Episode Fifteen: The Byte - Christopher Watkins-Lamb

Welcome to Episode 15 of Bite-Sized Blessings.

I don't normally speak at the beginning of my episodes,

But this time I have a special guest.

Christopher Watkins Lamb is the lead singer and songwriter for Crispy Watkins and the Crackwillows,

A band based out of Fort Collins,

Colorado.

He has very generously allowed us to use one of the songs from their latest album at the end of this episode,

So make sure not to miss it.

You can find links to the album on my website,

Bite-sized-blessings.

Com.

I'd also like to announce a trigger warning for this episode.

Suicide and the idea of suicide are discussed.

If you or anyone you know is suffering with thoughts of suicide,

Help is available.

Please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

And now,

Episode 15 of Bite-Sized Blessings.

In the spring of 2019,

I was having a really rough time.

I was at the time working in Boulder and living in Fort Collins,

And I was feeling very overwhelmed,

Busy,

Stressed,

You know,

Being a dad,

Working at an internship.

I started to just have thoughts and feelings that were worrying me.

I was starting to think things like,

Gosh,

You know,

It would be easier just to die.

I started to just have thoughts and feelings that were worrying me.

I was starting to think things like,

Gosh,

You know,

It would be easier just to die.

You know,

Starting to think like that,

Like,

Oh,

I don't,

I'm just too tired.

I don't want to do any of this anymore.

Like,

Wouldn't it be nice if it just all ended?

And those were scary thoughts for me to have.

And I feel like I'd been noticing them for a couple of weeks when I decided,

Like,

Okay,

I have to do something about this.

This is not,

This is not something I can ignore,

And I need to address it now before it gets worse.

I've been trained in mental health first aid,

And I knew that,

You know,

I didn't have a plan or anything that was of high concern,

But it was enough of a warning sign for me,

Like,

Okay,

I'm really not okay right now,

And I need to do something for myself to help.

I did,

I felt afraid to share that with anyone.

I felt afraid to talk about it.

But then this idea came to me,

Like,

Oh,

This is what I need to do.

I need to go and see a shaman,

Which is probably not what most people would decide to do in this situation,

But it made perfect sense for me.

So I booked,

I booked this appointment and,

And this,

And,

You know,

Decided,

Okay,

I'm going to see a shaman.

It was like a couple of weeks out.

I'm like,

Okay,

I'm gonna,

I'm gonna get ready for this.

And so I found her in,

You know,

This little,

Like,

Out building outside of an,

Like,

An office in Boulder,

Like downtown Boulder,

And,

You know,

We chatted for a little bit,

And,

And then I laid down on this table.

She invited me to lay down,

And she brushed me with dried herbs,

And then she started drumming and chanting and singing,

And really felt myself,

You know,

Transport.

I was,

I was laying there,

And then I,

I saw myself laying on this stone table in the middle of a clearing,

And the table was on some kind of a platform,

And there was a circle of stones around it,

And I was surrounded by people.

I couldn't really see them clearly,

But they all had this sense of being,

Like,

Allies,

Being people who are kind,

Who wish me well,

And then I,

Like,

I became aware of this pain growing in my head,

And all of a sudden there was this woman,

Like,

Standing above me with blue skin.

It's just,

Like,

This brilliant blue skin,

And her fingers were pressing into my forehead,

Just,

Like,

Pressing forcefully into my forehead,

Um,

At the point where I was feeling this pain,

And then suddenly it felt as though this suit of armor just popped off me,

And just,

Like,

Shot off me in every direction.

It was,

Like,

It was totally shocking.

It's just,

Like,

Poof,

And energy was pulsing through my body,

And then the woman,

Like,

Kept pushing,

And I felt as though I was sliding through the table,

Under the table,

And suddenly underwater,

And it's just,

Like,

This flowing river,

And I felt totally relaxed.

It was the most amazing thing,

And,

You know,

After it was done,

She,

Like,

She got me up,

She had me sip some herbal water,

And she told me about her experience,

And she had experienced this group of grandfathers from the British Isles who were there to support me,

And,

You know,

She said they were waiting to initiate me into their,

You know,

Their ancestral lineage,

And so she gave me some,

You know,

Particular instructions that they had had,

And I swear I left that room just,

Like,

Totally changed,

Just totally changed.

I remember I was really struck by something the first time I read Maly Dolmas Sommé,

Who's a teacher from West Africa,

And he was talking about how I didn't hit in his traditional and in his village folks who did not go through initiation were perpetually stuck in adolescence,

Perpetually stuck in adolescence,

And prone to violence and addiction and,

You know,

Other behaviors that,

You know,

Tend to erode,

You know,

Healthy society,

And I just think about,

You know,

How,

You know,

Projecting that out to a whole culture of folks who haven't been through initiation and what we might be prone to at that point,

You know,

Through no fault of our own in that sense,

Right,

But being born into a world that is not ready to hold us the way that we ought to be held,

And that's where I really come back to the idea of re-villaging that I started with,

Just this real sense of,

Like,

Moving from this isolated individualism to being part of a,

You know,

Village culture,

You know,

I really believe that almost all of us long at some level to,

Like,

Step out of your hut in the morning and be greeted by faces that know you and love you,

Right,

And to know that you're a part of a community and that what you're doing on an everyday basis is contributing to that community and to the world around you,

And you're,

Like,

You're part of this larger thing,

And re-villaging,

You know,

For me,

It's a spiritual thing,

Too,

It's about recognizing the way that the whole world is interacting with us,

And we are always part of this village,

This external village of winged people,

Four-legged people,

And finned people,

And stone people,

But also this internal village,

Like,

All these internal personalities and resources that we can access,

You know,

Whether it's our own ancestors or guides or just parts of ourselves that we can have conversation with.

That's been an absolute revelation to me to realize,

And I found it,

I find,

I find it so healing,

Such a healing and a modality to bring to others.

I was facilitating a grief group last year,

And during one of the sessions,

We just,

We had this,

You know,

Re-villaging moment,

Took everyone into our social hall where we had a labyrinth set up,

And I just invited each person to,

You know,

As they walk the labyrinth,

Envision that there was this internal village,

Sort of,

Like,

Positioned around the labyrinth.

As you pass folks,

They're giving you hugs,

Affirmation,

You know,

Whatever sort of encouragement that you need,

And as though you're kind of walking,

Moving towards the center of this,

Like,

Village square where everyone's circled around,

Just there for you,

Right?

There to support you and love you,

And I think we have access to those resources all the time,

This,

This village of,

Of beings who are there to love and support us,

And we need,

We need that,

We need that right now.

We really,

Really do,

And I want everyone to know that they have access to that,

You know?

I've been a wanderer since before that I was born Rolled across the waves on an ever-aging dawn And I've laid my eyes all day,

Across this earth But I can't seem to name exactly what it's worth This has been episode 15 of Bite-Sized Blessings,

The podcast all about the magic and spirit that surrounds us,

If only we open our eyes to it,

And whether you choose to listen to our Bite-Sized offerings for that five to ten minutes of freedom in your day,

Or the longer interviews,

We're grateful you're here.

I need to thank the Reverend Christopher Watkins Lamb for not only being a guest today,

But also for letting us use the music from his band's latest album,

Tend This Flame,

And remember the band is Crispy Watkins and the Crack Willows.

Check out the rest of the album,

It's pretty great.

I need to thank the other contributors of the music today,

Chilled Music,

Lilo Sound,

Sasha End,

Kevin McLeod,

Agnies Falmagia,

Alexander Nakarada,

Winnie the Moog,

And Music L.

Files.

For complete attribution,

Please see the Bite-Sized Blessings website at bite-sized-blessings.

Com.

Thanks for listening today,

I hope some part of this lifted your heart and inspired you to go out and grab the world and do what you will with it.

Thank you for listening,

And here's my one request,

Be like Christopher,

Ask your dreams for the answers,

And then live into them.

So thank you.

Ain't anything to be a wanderer Yeah,

Yeah Hang my hat away,

Lay my head Ain't anything to be a wanderer Ooh,

Yeah Well I hang my hat where I lay my head Ain't it a day to be a wanderer?

Yeah Hang my hand where I lay my head Ain't it a day to be a wanderer?

Oh Music Laid my eyes all late across this earth But I can't seem to name exactly what is Music