5 Clues To Spot An Unavailable Man Before You Get Involved

Ways to spot an unavailable man before you get involved.

I'm Truly Eleanor and I help women create loving and secure relationships based on trust in six months or less.

Okay,

Let's get into this.

Maybe you have a tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt,

Or you get really excited and feel really amazing when you go on a date and you think someone's awesome.

And then find out later on once you're all kind of entangled and dating them or in a relationship and you realize that they are emotionally unavailable or someone that you just don't want to be involved in with.

So I want to help you figure out some signs that maybe you're not aware of or that you didn't think of that will help you make the decision to choose the right person for you before you get involved.

And in the very,

Very beginning stages of online dating or finding a loving relationship.

Okay.

So number one,

This can pertain to whether you're messaging someone,

Maybe you've opened up the dating app and you're just going through someone's profile and they've messaged you and you're going to message them.

Or maybe it's,

You know,

Going on the first coffee date or meeting up with someone for the first time.

You can gauge this one pretty easily.

Are they inconsistent?

That's the first one.

So maybe they,

One day they're really excited to message you and they have one kind of a vibe and their messages are a certain way.

And the next day they're very,

Maybe,

Um,

Don't use as many words or they're much more holding things close to the chest,

Or they just feel like a totally different person almost.

And you're wondering,

You know,

Is this the same person at all?

Or maybe on the phone,

They were really enthusiastic and then you meet up with them and have coffee and they just seem to be very closed off.

So the inconsistency is what you're looking for.

And of course,

Everyone's human and they're not going to be in an amazing mood every day or every time,

But when you're first meeting someone,

They should at least be consistent enough.

If they're interested in you or the interested in getting to know a person or go dating that they're going to be consistent enough to keep you interested.

And if they're not interested to at least be consistent in their personality.

So inconsistency is the first sign that they could be an emotionally unavailable man.

Number two is you feel uncertain around them.

So this is your internal GPS system,

Your internal guidance system,

Your intuition,

Whatever you want to call it.

But this is about how you feel when you're around them or when you're contacting them or when you're thinking about them.

So for example,

You know,

You've messaged them or you're messaging each other,

You've gone on a coffee date or you're about to,

And they're saying all the right things and they're saying very nice things to you and they're complimentary and they seem interesting and all these great things.

But for some reason you feel really insecure,

You feel more insecure than normal or more uncertain than normal.

And you feel like you want to message them again to clarify something,

Or you suddenly feel like,

Oh,

What did they mean by that?

Or what should I do now?

And it's just this almost frozen paralysis of uncertainty and feeling insecure.

That is again,

Your GPS system telling you something.

It's not that suddenly you became more insecure.

It's the situation.

And maybe the vibes that are more subtle or you haven't picked up on it,

That it's really underneath the surface that your intuition is getting for you and saying,

This is a mismatch,

Or this is not someone who is the best choice for you.

So that's you feeling uncertain.

Number three is their words don't match their actions.

And again,

This goes with inconsistency,

But it's more specific.

So maybe they say,

Oh,

I love having in-depth conversations with my partner or potential partner.

And,

But then you go to have a conversation with them and they're totally tight lipped or they're just like shut off completely.

Or maybe they say,

You know,

I've really always been told that I'm very open and I'm really vulnerable and I love to share my emotions.

But then again,

When you actually go to put that into practice or start getting to know them and want to be more vulnerable or open with them,

They clam up and they shut down.

So this is where things are the opposite to what they're saying.

And it can be the other way around that their actions are,

You know,

Maybe they're really,

Really attentive,

But the words they're saying is like,

This could be somewhat of a more subtle thing where they say,

Oh,

I'm more of a practical,

Logical person and I don't really get too sentimental,

But then the way they're acting is maybe very clingy or possessive or very emotional or very sort of meaty in a way.

And their words are saying that they're not like that.

So it's a mismatch,

It's incongruent.

And again,

It goes back to feeling uncertain because you're like,

Am I imagining this?

Am I,

You know,

Seeing this,

Is this real?

What they're saying is one thing and what they're doing is another.

So that is definitely the sign of an emotionally unavailable man,

Or at the very least someone who is not a good match for you.

Number four,

This is very,

Very common with the woman I've worked with over the last 15 years.

And also in my own personal experience with dating is that sometimes you will get a physical attraction that feels almost like a high,

It's an adrenaline rush where you're so high and you're so excited.

And you're so almost like sick.

It's like,

If someone gave you 10 chocolate bars and you ate them all and you're just buzzing high,

High,

High,

This is like over and above the feeling of,

You know,

When you're in love or the feeling that honeymoon phase where you're really attracted to the person,

This goes over and above and beyond.

So it's a feeling where you're almost physically sick from how attracted you are to the person and how excited and high as a kite you are emotionally.

It's a very big sign that things aren't right.

And again,

It's your internal GPS system showing you that when you're around them,

The actual connection you have with them is not something that is healthy or good for you.

And it may have nothing to do with the person.

It might be that just it's a mismatch again,

And maybe they're not going to be available to you in the way you want them to.

And your internal GPS and your intuition is telling you this and trying to give you some very,

Very obvious signals.

So basically you feel high,

You feel like that adrenaline rush.

And that is another big warning sign that time and time again,

When I haven't listened to it,

I have just got myself tangled into something that was very unhealthy.

So you can avoid it by recognizing that sign almost right away.

And the number five reason or sorry,

Sign that someone is going to be emotionally unavailable as this sounds really funny,

But they're very attentive to you.

And the reason why is because they want all the attention on you so that none is on them.

And we misread the signal because as a very sensitive person,

As a very empathic person,

And you just want to be very compassionate and give the person the benefit of the doubt and say,

Oh,

This,

You know,

I'm going to just see how this goes,

No matter what,

If they are very attentive to you,

You might see it as like,

Oh,

They're so interested in me.

They're so into me.

They're very,

Very loving and whatever.

But actually what it is,

Is they don't want to answer any questions and they don't want any focus to be on them because they're not going to give you that depth,

Intimacy and real secure connection that you need and desire and want from somebody.

And so in the beginning,

If they're very attentive to you,

And they're just like,

Really,

You know,

You're amazing and tell me more about that.

And I want to hear all about that.

And I want to hear everything about you.

And I can't wait to know all this stuff and more and more.

And then you're like,

Wow,

This is amazing.

But think about it,

Like,

What do you know about them?

And if you try to ask them something,

How do they respond?

It could be a matter of,

You know,

Like,

Oh,

I,

You know,

That's everything for now.

But I would love to hear what you have to say about this.

Or what about you?

Or how come?

Or what about your childhood or whatever,

You know,

Like,

It's almost like that emotional hangover where you're the vulnerability hangover,

Where you've just really exposed a lot about yourself,

Because they're so attentive.

And then you say,

Well,

Tell me about you.

And they say,

Like one sentence,

And then bring it back to you.

You can see how turning the spotlight on you is going to be something that is a huge warning signal for you that they are not able to meet you at the availability that you deserve and desire.

So hopefully those five warning signs have been helpful to you that you can put it into practice in your dating life and actually avoid getting entangled in these kinds of relationships or partnerships with somebody who is not going to be able to meet you and show up fully the way that you are able to thank you for watching.

And I will see you next time.

This is truly Eleanor.