The Dessert of Happiness

14:28

14:28

The Dessert of Happiness

by Dr Robert Puff

Rated

4.8

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

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Everyone

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1.3k

In this podcast we explore how life can be a beautiful adventure throughout our lives if we treat all aspects of life as dessert.

Happiness Non Attachment Impermanence Present Moment Suffering Gratitude Mindfulness Present Moment Awareness Suffering Alleviation Mindful Living

Meet your Teacher

San Clemente, Ca

Meet your Teacher

San Clemente, Ca

Transcript

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. Recently, Some friends and family of mine got together to celebrate my birthday. It was a lot of fun and we went to my favorite restaurant. But after the meal was all over, I was surprised because they surprised me with a birthday cake. And it was enough for everyone and it was so good. Though I definitely have a sweet tooth, I really try to be careful with eating sweets very often. I actually don't eat them too much. But it was really a pleasant surprise to be able to have some on my birthday. And like I said, It was really enjoyable. Well, Believe it or not, I actually think desserts have a lot to do with happiness. Let me explain. Though I think most of us would admit that desserts can be quite exquisite, We probably also would all agree that it's not good to have them too often, Or especially all the time. If we do, They have consequences. And if we expected to have them all the time, Boy, Could we get into a lot of trouble. For me, Like I said, I really never expect to have desserts. I mean, They're pleasant when they're there, But I definitely don't expect them. When they come, I do enjoy them, But I'm not attached to them. Like I said, I rarely have them, But when I do, I really enjoy them. But if I were to go to someone's house or go out to a meal with someone, And we didn't have desserts, I would in no way be upset. I would be fine. It's like, Oh, No dessert, No problem. I mean, I'm sure it would seem silly to all of us if I or you or anyone out there got really upset when there wasn't dessert. I mean, We would think, What's wrong? I mean, That's just silly. Desserts are extra. Desserts are kind of like the icing on the cake. We don't need desserts. They're nice to have, But we definitely don't need them. We can live life really well without desserts. Desserts, I'm sure most of us would agree, Are something that are like extras in life. We don't need them to have a good meal, To be happy, To be healthy, But we enjoy them. And they're great. And when they come, They're great. And when they're not there, It's fine, Too. They're just dessert. To most of us, That would seem like a good balance, Enjoying them when they're there, Being fine when they're not there, Not being attached to them, But like I said, Really enjoying them when they're there. But when they're not there, Of course we're fine. So again, How does this relate to happiness? All right, Now you might want to take a deep breath, Because we're going to go deep right now. I'm going to argue that if we want to be happy, Really happy, At the deep core of our soul, Then we have to see everything, And I mean everything in life, As dessert. Everything. Now again, The concept of a dessert is that it's very good, We're glad we have it, But we definitely don't need it. It's something we enjoy. It's something that we find pleasure in, But when it's not there, Of course we're fine. We enjoy it, But we're definitely not attached to it. And the key word here is attachment. You see, When we're attached to something, When we expect something, What's going to happen is when it's not there, We're going to suffer, And that suffering causes us a lot of emotional pain and a lot of not having happiness and peace in our lives. Let me use an example to illustrate this. Let's say we work hard, You know, Save a lot of money, And we're able to purchase our first home, And we like it. It's a beautiful home, It's roomy, It has space for our kids, And it's just nice. Plus it's so nice being an owner. And I do think most of us would agree with this next story. If for some reason, Say, Health problems or loss of job, That our finances change, And we had to sell that home and move back into an apartment, We would most likely suffer from that because we're probably attached to this home, And we like it, We don't mind moving up, But the thought of going backwards to where we came from might be depressing and cause us a lot of pain and suffering. But now let's imagine we, Again, See our home as dessert. We're very glad we have it. We're glad we have it every day. We actually enjoy it. We appreciate it because it's dessert. It's extra. But if something were to change and we had to go back to something else that's smaller, Not as impressive, You know, Fill in the bank, We wouldn't be depressed because we didn't expect it. We didn't expect to have it for the rest of our lives. I mean, We wouldn't have minded it if we'd been able to keep it, But since we weren't attached to it, We were okay with letting it go then, And we don't suffer. Do you see where I'm going with this? Let's use a little more intense example. Let's say we meet our soulmate, And we're so in love. We're so blessed. We're so grateful. It's like the ultimate dessert. Mmm, It's so good. But again, Life changes. And they leave, They die. Again, Fill in the blank. Things change. And if we treated them like dessert, They were so glad we have it today and tomorrow, And each day they're there. When they leave, We're going to be okay. Of course we're going to grieve. Of course. But we won't suffer. Suffering is creating a story. It was supposed to be there forever. Why isn't it there? I have to have that. That's suffering. If we see life as dessert, Then we'll say, I'm so glad I have it today. But I realize, I mean, I have it tomorrow, And that will be okay because life changes. Now, Right now you may be thinking, Whoa, What are you talking about? I'm talking about finding peace and happiness on an ongoing basis. We suffer because we expect things to be there. And I don't know about you, But I have seen a lot of change in my life. Things don't stay the same. And they're not going to stay the same for anyone, Even if you meet your soulmate. And the two of you make it to old age. Guess what? It is very probable that one of you is going to die first, And the other one's going to be alone for a very long time. But now, If we're able to maintain life and the things in life as dessert, Then when they leave, We're okay. Of course, There will be some time of adjustment. There may be some sadness there. But in the long run, Often in the short run, We adjust quite well. We probably all know people like that, That they lost their soulmate and they went into a severe depression and really never came out of it. There were other people that lost their soulmate, And after grieving, They came out of it, And their lives were well all the way to the end. Not as many, I agree. But as long as there's one person out there that can do it, Then it is a possibility for all of us. So now the big question, What, Dr. Puff, Am I supposed to treat as dessert? And the answer is everything. Everything. I will give one exception to that at the very end. But besides that exception, Everything we need to treat as dessert, If we want to find peace and happiness in our lives. Because guess what? Things do change. There is so much change in life. It can be mind-boggling. Sometimes we go through stuff like, Whoa, When is this going to end? Oh my goodness. But if we're seeing everything in our life as dessert, Then we're not going to grieve the changes. We're just going to say, Oh, No chocolate cake today, No pumpkin pie this meal, And that's OK. Because we don't expect it. We don't need it. It's just extra. And there's a lot of extras we get in life. But if we see everything as extra, Everything as dessert, Then when it's not there, We're totally fine. Because we have so many other things that we can focus on. We don't need anything. And so we don't suffer. Now, Mind you, I get it. You may be able to say, Well, I get that, Dr. Puff, But there are certain things, There is no way I'm going to treat them as dessert. I have to have them. And you can do that. And you can suffer. It's really a choice. Anything we hang on to that we say we have to have and it's not dessert. We really have to have it. Then that sets us up to suffer. Fill in the blank. It can be anything. It can be our kids. It can be a career path. It can be our health. Anything. If we hang on too tightly to anything, We can suffer. I'm not saying we don't do things to like stay healthy, Of course. But as we get older, Our bodies probably will begin to slow down. And because of that, We may suffer if we're attached to having these pristine, Super healthy bodies. That's not going to happen. It's going to change. But if we see our health, Our friends, Our family, Everything we own, Everything as dessert, When it changes, We just adjust because it was dessert. It wasn't something we had to have. It was just extra. It was nice. It was beautiful. But we didn't have to have it. And that not having to have it is the alleviation of suffering. If right now, For some reason, You're unhappy and you're listening to this podcast, I can guarantee you that unhappiness is coming from you're attached to something. You're wishing something was different. You're wanting something to be different than it is. You're fighting what is. And so you suffer. And we don't have to suffer. But what we have to do then is let go of our attachment. We have to let go of that thing that we're hanging on to or trying to push away. Because that thing that we are saying we don't want it there or we want it there, Fill in the blank, Is causing us to suffer. Because if we fight what is, We're going to suffer. Now some of the listeners may be saying, No, My life is great, Dr. Puff, Right now. I don't have any problems. But guess what? Life is going to change. And if we start implementing this concept of life being dessert and the things in our lives as dessert, When it changes, No problem. We just adjust. I know I make it sound easy. And I know it really isn't easy. But it is the path to alleviate suffering and find peace and happiness in our lives right now. This is the way we do it, By seeing everything. And I mean everything as dessert. When we do it that way, When it leaves or we don't get it, We're OK. Because we realize there's so many other great things in life. And we can have truly beautiful lives if we see everything. Like I keep saying, Everything in our lives as dessert, Period. Now I did say at the end of the podcast, I would share one thing we can count on. We can absolutely count on, We can depend upon it. And it's going to be there and it's not going to let us down. And that is now. We have right now, This moment to be present with. Now I don't know what's going to be there, I don't know what's going to change, But we are going to be there to our dying breath. So if we focus on being present, Being aware, Being awake in the present moment, Without grasping anything, Without hanging on to anything, It's like going to a museum and seeing beautiful artwork, But not needing to take it home, Just enjoying the artwork. Or it's like watching a sunset and enjoying it, But not needing to take it home. Or it's like going to the beach and hearing the waves crash in the ocean, But not needing to take those waves home, It's just presence. Presence with what is, Even pain can have novelty to it, Sometimes when we're just present. And if it gets too overwhelming, Then what we do is we focus on something else, Because our minds can only be on one thing at a time. And if we focus on presence, Just being still, Without our minds grasping, Or pushing away so much because we want these desserts to stay, Then what happens is we find right now, In that present moment, Peace, Deep, Present peace that's here right now. Only now, Only right now. But it's here. It's here for all of us. It's here throughout our lives. So what happens is life becomes an adventure. It becomes like a wonderful exploration of what's next. What's next? Because we have no idea. I mean, We make plans, But who knows? It can change. Life does that. And each day we are just so thankful for the gift of now. And you string a whole lot of nows together over a course of a lifetime. That is a beautiful life, Which we can all have, If we see life as dessert. Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast. Besides creating this podcast, There are a variety of other things that I do. If you'd like to keep abreast of these activities, And perhaps someday we may be able to meet in person, Just go to www. Happinesspodcast. Org. That's happinesspodcast. Org. You can subscribe to my newsletter. And if you do, You'll be emailed a free PDF copy of my meditation book called Reflections on Meditation. And until next time, Accept what is, Love what is.