Episode Seventy-Five: The Interview - Kayla Herrera

28:26

28:26

Episode Seventy-Five: The Interview - Kayla Herrera

by Byte Sized Blessings

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

5

Miracles come in all shapes and sizes on this podcast. In this episode the Miracle is Mother-sized! Kayla tells of her Mother's cancer diagnosis and how this fierce and funny woman changed her life-and? Her Mother created another miracle... Kayla herself!

Miracles Cancer Parenting Grief Identity Family Religion Resilience Humor Queer Identity Family Support Personal Resilience Spiritual Experiences Interviews Parent Child Relationships Spirits

Meet your Teacher

Byte Sized Blessings

Santa Fe, NM, USA

Meet your Teacher

Byte Sized Blessings

Santa Fe, NM, USA

Transcript

Welcome to episode 75 of Bite Sized Blessings. In this episode, I get to interview Kayla, Nancy, Herrera, And on her Instagram, She describes herself as a barista, Which basically means she's really passionate about coffee. And yes, She is indeed passionate about coffee. And I think it's so interesting that this passion for coffee was started essentially by her mother. Kayla recently traveled to the US Coffee Championships, And on their website, She has this blurb. I will always remember the day my mom let me drink my first cup of coffee with her. It was gas station coffee with cream and sugar. I'm not sure if I truly liked the taste, But the time I spent having an intimate conversation with my mom made me fall in love with the concept of how coffee can bring people together. If it wasn't for that one day with my mom, I'm not sure I'd be so passionate about coffee. And this interview is really about the love of a mother for a daughter, The love of a daughter for her mom, And the miracle that happens between the two. Our parents are our role models, If we are lucky. And Kayla's mom was indeed that. This episode is so touching and powerful and so very special because Kayla gets to talk about just what a miracle her mother was in her life. I was very grateful that Kayla chose to be so vulnerable and share this story with me. So now, Episode 75 of Bite-Sized Blessings. It was a weird morning. It was summer. My mom worked at the labs, Los Alamos labs. It was weird. I woke up at like nine and went to the kitchen, And I see my mom on the couch. She's just laying there, And she's kind of, You know, Her feet are up on the ottoman, And she kind of looks like she just has a really bad migraine. Like, Her eyes are closed, And she's holding her hand on her head. I'm like, Hey, Mom, What are you doing home? Like, I thought you were supposed to be at work. And she seemed really serious. I could almost feel like she was scared, But I didn't know why. I just felt like something was wrong. Like, I don't know what it was. I just didn't feel it was going to be good, What the doctor said. And my dad comes home, And it's me, My mom, And my dad, And we're all on the couch sitting together. And it's my mom's in the middle, My dad and me are on the other side. And my mom looks at my dad and just tells him she has cancer, And it's not good. I would describe myself as energetic, Loving, Caring, Passionate, About whatever it is I'm doing. For instance, Coffee or Fuego. I love baseball. Loyal to a fault. Yeah, I would just say energetic and just always happy, Trying to be happy. I think being loyal is, I don't know, You don't find many loyal people around in the world. So I have to commend you for being loyal, Because that's not a trait that you kind of just see everywhere. Definitely. I mean, That's true. Yeah, I just like, I try to be the best person. You know, A lot of it's my mom, Which I'm sure we'll get into, But losing my mom at a young age, And she was just such an amazing human who was always there for everyone. And literally, Even if she was exhausted, She would be there. I try to bring that into my own life and be loyal. Yeah, Just be loyal and just be there for your friends and family. That's awesome, Because sometimes parents can model behaviors that are less than ideal, But it sounds like your mom modeled just fierce loyalty, Being there for people, Being there for family, For friends, And being an ally. Is that true? Yeah, No, Completely. You know, Someone like, I'm queer. And at the time I was so young, I didn't really, I was 14. I didn't really know. I knew I was interested in women. I knew I was interested in men too. And like, I just didn't know. And there was one point where my mom, She, Before she passed away, She sat me down on my bed and it was really weird. It was a beautiful conversation. But basically she just was like, I love you and you can tell me if you're gay. And I of course denied it because I'm 14 and I still really don't know what that means. And also probably wasn't ready to accept it. So it was really great. And I remember my mom telling me like, You know, Your dad's going to kind of struggle with this, But in the end he loves you and he's going to always love you. And even just hearing that was really, Really nice. Because I did know my dad was going to have a hard time with it whenever I did decide to come out. And so it was really great to have that support, Even though I knew I wasn't going to have her in my future supporting me. But, And I did tell my dad and I was supported and loved. And I think it was a little hard for him. I mean, I did wait until I was 23 coming back from college and was like, Hey dad, I have a date with this girl. And he was just like, Okay. And then that was like the conversation. Music Yeah, I was born and raised Catholic. I was born in Santa Fe. My family is from Pecos slash Moda slash San Juan, Kind of in that area. But definitely born and raised Catholic. Went to Catholic school actually my whole life except for college, From kindergarten to 12th grade. I'm not religious anymore. Basically just studying other religions and respecting other religions and knowing that like, Who am I to say what religion is the best religion or the one true religion, Quote unquote. So I think that's always been my problem as an adult with religion and especially Catholicism, Because you don't believe in any other gods, Just one God. But growing up, It's so crazy. When my mom got sick, I think I was at the height of the most religious I've ever been. And a lot of it was because, You know, You're losing a parent. And we always prayed and my mom was very religious. So I took on that persona for her, Because in Catholicism, If someone's sick or is dying, One of the things you want to do is pray the rosary for their soul. And you want to continuously pray the rosary for their soul in order to get to quote unquote heaven. So I remember it was like we had three months before my mom. We found out three months that she had pancreatic cancer. And I just remember the first month, I think I was still in like shock of what was happening. The second month she went to the hospital, It was getting serious. And I was praying the rosary and I'm not kidding you, At least 20 times a day, Minimal. And it was just, I was so connected with God is how I felt. I think I was just more worried. I just I wasn't upset with what was happening. I just wanted what was best for my mom. And I knew in what we've grown up and studied in Catholicism was to pray for them. And so I even before she passed away, I was praying tremendously. I haven't prayed the rosary since it feels like I've been. And, You know, I do talk to my mom and I feel like I do my own prayers. She was a great person. So if there is a heaven out there, She should already be in heaven. Like I'm like, I shouldn't have to pray for her. She should just be in heaven. The one good thing about going to a Catholic school was that we got to learn religions. And it just so happened to be my class. My class had an amazing teacher who was actually going to Harvard and studying religion. Like he was like he was in an Ivy League school studying religion, But he like took a year off and was teaching us religion. It wasn't until that point. I must have been a junior. And at this point, My mom has been gone for about two years now. That being able to study different religions and see what else was out there and respecting them and our teacher was very respectful of all religions. And he made sure all of us were like there was no teasing, There was no nothing. So it wasn't until I like read the Bhagavad Gita and I was studying like Buddhism and other things just in class that I realized how many differences I had against being Catholic and how problematic it was for me in my life. Because it's like you are raised a certain way. You just kind of do it right. You go to church on Sundays, You hate it, Whatever. Okay, You know, You do all your sacraments. It's just part of what you do growing up. But I never really like dissected it. I just was like, This is what we do and this is how it goes and whatever. But when I when I got older, It was really nice to find what I didn't like about the church. And, You know, One of those is being queer and not being accepted by the church. And it's funny because now the Pope is like, Hey, We support, You know, The LGBTQ plus community, But you still can't get married in our church. And I'm like, Oh, Okay. So you support us in a very outside way, But not really because I would love to get married in a church. Like if, If things were different in Catholicism, I probably would still be very religious. And I would love to get married in the church that my parents got married in, Whether it's a man or woman and whoever that is. And I think that's what I always saw myself was like having that like Catholic Church with your family and doing all of that. And now as an adult, Realistically, That will never happen. I feel like I tend to try not to talk about my mom too much in any time, But I'd love to. And also, You know, She's not allowed to tell her own stories. But I will tell you one really funny story and then I'll like get into some small little serious ish stories. There was one time and this was my mom to tea. Like if there's a story to like tell about my mom, For one, She was very athletic, Probably where I got most of my competitiveness from. And you know, Me at work, Like I'm very competitive. And most, Most of the time against myself, I'm like more competitive against me than anyone else. So she, She played slow pitch softball. I got to go to games with her all the time. And of course, There's other kids playing with us that are around my age. And, You know, We don't even watch the game. We're just doing whatever we want to do. And at the end of the game, They have this whole thing to when you strike out in slow pitch, Because I don't know if you've ever seen slow pitch. It's a really slow game. And they really do pitch it really slow. And it's easy to strike out because you just want to hit it so bad that you like have to wait forever. But if you strike out, The ladies would always scream, You owe us a six pack. That was the rules, You owe us a six pack if you strike out. And so at the end of the game, They would always have a beer or a few drinks. And my mom was the life of the party. I like I'm telling you, She, She embarrassed me. Like I was always so embarrassed. I'm like, God, Mom, Just stop. But I remember we were like all hanging out. It's it's about probably 930 at this point on like a Tuesday. Like I should be in bed for school. And my mom is on a cooler, Dancing the cha cha cha because it was like their aunt's like it was their, Their joke, Not even in her regular shoes, Like still in her cleats on an empty cooler. And I just see my mom fall right on her ass. And of course, Like she's laughing on the ground. All of the ladies are laughing and I'm just over here like so embarrassed like oh my gosh, Mom, What were you doing cha cha on the cooler to see that smile and the way she made everyone feel even if it was a silly thing of doing a cha cha cha on an empty cooler in your cleats that clearly was a bad idea. It was always so sweet. I even think she like found was like I saved my beer. Like, No, Everyone's like laughing and happy. That's one of that's one of my favorite stories. And I only say because she she lived her life and she had fun and she worked really hard for what she she had and and what she gave us. She would light up her smile would light up the room, Any room. She was amazing. I was so strong, Kirsten. So going back to the three months, It was a weird morning. I it was summer, My mom worked at the labs, Los Alamos labs, Amazing computer scientists basically programmed all of those computers and was like really, Really high in her field. It was like my first summer that I didn't have to go to summer camp because I was old enough to stay home. And it was weird. I woke up at like nine and went to the kitchen and I see my mom on the couch. She's just laying there and she's kind of, You know, Her feet are up on the ottoman and she kind of looks like she just has a really bad migraine. Like her eyes are closed and she's holding her hand on her head. I'm like, Hey, Mom, What are you doing home? Like I thought you're supposed to be at work and and she seemed really serious. I could almost feel like she was scared, But I didn't know why. I literally still at this point just knew she went to the doctors. I just felt like something was wrong. Like I don't know what it was. I just didn't feel it was going to be good. What the doctor said and sure enough, It wasn't. All I know is that my mom, It looked like she was crying a little and then she right away wiped her tears off with smiling and was, Hey, I'm going to need you to call your dad. Can you tell them to come home for lunch? And I was like, Okay, Once again, Not a big deal. I'm like, Maybe they just want lunch together. And my dad comes home and it's me, My mom and my dad, And we're all on the couch sitting together and it's my mom's in the middle of my dad and me on the other side. And my mom looks at my dad and just tells him she has cancer and it's not good. My dad kind of freaks out a little in more of like an upset way, But still was like playing it off cool. And she just kind of looks at me and I'm still don't really truly understand what's happening. And my mom just busted out crying and she just cried and just said how scared she was. And me and my dad are holding her. And that was the last time I've ever seen my mom cry in her whole three months of being sick. You know, She had to go get blood tests that day and she's terrified of needles. She's not terrified of much, But that's one fear she has. And I just remember we were driving in my mom's red Grand Cherokee Jeep and we're like on St. Michael's going to St. Vincent's Hospital. And my mom, I like said a joke to her and I don't even remember what joke it was, But it was a silly corny Kayla joke. And if you know me, You know, I say really corny Kayla jokes. And I remember she started smiling. She like laughed and she looked at me and she was just like, Keitha, Keep telling me those jokes because this is the only thing that's going to get me through it. And it was just, It was a, It was a beautiful bonding moment where for that moment, I think I, I helped her smile again. Towards the end, We were, We were recording videos. So the first month she was at home totally fine, Getting blood work done, Getting tests. Second month, She actually was admitted to the hospital and stayed there the whole month because her body was failing and like she needed more attention. I remember with me, My dad and my grandma, Grandparents and all my aunts and uncles, Them all making a decision that my mom was not going to die in a hospital and we need to find the care to bring her home. And so we did. So we brought her home for the last month. And so she got to be in the, In the house that by the way, Built from scratch that my mom, Like my mom's dream house, Everything she worked hard for. And at this point only had lived in it for two years. You know, We brought her home. It was, It was hard, But it was still beautiful. Like she, You could tell she was happy to be home, You know, So I'm getting ready. I'm in school at this point. It's around August and my aunties and uncles on my, My mom's brothers and sisters came down to spend the whole day with her. And we have a big family. So we're talking like four sisters and two brothers and they all come down and they're hanging out and they're recording her and their conversation and kind of basically just recording the last time they're all going to be together. Now that my mom's still like conscious and is, Can talk with people. And there's this one clip and it's the cutest thing in the world. And I, I didn't even see it until probably a year after my mom passed away, But my auntie Sandra, My auntie Lorraine's like recording and on my, My mom, He's laying on the couch and once again, She kind of looks like she looks like she's in pain, But she's still putting on a smile, You know, Like she's trying to be, Have fun. And my auntie goes, Surely who shaves your legs better, Your sisters or Johnny, Who's my dad. And my mom looks up and like she turns her neck and you could tell she's like still in pain and she smiles really big. And she says, Johnny. And it was the cutest. And of course all of my aunties are laughing and everyone's like, We can't even like your Johnny does it better. You know, And they're giving my mom crap. And my mom is just smiling and like, Yeah, He, He shaves them the best. It was, It was really cute. And once again, Goes down to the love that my parents had. I got to grow up in a household where my dad didn't make the money. My mom did. My dad always worked. He worked for the state and the highway department. He didn't get that job because he wanted to, He did it because at the time my mom was in school and that was his way of just supporting her. So she didn't, She wasn't working through school. And because he always told me that she has so much to give this world that he wanted to give that for her. Like he wanted to support her in that. And sure enough, She, You know, She graduated, She did great, Got an amazing job and you know, But on the flip side, So my dad's like, Mr. Mom, He's the one who's always getting us ready because my mom had to leave at four 30 in the morning, Every morning to go to work. And so my dad's the one doing our hair and making us breakfast and picking us up when we're sick. And I knew that was also hard for him and my mom, Because I know my mom would miss out on some things and my dad would always be like, Surely you're never here. So when Kayla got sick and she's not even sick, But I have to go get her from school and like, You know, He's frustrated. But in the end, My mom would cook dinner. My dad would cook dinner. My mom would do dishes. My dad would do dishes. I would wake up and hearing my dad chopping wood and my mom's right next to him, Like either handing him the pieces of wood or chopping it herself. It was great to see that kind of relationship. So I was really lucky because now I know what I want in my, In a partner, But also how I want to be treated by a man or a woman and, And how those gender roles are socially constructed ideas that, That my parents didn't live by. I would love for you to tell me a corny joke. Okay. Well, I've already told you, I think all my jokes in person. So I guess I'll just say one, But I'll say, I won't say a dirty one because I have that. I have a dirty one, But I think I just recently told you. What do you call a man filling, Putting water into a jug? I have no idea. Philip. It's so bad. It's so bad. Oh, It's so bad. But I love it. I do want to be the best like dad joke in my future. That's one goal for my life. I feel like I'm getting close. Sometimes people tell me, They thought me even asking, You know, When a beloved one has passed away someone or, Or, You know, An animal that you've dearly loved has passed away. I've heard so many stories of those humans, Those animals coming back and saying, I'm okay. Have you ever had that experience with your mom? Oh, Wow. That's such a great story or like a great way, Segue to a story that doesn't get told that often. Cause I, I just don't tell people this, But I personally haven't had one, But my dad, My senior year had a pretty crazy one and he was really shook up. He even woke us up in the middle of the night to tell me what happened. So he wakes up from bed and he just said he like stood up cause it was really cold and he can see his breath. And he kind of looked around and when he turned back around to his side, My mom was sitting on the bed right by him. Of course my dad freaks out in excitement and just starts asking her tons of questions. Are you in heaven yet? Are you okay? You know, We miss you, Blah, Blah, Blah. Pretty much my mom just looked at him and told him, No, I'm not in heaven yet, But reassured him that like she's okay. And then my mom, The first thing she actually asked my dad was how's, How's Kayla doing? My dad was excited because I was also in sports and you know, I was varsity starting and basketball, Softball, And I played volleyball and all of these things. My dad basically was just so excited and was like, Oh, She just played the state championship basketball and she did so great. And now she's going into softball. Apparently he said my mom just had a really big smile and then he woke up. It was, It was really beautiful and sad, You know, Like it was really great that she asked about me. I used to truly feel this, Even though I, I have a lot to work on still and it's been, It's going on, It's going to be going on 16, Maybe 17 years. I think I'm losing track at this point, But I'm like still struggling with her not being around. And I even feel like she knew I was struggling back then. And I kind of take it in the way of she just wants to make sure I'm okay. Cause I think out of everyone I took it the, I took it the hardest later on in life. So yeah. So yeah, But it was still a beautiful story. And like, I know she's just there and I can, I could feel her sometimes. Well it's a massive loss and so unexpected. There's a difference between someone dying in a catastrophic car crash, Right? That's also unexpected and you don't get to say goodbye, But you had the blessing of that additional three months, But it's also almost a sorrow and a trauma of having those three months and it's beautiful, But also I suspect for everyone, But especially children, Right? To process that and to be present for that person, But also for your sister and your father, It's not something that's easily gotten over. You know, You can have probably years of therapy and it'll still be devastating because your mother sounds kind of like this light in the darkness that brought everyone together, A force of nature, Someone who models how we all should live. And those people, It's so devastating and horrible when they aren't here anymore because the world's lost a little bit of light. And by the way, You were that every day when I see you. Kristen, You're going to make me cry. This is what's going to make me cry. She'd be very proud of you. Thank you. Thank you. I think that that means more to me than I can, Than any accomplishment I've ever had in my life is just wanting her to be proud of me and also be just as good as she was and show people that and show people I'm nice and I care and I care to a fault, To a point, But I care because honestly, Kirsten, It's a fraction of who she was. And so when someone says that I have my mom's smile or that my smile brightens up, I just feel like it's not even my smile. It's the best way I can carry on her life. And that's it. Thanks for listening to episode 75 of Bite-Sized Blessings. I need to thank my funny and brave guest, Kayla, And thank her for sharing the beautiful story about her mother and for also being so brave and telling all of those dad jokes. I need to thank the creators of the music used as well. Taiga Sound Productions, Alex Productions, Mikhail Hellman, Music L. Files, Brian Holtz Music, Winnie the Moog, Chilled Music, And Sasha End. For complete attribution, Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at bite-sizedblessings. Com. On the website, You'll find links to books, Music, Artists, And other cool items I think will lift and brighten your day. Thank you for listening and here's my one request. Be like Kayla. Be yourself. Tell bad jokes. Tell good jokes. Tell dad jokes. Just be funny and tell jokes. Be brave. Put yourself out there. No matter what happens, You're sure to bring some smiles and a little more levity into everyone else's day. Thanks for listening to Episode 75 and see you next week. Bye.