Today I want to talk about why it is that no matter how hard you try to think positively or shift your mindset,
Anxiety can still hold you back.
At times it probably feels like your body is stuck in a loop of stress even when you know deep down that you're safe.
This is something I hear all the time from my clients.
I know I shouldn't feel this anxious,
But I just can't stop.
And that's because healing isn't just about changing your thoughts,
It's about creating a felt sense of safety in your body.
Anxiety and overwhelm,
They're not just mental.
It is deeply physical.
It lives in our nervous system,
Our muscles,
Our breath,
Even in how we hold ourselves.
And that's why real lasting healing starts with feeling safe.
So today we're going to explore why safety is the foundation of healing,
The role of your nervous system and anxiety,
And practical ways to create an internal sense of safety so you can finally break free from the cycle of fear and overwhelm.
I want to start with a simple image,
And it's one that I saw for myself many times during my eight years working as a national park ranger in places like Yellowstone.
So imagine a deer standing by a stream ready to drink,
But before it lowers its head,
It lifts its ears,
Scans the area,
And listens.
If it senses danger,
Maybe there's a predator or an unfamiliar sound,
It won't drink.
It stays hyper alert,
Frozen in place,
Waiting for safety.
This is how your nervous system works too.
If your body doesn't feel safe,
It won't let you fully relax,
Heal,
Or even experience joy.
Your mind may know that there's no danger,
But your body won't fully believe it unless you've trained it to recognize safety.
And for highly sensitive people who naturally pick up on more stimuli,
Subtle shifts in energy,
Changes in tones of voice,
Environmental changes,
All of these things can keep us stuck in a state of constant alertness.
Over time,
It can lead to anxiety,
Exhaustion,
And even chronic stress-related symptoms.
So if you've ever struggled with feeling on edge or found it hard to let go of stress,
That's probably why.
Your body is simply responding to what it perceives as a lack of safety.
And one of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to heal anxiety is focusing only on mindset work.
Things like affirmations,
Meditation,
Which as you probably know I'm a huge fan of,
Positive thinking,
Gratitude,
Or even cognitive reframing by itself.
All of those things can be really helpful,
But they don't work well when your body doesn't feel safe.
That's because anxiety is more than a thought pattern,
It is a physiological response.
It's your nervous system's way of saying,
I need protection.
And if you're stuck in fight or flight mode,
No amount of positive thinking will override that survival response.
And I know this really well firsthand.
Every time I go to the doctor and I have my blood pressure taken,
My nervous system reacts as if I'm in danger,
Even though I know I'm completely safe.
And I'm almost embarrassed to admit that,
But I know a lot of other people experience it too.
I even worked in a medical clinic as a clinical health coach for 5 years,
And I had to take my patient's blood pressures every day.
But despite all of that,
My heart rate still speeds up,
My muscles tense,
And I feel that familiar rush of adrenaline every time it's my turn.
Logically,
I know I have nothing to fear,
But my body remembers.
During the final stage of my pregnancies and right after giving birth,
I developed high blood pressure.
It was a really scary experience because it almost caused me to abandon my plans to give birth at home and have to transport to the hospital instead.
And so my body associated those moments with a sense of urgency and danger,
Even though my blood pressure has been normal ever since.
Except of course when I'm really stressed out,
Like when I have to go to the doctor.
But because my nervous system held onto that memory,
Every time a cuff wraps around my arm,
My body will still respond the way it did back then.
And I'm super happy to report that both of my kids were born at home without complications,
And here I am.
I still get nervous every time I have to get my blood pressure taken.
So this is a perfect example of how the nervous system learns patterns of fear,
Even when the threat is long gone.
And it doesn't matter how much I tell myself,
You're fine,
Everything is okay,
My body still reacts automatically because it once experienced that situation as unsafe.
Now it's gotten a whole lot better because I've learned the tools to help it with that,
But this is why we can't just think our way out of anxiety.
And it's the same thing that happens with anticipatory anxiety.
If my nervous system still perceives something as a threat,
It's going to respond as if I'm in danger.
So the key to healing isn't trying to force my body to calm down in that moment,
Because that never works.
Just like trying to think my way out of it doesn't work.
Instead,
We have to really work to create a deeper sense of safety in the nervous system before we put ourselves in those situations.
And this is exactly how anxiety works for so many of us.
Your body is still holding on to stress patterns from past experiences,
And when you encounter anything that reminds it of that moment,
Whether it was driving on a highway,
Speaking up in a group,
Or setting a boundary,
Your nervous system reacts as if it's happening all over again.
Now the good news is that your nervous system is always learning.
Just as it learned anxiety and hypervigilance,
It can learn safety and regulation.
So let's just take a moment to break this down scientifically.
Your nervous system has two primary states.
First is fight or flight.
This is the sympathetic nervous system where things are on high alert,
You're in stress mode.
It's activated when your brain perceives a threat,
Whether that's a real one like a dangerous situation or a perceived threat like emotional stress or overthinking.
The other primary state of your nervous system is rest and digest mode.
That's your parasympathetic nervous system,
And this is where true healing happens.
When this system is activated,
Your body knows it's safe and it can focus on restoration,
Digestion,
And emotional regulation.
Many highly sensitive people spend a lot of time in fight or flight mode.
And because our bodies adapt to this state,
We may not even realize how much tension,
Overstimulation,
And stress we're carrying.
This is why we have to actively create safety and not just wait for it to happen.
You can do this with practices like grounding yourself in the present moment.
Anxiety thrives in the future.
It's always about what if.
So grounding yourself in the present moment tells your body right now,
In this moment,
I am safe.
Try this.
Place a hand on your heart or belly,
Take a slow breath in,
And say to yourself,
I am safe in this moment.
We need to regulate the nervous system through the body.
Your nervous system responds more to physical cues than mental ones.
In other words,
You have to show your body that it's safe to relax.
A few simple ways to do this is to go for a walk,
Share a really safe hug with someone that you can hold until you feel yourself relax.
Find something that makes you really laugh or have a really good cry.
For myself,
I often have to rely on specific movies that I know will help me have an emotional release.
You can dance or shake out your body.
That's another favorite of mine.
Or use just self-soothing touch like gently stroking your arms or giving yourself a hug.
All of these things can help your body complete the stress cycle and recognize that it's safe to relax.
You can also create a safety ritual in your daily life.
And what I mean is that maintaining a predictable daily routine helps signal to your nervous system that you are safe because your nervous system loves predictability.
So start with the basics.
Try to get up,
Eat your meals,
And go to bed at the same time each day.
Start your day with just one simple grounding practice like a little bit of breath work,
Some stretching,
Or maybe just a relaxing tea ritual.
And then end your day by downshifting your nervous system.
Dim the lights,
Listen to calming sounds,
And avoid overstimulation.
And finally,
Reframe anxiety as a signal,
Not an enemy.
Instead of fighting your anxiety,
Ask it what it needs.
The next time you feel anxious,
Just pause and say,
I hear you.
What do you need to feel safe?
Maybe it's rest,
Connection,
Reassurance,
Or movement.
Listening to your body helps rebuild trust.
So I want you to take this with you.
You don't have to think your way out of anxiety.
You just need to create a felt sense of safety first.
Once your body feels safe,
The anxious thoughts will naturally start to quiet down.
The quality of your thoughts is in direct response to how you feel in your body.
Healing happens from the inside out,
Not by forcing yourself to be calm,
But by teaching your nervous system that it's actually safe to relax.
If you want more support in learning how to create safety in your body,
I created a short course here on Insight Timer called Anxiety Relief,
Training Your Nervous System for Safety.
Inside the course,
I walk step-by-step through why anxiety develops in the nervous system and guide you through simple practices that help your body feel steadier and less reactive,
Even when anxiety shows up.
If this talk was helpful for you,
You're very welcome to follow me here on Insight Timer.
I share practices that support sensitive nervous systems in feeling steadier and more grounded.
As we finish,
I invite you to just take a breath.
And notice what feels even slightly different in your body right now.
Even a small shift matters.
Until next time,
Be gentle with yourself.
Your nervous system is learning something new,
And that's where healing begins.
