Ah-Mig-Dah-La (Season 1)

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42:29

Ah-Mig-Dah-La (Season 1)

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The amygdala, an area of the brain that contributes to emotional processing is responsible for the response and memory of emotions, especially fear. The amygdala is the reason we are afraid of things outside our control. It also controls the way we react to the world, or an event that causes an emotion, that we see as threatening or dangerous. The fight-or-flight-or-freeze response.

Emotional Processing Fear Emotions Fight Or Flight Trauma Emotional Intelligence Family Boundaries Mindfulness Trauma Recovery Boundary Setting Dysfunctional Families Narcissistic Parents

Meet your Teacher

Boulder, CO, USA

Meet your Teacher

Boulder, CO, USA

Transcript

["Bad Example"] Do you know you set a bad example? Showing me what no one should ever do. And when I think of you, I feel pity. Can I be brave enough to break through? Welcome back to The Stuck Stops here. This is episode 10. I'm LW Nolie and I'm here with. . . Tammy Atman. And this is the last episode of season one. Aw, Don't cry, Tammy. We're gonna start season two next month. Thank God! What will I do with all my anger and rage? You're gonna put it into this podcast. Yes, Yes ma'am. What are we talking about today? The amygdala. The amygdala. Amygdala. It's where part of the brain, Where trauma lives. We're gonna get into that. But I haven't been. . . But first. . . You've been away. I was away. Let's hear it. So what did you experience? What happened? It was 12 days with my family. That sounds like a movie in itself. 12 Days with My Family. Right. It's definitely different than the 12 Days of Hanukkah. Or Kwanzaa. 8 nights. It's only 8 nights. I'm all screwed up. You know, It's everybody's holiday this time of the year. It should be happy, We don't have to fucking work time of the year. That's the song. Happy day off. Happy weeks off. That's it. Everybody. So first I arrive and I'm at my mother's house. And she definitely likes to do the whole pouty, Passive, Aggressive thing. Right away? Always. Goes right into it. Right into it. Doesn't even wait. You could just, You know, She actually, Whatever emotion she's feeling, She wears on her face. So I always know when she's getting ready for the guilt trip. Do you immediately react? Not anymore. I used to. Used to. Not anymore. You know, I do hate every second that I spend with her. Wow. I do. I admit it. But my children have a pleasant relationship with her. And it's what I do for them. That's what I do. That's, You know, And they enjoy, You know, She does enjoy being with my kids. And, You know, Deliberately robbing her of that, It would be a calculated move that's only going to make me feel guilty. So all I have to do is practice the boundary setting. And I think a lot of people out there, You know, Who did suffer physical abuse, But, You know, Emotional abuse and, You know, Manipulative parents, You know, The guilt trips. It doesn't sound bad when they're making a face or, You know, Whether they make a comment and that's meant to be a dig. It doesn't sound bad. But it's just unpleasant and it's just gone on for so long that you're just tired of it. You know, My mother and, You know, Stepfather love to brag about, You know, His kids and how wonderful they are. You know, His kids from his first. Are they wonderful? No. One used to be a nightmare and now, You know, She's much better. And now he's my stepbrother, You know, Had an affair, Left his wife and three kids for a pretty toxic woman. It's a whatever. It's a shit show. But the point is, You know, She brags about other people in order to make me feel bad. That's so annoying. I hate when people do that. Exactly. And sounds, Oh, You know, It's harmless. It's actually not because she's been doing it forever. And I am not alone in that. There are a lot of mothers that do that. So, You know, I, You know, I timed it perfectly. I spent exactly 48 hours with her, 16 of those sleeping. So that worked. And as I'm leaving, I said, Oh, I'm coming back to visit, You know, In March because I have other events going on in March. And her first reaction was to make a nasty face and say, Well, How long are you staying with me for? Not, Oh, Great. Love to see you. Just, Oh, Well, How are you going to stay with me for? Like there was no joy in the fact that I was coming down. It's more how are you going to slight me? I'm going to planning that in my head. You're going to slight me. I'm going to react. And it's before anything has happened. So you recognize that right away? I do now. Up until 2014, I did not. So I would react. But I had learned to react because an emotional abuse does cause trauma. And when emotional abuse will, You know, Keep that, You know, Alarm going off, You know, There's something that reminds you of something bad. It's like Pavlov's dog. I see the face. I know guilt trips coming. I get angry. She makes a negative comment. She prepares me someone else. I get angry. Then all that. I feel bad. And, You know, So that's a vicious cycle. And I was in it for a long time. So as small as those things are, They're not small. When I say them, I try to, I don't want to try to compare it to physical abuse. But it was a lot of years of that. And it was very painful. And my, We first arrived and they were very kind enough to pick us up at the airport, Which was great. So we said, Of course, Well, You know, My head will take them to lunch. Thank them for. And so my stepdad goes, Oh, There's a sub shop next door. I'm like, We just got off the plane. I'm going to go to Subway. I want to sit down and have a lunch and take them out to lunch. Drive away from the airport. I'm like, No, I will. Were you able to say no? Yep. Yeah, Absolutely. I didn't used to. I didn't used to. And how did he react to that? It was fine. He was fine. You know, He's, You know, Because he has, You know, I have decided or analyzed that he has antisocial personality disorder. He's somebody that's very hard to read because he's very strange and very, He doesn't care. He has no respect for himself or for anybody else. So it's that's a pretty toxic personality disorder, Antisocial personality disorder. It's so amazing when you can kind of step out of your subjective feelings to someone and look at them for objectively. And that's what took me too long to learn, Which is the reason I wrote the book and the reason I started this podcast is I wish that I had known this earlier. I would have saved myself a lot of pain, A lot of rage and a lot of wasted years. So but that's part of the journey. It is part of the journey. You almost can't decide when you finally arrive. You can look back and say, Oh, I should have arrived sooner. But you can't. It's true. And that's one of my lingering flaws is, You know, I sometimes beat myself up for not having the wisdom earlier. And that is not the right way to be. Don't beat yourself up. Yeah, I'm trying very hard to improve on that. So after I get through that, I then go see my dad and his third wife and as I discussed, Third wife and I have to discuss in my book. Dad, You can really pick them. We arrive and. We she is not home. He is and we're unpacking and we're hanging out and she comes storming into the house. Slams the door, Refuses to greet us and storms into a room. So I'm thinking, Oh, My God. And. We looked at, You know, My husband, I looked at my dad like, What's up? Well, She had jury duty today. Oh, So she couldn't handle anything else. I'm trying to figure that out. Oh, Was she like mad about the case or was she mad she didn't get called? I'm still not sure. So she comes out of a room a couple hours later, Still ignoring us, Still frowning, Still miserable. Keep in mind, This woman has a pretty cushy life. Again, Being married to my dad, You know that that's not a you know, That's not a joy ride either. But that was her decision. But so she's my husband happens to be a very friendly guy trying to engage. And she's still snarling, Ignoring. I don't know. I can't. It was just bizarre. So finally, My dad had to go in and yell at her. And then she cleaned up her act. So that was probably four to five hour ordeal. And when she cleaned up her act, She explained that it was an overwhelming day at jury duty. Do I really need to add to that? No, No, I get it. So once we finished consoling her, You know, Massaging her feet and, You know, Saying, You know, Whispering sweet nothings and try to calm her down from what must have been a torturous experience. Anyway, So then, You know, Fine. Move on. You know, Go about our business. And a couple of days later, My dad, He has a lot of he has so much repressed rage and pain. And it's like oozing out of him. And his way of coping is to pretend that everything's OK. Be the social guy, Taking everyone's hand, Playing golf, The jokester. Everybody loves him. You know, You know, He's two people, You know, He's outside. You know, I had millions of people when I go visit him. All his friends walking up to me telling me how much they love him. Wow. And it's very hard. That used to make me so angry because, You know, He really is one messed up dude. But now they love what they know. You know, Their experience with him is superficial and fun. And it's very easy for him to control his image in those situations. He can make sure that he's likable and it is all he has. And that's the way it will remain. And that's how it will remain. He admitted to me that he never bought a cemetery plot. He doesn't really care what happens to him. Wow. I don't even think he wants a funeral. And not even that I brought that. He brought that up. This is years ago. I'm like, All right, I'm not going to question him. I don't know what to say to that. Yeah. But getting back to comments he made. So every once in a while when I'm listening, He'll start talking about his childhood a little bit. And, You know, He suffered physical and emotional abuse. But so he was complaining about how, You know, Was venting about how his dad always told him all the time, You know, What I could have accomplished if I never had you kids. Oh, I hate that. That's so awful. How can people talk like that to their children? To their kids. Yeah. So he has his rage is justified. But he's 75. This happened when he was 10 and 15 and 18. But he never faced it. He never dealt with it. He never listened to the Stuck Stops Here podcast. And he or any podcast probably about it. He doesn't care to even figure out how to fix it. He doesn't really talk to much many people in his family. I mean, I think sometimes, You know, He keeps in touch with us so that he doesn't look bad in front of other people. How come I never speak to your kids? So I think that's part of his motivation. He does want to enjoy being with us, But he does not. He's completely incapable, But he wants to. Is he capable of enjoying anything in his life, Though? Charming people. Okay. And pretending. That's his skill. So and I know he's admitted on many occasions that he feels badly and he tells my kids they're so lucky to have, You know, Parents like us. And well, That's nice. Which is great. It's fantastic. And I'm grateful. And again, That's why I make the effort for him to have a relationship with my daughters. Because he's at least acknowledged some of what he's done wrong, But he doesn't really change his behavior. Do you feel sorry for him? Sometimes. He he comes, You know, He lives in another state. And when he comes in and visits his friends, You know, He's here for a week. He'll see us for dinner. He'll spend four days with his friends. You know, If he's here for five days, He has dinner with us. Maybe being with family for him is too much of a reminder of what he's unhappy about. Take out the word maybe. Definitely. And that's why. Yes. So he has created his own boundaries. He limits. Well, I know I would say walls. Boundaries are to protect yourself. Wall. Oh, I see. He protects himself with his wall. Wall. Yeah. And the reason why is because I talk about boundaries in keeping, You know, Keeping yourself disengaged from toxic parents. And that's a very important buzzword. And we'll get into that in podcast 73. Boundaries are good. So walls are, You know, To keep you insulated and hidden or keep people out. Keep yourself in. Call it what you want. But that's what. Right. And we talked about that in our episode about stonewalling. Right. Correct. Right. He is definitely afraid of his own rage. And so that's his walls. Keep him from feeling anything. That's too bad. But. So but it's funny. And I talk about how he abandoned us for 10 years as kids in my book. And here he is bitching about how his father made him feel so unwanted. Wow. So the the denial and the irony. Is mind blowing. Wow. The last little story I got is on the last night. My dad's third wife says. Starts talking about this volunteer thing that she does a couple of times a year with, You know, Elderly. She has a lunch or with elderly people who have suffered in war, Trauma of war. So they're you know, They're an assisted living facility. Her and her friends go and, You know, Have lunch and listen to them talk about their experiences. And they're all, You know, Well over 80 and in frail health. So she's talking about it. And, You know, They put up there's somebody there's live music and they're sort of dancing, Even if they're in wheelchairs. It's sounds like a really nice thing. And she got all choked up. For real. And I'm like, Wow. You saw a human side of her for a minute. And we're like, I'm asking, We're asking questions about amazing. So when we were she's telling us a story as we're waiting for a table at a restaurant. And I'm like, Wow, That's incredible that you do that. And, You know, My kids were interested. And, You know, Then the hostess comes over and says that they don't have any low top tables left. They only have high top tables and she loses her mind. So she can't cope with the smallest things. Jury duty. She was high. She was going on and on. Yeah. All going on and on about how these people like have managed to still live their lives and let things go. And it was so inspirational. She learned nothing from it. She learned nothing from it. But she talked a good game. She sure did. She kept you engaged for a little while. So that's my family vacation in a nutshell. Welcome back. The amygdala. It's an area of the brain that contributes to emotional processing and is responsible for the response and memory of emotions, Especially fear. The amygdala is the reason we are afraid of things outside of our control. It also controls the way we react to the world or to an event that causes an emotion that we see as threatening or dangerous. Hey, Tammy, What the hell is a big dolla fall? La la la la la la la in the brain, There lives the trauma. La la la la la la la la la. The fight flight or freeze response. Studies have found that the amygdala is particularly sensitive to stress in early life, Such as during infancy and early childhood. Experiencing childhood adversity produces long lasting changes in the amygdala. And a behavioral result is you just freak out over everything. So the when you are constantly exposed to stress, That cues your neural system. To vigorously respond. Consistently and chronically in an overreacting way, And that leads to hypersensitivity and overactivity of the amygdala, Which is at the core of anxiety based disorders such as generalized anxiety disorder, Phobias, PTSD. And these block positive, Rational responses to stress. Where in the brain is this part? This amygdala. It's near your ear. I am actually going to I have a link to more information on the amygdala in the link. There are two or three books that I will list that talk about it in much more detail. Fantastic. So if you're the type of person likes to figure out physiologically what's going on in your brain, Click on those links. Yeah, There's books, Childhood Disrupted, Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps a Score. And again, Those will be linked. Those links will be in the notes. So when you're an amygdala, When you will live in a state of fear constantly, Your amygdala becomes enlarged and you will have no ability to stop yourself from freaking out over everything. So your amygdala becomes a big Dilla. That's well done. Oh, Cue the applause. Big Dilla. Big Dilla. Way to go. Oh, I am clever. So the big Dilla. So let's see. I just want. Oh, Narcissistic parents keep their children in a state where their amygdala is constantly on alert. Me. Eventually, Children like me fall into a permanent state of anxiety and or fear. With the amygdala reacting to the slightest signs or reminders of abuse. Numerous studies have been performed where researchers have used deep lesioning, Which is a procedure where a thin wire is inserted to the in the brain to remove or terminate a part of the brain. And these researchers removed the amygdala of rats. After this procedure, The rats were said to have no fear of anything, Even cats. The removal of the amygdala had taken the rats. Taken away the rats memory of fear, And therefore they weren't afraid of anything. Oh, Rats. I know. I wish that that could happen to me. Get my pocket knife. Carve it out. So what is the term amygdala hijack? So that was coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman in his 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence. Why can matter more than IQ? Fantastic book. That's in the notes, Too. Goleman used the term to recognize that even though we have evolved as humans, We still have an ancient structure in our brain that is designed to respond quickly to a threat. At one time, This was designed to protect us. Now it can interfere with our functioning in the modern world where threats are not like the woolly mammoth chasing us. Our body still responds with biological changes that prepare us to fight even if there is no actual physical threat, Meaning a guilt trip or snarly look from your mother feels like the woolly mammoth is chasing you. Yeah. So this cascade of events triggers the release of adrenaline, Which leads to increased heart rate, Blood pressure, And breathing. You may experience racing heart, Shaking, Sweating, And nausea as this happens. So you're telling me that when your mother gave you a snarky look, You experienced that or not anymore? Not anymore, But I did because now it's a threat I'm going to get yelled at. I'm going to get criticized. I'm going to get emotionally abused. But you've separated yourself from it now. Right. I'm no longer operating from my amygdala. Amazing. Yes. It's a lot of work. If your amygdala senses danger, It makes a split second decision and begins the fight, Flight or freeze response before the cortex has time to overrule it. The cortex is responsible for higher order brain functions such as sensation, Perception, Memory, Association, Thought, And voluntary physical action. In short, When you feel like throwing a rock at one of your family members, The cortex says, Not a good idea. In this way, The amygdala triggers a sudden and intense unconscious emotional response that shuts off the cortex, Making it hard for you to think clearly about the situation. As your brain triggers the release of stress hormones such as cortisol, You find it increasingly hard to problem solve and concentrate. Me, Me, Me. This whole process takes a toll and you may not recover to your original level of functioning for several hours. All this means is that chronic toxic stress can trigger more frequent amygdala hijacks and even problems with short term memory. So when emotional abuse is inflicted, The brain is actually attempting to protect itself by rerouting high levels of stress and pain to avoid overload. And this interferes with the ability to have a healthy response even when there's no longer a threat or traumatic situation present. Fortunately, And I have found this out over the past five years, Our brains are resilient and have a remarkable ability to recover. And with the right support, Therapy, And new habits, New positive habits, It is possible to strengthen and, Yes, Repair that damage. That is great. New normal neural connections are created. Healthy coping strategies are learned. An example of things that I've done is meditation, Yoga, Music, Writing, And conversations with people that are positive and fulfilling. And any other forms of self care that work for you. That's just some of what I've learned. When I say positive, Productive conversations, I don't want to be around people who are negative, Small minded, Shrinking instead of growing. It's not, It doesn't do anything for me. I'm not judging them. It's just not a good environment for me to be in anymore. Well, One of the things that people don't always realize is that we learn from the people around us. So if you're around negative people, You're going to pick up things from them that you may not necessarily want. And when they start reciting their negative stories, It's just going to trigger more negativity in you. It can't help but affect you. It affects you. It's almost like when you're on a kayak and you're just sitting out there in the ocean, You're not rowing, But somehow or another you float away slowly without even realizing it. You're like, How did I get here? That's what happens. It's like this very slow and subtle effect that will affect you. Their negativity will get under your skin. It will. And to me, And again, I've equated this, You know, People who are stopped drinking and stopped doing drugs, Recovering substance abuse addicts. I, And I mean no disrespect to the severity of those situations, But I think negativity, Drama is a drug and it's very easy to get sucked back in. So you've got to give yourself that imaginary coin all the time when you've done something that's positive and move you further away from the traumatic person you used to be. Right. Right. And sometimes, Actually all the time when you are recovering, You have to go away from those kinds of people that have brought out all that negativity in you. And while you are thinking on all that, Here's a song. I can't believe enough to break through. I can see your dark in the light of day. You never noticed how I lost my way. How it burns to unlearn, To heal, To grow. And I won't rest until they all know. I'm done with taking the blame, Wearing your pain. I have nothing that I wanted. You got what you deserved. I'm done with taking the blame, Wearing your pain. We never get what we all need and now we all forever bleed. So I need you to know. So we've all heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Let's take that a step further. Insanity can also be, In my opinion, Behaving the same way over and over again and expecting that you're going to be happy or feel fulfilled. With toxic behaviors that were both learned and that you now copy. So if you are, If your amygdala is in charge and you don't get control of it, You're insane. As I was. So this is why it's important to control your emotional reactions. Managing your amygdala to make it a small dollar instead of a big dollar is part of developing emotional intelligence. And it is something that can improve with age. And we should all be grasping at things that help us improve with it with age. Absolutely. Because my wrinkles ain't going anywhere. We still got a long life to live. That's right. So emotional intelligence is the opposite of an image. A amygdala hijack. Person who is emotionally intelligent, Has strong connections between the emotional center of the brain and the executive thinking center. Emotionally intelligent people know how to de-escalate their own emotions as well as those of others by becoming engaged, Focused and being aware of what's going on of your thoughts and feelings and of somebody else's thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness also plays a key role in emotional intelligence. That means being aware of what's going on at the present moment. What you try to do is instead of zooming around, Being completely unaware of what's going on around you, Paying attention. Listening to a song, Reading a book, Focusing on something that allows your brain to just focus on one thing rather than be scattered and frenetic. Mindfulness is a beautiful thing. And reflection. Something that none of my family can do based on just the short stories I told at the beginning of the podcast. It seems like there's a lot of knee-jerk reactions going on. Right? You say something, Your mother reacts, She says something, So you're now separated from it. You observe it rather than ingest it. Exactly. Part of the problem with narcissistic people is they enjoy the drama. They enjoy getting a reaction out of you because control is their food. It's their oxygen. Not only do they enjoy it, But they need it. I don't even know if it's almost like a drug. Both. That's why they call it narcissistic supply. And it's one of the reasons, Everything I've read so far is that narcissism cannot be cured because they don't think there's anything wrong with them. You can't fix something you don't believe is broken. So reflection. If you lose your shit, If you freak out, Think about it after the fact. How could you have handled the situation differently? Here are some questions you could ask yourself if you're freaking out and you want to fix, If you're interested in fixing yourself. And you probably are if you're listening to this podcast. Yes. And I'd love you for that. What triggered your emotions? Was it a person? Was it a situation? Were you angry? Were you upset? Were you frightened? What were you thinking at the time? Did you have negative thoughts? And if so, Are they realistic? Oh, That's a good one. Was there another way to respond instead of react that could have led to a better outcome? And there's the links that I'm giving at the end of the book have everything I just said in much more detail in the podcast. I've got books, These articles, A lot of good resources, And I found an article that this guy by the name of Michael Pitzrach, I'll spell it because I feel bad I didn't say his name right. P-i-e-t-r-z-a-k. Pitzrach or something. Yeah, Could be that. So it was, And again, The link is in the notes. It's an article called How to Appreciate Yourself. So he is a mindset and habits coach to entrepreneurs. So this could tie into your professional life and not just your personal life. So I'm giving you just a snippet so you read the whole article. So this story was told at a seminar that he attended. And I'm quoting. John was born on Thanksgiving Day, 1954. But for him, Life wasn't much to be thankful for. A birth defect made him wear painful leg braces, And his first grade teacher told his parents that he would never read or write or amount to anything in life. Dyslexia and speech impediments weren't well understood in the 50s, Excepting that he was worthless at age 14. John dropped out of school and moved to Hawaii to live in a tent. But after a near death experience, Fate brought John an enigmatic 93 year old mentor whose single statement changed John's life. Each of us, No matter how seemingly worthless, Worthless have genius within us. John's self image radically improved and he broke through his dyslexia. He began to read voraciously, Putting himself through college where he graduated magna cum laude. Today, Dr. John Demartini is one of the world's top human behavioral specialists, A sought after speaker and the author of more than 40 books. Wow. When I attended a personal development seminar in 2016, One speaker asked, How many of you feel like you're not enough as human beings in a stadium packed with successful business people and professionals? Ninety five percent of the audience raised a hand. What a relief. I'm normal. Epidemics of depression, Anxiety, Addiction and social isolation have broken out in our so-called developed nations. In a society that idolizes celebrities, Athletes and experts, Why are we having so much trouble appreciating the most important person ourselves? I see you over there rolling your eyes. I know you never missed a credit card payment. Still has the new car smell in your car after five years. You get lots of pat on the backs from the boss for staying late. Well, Give yourself a hand. Civilization needs you to function to you. Work and accomplishment is the ultimate success. Oh, Yeah. You love your family, Too. But you take it for granted that the best way to serve them is to bring home the bacon. It speaks volumes then that for so many millennials whose immigrant parents work 17 jobs to pay for their medical degree at Harvard are opting out of 40 years of hundred hour weeks in order to enjoy life more. It's not that kids don't appreciate their parents toil, But they see the insanity of the game. A failure to be kind to ourselves has created all the world's problems. The rampant overconsumption that is now threatening the survival of our species. Disposable income that we blow on consumer junk in hopes to fill the void that we should fill with genuine self-love. End quote. Wow. That's really amazing. You know, You made me think of something just now. When I was in high school, I was in the quote dumb class. I guess that's that was the class of underachievers, Perhaps. And I I was content there. I didn't think anything of it. I like the people in it. It was fine. And I had a teacher who stopped the class one day and told me that he thought I was a genius. He told me, He said, Why are you involved in music? You should be a doctor. You're a genius. And I never forgot that. He just suddenly like my whole world opened and I was like, Wait a minute, I'm smart. I can do this. I'm not, You know, An underachiever. I don't belong in this class. I really am smart. And it was just that one teacher that believed in me that told me I was a genius that changed so much because after that, I started doing very well in school. And you just made me think of that from that story. That was an incredible, Incredible quote. And how many of us and it's wonderful that you had that teacher. How many of us go through life without that one mentor, That one statement, That one spark? And that's you know, That's why I started this podcast. That's why I wrote the book. That's why I try to write music. And somehow find a way to get through to people that this could be your spark or the books that I'm providing. I'm not saying me, You know, As you know, Let me. Why not? Well, You know, More. OK, More that, You know, I want to be the gateway, You know. So, Yes, If it's me, I don't want to sound arrogant. Let of course, Let us be your mentors. The stock stops here will will guide you to the right resources to help you heal from your toxic, Dysfunctional families. And for, You know, Aha moments, Whether it's, Oh, I've experienced that or oh, I don't have to put up with that. Oh, There's something wrong with her. Oh, There's something wrong with him. You know, Aha moments lead to depersonalization of toxic experiences. And that's what I am hoping to accomplish. So think about the next time you're freaking out. To make the big Dilla a small Dilla. Oh, That was great. And with that, We're going to close this episode and the season stops here and the season, The end of season one. We will be back in a couple of weeks. Less than that. I hope less than that. Yes. And we will be beginning season two of the stock stops here. Visit our Web site, The stock stops here dot com. Visit us on Facebook and Instagram. And we are so excited to bring you more content. See you soon. Happy New Year. Do you know you said a bad example? Showing me what no one should ever do. And when I think of you, I feel pity. Can I be brave enough to break through? I can see your dog in the line of day. You never noticed how I lost my way. I would burn to learn to heal, To grow. And I won't rest until they all know I'm done with taking. Wearing your pain. I have nothing that I wanted. You got what you deserve. I'm done with taking the blame. Wearing your pain. We never get what we all need. And now we all forever bleed. So I need you to know I won't rest until they know.