12 The Tenant Of Wildfell Hall Abridged By Stephanie Poppins

Hello.

Welcome to Sleep Stories with Steph,

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Relaxing sleep.

Come with me as we travel back to a time long ago where Helen Huntingdon is sacrificing everything she knows in order to protect her son.

But before we begin,

Let us take a moment to focus on where we are now.

Take a deep breath in through your nose.

Then let it out on a long sigh.

That's it.

It is time to relax and really let go.

Feel your shoulders melt away from your ears as you sink into the support beneath you.

Feel the pressure seep away from your cheeks as your breath drops into a natural rhythm.

There is nothing you need to be doing right now and nowhere you need to go.

We are together and it is time for sleep.

The Tenant of Wildfelm Hall by Anne Bronte,

Read and abridged by Stephanie Poppins.

Chapter 12 A Tete-a-Tete and a Discovery In little more than 20 minutes the journey was accomplished.

I paused at the gate to wipe my streaming forehead and recover my breath and some degree of composure.

Already the rapid walking had somewhat mitigated my excitement and with a firm and steady tread I paced the garden walk.

In passing the inhabited wing of the building I caught a sight of Mrs Graham through the open window slowly pacing up and down her lonely room.

She seemed agitated and even dismayed at my arrival as if she thought I too was coming to accuse her.

I had entered her presence intending to condole with her upon the wickedness of the world and help her to abuse the vicar and his vile informants but now I felt positively ashamed to mention the subject and determined not to refer to it unless she led the way.

I am come at a reasonable hour said I assuming a cheerfulness I did not feel in order to reassure her but I won't stay many minutes.

She smiled upon me faintly but most kindly.

How dismal you are Helen why have you no fire?

I replied looking round on the gloomy apartment.

It is summer yet she replied but we always have a fire in the evenings if we can bear it said I.

Do you especially require one in this cold house and dreary room?

You should have come a little sooner and I would have had one lighted for you but it's not worthwhile now.

You won't stay many minutes you say and Arthur has gone to bed but I have a fancy for a fire nevertheless.

Will you order one if I ring?

Why Gilbert you don't look cold said she smilingly regarding my face which no doubt seemed warm enough.

No replied I but I want to see you comfortable before I go.

Me comfortable replied she with a bitter laugh as if there was something amusingly absurd in the idea.

It suits me better as it is she added in a tone of mournful resignation but determined to have my own way I pulled the bell.

There now Helen I said as the approaching steps of Rachel were heard in answer to the summons.

There was nothing for it but to turn round and desire the maid to light the fire.

I owe Rachel a grudge to this day for the look she cast upon me ere she departed on her mission.

The sour suspicious inquisitorial look that plainly demanded what are you here for I wonder.

Her mistress did not fail to notice it and a shade of uneasiness darkened her brow.

You must not stay long Gilbert said she when the door was closed.

I'm not going to said I somewhat testily though without a grain of anger in my heart against anyone but the meddling old Rachel.

But Helen I've something to say to you before I go.

What is it?

Not now I don't yet know precisely what it is or how to say it replied I with more truth and wisdom and then fearing lest she should turn me out of the house I began talking about indifferent matters in order to gain time.

Meanwhile Rachel came in to kindle the fire which was soon affected by thrusting a red hot poker between the bars of the grate where the fuel was already disposed for ignition.

She honored me with another of her hard inhospitable looks in departing but little move thereby I went on talking and setting a chair for Mrs.

Graham on one side of the hearth and one for myself on the other.

I ventured to sit down though half suspecting she would rather see me go.

In a little while we both relapsed into silence and continued for several minutes gazing abstractedly into the fire.

She intend upon her own sad thoughts and I reflecting how delightful it would be to be seated thus beside her with no other presence to restrain our intercourse not even that of Arthur our mutual friend without whom we had never met before.

If only I could venture to speak my mind and disburden my full heart of the feelings that had so long oppressed it and which it now struggled to retain with an effort that it seemed impossible to continue much longer and revolving the pros and cons for opening my heart to her there and then and imploring a return of affection the permission to regard her thenceforth as my own and the right and the power to defend her from the calumnies of malicious tongues.

On the one hand I felt a newborn confidence in my powers of persuasion a strong conviction that my own fervor of a spirit would grant me eloquence that my very determination the absolute necessity for succeeding that I felt must win me what I sought while on the other I feared to lose the ground I had already gained with so much toil and skill and destroy all future hope by one rash effort when time and patience might have won success.

It was like setting my life upon the cast of a die and yet I was ready to resolve upon the attempt.

At any rate I would entreat the explanation she had half promised to give me before I would demand the reason of this hateful barrier this mysterious impediment to my happiness and as I trusted to her own but while I considered in what manner I could best frame my request my companion wakened from her reverie with a scarcely audible sigh and looking towards the window with a blood-red harvest moon just rising over one of the grim fantastic evergreens was shining in upon us she said Gilbert it is getting late.

I see said I you want me to go I suppose.

I think you ought if my kind neighbors get to know of this visit there's no doubt they will they will not turn it much to my advantage.

It was with what the vicar would doubtless have called a savage sort of a smile that she said this let them turn it as they will said I what are their thoughts to you or me as long as we're satisfied with ourselves and each other let them go to the juice with their vile constructions and their lying interventions.

This outburst brought a flush of color to her face.

You have heard then what they said of me.

I heard some detestable falsehoods but none but fools would credit them for a moment Helen so don't let them trouble you.

I did not think Mr.

Millwood a fool and he believes it all but however little you may value the opinions of those about you however little you may esteem them as individuals it's not pleasant to be looked upon as a liar and a hypocrite to be thought to practice what you abhor and encourage the vices you would discountenance to find your good intentions frustrated and your hands crippled by your supposed unworthiness and to bring disgrace on the principles you profess.

True said I and if by my thoughtlessness and selfish disregard to appearances I have at all assisted to expose you to these evils let me entreat you not only to pardon me but to enable me to make reparation.

Authorize me to clear your name from every imputation give me the right to identify your honor with my own and to defend your reputation is more precious than my life.

Are you hero enough to unite yourself to one whom you know to be suspected and despised by all around you and identify your interest in your honor with hers this is a serious thing.

I should be proud to do it Helen most happy delighted beyond expression and if that be all the obstacle to our union it's demolished and you must you shall be mine.

And starting from my seat in a frenzy of ardor I seized her hand and would have pressed it to my lips but she as suddenly caught it away exclaiming in the bitterness of intense affliction no no it is not all.

What is it then you promised I should know sometime you shall know sometime but not now my head aches terribly she said pressing her hand to her forehead and I must have some repose and surely I have had enough misery today she added almost wildly but it could not harm you to tell it I persisted it would ease your mind and I should then know how to comfort you.

She shook her head despondingly if you knew all you too would blame me perhaps even more than I deserve though I have cruelly wronged you she added in a low murmur as if she mused aloud you Helen impossible yes not willingly for I did not know the strength and depth of your attachment I thought at least I endeavored to think your regard for me was as cold and fraternal as you professed it to be or as yours or as mine ought to have been of such a light and selfish superficial nature that there indeed you have wronged me I know I did and sometimes I suspected it then but I thought upon the whole there could be no great harming leaving your fancies and your hopes to dream themselves to nothing to flutter away to some more fitting object but if I had known the depth of your guard the generous disinterested affection you seem to feel seem Helen that you do feel then I would have acted differently how you could not have given me less encouragement or treated me with greater severity than you did and if you think you have wronged me by giving me your friendship and occasionally admitting to me the enjoyment of your company and conversation when all hopes of closer intimacy were vain as indeed you always gave me to understand if you think you have wronged me by this you are mistaken for such favours in themselves alone are not only delightful to my heart but purifying exalting ennobling to my soul and I would rather have your friendship than the love of any other woman in the world little comforted by this Helen clasped her hands upon her knee and glancing upward seemed in silent anguish to implore divine assistance then turning to me she calmly said tomorrow if you meet me on the moor about midday I will tell you all you seek to know and perhaps you will then see the necessity of discontinuing our intimacy if indeed you do not willingly resign me as one no longer worthy of regard I can safely answer no to that you cannot have such grave confessions to make you must be trying my faith Helen no she earnestly repeated I wish it was so thank heaven she added I have no great crime to confess but I have more than you would like to hear or perhaps can readily excuse and more that I can tell you now so let me entreat you to leave I will I answered but answer me this one question first do you love me I will not answer it then I will conclude you do and so good night Helen turned for me to hide the emotion she could not quite control but I took her hand and fervently kissed it Gilbert do leave me she cried in a tone of such thrilling anguish that I felt it would be cruel to disobey but I gave one look back before I closed the door and saw her leaning forward on the table with her hands pressed against her eyes sobbing convulsively yet I withdrew in silence I felt that to obtrude my consolations on her then would only serve to aggravate her sufferings to tell you all the questionings and conjectures the fears and hopes and wild emotions that jostled and chased each other through my mind as I descended the hill would almost fill a volume in itself but before I was halfway down a sentiment of strong sympathy for her I had left behind me had displaced all other feelings and seemed imperatively to draw me back I began to think why am I hurrying so fast in this direction can I find comfort or consolation peace certainty contentment all or anything I want at home and can I leave all perturbation sorrow and anxiety behind me there and I turned around to look at the old hall there was little besides the chimney visible above my contracted horizon I walked back to get a better view of it when it rose in sight I stood still a moment to look then continue moving towards the gloomy object of attraction something called me nearer nearer still and why not pray might I not find more benefit in the contemplation of that venerable pile with a full moon in the cloudless heaven shining so calmly above it and the mistress of my soul within than in returning to my home where all comparatively was light and life and cheerfulness and the more so that its inmates were all more or less imbued with that detestable belief the very thought of which made my blood boil in my veins which was worse I had trouble enough already with some babbling fiend that would keep whispering in my ear it may be true till I had shouted out loud it is false I defy you to make me suppose it I could see the red firelight dimly gleaming from her parlor window I went up to the garden wall and stood leaning over it with my eyes fixed upon the lattice wondering what she was doing I had not thus looked and wished and wandered long before I vaulted over the barrier unable to resist the temptation of taking one glance through the window to see if she were more composed than when we parted Her chair was vacant so was the room but at that moment someone opened the outer door and her voice said come out I want to see the moon and breathe in the evening air they will do me good if anything will here then were she and Rachel coming to take a walk in the garden I wish myself safe back over the wall but I stood however in the shadow of the tall holly bush while standing between the window and the porch at present screen me from observation but did not present me from seeing two figures come forth into the moonlight Mrs.

Graham followed by another not Rachel but a young man slender and rather tall oh heavens how my temples throbbed intense anxiety darkened my sight but I thought and the voice confirmed it it was Mr.

Lawrence you should not let it worry you so much Helen said he I will be more cautious in the future and in time but I did not hear the rest of the sentence for he walked close beside her and spoke so gently I could not catch the words my heart was splitting with hatred but I listened intently for her reply I heard it plainly enough but I must leave this place Frederick she said I can never be happy here nor anywhere else indeed but where could you find a better place replied he so secluded so near me if you think anything of that yes interrupted she it is all I could wish if they could only have left me alone but wherever you go Helen there will be the same sources of annoyance I cannot consent to lose you I must go with you or come to you and there are meddling fools elsewhere as well as here whilst thus conversing they had sauntered slowly past me down the walk and I heard no more of their discourse but I saw him put his arm around her waist while she lovingly rested her hand on his shoulder then a tremulous darkness obscured my sight my heart sickened and my head burned like fire I half rushed half staggered from the spot where horror had kept me rooted I leaped or tumbled over the wall I hardly know which I dashed myself on the ground and lay there in a paroxysm of anger and despair how long I cannot undertake to say but it must have been a considerable time for when having partially relieved myself by a torrent of tears and looked up at the moon shining so calmly and carelessly on I earnestly prayed for death or forgetfulness I had risen and journeyed homeward little regarding the way but I carried instinctively by my feet to the door and found it bolted against me and everyone in bed except my mother who hastened to answer my impatient knocking and received me with a shower of questions and rebukes oh Gilbert how could you do so where have you been come in and take your supper I've got it already though you don't deserve it for keeping me in such a fright after the strange manner you left the house this evening oh gracious she added what is the matter nothing nothing give me a candle but won't you take supper no I want to go to bed said I taking a candle and lighting it at the one she held in her hand oh Gilbert how you tremble how white you look do tell me what it is has anything happened it's nothing cried I ready to stump with vexation because the candle would not light then suppressing my irritation I added I've been walking too fast that's all good night and I marched off to bed never did I endure so long so miserable a night as that and yet it was not wholly sleepless towards morning my distracting thoughts began to lose all pretensions to coherency and shape themselves into confused and feverish dreams it was a dull gloomy morning the weather had changed like my prospects and the rain was pattering against the window bent out to cool my brain and regain if possible a sufficient degree of composure to meet the family at the morning meal without exciting inconvenient remarks if I got wet that in conjunction with a pretended overexertion before breakfast might excuse my sudden loss of appetite and if a cold ensued the severer the better it would help to account for the sullen moods and moping melancholy likely to cloud my brow for long enough