again,
We won't get the promotion we want.
Maybe people at work won't think as highly of us.
But what we're doing is improving our quality of life because the whole world can think we're awesome.
But if we aren't enjoying our lives,
It really won't matter.
It boils down to us making the decision each day to make it a beautiful day.
And that's through work.
That's what this podcast is about,
Improving our lives.
We can improve the workplace every day.
And if that's our goal to say,
How do I make this a little bit better?
And then the next week,
How do I make this a little bit better?
If we keep doing that,
What we'll find is over the course of time,
It will get better.
And for some of us,
Including me,
We may find that,
Hey,
I don't really need to retire.
Maybe I won't work as much.
But for some of us,
It isn't a black and white thing where we work full time and then we stop.
Some of us can work less.
And with working less,
We may choose that,
Oh,
I can do this and I like doing this working less,
But continuing to work.
Because here's something that we can all think about that is hard,
But I think a good goal to work towards.
Try to get to the point where work is a place where I like work.
I enjoy work.
I don't even need to quit work.
It isn't something that I need to be at all day,
But I like what I do.
And it's good.
And if I have to do it for the rest of my life,
That's okay.
Let's make that our goal.
So if we work at our job for another 10 years or another 50,
That we're enjoying it and we enjoy it because we've worked towards improving it.
We can always improve our workplace.
And if that's our goal,
That's what we'll discover.
So to recap,
Don't compare ourselves to other people in the workplace.
That's the path of suffering.
Compare ourselves to ourselves only and do that with kindness.
Secondly,
Make sure that we have balance at work,
That work isn't all that we do.
We're doing lots of other things.
And third,
Keep working on improving our enjoyment of work so that when we go to work,
We go there with a smile on our heart.
And if we do these three things,
That's what we're going to find,
That there is a smile in our heart when we're at work and throughout our lives.
Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.
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That's happinesspodcast.
Org.
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And until next time,
Accept what is,
Love what is.
