Dare To Change Your Life In Spite Of The Past

Welcome to the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

My name is Lisa A.

Romano.

I am a life coach,

Bestselling author,

YouTube vlogger,

Meditation teacher,

And expert in the field of codependency and narcissistic abuse.

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind.

My aim is to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed,

Your mind feel expanded,

And your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here at the Breakdown to Breakthrough podcast.

So today we're going to be talking about taking action,

Which is really your call to action.

What do I mean by this?

What I mean is that we live in an action-based universe.

If you look at the car that you drive or you look at the shoes that you're wearing,

These things were once non-physical.

They once did not exist.

Hard to imagine,

Right?

Even you,

There was a point you didn't exist.

Hard to imagine.

Your children,

Hard to imagine that your children once did not exist,

That they were somewhere else and now suddenly they've manifested.

But in essence,

What happened was an action took place which created this manifestation.

If you look at the Manhattan skyline,

Look at it in all its glory.

It's absolutely iconic.

It's absolutely beautiful.

And it's hard to imagine it was never there.

We take for granted that there was a point where the Manhattan skyline did not exist,

That it was barren land,

Completely barren.

And yet here it is in all its glory,

The magnificent,

Iconic Manhattan skyline.

Human beings are born to a time-space reality that requires action.

You have fingers,

You have toes,

You have legs,

You have muscles.

Your muscles contract,

Therefore they were meant to move.

Movement is action.

You were designed to take action.

But what happens to so many of us?

What happens is most of us,

Or at least many of us,

Have dreams,

We have desires,

And we don't take action that is in alignment with what we feel we wish to manifest.

For instance,

We stay in unhealthy relationships.

We make excuses for why we stay in unhealthy relationships.

We live in denial of just how toxic our relationships are.

We live in denial of how we can be abusive sometimes and how we tolerate abuse from others.

Or how we can,

Like I just said,

We can be manipulative and controlling and unfair.

We can be dismissive.

We can be,

You know,

Disinterested in what other people have to say.

Whatever is true for anyone else can absolutely also be true for us.

The huge distinction between a codependent,

For instance,

And a narcissistic person or someone with NPD is that a narcissist doesn't think that there's anything wrong.

A narcissist feels entitled to treat people the way they treat people.

There is no idea or sense that they're being abusive.

You deserve to be abused.

So it's not like they take responsibility or accountability for being vile or being cruel or being vindictive.

When it comes to someone who is codependent or someone who is highly empathic,

When you find yourself,

For instance,

Being abusive,

Being dismissive,

Or when you feel like you have treated someone poorly,

There is this guilt associated with that,

Which is good guilt because that guilt allows you to change.

When it comes to a narcissist,

There's no real guilt.

There's no real motivation to change.

In a narcissist's mind,

They are entitled,

They are superior than you,

And they are deserving of preferential treatment.

And they really do have a right to treat you as they wish.

In lots of the cases,

A narcissist will feel as if you owe them,

You become a piece of property to a narcissist.

So it's important to see the distinction.

A codependent person feels the guilt,

Wants to change,

Doesn't always have the tools to change,

Doesn't always know that they're codependent,

And don't always know what to do because they're stuck because their creative mind is not being accessed.

Instead,

They are living below the veil of consciousness.

And what is happening is essentially rumination,

A focus on what has already been done,

A focus on a bone that has been buried in the backyard,

A repeating of the past,

Water that has already gone over the wheel gets repeated,

Codependents repeat the patterns of the past because they're stuck.

They don't know how to do anything else.

They don't understand the action that they need to take in order to change their life.

And if they did,

I believe firmly,

If every codependent person in this world knew they were codependent,

Understood why they were codependent,

And understood how to change and believe that they could,

They would.

And if every codependent finally awakened and stopped living below the veil,

Then the attraction to a narcissist would cease.

Codependents and narcissists are very similar in that they both,

In most cases,

Not in all,

But most cases carry tremendous shame and have suffered harsh negative childhood experiences.

They have come from homes with severe abandonment.

A codependent has figured out that if they people please and if they fall,

If they acquiesce and subjugate,

Then they can get the people in their lives to treat them better,

Or at least not abandon them.

They have figured out how to please an abusive person.

A narcissist,

It has been said,

Is someone who was unable to get an abusive parent or caretaker to stop abusing them.

Nothing they did worked.

Denying that they were being abused did not work.

Crying didn't work.

People pleasing didn't work.

Fawning didn't work.

There was nothing that the narcissist could do to stop being abused.

The abuse just kept coming.

And now as a result,

The narcissist fears vulnerability,

Fears shame,

And now sees people who are vulnerable as weak-minded.

And they feel entitled to abuse the weak,

Or how they see other people.

They feel entitled to exploit people that they believe are weak-minded.

And so if you show a vulnerability to a narcissist,

They consider you weak.

They consider you able to be manipulated,

And some of them believe you deserve to be because you are weak-minded.

At least that's the way they see it.

Now if you are in a dysfunctional relationship,

It's not going to change unless you take some type of action.

Nothing changes until something changes.

That Manhattan skyline would not get developed if someone didn't take action.

And in the case of a huge skyline,

Like the Manhattan skyline,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many people had to take many,

Many,

Many,

Many actions.

And so if that's just a small snippet of how the world operates.

If you want to live an amazing life,

You have to take action.

If you want to end a toxic relationship,

You have to take action.

If you want to be less codependent,

You have to take action.

If you want to create and manifest a loving relationship,

You have to take action.

This is an action-based universe.

You cannot think and do what you want to do.

You cannot think and do what you've always done and expect to get something different.

That is the definition of insanity.

Doing the same thing,

Expecting a different result.

We have to learn to see the world through more mystical or spiritual eyes.

You have to learn to look and see people and see things and see experiences as manifestations.

There is a reason whatever showed up.

Now,

I'm not talking about judging people or blaming people,

For instance,

For illnesses.

We can't forget that we are biological as well.

That genes play a factor in what happens to our,

In us and to us in our lives.

I'm not talking about that.

But even someone who has been struck down with an illness or struck with an illness can change the way they view the illness.

Even someone who is in a terrible experience right now can change the way they view the experience.

That is taking an action.

You're changing the way you see your experience.

There are those who look at the rain and think,

Oh,

It's terrible that it's raining.

And those who bless the rain for filling up reservoirs,

For feeding their gardens,

For allowing them to grow crops.

There are some people who think that it is a terrible thing that they have been involved in such a terrible relationship with a narcissist.

But I can tell you that since I was seven years old,

I have wanted and craved a healthy relationship.

And that the relationship that I had with my ex-husband that was so unhealthy,

Actually gave me the willpower,

The courage,

And allowed me to tap into the potential to not only end the relationship,

But to crave a healthy relationship even more.

Desire is an amazing vibration.

And the more you desire a thing,

The more it is on its way to you.

However,

You have to believe that you are worthy of that which you desire.

And you must be putting into action steps that are necessary to get you to where you need to go.

People think,

Oh,

The law of attraction is just about thinking about something and poof,

It ends up in my driveway.

Well,

If that was the case,

We'd all be driving around in beautiful white Mercedes Benz.

That's just not the case.

It's silly to think that.

The law of attraction requires action and requires traction.

You cannot desire a healthy relationship and then treat yourself poorly.

You cannot desire a healthy relationship and yet abuse your partner,

Complain about your partner,

Condemn your partner,

Complain about why you can't leave your partner.

It just doesn't happen.

There needs to be an action step taken.

In my case,

When I finally decided that I had to leave my ex-husband,

I had to find a way to make a living.

I had three small children.

I knew that my time was going to be limited and I knew that I wanted to raise them.

I didn't want to have to drive many hours to work,

Many hours home from work.

I wanted to drop my children off at school and I wanted to be able to pick them up from school,

Do their homework with them and essentially raise them.

And so what I desired to do was raise my children,

Raise them on my own,

Create funds because my ex-husband refused to pay alimony.

I got very limited child support and the child support was based on a lie.

He lied about how much money he worked.

He made,

He worked for his family business.

So they were all too happy to manifest and conjure up some fee that he made every week,

Which was not reality-based.

Whatever,

I decided to move on anyway.

I got no health insurance,

So I had to buy my own health insurance.

I had to put my children through school.

I had to come up with half their tuition.

There were things that we needed to pay for and I had to find a place to live.

And so I decided that this is what I needed to do.

I needed to take action to make sure that I could support myself.

I did not complain.

I did not stomp my feet.

I moved in the direction of freedom.

I was grateful that I could.

And so I decided to become a personal trainer and I didn't get one certification.

I got three.

I figured if I'm going to do this,

I'm going all the way.

And so when the children were asleep,

I took another action.

I got up at 2.

30 in the morning and I studied and I studied and I studied.

I studied so well,

I graduated at the top of my class.

And so these are the types of ideas that you have to take if you want to change your life.

You have to decide what you want to do and then you have to go after it.

You cannot quit.

You cannot give up.

You cannot make excuses.

When you make an excuse for not doing what you need to do to manifest your own Manhattan skyline,

You are pissing on your vibration.

You are in the midst of creating it and then halfway through say,

Ah,

No,

It's never going to happen.

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

The manifestation falls apart.

Lots of people sit back and say,

See,

I knew I could never do that.

See,

I knew that was not going to work out.

And they won't realize that the not working out is a manifestation.

So what is this all about?

It is my hope that as we move into the new year and as we move into our new life,

We recognize that we need to take action that is in alignment with that which we wish to manifest.

It is not enough to ruminate over the past.

If you ruminate over the past,

If you allow your past to dictate your now,

And all you do is think about the bad things that have happened,

Even though that is exactly what a traumatized brain does and that it's not your fault,

You need to understand on a conscious level,

You need to understand on a cognitive level,

On a logical level,

That you cannot create or manifest anything beyond what you ruminate over.

I don't say this to make anyone feel bad.

I say this to encourage people to know that it's possible to have something negative happen in the past,

And to begin to take action steps to create something new in the future.

I don't say this to punish people,

To make people feel guilty or ashamed that they ruminate.

Dear one,

That is what a traumatized brain does,

But it is important and necessary for people to awaken and to understand the potential that lies within each of us.

You can think about something else.

You can.

It's not easy,

But you can.

You can create vision boards.

You can wake up and you can meditate.

You can journal.

You can set boundaries.

You can avoid toxic media.

You can avoid toxic people.

You can make excuses for not hanging around people that refuse to take responsibility for their lives.

You can discern a positive person from a more negative dysfunctional toxic person and decide not to hang out with the negative toxic person.

You can decide to go for a walk.

You can decide to be grateful.

You can take an action that is in alignment with that which you desire.

And if you stay on this path,

If you never give up,

Your life will improve.

You see,

I know too much now.

I am not able to go back.

I refuse to go back into the land of the not living.

I refuse to go back into the land of rumination.

I refuse to go back to a world in which I felt powerless and I did not accept my divine right and ability to flow my focus,

To imagine what I wanted to experience,

Regardless of what other people thought about me and believed I deserved.

I surrendered to it all.

I forgave everything.

And from that place,

I was free to reinvent myself.

And I will reinvent myself over and over and over until I can no longer invent myself any longer in the 3D world.

And once even then,

When I transition,

I will be transforming myself once again into the non-physical.

I don't think that's a bad thing.

I think it's normal.

And I think it's a holy experience.

And I think life itself is holy.

If we can embrace what it means to fulfill our divine purpose,

Which is to become everything we have a right to become,

To manifest our heart's desires,

To heal from the past,

To recognize what happens when we ruminate,

And then to imagine what might happen when we begin to actually create.

You create through your mind first.

Create a vision for yourself in your mind's eye and then create an action plan that will allow you to manifest that which you desire in the 3D world because that,

Dear one,

Is your birthright.

Namaste.

Until next time.