Hello.
For codependents like me,
We have learned how to meet our needs through other people.
This is normal and healthy,
You might say.
And it is to a point.
But when I lose the ability to meet my own needs,
It becomes problematic.
I went around trying to make everyone else like me so I never had to feel alone or feel unsafe.
If others liked me,
They would surely be available to care for me since I wasn't willing or able to care for myself.
Not really,
My life strategy was just to do all the right,
Caring,
Good person things,
And then I would get the good guy badge and be loved and taken care of.
Turns out that people don't agree on anything being right or good,
And even non-violence is viewed poorly by some.
So I had to find a new way,
A way of validating myself,
Be my own cheerleader.
And this starts with putting into perspective what I'm responsible for and what I'm not.
Practice.
Bring yourself into a meditation posture.
Seated,
Standing,
Or lying down.
Your posture is meant to create openness and vitality,
As well as relaxation in the knees,
To allow you to feel alert,
Clear,
And relaxed.
Don't force yourself into a rigid position,
Unless you want to.
Don't let me sob you.
I'm not your dad.
Once you've chosen your position,
Begin to bring to mind all the ways in which you feel joy,
And the causes of this joy,
And let yourself feel this joy.
Does this joy belong to anyone?
Letting go of that,
Now with the sorrow.
What are the sorrows and their causes,
Either in your life or the world?
Feel the pain.
Allow it to be.
Is this pain anyone's fault,
Or is it simply that in life things hurt?
And now,
With the intention to let go of blaming or crediting others for our experience,
And with the understanding that nothing in this life is permanent,
Start to repeat the following phrases in your mind,
Perhaps anchoring them with your breath,
If that feels useful.
Everyone is responsible for our own actions and experience.
This is what it's like right now.
Suffering or peace depend on our attitude,
Not the conditions of life.
Everyone is responsible for our own actions and experience.
This is what it's like right now.
Suffering or peace depend on our attitude,
Not the conditions of life.
Notice what arises as you repeat these phrases,
Like a mantra.
If any person,
Place,
Or situation arises and demands your attention,
Allow these phrases to be the lens with which you examine.
Allow the phrases to continue in the background as you sit with the object.
Are you clinging to an outcome or an expectation?
Are you putting your happiness in their hands?
Are things turning out the way you hoped?
Would everything truly be okay as long as they just did what you wanted?
Come back to these phrases as your primary object of mindfulness after this examination has run its course,
And stay with them until something else calls your attention.
For any minor fleeting thoughts,
Just let them go and continue the phrases.
Only examine things that have a charge,
That need something from you,
Not simply distractions.
Trust your judgment.
Everyone is responsible for their own actions and experience.
Right now,
It's like this.
Suffering or peace depends on our attitude,
Not the conditions of life.
As we come to the end of this track,
Tune back into what you're experiencing now.
Has anything changed in your state since you started?
Do these phrases feel like they have any truth?
Have you fallen asleep and the coming bells are about to startle you awake?
Whatever the case,
May you feel the truth that your life is in your hands.
And until next time,
May you be happy,
Joyful,
And free of suffering.
