Welcome,
Beautiful human,
Wherever you are around the world.
If you haven't got yourself a cup of tea or coffee,
Please pause the video and go and get yourself one.
I want this to feel like we're literally in my home,
In my sitting room,
Sitting opposite each other,
Having a really deep,
Intimate,
Authentic,
Raw AF conversation.
I want to talk about the things we need to talk about.
Thing and it's something it's a big thing and I want to talk about it because I got triggered yesterday my language is this when you get triggered basically something somebody says or something somebody does or something that happens that wasn't planned or you know things go wrong it triggers our nervous system into remembering a past time when that happened before and It floods us with these emotions that we had from another experience that no longer exists in the past.
So let me give you an example.
Yesterday,
I experienced extreme rejection.
It wasn't polite rejection.
It was just quite gruesome rejection.
And I got super triggered because I felt like I'm too much.
Couldn't handle me.
I'm too intense.
I'm too wild.
I'm too bright.
All these things.
And I don't mean bright as in clever.
I mean bright as I'm very shiny and very unapologetically me.
And I started spinning into that because when I was rejected in my childhood,
It was because I was told I was too much.
So what happens when we get triggered is we start experiencing an experience that no longer exists.
But it grabs us so quickly that then what happens is what I call the spin.
That's what it feels like for me.
It's like the trigger happens and I start spinning before I can catch myself.
Now,
Look,
I'm a integrated life coach counselor.
I'm an insight timer teacher.
I create audio healing journeys.
Yes,
I do all of those things,
But I'm also human.
I spin just like you and I'm always going to get triggered and I'm always going to spin.
Because I've had a life of trauma.
I don't carry the trauma with me,
Doesn't live in my head anymore,
But when I get triggered,
My nervous system gets flooded with the old trauma and reacts from there.
Now,
What I wanna say to you is,
This is just the most important thing in the whole world about triggers.
And I learned this yesterday because when I get sucked in and I start spinning,
My reaction mode is out.
I wanna react.
I wanna retaliate.
I'm so on fire.
It's like panic and volcano and just overwhelm all at the same time.
And what I did yesterday was I said to myself,
I can do whatever I want to do tomorrow in 24 hours.
If I want to send that person a message,
I am absolutely allowed to send that person a message.
Hours because here's the thing you never want to react or respond from the spin it's not going to turn out well because we're not in sound mind we're not connected to source we're not connected to higher self we're not connected to our heart and soul we are being triggered and traumatized from past experiences in our nervous system you need to let that have time to settle you need to let your nervous system rest so what i did was,
Cried my eyes out yesterday.
And that's good,
By the way.
Please,
Society,
The world has made us believe that when you shed a tear,
You should apologize and wipe it away.
And it just drives me mad because crying is the most healing thing you can do for yourself.
Imagine that the pain inside you is asking to be expressed out of you through tears.
Pain no stay inside me rather I like you there messing everything up inside me not a good idea so yesterday I put on Netflix and I watched anything that was that made me cry I can't I don't know if I can get into trouble for saying what I watched but it was an old period English drama that's very popular and I watched the later season and I cried and I cried then I gave myself a lovely bath I lay on my bed I I let myself feel the overwhelm,
The anger,
The pain,
The rejection.
But I just said to myself,
I'm here for you.
This is a spin.
We got triggered.
I comforted myself through it.
Sorry,
I know that's my mic,
By the way.
And it was miraculous.
Because usually if I had experienced a rejection like that,
I would feel down for a long time.
Week.
Possibly months back in the old days.
And it literally took me,
And I'm not lying to you,
It was an hour.
I gave myself so much self-care.
At one point,
I put headphones on and I just danced in my bedroom.
And I just imagined I was shaking all of that triggery electricity in me out.
I did all these beautiful things.
I kept thinking,
What's the next thing I could do?
And let me tell you,
Last night,
I wanted to send this person a message that rejected me.
You know,
They need to know the truth.
They need reflection.
That's what I was saying to myself in my head.
But then I waited 24 hours,
Not even 24 hours,
A night just to let my nervous system recalibrate.
I don't need to send anyone anything.
I don't need to prove to anyone anything.
That rejection has got nothing to do with me.
If I'm not their cup of tea,
They can jog on.
I love who I am.
I am bright.
I am intense.
I am wild.
Appreciates it and I'm okay because I appreciate it.
I love who I am.
So what I'm saying to you is,
Whether it's rejection,
Whatever the trigger is,
Please just give yourself 12 to 24 hours before you do anything and when you're in the spin,
Love yourself.
Give yourself what you need.
Hold yourself through it because then you won't suffer the consequences of being reactive because we all know how that goes.
And listen,
This is a learning as go process.
The next time you get triggered you're not going to get it right straight away.
Don't give yourself a hard time.
I've been practicing and practicing and last night was proof to me that I nailed it.
But it's the inner work.
It's the self-awareness,
Baby steps.
Do the best you can.
Take care of yourself.
And know that there's nothing wrong with you if you get triggered and you start to spin.
It's a consequence of what you've been through.
But instead of.
.
.
Being lost in the spin.
Hold yourself in it.
Hold yourself tight.
The spin will stop and you will be fine.
Fine that's not one of my favorite words but anyway i'm sending you love wherever you are around the world and i'll speak to you soon
