Hello and welcome to Five Minutes in Nature with me Liz Scott and you join me here in Exeter in an evening stroll,
On an evening stroll I should say,
And I've just slipped into this tiny little park.
It's got a variety of trees here,
Some of them very short and small,
Probably maybe 10-15 years old and then some more substantial trees and I'm pretty sure they've got apple blossom on.
So this looks like they've planted a little orchard in this parkland and there's children's swings and the grass is allowed to grow long according to the information board for bugs and insects and there's what's called a bug hotel.
It's sort of piles of wood and bricks that have been allowed to rot down and from there other animals can eat the bugs and insects that thrive in those sorts of conditions.
So I love it,
It just feels like a tiny patch of loveliness.
Trees,
Grasses,
Daisies,
Dandelions,
Swings and just a chance for me to breathe,
Just to breathe out.
And I come and look after my mum and today I'm kind of in a bit of a muddle of feelings really and when I feel in a muddle of feelings I just want you to realise I do not need rescuing.
I'm only letting you know this because I want you to realise that the whole point of being human is that we go into feelings and upset and unsettled thoughts and we fall into deep peace and peace of mind and clarity and being human means we just go through the whole gamut of emotions.
So when I say I'm feeling unsettled I want you to understand that from the perspective it's okay,
I'm really okay with it.
And one of the things that has had me feel a little bit unsettled is just seeing the decline in my elderly mum.
She was diagnosed with dementia 18 months ago and that was about the time my dad died and he had had dementia for some time and was severely limited in his both physical and mental capacities because of dementia at the end of his life.
It was quite hard to see my dad disappear in front of my eyes over a long period of time and that's what dementia can do and when mum was diagnosed with dementia I kind of braced myself knowing what this was going to mean because it is a gradual decline.
And then in just the last few weeks she's had a bit of a dip and has become much more uncertain and unstable on her feet and not sure what to do in life anymore and needing much more support and care.
And today I just kind of realised that we're in a different phase with my mum and there's a sadness I feel it's almost like a saying goodbye to what I knew of my mum and allowing myself to be open to what comes next.
And so as I went for a little walk today I made sure she was sat down and safe and said look don't get up until I come home I'm not going to be long I just want to get some fresh air and you know she understood what I was asking her and it was lovely that she was pleased for me to go out for a walk and yet there's a part of me inside that's just feeling sad,
Sad that I know that I'm losing my mum.
For me as I was walking I realise it's grief is is an expression of love I am glad to feel it I feel this deep love for my mum and just realise that I'm losing part of her and I'm saying goodbye to that.
And so today is just a reflection and reaching out to you as well maybe you have got caring responsibilities or you've got people that you've got in your life who are unwell or struggling and you're feeling this sort of sense of sadness and love like I see it like plaited together sadness and love plaited together and just realising that life moves on and this is part of life part of life is love part of life is loss part of life is birth part of life is death and death and grieving don't just come about when somebody physically dies grieving comes about when you start to lose the person that you knew that can be a form of grief.
So I just want to reach out to all of you out there and just say it's okay be present to that love be present to that sadness realise it is part of this extraordinary experience of being human and let's just keep reminding ourselves that the only place to look ever is back inside to the core and essence of who we all truly are to that place of unconditional love and understanding and kindness and compassion.
So that's what I'm left with today look within and don't forget you can join me again tomorrow for another five minutes in nature I'll really look forward to connecting with you again then.
