Learning To Embrace Vulnerability

23:25

23:25

Learning To Embrace Vulnerability

by Krystal Jakosky

Rated

4.3

Type

talks

Activity

Meditation

Suitable for

Everyone

Plays

33

In a previous episode, Judith Costa guided me as I explored my Akashic records. The session was incredibly beautiful and gave me more insight than I ever thought possible. This week, I wanted to expand more on my experience. Please note: This track may include some explicit language.

Akashic Records Emotional Healing Self Acceptance Self Care Personal Growth Healing Life Coaching Insight Experience Akashic Records Reading Soul Journey

Meet your Teacher

Krystal Jakosky

Boulder County, CO, USA

Meet your Teacher

Krystal Jakosky

Boulder County, CO, USA

Transcript

Think meditation is hard? Do me a favor. Take a slow, Deep breath in. And now breathe out. Congratulations. You just meditated. Hi, I'm Crystal Joukowsky, And this is Breathe In, Breathe Out, A weekly mindfulness and meditation podcast for anyone ready to own their own shit and find a little peace while doing it. Welcome back to Breathe In, Breathe Out. I'm Crystal Joukowsky, And holy crap. I'm really glad that you're here this week, And I'm hoping that you listened to our episode last week with Judith Costa. Let me tell you, It. . . Oh. I needed to do follow up on that interview because I need to give you some background, And I really need to explain to you what happened in that interview. What happened before leading up, And then what has happened since then. Judith does many things. She is a woman of so many talents, And one of them is opening up your Akashic Records, Which is believed to be a place where everybody's story is written. It's your past and possible futures. It's everything. It's really possible futures because they may show you a future, But the choices that you make throughout your life are going to adjust and move that a little bit. You're not stuck with what everyone sees as a future because your choices will change that as you move through life. It's your path. You get to continue that journey, And there are so many different outcomes. Make it with a grain of salt when anyone says, I see your future. This whole interview with Judith Costa is also on my YouTube channel, And I encourage you to watch it. It was very emotional, And it really broke me. Prior to that interview, I was nervous. I was unsettled. I was a little bit agitated, And from my work in life coaching and helping people transform and own their shit, Own what's going on with them, I know that whenever you are going to shift things energetically, That prior to that, Once you've set the intention that you are going to make this change and that you are going to seek out assistance to make that change, The universe will send things your way to try to stop it or try to avoid it, Make you feel like, Maybe I want to do something else. Say you've planned that it's going to be on a specific day, And you are going to have all sorts of options presented to you before that day comes, Options that may be unbelievably tempting, And you'll have to choose between, Do I really want to do this shift in my life, Or would I rather just put that off for a little while and go do this other thing instead? Or sometimes people have upset stomachs, Or they have headaches, Or they have bad dreams and can't sleep, And oftentimes these experiences, People will go ahead and cancel their appointments because they're really feeling that resistance for shifting this moment. And prior to that interview, I was experiencing these things. I was experiencing discomfort, I was a little bit agitated and frustrated, I was wanting to connect with my team and yet also personally just all over the place, I had a headache, I didn't feel well, And I was pushing through. I did not realize, I did not connect the dots, Even though I tell my clients, Help them be aware of this, I personally did not connect the dots until after the interview. I did not remotely entertain the idea that this interview would be bringing up stuff that I would have to deal with, Things that I thought that I had already dealt with or that I was already in the process of dealing with and thought that I was doing a really good job with. I honestly thought that the interview with Judith was going to be this fun little introduction for you guys to see if Akashic Records was something that you might be interested in, Something that you might look forward to as a possible point on your healing path, A possible tool that you could put in your pocket. I'm going to bring you into my life for a moment. We had a couple of weeks between when we set the date and when the interview was going to happen. In those couple of weeks, I had so many conversations. Looking back on it, I recognize that all of those conversations were preparing me for what was to come. I had conversations with my husband about things that I was struggling with, Little things or my mom, I was talking to her about challenges. I was talking to a friend, These little, I don't know what should I do here, What should I do there, Lunch. I had a conversation with Avery on my lunch right before telling her about how I'm loving portions of this business. I love the podcasting. I love connecting with people and yet there are other parts that I'm struggling with and I just really wish would be a little bit more fluid. This was 20 minutes before I had that phone call, Before I had this podcast and recorded it. I was talking about how challenged I am with seeking validation and seeking approval and wanting to know that I'm helping, That I'm on the right path, That I'm doing good. I had literally just spoken about some of these challenges I was facing and then I had the conversation with Judith. My first question to her was simple. I want to be more connected with myself and those around me. I want to know how I can connect better with Mother Earth, My listeners, The people who read my podcast. I want to know how I can better serve them and connect with them. The answer to my question, Literally slow down and give myself permission to relax. It was like, Well, Duh, I already knew this. This is a question that I had been asking other people, How do I do this? How do I know? I also already had my answer. I also already knew that this is what I needed to do. Slow down, Relax. It's okay. Her answer of be in it, Basically, She was telling me that I'm already doing fine. I can let things go. I can stop pushing, Stop forcing things. It was beautiful and I was grateful for that and I was like, Well, Duh, I already knew this. The second question led right into the first question. Now when I came up with this question, It was actually Avery that helps me come up with this question and I thought, That's an easy question. That's not a problem. It's all good. No worries. I thought that it was just lighthearted, Not a big deal. Well, I was very naive in my thinking because what person would ask this question? What belief living in my subconscious is holding me back or what do I need to be aware of? That is actually a pretty stinking heavy question and that is going to peel layers of an onion right to the center. You didn't peel. You chopped it to the middle so that you could see this raw issue that you've been covering over and holding back. Who asks this kind of a question, Especially in front of an audience and on a podcast? Evidently I do. It was a gut punch. Her answer was so spot on. It brought me to tears. If you watch the video, You can see me crumple and I had to take a minute to compose myself. When she said the answers that she was getting from the Akashic record holders, I had these images of a very young me float through my mind, A very young me that was learning that she had to change to be accepted by the people around her. She was struggling to find love. She was struggling to find reassurance and she was really struggling to find her place in this world. The place she found was one of being a chameleon, One of recreating herself over and over and over because whomever she was, Was totally unacceptable for one reason or another, Depending on who she was with. Now I recognized that years ago. I recognized my chameleon nature years ago and I've been working on it from then until now, Constantly working and slightly aware. But I wasn't aware of it to the core, Like what Judith pulled out. I never really gone back to the very young me who needed that extra boost, Who needed the extra love, The extra knowledge that she was okay exactly as she was. Not only did Judith call me out on the chameleon nature, But she called me out on the, I'm not good enough, I'm not giving enough, My need for approval. To have that sitting out there for all of you guys to hear, For all of you guys to see, Was a really vulnerable place because I've been telling you that this is a long journey. I've been telling you that you can change it. I've been aware of it. I've been trying to change it and yet here I am as I've been working on it and I am still working on it now. For the most part now, I do really good. For the most part now, I can argue with the insecurity when it comes up and say, No, No, I get to accept me for me and if they don't like me, That's fine. They have their own issues and I don't have to worry about it. I recognize that I need to accept myself for me because the relationships that I have with others are simply a mirror into my relationship with myself. So when I'm challenged by somebody, I get to look inside and say, Why am I challenged? What are they showing me? What do I need to heal and what do I need to change? So I've been working on myself. I've been recognizing that mirror. I've been on that journey. I've been trying so hard. It continues. Some days it's really, Really easy and other days when I'm around somebody that I really want their approval, I have to remind myself to stop. I have to remind myself and argue with that voice and say, Crystal, You are amazing exactly as you are. You do not have to change for them. They may be really cool and that may be a bad-ass person that you want to be associated with. But you have to change because they will see you for who you are and if you click them, That is great. And if not, That's okay too because I don't want to be a chameleon in that relationship and I don't want to be working on that relationship being something that I'm not because how do you keep that up? It drains you. So back to the conversation. I had already been struggling with some of these challenges she brought up. I had already been having conversations with other people saying, Hey, You know, I'm struggling this with this right here. I'm struggling with that. How do I work with this? How do I deal with that? Some of the conversations were, I really just need you to listen and I don't need your input. I just would like for you to let me talk through this. And others were, I really need your opinion because I'm struggling and I need some guidance. I was constantly just dancing around the core of this issue. I had gone deep on my own, But I didn't want to go all the way in verbalizing it to feeling it out, Journaling, Writing in my laptop, Trying to find answers and clarity, Continually attempting to process and yet falling short because I was failing to go all the way back all the way to where it started. And you can't fully heal until you go into the depths required for which healing can come. And then Judith called me out. So beautifully, So painfully direct. I was left emotional and overwhelmed. In the video, You'll see that I was crumpled and torn. And mentally this one part of me really was like, Crystal, You're on a podcast. You can't have dead air. You've got to hurry up and move. And this other part of me was saying, I need to honor this space that I'm in. I need to allow the emotion that I'm feeling right now because I am having a very emotional, Mental, Bodily reaction to what she's saying. We worked through healing gestures. We worked through mantras. She held space for me as I processed while we were on the podcast. And then it was over. I mean, At least the call was because I still had a lot to process. On the one hand, What she brought to me, The way that she just ripped open the wound and said, Here it is. If you want to shift it, This is it. Shift it. On the one hand, It's immediate because you're now aware of the blockage. You're now aware of the wound. And on the other hand, Who buddy, You've just exposed a wound and a learned belief. And now you have to figure out how to heal it and move forward. Now in my training, In all of the lessons that I learned and all of the teachers that I learned from, I received my moon IQ rights. And in the moon IQ rights, You also learn how to do soul retrieval. At least I did. And I recognize that you have to go back to that original moment to heal it, To honor it, And then to pull it forward and change it into a gift instead of a pain. And that's something I do with my clients is helping them do that. And yet with this experience, I recognized that I was going to need to do the same thing. The next couple of weeks brought tears and conversations with people. I felt strong and lost at the same time. I was conflicted in tearful and alternating moments. I reached out to friends and trusted advisors for inspiration, Direction, And healing. I was grasping to deal with all of those layers of onions and that little core that was right there. And there were no goggles to wear to keep me from crying while I was chopping this onion. I was just stuck with it because now that I saw it, I couldn't unsee it. And I knew that I needed to heal it and move forward. So I dove into self-care. I found aquatic massage to be a profound and pivotal shifting point. And within that experience, I was able to dive in and do some of that soul retrieval. It was an additional gift that the universe was helping to bring to me on my path to healing, To see a little bit more, To go a bit deeper. It was such a transformative moment for me, And it was followed up by additional support and work, More layers. And that's the way it goes. You recognize that there's an issue. You're not magically healed. You're not magically fixed. And yet you're aware. It's like that switch on the wall has been flipped and instead of darkness, There's lightness. And now that you've seen it, You can read the writing on the wall and you know how to fix it. You know how to put that a cave of furniture together when you have the light on and the instructions are in front of you. You know how to work with an issue when you're not blindfolded. Judith mentioned my growing up, How it taught me that if I'm not working really hard, If things are not difficult, It's really not worth it. What is the value in that? Again, My life starting in January, Coming up to that point had been preparing me for that moment because up until January, I had been pushing and my entire team had been pushing and we were starting to disconnect a little bit and we were all flirting with burning out because we were pushing so very hard. And I finally just said, Nope, Guys, We are going to step back. This was in January. This was well before my interview with Judith. I said, Stop, Back up. Let's take a breather and allow. It transformed the way that things happened. It transformed the way we worked and things were happening so much faster and so much smoother than we ever expected and we all recognized that right here, Right now, We need to allow. We need to sit back and give ourselves permission, Just like Judith said, Give yourself permission to allow. When I allow, The universe has reminded me yet again, The writing comes out. I am inspired. I am excited. The musings, The ideas, The way to connect, They all just come. There's no fighting. There's no stress. There's no overwhelm. It just naturally comes and I love it. That's when I push because I believe that it's supposed to be hard, That I can't write a dang thing. My mind is blank. I'm struggling. I'm frustrated. I have a deadline coming up and instead of sitting back and saying, Wait, You need to breathe and allow, I keep pushing harder, But then nothing comes and then I'm frustrated and stressed out because I'm not getting what I need to do. The universe started teaching me that lesson back in January and then I meet with Judith and it was like an exclamation point. It was a thunderbolt. It was the universe saying, We have been telling you this and not only have we been telling you this, But you have witnessed how it works when you do just sit back. When you allow, When you accept, When you give yourself permission to just wait, To just be. There was a shift. After the interview, I cried because it was a beautiful relief and yet it was so raw to know that that's where I'm at. That's where I was at. That's what I'm doing. It's been a few weeks and I'm still processing. It's easier because I can see the writing on the wall and I can see those reminders and when I start trying to push myself and it feels like I'm swimming upstream, I stop and remind myself, No, No, No, No, You're supposed to sit back. Allow what's coming and it'll be better and when I do, It's beautiful. My connections are deeper. My conversations are so much better. Life is sweeter because I'm listening and allowing. Initially I didn't think much would come from the Akashic Records. What came out, I was already working on. I was already aware of, I was already peripherally working on it. She took it from something on the peripheral to in my face, Deal with this now, Which it's never comfortable and yet is exactly what I needed in that moment. When we are on a healing path, When we are trying to correct things, We may see it outside. We may say, Yeah, Yeah, That's there. You've got to bring it into focus. You've got to bring it into the right here right now and face it so that you can then shift it because as long as you leave it on the side, It's just going to keep niggling at you and it's just going to grow. It is a constant presence, A constant irritation, A constant challenge. Take that out of the side, Put it right in front of yourself and say, How can I work with this? How can I shift this? I can help you. There are other therapists that can help you. There are other shamans and life coaches and professionals who are ready and able and have the right tools to help you move forward and shift that stuff so that it is no longer hanging on. You get to let it go. You'll feel lighter. You'll be happier. You'll be more joyful. I wanted to share the backside of it with you because it was big, It was weighty. What you saw in the interview or what you heard in the interview was only a tiny piece of everything else that happened. Even I need that help. Even I need that guidance. Even I need that nudge. I've been doing this for a long time. Our journeys, Our journeys, We get to put tools in our toolboxes and we get to change and shift as things move forward. We have friends and people who come along the way that help us heal and help us change. And we have people who hurt so that we can then learn from that and move forward again. Life is beautiful. Thank you so much for supporting me and being present in this moment. Thank you for supporting me in my journey of life and lessons and sharing, Connecting, Turning up, Knowing that we're all here together and we all have the ability to make this world an amazing place, One human at a time. And I mean ourselves as one human at a time. I'm not saying everybody outside you, I'm saying you personally, Me personally. I get to make this world a better place because I'm working on myself and I'm sharing that with you. You have the power to do the same thing. You have the ability. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are capable. You are accepted. You are gifted and talented. And I really hope that you take that and choose to shine a little bit brighter. I hope that you feel a little bit stronger. I hope in knowing that you're not the only one that struggles, That other people are going through it too, Even people who seem to have it all together and they are absolutely amazing and you look up to them, Even they have the shit behind the curtain, Even they struggle. And that's perfectly fine because they're human. We all are. Take care of yourselves, Love on yourselves, Do the difficult self-care so that the easy self-care is that much sweeter. I look forward to being with you here next time on Breathe In, Breathe Out. I hope this moment of self-care and healing brought you some hope and peace. I'm Crystal Joukowsky on Instagram, Facebook, And YouTube, And I hope you check us out and follow along for more content coming soon. I look forward to being with you again here on Breathe In, Breathe Out. Until next time, Take care.