One of the obstacles with teaching this material is it's easy to forget that,
You know,
The teacher was once a caterpillar and they were even mush before they turn into a butterfly,
Before they came to enough spiritual comprehension that they found peace.
So sometimes when we're starting out,
We feel like a caterpillar and we go like,
How could we possibly become like them?
I mean,
I remember feeling that with Abraham,
The Hawaiian kahuna.
Yeah,
So it's just the process.
It's like a little kid becomes an adult.
The little kid thinks it's impossible to become an adult,
But then indeed 20 years pass and suddenly they're an adult and then they're going,
Oh mama,
Finding out what being an adult is like.
But do you see what I mean?
We all start somewhere and every teacher's got a past and really,
You know,
The teachers in the East,
They say the ones who are the worst,
The darkest people,
If they decide to wake up,
They become the most powerful spiritual figures of all.
Because if you've got the juice to transform all the negative patterns of being,
There's one guy in the East who was a murderer,
I can't remember his name,
But he ended up writing,
You know,
A really important book,
One ancient book in India that's helped a great many people.
So it's like,
If you've got the juice to transform,
To,
You know,
Transform all those negative patterns and in his case,
I guess he had to nullify his karma even while he was alive probably so it would be a major task,
But it can be done.
It can be done.
A caterpillar turns into a butterfly,
A toddler turns into an adult.
It's just staying with it moment to moment.
What I did was I used my life as a laboratory.
So I had no plan B.
My plan A was to wake up and become a useful teacher for people and there was no alternative.
So I gave up my professions even to do that.
I was a journalist.
I also trained as a teacher and I couldn't work in those professions and stay as close to my heart as I wish to.
So I ended up steering into doing body work,
Which really upset my parents because I,
You know,
I'd come from an affluent family and this was just their worst nightmare.
I was a golden girl.
I'd become a massage therapist and I remember I even had to be fingerprinted.
I did my training in Alberta and I had to be fingerprinted to make sure I wasn't a prostitute.
Yeah.
Anyway,
And while I was just trying to,
You know,
Help weave unconditional love into people's bodies.
So I just followed just like that.
So it went totally against my upbringing to be a massage therapist,
But I did it.
And I remember at one point on the journey,
Um,
Babysitting because I was so desperate to be around innocents.
Yeah.
And I even found it hard to get a job babysitting because the moms were like,
I think they thought I was odd.
You know,
It's kind of,
Cause I came in with so much,
This ebullient loving and some of them just went,
Oh,
It's too much.
But there were some who really appreciated it.
So I babysat for a while and I did massage and I,
I just followed the spiritual teachers that I,
I was drawn to and I faced every challenge and every challenge that came.
I faced it with,
I'm,
I'm serving love.
I want to become more loving,
More compassionate,
More loving as a result of going through this challenge.
And I was really willing to see,
To move into self-awareness,
To see where my ego is a problem.
So even if,
You know,
Really strong emotions came up about other people,
As I was,
You know,
Clearing or family members,
I was very aware that I,
You know,
Had a shadow myself and that I was seeing in them my own shadow side.
Okay.
So,
You know,
Just as I walked through that,
I was,
I kept talking to God and,
And giving my ego over to God and just doing my best,
You know,
Doing my best to be a loving mother to my boys.
I really wanted to raise compassionate boys.
Yeah.
You know,
Funny,
We get enough,
If you're on the journey,
You will get enough to keep going.
I remember studying at one point with a New Zealand Maori who was truly about the most loving man I ever met.
And I remember I was in a group and all the questions people were asking about Atlantis and just questions like that,
More intellectual.
And I asked how to raise two really loving boys.
And you know,
He got up and he crossed the circle and he gave me a hug.
And you know,
That helped me was like validation.
I was on the right track.
Because when you're on the spiritual journey,
You,
You know,
Especially if you're dealing with a lot of resistance,
You're not sure that you're on the right road,
You may be not getting great feedback,
You know,
From life,
You know,
Maybe you're getting your own resistance reflected back to you and people around you,
Maybe,
You know,
The money's not flowing well,
Because you're,
I don't know,
Dealing with your,
Your own fears are coming up very strongly.
Maybe you're out of the flow,
Your,
You know,
Your resistance is up,
There can be periods like that.
And it feels like maybe you're not doing it right,
But just keep talking to God and stay around authentic teachers.
And there's really good authentic material on the internet,
Just be careful.
But there's,
You know,
Quite a lot available.
And there is some really authentic teachers around in person.
Stay close to them,
Listen to them,
You know,
I've studied with Amma,
She's,
You know,
She's had 35 million people.
So it's really true.
She has,
I have watched her hug 50,
000 people in a 24 hour period.
I know that sounds impossible,
But it's true.
You know,
I look at it and I go,
Well,
Jesus did miracles,
You know,
They all did miracles.
It's just here's another one,
She's doing miracles.
And sometimes I think everybody will pay attention to her when she dies,
Because that's kind of what we do.
You know,
It's like when saints die,
Then we pay a lot of attention.
But anyway,
I don't mean to be cynical.
This is the earth playing and and it's the way it is.
But so,
You know,
That I did that I lived like that.
And as the years went by,
What happened is the light got stronger in me.
And I embodied more and more light.
And things got better and better.
And my work started going out.
And people had extraordinary healings.
And you know,
A lot of benefits occurred.
And you know,
There's a there's a peace finally what happens,
You come to just an incredible peaceful contentment.
And you walk around knowing that everything's one,
Everything's God and you're part of God.
And you just share this.
And in in my case,
It just took years and years and years.
And I like I say,
I had no plan B.
And I think that's the secret.
And the other thing is,
I trusted my female nature,
I really knew that the answer was in my deep feminine heart,
Because I'm a female.
And I couldn't run from it.
And I had to find her and bring her out of the repression that she was in.
And wash her off,
You know,
Wash the mud off and everything.
So she could come in and dance in her full beauty.
And this is what I teach and male and female,
Because the males have a wonderful energy in them,
Wishing to be born into their life.
But you know,
It does take courage to embody this.
I mean,
There have been,
I know quite a few people who stand on the edge,
You know,
For years and years and years,
But rather than jumping in.
But it finally is unsatisfying,
You never,
Things never change then for you.
Anyway,
I hope this helps.
You know,
God exists,
I mean,
We're souls in human form.
And if you live searching for that,
Wishing for that,
Wanting to serve that,
You find it and you find it in yourself and you attract other people who have the same kind of heart.
So it all works out.
It's just like a long game.
It took me decades.
Still,
You know,
If I hadn't done this,
I just think I'd be dead or a roaring alcoholic or something.
Anyway,
Bless your hearts.
